How do you move from reading Steve's articles to actually DOING IT?

[shallownot]

I didn't really have the chance to read Steve's articles until someone posted a thread about his articles on here. I've read a few and I see the need to really do something with my life. I have actually started to change some things about myself and my life this year in some aspects of my life:

from Doing nothing ||---|---------------|| Goal achieved

(the single line is a rough estimate of where I am)

But I see that it's still not enough and I haven't gotten rid of my fears.

I fear a lot of things

1) speaking in a group
2) being around people who are much superior
3) socializing in an elite environment
4) not knowing what to talk about in no. 3
5) trying new things that require me to step out of my comfort zone
6) talking to strangers

all in all, I FEAR WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME.

Give you an example. I don't like my height, and because I've been teased about my height (I am 5'0, ok maybe 4'11..) (am a girl) so much that I feel 'embarrassed' to present myself in front of a group or stand in front or anything that draws attention to me.

I know I read it here, and go "Oh yeah, this makes sense, yeah, sure, I'll just do the opposite of what I'd do..but whenever I'm faced with a REAL situation that requires me to act above my fears, I usually back down and end up doing the same old thing I have done in the past."

So after reading Pavlina's, stuff, where is that link from reading it and actually applying/doing it in your life, and STICKING to it?

[taylor]

Shallownot, you're already doing great. You've decided that you're going to change and are in the process of figuring out how. That decision is most of the problem solved right there!

Systematic desensitization - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

That's what the pros use for good reason. It works. Start with making a habit where you do something minor that you currently fear. Something that makes you pretty uncomfortable, but not to the point where you will back out. You'll get pretty used to it quickly if you do it every day. Then with your comfort zone expanded, you can push it out even further by doing something even more uncomfortable. You'll get used to that, and you go even further. etc. In a year you won't even recognize yourself.

I'm in Toastmasters (public speaking) right now and my biggest problem with it is that I only get to speak once a weak, which slows down my progress. So for starters make a habit that you can do every day. You'll stick to the plan better and will thank yourself because every day you will be making progress and in no time you'll be fearless.

Another key point in my mind is not to be afraid of the feeling of being panicked. You aren't going to die, despite what your body is telling you. You're safe. It will feel uncomfortable if you're doing it right, but that means it's working. When you feel that way it means you are currently expanding your comfort zone, so enjoy knowing that those sensations are the feelings of your growth happening.

I guess another point is not to make your criteria for success too high. If you talk to strangers like you said you would, you have succeeded in keeping your habit. It doesn't matter if it went smoothly or badly, all you care about is keeping the habit. So celebrate every successful practice, regardless of the results. Every practice means you are getting better over time.

[Justin Mazza]

Fears are imaginary creations at best. Especially social ones. I had the same concerns as you in regards to the things that you mentioned.

What worked for me was exposure. I have spoken in front of groups many times. I have rubbed elbows with multi-millionaires, politicians, and successful business owners.

What I found out is that they are people no different than you and me. They are all imperfect, they have personal challenges, and they are as friendly and welcoming as anyone else that I know.


Change the way that you view yourself first and then you can let go of worrying what others may think of you.

[aclearsign]

I agree with the posters above - exposure. Just start talking to everyone you meet during the day, look them in the eye, make small talk if you need to start there, begin with the most approachable and work your way up to the scary

You are not recognizing one very important thing though - you are the same as everyone else. We are all one and you are a part of the whole. There is no one "better" or "superior". There are people we teach and people we learn from, there are people who know more than we do or are maybe internally or externally more evolved, but you could try looking at that as an opportunity for growth and fun instead of something to fear. I am related to a super famous and wealthy person and I can tell you - puts his pants on one leg at a time. But I have grown a lot from knowing him.

[curiouslyrandom]

I print out Steve's articles that have what I need to learn, and read them before I go to bed at night. I journal where I am with what I want to do, and brainstorm what it will take to get me where I need or want to go.

As for being short, consider it an advantage in that you stand out by being petite. Seriously, it works FOR you more than you know. Wear clothes that compliment you, and be outrageous. Forget about being meek. Your size does that for you. Think of terriers; small dogs with a lot of intelligence and tenacity. Be a terrier! Make your motto Parvus sed potentus - Latin for "small but strong".

Having grown up feeling others were superior to me, I get where you're coming from. But do release that concern... NO ONE is superior to anyone else. Once you move away from the concept of superiority, you'll find the road smooths out and is easier to travel.

