|03-20-2011, 05:11 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2011
Is this being Inauthentic?
Am I being inauthentic if someone asks How are you doing, and I reply that I am doing Excellent, even if I am not feeling that good.
If authenticity is being honest and real, is this dishonesty?
How can be differentiate between this aspect and the aspect of wanting to grow/develop/improve and set higher standards to reach, even if we are not feeling it.
And then the question - What does being authentic mean to you and how can we learn/practice it?
Thanks for your inputs guys. Was always looking for a forum to discuss on so many topics as questions arose in my mind. Am so glad I found this.
Have a great day! Happy Spring!
Last edited by Reniass; 03-20-2011 at 05:13 PM.
|03-20-2011, 08:25 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Windsor Ontario Canada
I don't know the answer to that there seem to be more than one side to things. there is fake until you make it. There is its not good to hide your feelings. But I think there is a middle ground of appropriate boundaries if you are on the street and your talking to a total stranger for the most part people feel uncomfortable with negative feeling and ever family but a true friend you can and they will be there for you and you would do the same for them.
I'm talk about negative feeling and I know you talking being more positive and right now in my life I'm struggling and for me I'm being authentic by not hiding from the sadness its telling my there is something wrong and I need to make some changes.
Last edited by scotthegeek; 03-20-2011 at 10:41 PM.
|03-21-2011, 07:21 AM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
Just think practically. Would it be useful to express this feeling now?
Sometimes, by choosing to say "I'm doing good" and smiling, you will feel better yourself.
Like scottthegeek said, if it's a good friend who can help you, it's better to tell them what's going on.
In general though, you don't want to broadcast weaknesses to everyone because they will often push you down more/be annoyed/judge you and other things not useful to you. But do what you feel is right. I'll be really genuine sometimes just based off the feeling that I should even if it's a stranger sometimes. Trust your gut more than some fortune cookie advice I give .
|03-21-2011, 11:24 AM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: May 2010
I suspect your difficulty is not the capability of being yourself, I mean we are all much ourselves in our heads.
You mentioned communication, maybe it's something for you that needs time to develop.
I know people saying when you ask them how is it going, they'll say "Super-mega-awesome, couldn't be better", though it doesn't need Siegmund Freud to sense that this is suspicious.
You can be real and honest without violating own or other values, the best way to do that is through humor.
You are authentic when you follow your excitement, stop playing games on a formal level and stop being dependable on the opinion of others. Practice through gaining self-confidence.
Have a great day also!
|03-21-2011, 04:40 PM||#5 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2011
Thanks for your inputs everyone! I am thinking more about this.. on being authentic. I feel I am authentic with myself, but with others, I sometimes feel I am not always "myself". But I wondered what this value's really all about and how we can inculcate this value more consistently in every interaction, to become an overall more genuine/real person. Summerbreeze, you touched on something I think I definitely need to work on. Thank you. I love your ID btw!
More thoughts are welcome..please keep sharing!
|03-21-2011, 05:09 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Melbourne, Australia
I used to be really honest about how I felt when people asked, as a way of shocking them, because most people don't really care how you are really feeling...they just want to hear you say "I'm fine" and keep everything status quo.
I didn't find that expressing that I was not ok, or feeling down, caused them to "push me down further" as someone else suggested...most of the time they were too shocked to say anything It was the best feeling though to just be honest about what I was feeling.
I stopped doing that a few years ago and found it really hard to fit back into lying about how I was feeling. Now if I'm not feeling so great, I will just say "I'm ok" which isn't a lie exactly.
It's up to you though. Do you feel more authentic saying how you really feel or do you think it's better to not?
|03-21-2011, 05:30 PM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
I find that far more often than not, my physiological and emotional state lives up (or down) to the response I give someone who asks how I am.
So I love to use the language of that question, "How are you?" and of my response to powerfully generate feeling good on purpose -- ebullience, love, power, joy, confidence, calm, whatever inspires me in that moment.
And once in a long while, my state fails to go there. How fascinating!! (watch this video to see why I say that. ) When that happens, I have the option of saying, "Nah, you know, that's not really true," and noticing what's there, communicate it to the person - perhaps I'm feeling blue and would like someone to listen generously, or a little commisseration, or maybe it doesn't feel appropriate to say much to this particular person, so I might add, "...I'm feeling low at the moment, and it'll feel better when it quits hurtin'," or maybe a shift of focus to something I've got going on that DOES lead me to good feelings.
|03-21-2011, 06:32 PM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Nationality: British Soul: Otherworldly Current Location: Barcelona, Spain
If you don't feel like getting into a big conversation about why you're not okay, you can just say "I'm okay" in such a noncommittal way that it basically means "Whatever". That's authentic in a way, seeing as there's a social ritual element to saying "how are you" and "I'm okay" that means that sometimes the actual words are devoid of meaning.
You could also tell the truth. It might not be such a bother.
|03-25-2011, 02:26 AM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Your question seems quite ironic to me. I think a big part of being authentic is not needing other people's opinions to validate how authentic you're being. Notice how you feel when you respond and you will know if you're being authentic or not. There's a time to say everything on your mind and there's a time to keep it short. Part of being authentic is knowing the difference and giving a response you believe fits the situation.
Certainly going out of your way to say "excellent" is not necessary. For me, in your situation that would feel out of place. I would feel perfectly fine saying "alright" or "ok".
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