Nurture vs renurture

[Donatas Kaulinis]

So I'm once again interested in what you have to say about a particular subject. It's about changing yourself. Before I start I just want to write that I'm not searching for some opinion that I can take and use blindly. The goal of this topic for me is not that.

I'll just create a short story to illustrate what I'm writing about because it is easier for me.

While Scott was growing up, he made quite a few stupid decisions. For various reasons he tried to be like everyone and accepted a lot of beliefs that were conditioned to him from the environment he was in. Unfortunately it was an environment for which happiness was mostly caused by mockery, group celebration of ignorance, mediocrity. Now Scott has grown up. There were a lot of instances where he tried various activities but all of them seemed to bring up frustration and anger for him. All because he was using very stupid methods to learn that came from his early conditioned beliefs. After some time he has become aware of that. And now the question arises. Can he change and to what extent? He's now almost officially grown up and all his life he has been somebody else. Basically he's not very bright.

I ask this because basically Scott is very similar to me I've believed so many myths and I have been so strongly dependent on other people that learning the truth, acting upon it and being responsible just showed me that there's actually a very different world out there.

Can a brain physically develop from an age like 18? How possible it is to regain curiosity about life from such an age? And what does it take to destroy old beliefs about people, reality etc.? The first step I have taken is getting out of school for one year to go back the other. This seems extremely hard for me because these things are what I have become. Nevertheless there's a lot to change.

Can Scott change or will he suffer from his stupid choices in his childhood for ever?

[rei]

Originally Posted by Donatas Kaulinis

Can Scott change or will he suffer from his stupid choices in his childhood for ever?

Yes he can, no he won't.

The mind is quite plastic and you can rewire your neural connections with new experiences and new data and new assumptions or conclusions about those things. The mind is plastic well into... I wanna say well into the 50s or 60s but it might be longer. So you have some time.

You can figure out what kind of person you want to be going forward and start being that guy. If you act as that new person long enough there's really no need to worry about old beliefs because you won't be associated with them anymore.

(Exceptions exist. It is hard to just act like you have high self-esteem, for example. That one you can get to through baby steps, and the rest of the time be the high-self-esteem you. It can be done it may just feel a little strange to not have the inside perfectly match the outside.)

In short I would suggest that you ease off judging yourself for how you were and start focusing on the present and future. Who do you want to be right now - regardless of what has happened before? How do you want your corner of the world to look in 6 months, a year, 5 years? What's one thing you could start doing regularly to get you closer to seeing your experience match what you want it to be?

P.S. Welcome to the forums and you're already miles ahead of so many people by being here on this site at your age. Kudos

[sorter]

Originally Posted by Donatas Kaulinis

Can a brain physically develop from an age like 18? How possible it is to regain curiosity about life from such an age?

I was most curious at 18 and through my twenties. I would latch onto anyone I could see as a mentor and hang onto their every word.
In my 40s I didn't feel that way and I missed it dearly.
Then I realized that younger people can make great mentors. Like 18 year olds or my favorite, 3 year olds.
Kids say the darndest things.
You might have periods with less curiosity, but there's no end to it.

Don't bother destroying beliefs. It's too much work.
Build on top of them. No matter what they are, they can make a good foundation for anything you want.
Buildings (some) are made from trash. Crops are grown from animal ♥♥♥♥♥.

There's so many other, and more interesting, modalities in your tool box than beliefs.
There's exercise, meditation, questions (great for curiosity), sensations and perceptions that seem to come from other worlds,
watching how your attention flows from on thing to the other, noticing what your attention is attracted to, and romance can bring them all to life.
Romance with another person or with life itself.
.