Next Steps in Life

[secrets0stolen]

Oh..what to do...

I'm graduating soon, a month to two months, depending on my work level.

And I'm fairly clueless about what to do next. I've found a nearby womens' college that guarantees a full ride over a certain SAT score that I've made equivalent to on practice tests, so I'm signing up for both the available dates coming up to put those tools in my arsenal. There's another nearby college I'll probably be applying for too, but there's no guarantee the financial aid is as good, and I really can't afford much less than that, so who knows. I'll be applying for the other financial aid that's in reach, but like I said, who knows.

I'm utterly clueless about what I want to *do* with my life. I'm planning on going to college and living at home because I wouldn't know what else to do, and even then I have no clue what to major in.

It's not that I don't have any interests, it's that I'm interested in everything--which makes time budgeting kinda stressful.

So... I just feel kinda...stagnant. Part of that's my state of mind, cause I can think of a hundred mini goals I'm sure I want to and can do and will probably find myself committing to soon. But I feel like I just don't know where to go, or what to do.

[beast]

secrets, if you're set on going to college (and I totally don't think you have to make this choice) then you might want to broaden your scope. I know you're extremely bright, and if you are able to get into some wealthier private schools, they'll offer really terrific financial aid scholarships. A lot of schools won't make you pay anything unless you come from an upper-middle class family (I just graduated from a school like that, and even though I have a sort of peculiar situation, I got terrific financial aid, and most of my friends didn't have to pay anything at all). If you're motivated enough and you got the chops, please please please don't let money limit you.

[LostMyMap]

Wow, graduation comes up soon! That's great!

I know there are more than a few people here who seem sour on the idea of college. I for one highly recommend it. Especially for you. I don't know what you want to do with your life either. But I have a very strong feeling that you have a future in academia, at least for a time. I only know you from your writings here but I see someone who not only has a great command of the language, but uses it to express some pretty sophisticated ideas and intellectual thought. My feeling is that you will find happiness and direction by being in an environment that is conducive to that.

I knew quite a few people that didn't know what they wanted to do, so they just started taking all the general required classes while they figured it out. Just being on campus will expose you to so many new ideas and concepts, and you have access to so many educated people who can talk to you about their particular field. You can use that to your advantage to check out different possibilities.

ps, it's perfectly OK to not know what you want to do right now.

[VinceG]

I think it's great that you don't know what you want to do with your life. Your life is big and it's awesome, why should you know? You might be doing one thing one year, and another thing the next.

I think there's this gigantic problem people create for themselves, when they think they have to be certain about themselves. But they don't. It's perfectly fine to be scared sometimes, to be uncertain. What's bad is when these feelings cause people to make gigantic changes in their situation. I resisted the urge to go to college, to find a wife, to chase conventional forms of success, because I knew that they don't make you any happier than not having them.

And you know, I consider what I have now to be far more awesome than any number of football or sales trophies. Because it's uniquely mine, and only I know how it works and what to do with it.

Don't live by other people's rules. Create your own.

[Angelique]

I think you mentioned that you want to travel..?

That's what I'd go for in a redo, find a way to explore different countries while attending school. (Or maybe just ditch school all together and go for the world education.)

[AlmostGodess]

I remember when I finished high school, I applied for three different universities: journalism, management and law. I felt torn apart that I could not apply for more actually. All these universities accepted me and it was a difficult decision to choose between the three paths.

I only understood I made a good choice when I started to work Going to college can be a great experience. It was one for me.

[ChrisL]

I remember when I got to college that I took a variety of tests to see what would be the best fit for me, as well as traveling to look around the world and see life, talking with people who actually had jobs, talking with friends, talking with professors, actually doing some co-op engineering work to see if I wanted to do it, and generally being honest about what makes me feel alive. While I was still in school, I switched from engineering to psychology because I recognized that I wanted to help others help themselves.

