My problems with finding a job and a life, seeking for help

[Kahuna]

This is going to be hard...

I need a Job to be self reliant, to enhance myself, to grow my character, even to get a girlfriend and friends.

But i can`t decide for a job, becausing nothing seems to fit and there are many outside complications.

It`s not that i could just try a job, every job wortwhile need an job training, which is usually 3 years. This means, 3 years still being reliant on outside help, and the social problems.I didn`t made friends, or even get a girlfriend, so this longing makes it impossible to focus on exams and training, given the choice between a Job and a relationship, i would choose the later. The next problem is, due the lack of mentioned social support, i don`t even know how to handle that stress, which usually means i get letharic and depressiv till i don`t even care anymore.

There is no passion i could draw power from, so i`m weak, wasting everyone money (the states) and totally useless to the human mankind. Which is against my believe.I`m aware that the ♥♥♥♥♥♥ circumstances are the people/state faults, so he has to pay for the colleteral damage, but i also believe, that everyone should be strong enough so he don`t need the state, and can naviagte his or her own life but in life i`m not strong enough. The difference between my believe, and my situation, and the hopeless to reach a positive state, is really supressing also.

And all the things i want, girlfriend/family, bigger flat, maybe a vehicle, pay for travel,flying trying things out, dosn`t help me to motivate me, to get a clear goal, or i`m not able to use them as such.

I sound like an angsty teenager, but i`m 29 already, and have absolutly nothing to show for it.

Little more background:
When i made my education (one with the allowance to study) i wanted to go the police (every day somewhat different, teamwork, bieng outside, something meaningful). But that wasn`t possible because of my very bad eyesight. Then i did a military duty for 9 month (every men has to do, or a other service) but that wasn`t for me either, i was a bad soldier. So i was clueless for about two year then i started to become a Med. Tech. Assistant for the Labority (schoolish education) but didn`t make it, because the mass of the stuff and described personal problems and the added problem of my parents loosing their house overwhelmed me. Side Note: I can`t promise without the "outside"
problem i would made it. So i`m clueless ever since. After a year, the Office for Employmeent (rougly translated) tried to get me an 1-Euro Job (30 hour week, about 126 extra a month) to get used to work again. I worked with handicapped (both mentaly and body) people. I had the luck to be with alot of pedagogue, which gave some inspiration , which helped me grow a little, and shrink a little in a positive way (already lost 35kg/70 pounds) and cook and eat better, be more active. Usually, a 1 Euro Job goes 6 month, but i was able to stay a full year, because i had considered it as a job, and the full year would be accounted for the training. So for a short time i was really relaxed, thought i knew my way, but then i had to ask myself is that really for me, and i have come to the conclusion that it wasn`t.

Yes i tried some strength/weakness test even paid offical ones from the office of employmeent, which no usuable conclusion. No i can`t name any strenght at all, only that i still able to write this post.

I`m totaly out of ideas, and there is no one to talk to or someone who could help me in my (physical) reach.

[Brutha]

What do you do with your free time?

[rawxstasy]

Since the job you had with the handicapped seemed to give you some positive results, can you stay with that while you decide what you really want to do?

I know how you feel. I went to nursing school, worked for six years and now I am totally disillusioned with what it actually turned out to be. But I am staying with it for now (working part time) while I work on a couple of business ideas that will hopefully get me a full time income eventually.

[Kahuna]

In my free time, i like to play games like WoW, or Mass Effect, going 3-4 times in the gym and well that`s it.

I stayed already the maxium duration (one year, instead of a half year) there already, more isn`t possible, and i need a change also.

[MichaelAnthonyVet]

Originally Posted by Kahuna

In my free time, i like to play games like WoW, or Mass Effect, going 3-4 times in the gym and well that`s it.

I stayed already the maxium duration (one year, instead of a half year) there already, more isn`t possible, and i need a change also.

You don't need a job to teach you to be self reliant, and you don't need a job to grow your character or to meet new friends/ girlfriends, etc. You can't do those on your free time instead of playing solo computer games, etc.

[munish]

Originally Posted by Kahuna

This is going to be hard...


so this longing makes it impossible to focus on exams and training,

There is no passion i could draw power from, so i`m weak, wasting everyone money (the states) and totally useless to the human mankind.

