Intention to discover purpose

[Augustinus Sextus]

"My primary intention joining this forum is to discover my life purpose, to really understand and accept life for what it really is, and then consciously guide my life to be someone I want to be, my ideal which may change along with my maturity. "
It's still a long way ahead, as for now everything feels fuzzy, unfocused, chaotic, stagnant and I just started to get interested in personal development from around 7 month ago, my understanding of how reality works undergone fundamental change at first, now I feel stuck I am unable to apply the suggestions, and also I am very gullible (nearly zero skepticism) just realized I have small authority over my mind, I am used to do as I told now thinking for myself is such a hard thing, I thought thinking is my hobby, now I doesn't want to think much anymore, everything become hard, thinking intensive stuff is now my enemy, currently I am living it simple, easy. But I pass days after days boredly, feeling empty, feeling my existence is nothing, procrastinating alot, to put it simply I am feeling really down every time I ponder about my life. Time management technique, meditation, mnemonics, intelligence intensification, knowledge, fame, even money, somehow doesn't make me as enthusiastic and motivated as it was, I liked to tinker around, to study and read everything I deem interesting, now I feel empty, reading them, I am actually unconsciously try to do everything slowly to waste my time. And my rant can go on indefinitely. I just realized maybe I need some hit in the head to wake up? Anyone going to give me explanations, suggestion, or maybe giving me some unforgettable harsh lesson? I don't even care if it is insulting, I will try to open up as much as possible. Right now I am (very) desperate of getting out this situation.
While I am having a big hope someone will give me a new fresh perspective at looking my problems, helpful suggestions, I am very aware the only one who can help and change me is myself, I will treat any input as guidepost.
Thank you for your time =)

Note: somehow I just feel lighter after I wrote this..