It might take awhile to pinpoint exactly what you want to do, and everyone has made some great suggestions on this thread. What I typically ask clients is to gain more clarity is, if you had one year to live, and nothing was an obstacle (i.e. money, degrees, location, time), how would you want to contribute? Dropping all the mental chatter completely, what would be a meaningful life to you?

Just another thought. When I was in college it was initially difficult to pick one thing because I thought I would "miss out" on other things. Life is more like a restaurant with an endless supply of what we want - choose something, and then you can always choose something else later. Find where you feel the most alive and start exploring that.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Originally Posted by Angelique

I think you mentioned that you want to travel..?

That's what I'd go for in a redo, find a way to explore different countries while attending school. (Or maybe just ditch school all together and go for the world education.)

If I had a do-over, this is what I would do. Travel. I also started going to UF when I was 17, and I really did think I knew what I wanted to do.

Actually, though, with no real life experience I was an idiot, I changed my major 3 times, spent 5 years with no summers off taking classes, and I wasted money dithering.

Who know what they're going to do with their life at age 17? Well I know a few, but they are the most boring 30-somethings you have ever met in your life. They can only talk shop, that's all they've done. No travel, no relationship experience, no musical instruments, no foreign languages, no philosophy. Just engineering....(my brother in law).

Anyways, I would have been better served travelling for 2 years. I would have finished university much quicker, I would have been less anxiety ridden about the obvious necessary challenge of navigating social situations, I would have been less prone to falling prey to predators that seek out inexperienced young girls to seduce and destroy...

Well IMO books are always there. Life - is better lived by youth.

And I did go to college. It just took me 8 years to go to grad school after I got my BS because I had to go live a life less ordinary.

By the way, my Dad ended up getting his degree at the age of 57. Right after he retired, actually. For shits and giggles. After having lived on every continent on the planet, and have the most extraordinary life I've ever had the pleasure of hearing about...

[Plays With Life]

Here's what I would do: Find the thing I'm most afraid to do, and do that.

[marinik]

If I were to do it all over again I would have never missed in on university and the years spent as a student! All of it - the fun and the hard work! I loved it and have "monetized" on it very well in my career.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I'm planning on going to college and living at home because I wouldn't know what else to do

What? you'd stay at home? With all the talk you've had of not having access to anyone around you who shares your worldview, or who could help you grow/challenge you on that?...

Two words of advice: 1. move out, 2. travel.

I wouldn't skip college for sure, but getting a bit of travel under your belt before can only be a good thing. I didn't have a chance to take a gap year between high school and college, and regret it to this day (I still travel, obviously, but it's different).
My boyfriend spent a year in Australia and New Zealand before university - hiking, surfing, hitch-hiking across the country, working odd jobs, getting laid and most importantly getting a crash course in social interactions. He said he granted himself a year to reinvent himself, and it helps to go to the other end of the world to do that.

And yeah, don't stay at your parents just because it's what you know... You have a great excuse right now to go absolutely anywhere you want! Maybe you'll find out after a few years that the bible belt really is the place for you () but for now, go explore!

Also, definitely don't put too much pressure on this decision. You're not deciding what you'll be doing for the rest of your life. You're deciding what you'll be doing for the next few months. People can go back to college decades after high school or after their first degree, you can change your major, drop classes, take a year off, drop out... You'll have all the options in the world. Just give it a try first.

As for choosing where to go, didn't you receive a million brochures? Are there orientation fairs at a local school you could check out? Can you hear from alumni from a bunch of places?.... Reading various places' websites is a start.

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by aelle

Two words of advice: 1. move out, 2. travel.

You heard her secrets

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

Oh yes, whatever you do - move out of your parents house if you can. I stayed at home with my family of origin and it sort of inhibits the ability to stretch your wings and find out who you are independet of the matrix within which you matured.

If that makes any sense...

[James81]

First things first....