And all the things i want, girlfriend/family,

I sound like an angsty teenager, but i`m 29 already, and have absolutly nothing to show for it.

I`m totaly out of ideas, and there is no one to talk to or someone who could help me in my (physical) reach.

There are many people in the world who have faced similar problems, just like you are facing.

So do not give up . Focus on good things in life , listen to good music and positive people . May be keep an Ipod with motivational audio books with you all the time.

Once your mind is motivated , getting new ideas is no big whoop.

[Kahuna]

From Michael to Michael, sure you read my first post also? The more important one? I don`t spend my day playing 24h (only if i want to, but these times are long over). The Job dosn`t teach me, but gives me possibilites i don`t have right now. For example i seek a new flat, but i`m very restricted in rooms, size and money. And i want some improvement, aka a real kitchen not just a niche and this flat need to near public traffic, which needs good connection because i don`t have a vehicle of any kind.


@munish

You know, it`s not about them, but about me, and i feel really helpless, and i just can`t wait anymore, i need to design my life, but the details, i don`t know, the missing pieces i need.

[Bradshaw]

I was kinda in a similar situation some time ago, and my reality completely changed in just a few months. My life now and my life before are so different it's ridiculous.

I'm 6 years younger than you.

I've never had a job in my life and I'm also not in school.

I'm not depressed at all. On the contrary! I am supremely grateful for the social support I have and the good things that are happening to me all over the place.

And I have a magnificent girlfriend and super cool friends. In fact my GF is paying for our holiday in Amsterdam.

A job is not required... at all! It doesn't have to be the first step, at all!

All of these good things simply came to me once I really started accepting myself and loving myself.

Your first step is to accept yourself as you are and love yourself as you are.

You instantly become a cool, awesome, interesting guy in the eyes of others once you decide to be happy with your circumstances and yourself. Happy people who love themselves will attract like-minded people.

Being grateful and focusing on the positive things outside of yourself and in yourself really is the key here.

Once you do this, life will bring you everything you want.

The solution really is inside of you.

[Brutha]

A alcoholic has to drop his alcohol consumption. In a similar way you should probably drop your game playing habit.

[Kahuna]

Update:
Got a voucher from the office of enployment for a six month education, which allows me to work in the security area (guarding building, public traffic, money transport that kind of work). They only hand this out with an agreement they take the people over, so by the end of the year, i`ll habe a job. There is the theroetical possible i can fail the test, but well, that`s all theory i`m not gonna fail this.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Kahuna

Update:
Got a voucher from the office of enployment for a six month education, which allows me to work in the security area (guarding building, public traffic, money transport that kind of work). They only hand this out with an agreement they take the people over, so by the end of the year, i`ll habe a job. There is the theroetical possible i can fail the test, but well, that`s all theory i`m not gonna fail this.

Sounds great! Can I ask what country you are in? Just out of curiosity....

I just know you'll do great on the test. And after that you'll have a job waiting for you! Awesome!!

[Porphyos]

Congratulations! It sounds like a window of opportunity has opened for you. Good luck with everything

[old dead wood]

Originally Posted by Kahuna

.....i`m 29 already, and have absolutly nothing to show for it.

Right now you have moved up in "My Hero" standings to second place, right behind George Costanza.

[Kahuna]

I wished i hadn`t googled "George Costanza".

[old dead wood]

Originally Posted by Kahuna

I wished i hadn`t googled "George Costanza".

Don't worry about it. I'm just like you. George is only a bit more successful than us cuz he's on a tv show and has lucked out with a few women. He attracted them by just being himself. Of course, sometimes the hassle of HAVING a hot girlfriend and a good job is more than George can take, and I can certainly relate. I've learned a lot, and felt better about myself, by watching what George does: WWGD ?

[CoolMist80]

Analysis paralysis is our worst enemy. One can only experience life by living it. Just take a step and that will lead to the next step, which will lead to the next step, and so on. Sitting by oneself and turning the situation over constantly in the mind does not help the situation and makes it much worse in most cases. You will have to make mistakes along the way, and that is fine and completely normal.