Not quite sure what to do here [Sage advice and saintly patience requested]

[insalted91]

So I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I know that sounds really intense but really I'm just lacking direction for the first time in my life, and it scares the crap out of me. Ok, so here's me: Second-year college student at a decent 4-year and who recently had his most-recent life plan crumble out from underneath him and now who feels like his life may very well be heading full speed into a brick wall...or something like that.

I'm an Art History major because I like it and I'm good at it. I have an "internship" at a private car collection curated by a friend of my grandma's and am working on getting another internship to work in Human Resources at a local business. I have a part-time job. I'm on course to study in Paris next year. I feel like I'm in the prime of my life and I should be nothing but happy. Right? Not so much. I really feel like I lack direction. I have no idea what I want to do after graduation, and this bothers me.

My interests are all over the place and I have considered changing my major several times but never really did it because by the time the school's bureaucracy approved me for the change I had changed my mind to something else or decided I liked Art History better. In high school I wanted to go to med school, but more because I liked the idea of being a doctor but not the subject matter itself. I seriously tried my first year of college to work on med school pre-reqs, but I discovered that I was simply not committed enough to the idea of medicine to stick with studying subject matters that I did not like.

I kind of wanted to do something in Art History, but the main problem with that is: what does that even mean? I like the idea of being an art dealer or a professor. But long-term advancement in both of those fields would basically require a MA in Art History or something like it, and my parents hate that idea with a passion. They think I'm throwing my future away on a subject matter that is entirely not applicable to the real world.

My dad suggested Business school, and I actually really liked that idea because I like the idea of business. I really like to talk, I'm decent at networking, and I'm good at selling things to people. I feel like these would work well in a business environment so the idea of going for my MBA was appealing to me. That is, until two days ago when I discovered that MBA is not generally something that one goes for right out of undergrad, but instead after a few of business experience.

A different person might have taken that in stride and then switched from looking at grad schools to planning for picking up a job after graduation. For me, however, this was devastating for a few reasons. For one, I feel disgustingly under-qualified for just about any decent entry-level job in a business setting (particularly because I don't even know what sector I would be interested in going into). Also, any job I found would most likely be close-by and my plan since coming to my current school has been to go here--very close to where I grew up--for undergrad and do graduate work far away (I tried to go away for undergrad but that did not work out for me, and it's been bothering me ever since. I really really want to go far away asap). Finally, finding a job right after graduation is completely counter to the general life plan I've had for myself for, basically, as long as I've been mature enough to think of such things; this plan being Undergrad-->Grad school-->Career.

Both of my parents went to grad school so they want me to go. I want to go. But my graduate education options appear to have just evaporated right in front of me. Med school is the pipe dream that wasn't really for me. Business school requires a life path that would make my family, my parents, and myself all very worried about the realities of my short-term future. And doing graduate work in a particular subject area (such as MA in Art History) makes my dad want to vomit. And my dad matters because, when it comes down to it, he pays for it.

I want to do something that will make me happy, and not completely broke. But I just don't know in which direction I should go. I know I still have at least two years before I graduated but I'm really scared that study abroad will really limit my ability to actually get internships and change majors and explore potential life paths and what-not, so really it feels more like I have until September of 2011 (when I leave for Paris) to work out a plan and then one year after I get back to throw everything together to make it happen. I would like to make my time abroad not entirely worthless but I'm trying to be realistic and the idea of me picking up any meaningful internship in a country where I'm simply not very comfortable with the language does not seem very likely.

I'm not asking what job I can get that will make me rich or what I can do to get $10,000 in two weeks or anything ridiculous like that (although either of those would be really nice :P). In truth, I don't really know why I'm here. I think I'm just a scared kid who's simply not mature enough to deal with these kinds of life-changing decisions without freaking out and googling "I don't know what I'm doing with my life" a dozen times and praying for an answer. All I really want to know is what you think would be a good professional direction for someone such as myself to head in, or even just your advice on my life in general.

Sorry about the essay, I just didn't know how else to explain myself...

[curiouslyrandom]

This probably won't help or resolve anything, but... I see this same post several times a week. In other words, you're normal.

Question your accepted reality. It's good for you. Just don't question yourself into neurotic oblivion, because that might not be very helpful. Look, you've got all this pressure from society and family and the system telling you what to do, but some part of you is pushing it away. Listen to that, figure out where it's coming from and what it's telling you to do. Sit and clear your head for a while, relax all your muscles, then ask what it is you're trying to communicate to your self about your life right now. Follow it, figure out what part of your body holds the message, and write down the first thing that comes to mind, even if it doesn't make sense. Read it back in a day or two, and let the message stew a bit.