1. Register for and take the SAT as soon as you can. (You mentioned this, but I'll reiterate it.)

2. Get your parents to file their taxes (if they haven't already done so) like RIGHT NOW (lol). And then go here: Home - FAFSA on the Web-Federal Student Aid and fill out the fafsa application. Remember you don't have to use this if you don't want, but you do want to see if you qualify for any grants (lower income families qualify for grants...I got like an $800 per semester grant for my first year of college). It'll also put you in the running for student loans (you won't have to pay those back until 6 months after you graduate, so don't worry about that). Also, while filling it out, make sure you list any and all colleges on there that you are even considering. Remember, you don't *have* to commit to anything for filling this out, it just opens the door for you and you want any colleges you are considering going to to get a copy of this application so that they can send you info on what you may qualify for through them. The deadline for this is March 1st (which is when most people are sending their stuff in), but I don't think that is set in stone. But you can get your parents to do their taxes like...today...lol...you can fill out this form in a matter of less than an hour and meet that deadline just by submitting it. <---Don't skip this step, because it's probably the most important part because it's going to open up avenues of funding that you might not have previously been aware of.

3. Research scholarships and apply for ALL of them that you meet the qualifications for (and some of the ones you don't on the off chance you may get it). Do that now as well. If you want to know what scholarships are available, then go to a local board of education/high school and tell them your situation and ask them for information on applying for scholarships. I'm willing to bet that even home-schooled students are eligible for these.

Those are your important, time-sensitive steps that you can be doing right now. Remember, none of the above means you have to *commit* to anything. They are just keeping the door open and opening up options for you to choose later on. You wanna meet these deadlines (or come as close as you can) so that you can get a broad sense of what type of fundage you'll have available to you. Also, I urge you to not look at taking loans as a bad thing. They aren't terrible. I have about $20K in college loans and the payment isn't ridiculous (I pay a little over a $100 per month now). Remember, you don't have to repay until six months after you leave college/graduate, so by that time it could very well be likely that you'll have work of some sort to pay for them and, even if you don't have a job in the career you sign up for, a part time job will easily cover the payments on those loans. And, considering you are staying at home and commuting to college, you'll really only have tuition and fees and the cost of your books to worry about and that's not too terrible. Heck, you can go on your college's website right now and get a reasonable estimate for what those things are.

Anyway, onto the knowing what you want to do....

I have an 80 year old cousin (distant cousin) who lives in California. In my own struggles with deciding what I wanted to do with my career over the past year, I contacted him and have been emailing him off and on about it. One of the things he told me, that I found really funny, was that he *still* doesn't know what he wants to be when he grows up. He's 80. LOL.

Knowing what you want to do is most likely going to be a bit of a trial and error process. One thing that might help you decide is to do some job shadowing of a few careers you *might* be happy with. You can contact your local high school about that as well and I'm sure they'd give you some info on that. Or you can do internships while you are completing your degree. The beautiful thing about *most* degrees is that most of the work you do in your first two years are pretty broad-spectrum stuff like electives. You don't get into the *meat* of your degree until your third year, so the work you do in your first two years can transfer a lot between majors, so it gives you a little wiggle room to work with in terms of deciding. (Plus it gives you two summers to do internships and get an idea of what a career will be like.)

One of the biggest things that helped me decide what my next right move was distinguishing a purpose...and overall life purpose for me life that inspires me. It seems as if most of what I'm doing right now career-wise has spiraled out of that moment. If you want some help with how I did this, I can expand of this if you want (or we can do it in PMs or another thread).

Out of that purpose came lots of possibilities. And I'm discovering that what I'm doing now might very well be something I only do for another 10 years or so before I decide to do some of the other things I also would like to do. I also envision me getting a doctorate's degree at some point and going the psychology route. for now, I've got my engineering career mostly behind me, and I'm just coming up on a teaching career that'll last as long as I decide it lasts. There's incredible flexibility with this, and no decision is permanent. There's opportunities everywhere, and you'll likely change your mind a few times in your life. Just go with what inspires you right now and realize that you aren't locking yourself into anything permanently.

Another thing I'd advise is to take on a degree program that fits with what inspires you, but also opens the most doors and opportunities for you.

