Being Naive

[st33med]

This is something I learned recently and it's quite a doozie!

Recently I did something bad, and I am highly embarrassed about it. It's just that sometimes I haven't thought about something or some consequence of me doing something, and I would feel bad when it happens. Slip up after slip up after slip up, it would hurt or offend someone because I didn't think about it. Of course, people can be offended and sometimes I don't care. But, when it's something I did not think of that hurts or offends and I agree that it isn't something I would want, I feel awful.

Of course, I'm human. But I'm awfully naive. I don't know a lot of social etiquette or things that people would normally call 'common sense', and that can potentially offend people, making them think I am hurting them whether on accident or on purpose and not respecting them. Oof, I feel bad about that.

But I realize, this doesn't mean a thing about me. I may make mistakes, more than the next person, but it always means this happened for me to learn something about this reality and maybe for them. The damage is done, so just learn and let go. And if I feel like that person is still uncomfortable with me, that is their problem and they can approach me to resolve things.
*lightening of the chest* Ahhhhhh...

(Thank you Angela, btw. You taught me TIME techniques, and I feel so much better still. I'm glad I had this resource to help me feel good on purpose.)

Comment if you wish.

[NDN Scholar]

That's good, man, that's good. I've made a lot of mistakes that have been painful for me and others in the past, and keeping in mind the fact that you can learn from those to prevent it from happening again is a great comfort. I'm glad you realize this.

But hey, what's this TIME technique all about? If it's something the lovely Angela focuses on, then it must be worthwhile.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by NDN Scholar

That's good, man, that's good. I've made a lot of mistakes that have been painful for me and others in the past, and keeping in mind the fact that you can learn from those to prevent it from happening again is a great comfort. I'm glad you realize this.

But hey, what's this TIME technique all about? If it's something the lovely Angela focuses on, then it must be worthwhile.

Ohhhhh YES!!!! Yes, yes, yes, very worthwhile. You let go of all stored emotions in your timeline by getting the learnings from times in your past. It's so AWESOME.

Then you can do other stuff like project lovely situations into the future and also feel good and motivated!

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by st33med

Ohhhhh YES!!!! Yes, yes, yes, very worthwhile. You let go of all stored emotions in your timeline by getting the learnings from times in your past. It's so AWESOME.

Wow that sounds great. Is it something you can do solo, or do you need someone to guide you through it?

[Savage]

One suggestion would be that when you post on forums or on Facebook, try leaning further in the direction of making helpful and contributing posts, and do less of the joke replies and witty banter.

While it's fine to joke around, I feel that you overdo it tremendously on occasion, as if you go through these spurts where nothing you post is to be taken seriously and you're stuck in permanent "let's mess with people" mode. This is the reason I had to unfriend you on Facebook many months ago. Whenever a semi-interesting discussion would be underway and all the previous comments would be serious and contributing, you'd swoop in with yet another sarcastic comment and derail the discussion. It seemed at the time like you were being ridiculously immature and clueless about how your behavior was affecting others and messing up potentially cool discussions. I didn't understand why you'd so consistently make a habit of reducing the maturity level of each thread you participated in. I didn't realize it was due to lack of awareness. I thought it was something you were doing on purpose, like a form of trolling. So if you were curious as to why I dropped you as a friend there, that was the reason. I thought you'd gone a bit nutso.

(You should know that I've heard others on Facebook say similar things about your comments there, but I don't know of anyone who's about to unfriend you as a result of it.)

From time to time, I've seen you exhibit a similar pattern here, although it seemed to be most pronounced on Facebook.

Again, joking around and having fun is fine -- we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously -- but I feel you have a tendency to overdo that aspect, perhaps due to not understanding the subtleties of when it's appropriate in good fun vs. when it's likely to be perceived as rude and obnoxious. So if you simply focus on dropping the sarcastic, witty, non-contributing posts from your repertoire for a while and stay safely on the serious and contributing side, I'll bet that would help shift other people's experience of your posts and make it easier for them to respect you and your contribution. Once you get used to that, you can try to ease back the other way a bit.

Hope this helps...

[NDN Scholar]

I also have an awful sense of humour that doesn't always express itself properly through a computer screen. Even more so with people who don't speak English as their first language.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Wow that sounds great. Is it something you can do solo, or do you need someone to guide you through it?

