Coming of age | Initiations

[Artelus]

Recently I have been listening to David Deangelo "On Being A Man."

I'm about halfway through. He just got finished explaining the "initiation" processes in becoming a man. Basically, in some cultures, boys had to go through a ritual before they are considered men. He described the rituals as either killing a lion on your own, or enduring circumcision.

That leads to the thought. Is initiation necessary for society? To boys and girls need to go through an "event" in their lives before they are considered by themselves and society to be men and women?

*All this is my own recent thinking / speculation, take at grain value*

Lets take a primitive warrior culture. The roles of men and women would generally look like this: Men must be fearless, strong warriors to defend the village. Women must produce offspring so the society can last, and also produce more warriors.
Girls, in order to become women, must "dedicate" themselves to a man, (who, in a sense, are "bigger" than them. more on this later), think of marriage ceremonies, etc. This dedication to a man is also a dedication to the bigger society, to produce offspring and care for other people.
Boys, in order to become men, must "conquer" their inner fears. This could be a result of killing a lion, or some other beast. Mere dedication is not enough to become a warrior, as they must prove to both themselves and society that they are strong and skilled enough to overcome themselves before they are allowed to become a warrior that defends the village.

Of course, this is speaking very generally, using archetypes of feminine and masculine qualities. Males and Females are not completely masculine or feminine: They have a little of both.

It seems to me that coming of age (as a more politically correct way to put it) in the feminine sense look like an outward expression of self, i.e. dedicating yourself to something bigger than yourself (not necessary to man, but to a higher purpose. see nuns, or Queen Elizabeth, who married herself to England). Think about marriage ceremonies, formal declarations, graduations, or other events.

While coming of age in a masculine sense would look like an inward expression of self, overcoming the inner being before able to take on the rest of the world. Think about killing a wild beast, going out in the wilderness (the book: Hatchet), having an adventure (Book: An Abundance of Katherines), or conquering a bully (The Karate Kid ).

Now concerning the necessity of "coming of age," isn't it barbarous to use a single, almost traumatically life changing event to catalyze a change from boyhood to manhood or girlhood to womanhood? Well, that I can't answer. Is it?

Why do people host seminars? What's the point of CGWs? That, to me, is like asking, "Isn't it an overpromise to advertise a single workshop to be a life changing event?" Is it?

What are your thoughts on everything I've just said? Does it make sense? or am I way off from everything that there is? I'm missing a lot of information here, as there's a huge gap of knowledge on this subject.

And what are some examples of initiations that can be used today?

[Artelus]

I posted this in the wrong forum. Can a mod please move it to the "Character & Contribution" forum?

[taylor]

I remember Tyler Durden of RSD talking about this similar concept.

I think those kinds of initiations can be very helpful. Some ways to do it I see are joining a frat, having wild adventures or traveling the world in a short period of time, taking earth shattering drugs like DMT, the "pickup artist pilgrimage" as Tyler calls it, doing a standup comedy tour, etc.

These are just ways to shatter and destroy your insecurities. What you went through was so intense that you can handle anything else that comes up.

[nietsdoen]

Originally Posted by Artelus

That leads to the thought. Is initiation necessary for society? To boys and girls need to go through an "event" in their lives before they are considered by themselves and society to be men and women?

Now concerning the necessity of "coming of age," isn't it barbarous to use a single, almost traumatically life changing event to catalyze a change from boyhood to manhood or girlhood to womanhood? Well, that I can't answer. Is it?

You're looking at this from the wrong perspective, IMO. Those cultures' initiations may seem barbaric and traumatizing, but our culture has similar events which mark the transition into adulthood. Moving out is the main one, the most essential. If you never move out of your parents' house, are you really considered an adult? In many cultures, you stay with your parents until you get married and even after that. But in the US, you have to move out to be considered a full adult.

[Le Roi]

Originally Posted by Artelus

I posted this in the wrong forum. Can a mod please move it to the "Character & Contribution" forum?

Done. The quickest way to get a mod action is to report the post. I came across this because someone else reported your request.

[Artelus]

Originally Posted by nietsdoen

You're looking at this from the wrong perspective, IMO. Those cultures' initiations may seem barbaric and traumatizing, but our culture has similar events which mark the transition into adulthood. Moving out is the main one, the most essential. If you never move out of your parents' house, are you really considered an adult? In many cultures, you stay with your parents until you get married and even after that. But in the US, you have to move out to be considered a full adult.

I wasn't saying that it was barbaric. The question was rhetorical. xD

[Somnium Dico]

Honestly, modern day society seems to have rid the need for most kinds of initiation. Not that initiation rituals are bad or anything, and they certainly still exist, but we now have a freedom to act on our own initiation.

For example, I had a bit of a bonfire made of sentimental items from my life before my awakening (I'll spare details of what said items were for now, though). In my own mind, it was my initiation, my stance against an old life and the observation of the ability to let it all go. Definitely not something passed through tradition and definitely not a ritual that suits everyone, but initiation nontheless.

[Ceoarob]

Read Iron John.

It talks about this in great depth.

You could read the whole thing, or if you want to just skip straight to it, use CTRL+F

Iron John: a book about men - Google Books

[starlequin]

Girls start their period. Buying pads for the first time is your initiation. When I started I thought I was bleeding from my butt and going to die.