[mrthejazz]

I agree with most of what everybody said and would like to add about your height...

I grew up being teased about being too tall! I was meek too. Everyone assumed I was some kind of awkward idiot or freak.

So...for whatever insecurities you may have, remember your audience may have them too. You could be up there talking to the tall guy who used to be teased about being too tall. Maybe they're afraid of you too, maybe they're hiding it.

[brendannz]

[QUOTE=shallownot;885550]

I fear a lot of things

It sounds like you've got a lot of things on your list, but I think if you realise that these things don't exist

"people who are much superior"
"an elite environment"
"strangers"

then that will be the huge step forward.

Maybe all the obstacles are self created?

[shallownot]

[QUOTE=brendannz;891843]

Originally Posted by shallownot

It sounds like you've got a lot of things on your list, but I think if you realise that these things don't exist

"people who are much superior"
"an elite environment"
"strangers"

then that will be the huge step forward.

Maybe all the obstacles are self created?

Hmm...how could they not exist? There are bound to be people who are rich, well known, famous, intelligent, strangers, superior, of high-authority, etc.

I was in that sort of environment, that's how I know I have those fears. Not sure what you mean though?

I'll give you an example. When I was 22, I started a journalist job. Whenever I had to attend major functions or press conferences with top people, celebrities, etc I'd feel out of place. Then when I heard that I have to interview some General Manager for a 5 star hotel who was a foreigner, I almost crapped in my pants. Also, the girls in my office kept commenting that I'm short and told me to wear high heels. But, yeah I was 22, knew little of the world and was just crushed. I left the job. But that was not really why I left the job.

Anyhow, I am going to try to apply all the rest of what some of you have suggested on here. Thanks a lot.

[shallownot]

Originally Posted by curiouslyrandom

I print out Steve's articles that have what I need to learn, and read them before I go to bed at night. I journal where I am with what I want to do, and brainstorm what it will take to get me where I need or want to go.

As for being short, consider it an advantage in that you stand out by being petite. Seriously, it works FOR you more than you know. Wear clothes that compliment you, and be outrageous. Forget about being meek. Your size does that for you. Think of terriers; small dogs with a lot of intelligence and tenacity. Be a terrier! Make your motto Parvus sed potentus - Latin for "small but strong".

Having grown up feeling others were superior to me, I get where you're coming from. But do release that concern... NO ONE is superior to anyone else. Once you move away from the concept of superiority, you'll find the road smooths out and is easier to travel.

This is really good advice, thanks....

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by shallownot

Hmm...how could they not exist? There are bound to be people who are rich, well known, famous, intelligent, strangers, superior, of high-authority, etc.

I was in that sort of environment, that's how I know I have those fears. Not sure what you mean though?

Well the thing is i have some status anxiety too, so I don't want to sound like a know-it-all because I haven't been around celebs much...

But you made a list of 6 things you're trying to take actions to overcome, and I was highlighting that the way you perceive people, might be creating the barriers...

But if it doesn't sound relevant, just move on and don't mind me..

[shallownot]

Originally Posted by brendannz

Well the thing is i have some status anxiety too, so I don't want to sound like a know-it-all because I haven't been around celebs much...

But you made a list of 6 things you're trying to take actions to overcome, and I was highlighting that the way you perceive people, might be creating the barriers...

Yeah, someone on this thread was saying that they are just like every other person, nothing special about them, that they are just humans too. But I have met some politicians/celebs/business people who do 'talk' down to you if you're a nobody.

[Andrew Gubb]

Well, I don't know how to give a formula for not thinking, but you seem to be a classic overthinker. Overthinking comes from fears and wanting to shelter from those fears in your head (or... so I think)... so get facing your fears in the real world as much as possible. Favour always doing something over thinking about it. Do things and if you have to, try to fail on purpose, because at least you've failed in the real world rather than in your head.

Oh, and read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

[shallownot]

Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb

Well, I don't know how to give a formula for not thinking, but you seem to be a classic overthinker. Overthinking comes from fears and wanting to shelter from those fears in your head (or... so I think)... so get facing your fears in the real world as much as possible. Favour always doing something over thinking about it. Do things and if you have to, try to fail on purpose, because at least you've failed in the real world rather than in your head.

Oh, and read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle.

Yeah, but I already failed in the real world. That's why failure probably caused me the fears. But I'm back to facing them again.

[Andrew Gubb]

Learn that failure isn't so bad. Actually, learn that it doesn't exist.