You can do it alone, but I personally prefer to do it with someone. That way I can just let go of any conscious processes and really get into the subconscious answering of it.

Also, to do so you'd have to learn first and that I believe is best done by actually having a session (with someone or) with Angela.

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by ssandra

You can do it alone, but I personally prefer to do it with someone. That way I can just let go of any conscious processes and really get into the subconscious answering of it.

Also, to do so you'd have to learn first and that I believe is best done by actually having a session (with someone or) with Angela.

That's what I figured. I'd like to, but I've got some trust issues I'm not ready to let go of yet.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

That's what I figured. I'd like to, but I've got some trust issues I'm not ready to let go of yet.

Ssandra will also be learning to do it this month; also Mounds. You can also learn the technique yourself (and to do it with others) through NLP Hypnosis and TIME Techniques Training and Services by Michael Stevenson MNLP, MTT, MHt.

[Mounds]

I can attest to time techniques being very effective. I'm been using them for a year or so already, although I'm just becoming familiar with how it works now. I tend to try a lot of things and one of them is messing with my time line.

[st33med]

Originally Posted by ssandra

You can do it alone, but I personally prefer to do it with someone. That way I can just let go of any conscious processes and really get into the subconscious answering of it.

Also, to do so you'd have to learn first and that I believe is best done by actually having a session (with someone or) with Angela.

Yeah, I can get distracted with my own thoughts. I really prefer someone else leading me through the exercise.

[curiouslyrandom]

Originally Posted by st33med

Yeah, I can get distracted with my own thoughts. I really prefer someone else leading me through the exercise.

Sometimes I can do it easily on my own, but sometimes I have to imagine another person such as Angela guiding me through, reminding me to stay on task and not wander. If I can instill their voice in my thoughts as I'm going in, that tends to help, especially (as with Angela) if they've helped guide me before.

It takes a lot of focus to do it on your own, but there are times when it's really effective.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

That's what I figured. I'd like to, but I've got some trust issues I'm not ready to let go of yet.

If it is any consolation, it is not as if you have to completely let go of your conscious mind. You are 'awake' and aware of what is going on and what is happening.

Even if you were not, even under hypnosis nobody cannot make you do nothing if you do not agree with it, on some level. And this is not even hypnosis, at most a very light trance state.

[Lauxa]

But do you have to talk about your past to release the emotions?

[st33med]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

But do you have to talk about your past to release the emotions?

No! You just go back to a certain age your unconscious provides you. You may get small images of what' happening, and you don't have to share the learnings you get from each situation with Angela. As you go through the timeline, you might stop at each situation to apply the learnings and make sense out of things, but, again, you do not have to share with Angela or any practitioner of TIME Techniques.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

But do you have to talk about your past to release the emotions?

No, not if you don't want to. I am a blabber mouth so I am sure that Angela got a lot of infomration that was completely boring to her... but you can also keep the experiences for yourself completely.

It is about releasing emotions, not reliving painful events.

What I really liked about this is that even painful events you can release in such a way that there are no direct emotions involved. You are very high above the event and the emotions that were painful simply do not reach you.

If you want to, I want some people to practice this with anyway after my course.... I can talk you through this via Skype, and whenever you want to stop, we'll stop?

Sent me a PM in after the 22nd of this month and we'll arrange something.

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by ssandra

No, not if you don't want to. I am a blabber mouth so I am sure that Angela got a lot of infomration that was completely boring to her... but you can also keep the experiences for yourself completely.

It is about releasing emotions, not reliving painful events.

What I really liked about this is that even painful events you can release in such a way that there are no direct emotions involved. You are very high above the event and the emotions that were painful simply do not reach you.

If you want to, I want some people to practice this with anyway after my course.... I can talk you through this via Skype, and whenever you want to stop, we'll stop?

Sent me a PM in after the 22nd of this month and we'll arrange something.

Ssandra thank you for that generous offer. I will contact you.

[Angela]

Lauxa, you don't even have to talk about anything, you don't have to re-live old traumatic events, and you don't even have to be aware consciously of anything your unconscious mind presents! You may get just unconscious indications of learnings, and it works just as well. That's part of the real beauty of TIME Techniques -- especially for people who have had painful challenges they don't want to re-experience, like PTSD survivors.