[AlmostGodess]

I left home at the age of 15 and went to high school abroad. My parents were very scared as at that time I was not capable of doing a tea for myself, but they did not oppose. I was a foreigner and a migrant from that age and I have mixed feelings about that move.

It was an experience that, first of all, helped me develop a loving relationship with my parents. After I left home, I fell in love with them because I saw how much they loved me, how much they cared for me and how much freedom they offered me. Second, I developed a strong feeling of self-defence. The girl that used to cry because she saw a disabled person on the street or someone who had no money had to learn to defend herself and to cry less.

However, with all these teachings, I somehow regret that I was not a kid or a teenager a bit longer, eat my mom's soups, play chess with my dad etc. Once I went away from home, it was forever

[SatvikBeri]

Originally Posted by beast

secrets, if you're set on going to college (and I totally don't think you have to make this choice) then you might want to broaden your scope. I know you're extremely bright, and if you are able to get into some wealthier private schools, they'll offer really terrific financial aid scholarships. A lot of schools won't make you pay anything unless you come from an upper-middle class family (I just graduated from a school like that, and even though I have a sort of peculiar situation, I got terrific financial aid, and most of my friends didn't have to pay anything at all). If you're motivated enough and you got the chops, please please please don't let money limit you.

For example, Stanford charges no tuition for ANYONE if their parents make <$60,000 a year. Ramit's site I Will Teach You To Be Rich: Personal finance and entrepreneurship tips from a Stanford graduate has some excellent suggestions on getting scholarships to pretty much anywhere.

The idea that you need tons money to go to a good college is one of the biggest misconceptions in America.

[secrets0stolen]

Wow, thank you for the answers everyone!

I'm seriously considering the traveling thing. Mulling it all over in my mind.

[curiouslyrandom]

Thanks to our local homeschool program, my oldest may graduate a year early. All she wants to do is move out to live with friends in the area, work, and go to community college while she figures out what direction she wants to go it.

You have your WHOLE LIFE to go to college/university. Take a year off, travel, work, whatever. Move out, explore, spread your wings. Or you could do what I did and start a business and travel the world!

School will always be there for you. Do it now, do it later, but don't feel pressured to spend all your assets at once just to get a university degree. Live a little. You'll find your way. Don't let some college counselor plot the course for you. Do it on YOUR terms.

[Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi]

talk to beast about the traveling thing, she's got loads of experience.

Also - WWOOF...I think with your experience you would be a valuable addition to this program, and you could help to spread the knowledge that you have learned about cultivating life for food sources to people who are trying to change the world one organic permaculture farm at a time...

And no matter what your future holds, this stuff looks great on a resume.

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I'm utterly clueless about what I want to *do* with my life.

Although you stressed the *do* part, perhaps you should return to the "I". You must see the irony in formulating a post that informally asks others what you should do before you can truly figure out what you want to do. It is all too easy to allow others to project your future for you but it will never feel quite right. I know it is a time of uncertainty and I have been in your position as well. Look no further than what makes you happy. If you pictured yourself doing it, does a smile come to your face or does your body tense up. Is it a path that helps others or does it further suffering? College is only controversial because many people who went did so because they thought they were supposed to. Do you feel like it is truly your choice going to college or do you feel that you are allowing your parents, people here or anyone for that matter project what it is to be successful and happy?

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

Although you stressed the *do* part, perhaps you should return to the "I". You must see the irony in formulating a post that informally asks others what you should do before you can truly figure out what you want to do. It is all too easy to allow others to project your future for you but it will never feel quite right. I know it is a time of uncertainty and I have been in your position as well. Look no further than what makes you happy. If you pictured yourself doing it, does a smile come to your face or does your body tense up. Is it a path that helps others or does it further suffering? College is only controversial because many people who went did so because they thought they were supposed to. Do you feel like it is truly your choice going to college or do you feel that you are allowing your parents, people here or anyone for that matter project what it is to be successful and happy?