Keep a mirror handy -- most people look ten years younger and feel ten pounds lighter afterwards. It's like having a mind massage and a feelings facial!

[Lauxa]

Originally Posted by Angela

Lauxa, you don't even have to talk about anything, you don't have to re-live old traumatic events, and you don't even have to be aware consciously of anything your unconscious mind presents! You may get just unconscious indications of learnings, and it works just as well. That's part of the real beauty of TIME Techniques -- especially for people who have had painful challenges they don't want to re-experience, like PTSD survivors.

Keep a mirror handy -- most people look ten years younger and feel ten pounds lighter afterwards. It's like having a mind massage and a feelings facial!

Wow, that does sound nice.

[brendannz]

Hey Andrew, if it's any help, I think I'm pretty similar to what you describe yourself, and how Steve describes you in some ways..

Originally Posted by Savage

While it's fine to joke around, I feel that you overdo it tremendously on occasion, as if you go through these spurts where nothing you post is to be taken seriously and you're stuck in permanent "let's mess with people" mode.

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by Angela

Lauxa, you don't even have to talk about anything, you don't have to re-live old traumatic events, and you don't even have to be aware consciously of anything your unconscious mind presents! You may get just unconscious indications of learnings, and it works just as well. That's part of the real beauty of TIME Techniques -- especially for people who have had painful challenges they don't want to re-experience, like PTSD survivors.

Keep a mirror handy -- most people look ten years younger and feel ten pounds lighter afterwards. It's like having a mind massage and a feelings facial!

If I looked ten years younger, I'd look like I was 15...hmmmmmm...

[st33med]

Originally Posted by elucidate

If I looked ten years younger, I'd look like I was 15...hmmmmmm...

If I looked ten years younger, I'd look like I was 9.

[beast]

Originally Posted by elucidate

If I looked ten years younger, I'd look like I was 15...hmmmmmm...

Are you only 25?! Why did I think you were older...?

[elucidate]

Originally Posted by beast

Are you only 25?! Why did I think you were older...?

No, I'm 36, but I look like I'm about 25 according to the feedback I've received from a few different people.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by elucidate

No, I'm 36, but I look like I'm about 25 according to the feedback I've received from a few different people.

If I tell people I'm 29 they think I'm lying. As well, I get student discounts at places without telling people I'm a student..

[beast]

Originally Posted by brendannz

If I tell people I'm 29 they think I'm lying. As well, I get student discounts at places without telling people I'm a student..

I demand to see recent, close-up face pics in natural lighting of all you people who claim to look 10 years younger than you really are!

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by beast

I demand to see recent, close-up face pics in natural lighting of all you people who claim to look 10 years younger than you really are!

This is the most recent one I can find, I'll try and get one without my makeup later on;

[beast]

You're pretty dreamy. And terrifying.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by beast

You're pretty dreamy. And terrifying.

Thanks! so are you going to send a picture of you dressed as Harley Quinn? or Poison Ivy or something?

[Drew78]

Originally Posted by st33med

Of course, I'm human. But I'm awfully naive. I don't know a lot of social etiquette or things that people would normally call 'common sense', and that can potentially offend people, making them think I am hurting them whether on accident or on purpose and not respecting them. Oof, I feel bad about that.

Hi,

Part of this might just be your age if you're only 19. When I was 19, I wasn't very popular because I was always making people mad. After years (and years and years) of self observation, I started to pay attention to what I was doing, something like constantly conducting experiments. I would notice the things that made people like me, the things that didn't, the things that truly helped others, and that's part of the education of extreme youth like 19 years old (It's not like I'm 80).

I applaud you for noticing that what you're doing is not working. Now you can try to figure out the things that will bring others closer to you. Give some thought to your interactions, and even allow yourself to imagine how people will respond. I'm amazed at how many gaffes I've avoided simply by rehearsing them in my mind.

I would recommend <i>How to Win Friends and Influence People</i> by Dale Carnegie. The book changed my life and my interactions with others forever. It's a very simple read and simple, common sense, timeless techniques. Any bookstore will have it. If you read it, please let me know what you think of it.

Drew