I feel like college is an easy waiting place. I've resisted it in the past (to the point of not even wanting to finish high school--because I was just completely bucking social expectations at the time) and come full circle to the point where I'm considering it on it merits and don't have should/shouldn't strings attached to it, I think. (I say I think because in considering college on it's merits I do realize it's the conventional path and many people will take you more seriously with a degree). So yeah, easy waiting place: practically no-risk, and tons of learning (which is something I truly enjoy). I suppose the risk however is missing valuable experiences elsewhere, maybe experiences best had when young? I don't know.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by Lakshyayidhi Lakshmihi

talk to beast about the traveling thing, she's got loads of experience.

Also - WWOOF...I think with your experience you would be a valuable addition to this program, and you could help to spread the knowledge that you have learned about cultivating life for food sources to people who are trying to change the world one organic permaculture farm at a time...

And no matter what your future holds, this stuff looks great on a resume.

Great suggestion Laks! I've considered WWOOF before, it definitely is in my line of interest in many ways. I'll keep it in mind.

[beast]

Yeah if you are interested in ways to travel cheaply, I'd be happy to talk with you about it. I did it for a year before college.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by beast

Yeah if you are interested in ways to travel cheaply, I'd be happy to talk with you about it. I did it for a year before college.

I'm all ears!

I've got a nagging feeling in the back of my head when I talk about traveling though, because I'm not 18 and I'm not sure of the legality/parental issues of it all.

[beast]

Yeah, I was 18 when I started. I hit up 5 continents in that year, it was pretty marvelous. I'm not sure of the legality either, though - I have met some 16/17 year old travelers, but I'm pretty certain that, for the most part, they must have had parental consent.

[secrets0stolen]

I've considered taking a gap year just to do stuff around here as well. Work on acting and singing mainly, along with on my own time studying and some activism work.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by beast

Yeah, I was 18 when I started. I hit up 5 continents in that year, it was pretty marvelous. I'm not sure of the legality either, though - I have met some 16/17 year old travelers, but I'm pretty certain that, for the most part, they must have had parental consent.

I'd still love to hear how you did it, and other stuff about it!

My parents have always been ridiculously protective, so I somehow don't see them authorizing international travel, especially since they think the rest of the world is super dangerous compared to here(which is funny, cause we've lived in Detroit and New Jersey, and had super scary experiences in another state)...

But hey, maybe I could swing something in the states.

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

So yeah, easy waiting place:

I guess the only question you really need to ask yourself then is how long you want to wait.

[agsags]

Originally Posted by secrets0stolen

I feel like college is an easy waiting place. I've resisted it in the past (to the point of not even wanting to finish high school--because I was just completely bucking social expectations at the time) and come full circle to the point where I'm considering it on it merits and don't have should/shouldn't strings attached to it, I think. (I say I think because in considering college on it's merits I do realize it's the conventional path and many people will take you more seriously with a degree). So yeah, easy waiting place: practically no-risk, and tons of learning (which is something I truly enjoy). I suppose the risk however is missing valuable experiences elsewhere, maybe experiences best had when young? I don't know.

s0s,

At this point, application period to any competitive college is over. Only with a degree from a reputable school will you be taken more seriously. You come through as smart on these forums, so I wonder if applying to good schools (not close to home) next fall would serve you well. A degree from a good school will open many doors for you, will connect you with many people who'll walk through many open doors in their futures. Another option is going to the best place possible now and transferring later, but I don't know how wise this is if you can come up with a good plan for a gap year - travel, research, etc.

[secrets0stolen]

Originally Posted by agsags

s0s,

At this point, application period to any competitive college is over. Only with a degree from a reputable school will you be taken more seriously. You come through as smart on these forums, so I wonder if applying to good schools (not close to home) next fall would serve you well. A degree from a good school will open many doors for you, will connect you with many people who'll walk through many open doors in their futures. Another option is going to the best place possible now and transferring later, but I don't know how wise this is if you can come up with a good plan for a gap year - travel, research, etc.

Hmm....I was told that it mostly didn't matter what school you went to. How would you define a "good school"?