You're really young to be in the "prime" of your life; that happens when and where and how it does, but I'd say it's more likely to be when you're older and less forward-focused. Give yourself 15-20 years, maybe. In the meantime, relax!

[Brutha]

Don't overrate your choice of major.
Businesses hire smart people with degrees for business jobs who don't have business degrees.

[AngelPsychic444]

This may sound a little off the wall.... but get a Tarot card reading. A half decent Tarot card reader can help you find out what your life purpose is... and what type of jobs would be best for you. This is a great time to seek spiritual direction, when you have big life questions to ask... and need great ansnwers.

Originally Posted by insalted91

So I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I know that sounds really intense but really I'm just lacking direction for the first time in my life, and it scares the crap out of me. Ok, so here's me: Second-year college student at a decent 4-year and who recently had his most-recent life plan crumble out from underneath him and now who feels like his life may very well be heading full speed into a brick wall...or something like that.

I'm an Art History major because I like it and I'm good at it. I have an "internship" at a private car collection curated by a friend of my grandma's and am working on getting another internship to work in Human Resources at a local business. I have a part-time job. I'm on course to study in Paris next year. I feel like I'm in the prime of my life and I should be nothing but happy. Right? Not so much. I really feel like I lack direction. I have no idea what I want to do after graduation, and this bothers me.

My interests are all over the place and I have considered changing my major several times but never really did it because by the time the school's bureaucracy approved me for the change I had changed my mind to something else or decided I liked Art History better. In high school I wanted to go to med school, but more because I liked the idea of being a doctor but not the subject matter itself. I seriously tried my first year of college to work on med school pre-reqs, but I discovered that I was simply not committed enough to the idea of medicine to stick with studying subject matters that I did not like.

I kind of wanted to do something in Art History, but the main problem with that is: what does that even mean? I like the idea of being an art dealer or a professor. But long-term advancement in both of those fields would basically require a MA in Art History or something like it, and my parents hate that idea with a passion. They think I'm throwing my future away on a subject matter that is entirely not applicable to the real world.

My dad suggested Business school, and I actually really liked that idea because I like the idea of business. I really like to talk, I'm decent at networking, and I'm good at selling things to people. I feel like these would work well in a business environment so the idea of going for my MBA was appealing to me. That is, until two days ago when I discovered that MBA is not generally something that one goes for right out of undergrad, but instead after a few of business experience.

A different person might have taken that in stride and then switched from looking at grad schools to planning for picking up a job after graduation. For me, however, this was devastating for a few reasons. For one, I feel disgustingly under-qualified for just about any decent entry-level job in a business setting (particularly because I don't even know what sector I would be interested in going into). Also, any job I found would most likely be close-by and my plan since coming to my current school has been to go here--very close to where I grew up--for undergrad and do graduate work far away (I tried to go away for undergrad but that did not work out for me, and it's been bothering me ever since. I really really want to go far away asap). Finally, finding a job right after graduation is completely counter to the general life plan I've had for myself for, basically, as long as I've been mature enough to think of such things; this plan being Undergrad-->Grad school-->Career.

Both of my parents went to grad school so they want me to go. I want to go. But my graduate education options appear to have just evaporated right in front of me. Med school is the pipe dream that wasn't really for me. Business school requires a life path that would make my family, my parents, and myself all very worried about the realities of my short-term future. And doing graduate work in a particular subject area (such as MA in Art History) makes my dad want to vomit. And my dad matters because, when it comes down to it, he pays for it.

I want to do something that will make me happy, and not completely broke. But I just don't know in which direction I should go. I know I still have at least two years before I graduated but I'm really scared that study abroad will really limit my ability to actually get internships and change majors and explore potential life paths and what-not, so really it feels more like I have until September of 2011 (when I leave for Paris) to work out a plan and then one year after I get back to throw everything together to make it happen. I would like to make my time abroad not entirely worthless but I'm trying to be realistic and the idea of me picking up any meaningful internship in a country where I'm simply not very comfortable with the language does not seem very likely.

I'm not asking what job I can get that will make me rich or what I can do to get $10,000 in two weeks or anything ridiculous like that (although either of those would be really nice :P). In truth, I don't really know why I'm here. I think I'm just a scared kid who's simply not mature enough to deal with these kinds of life-changing decisions without freaking out and googling "I don't know what I'm doing with my life" a dozen times and praying for an answer. All I really want to know is what you think would be a good professional direction for someone such as myself to head in, or even just your advice on my life in general.

Sorry about the essay, I just didn't know how else to explain myself...

[jazzie]

Dear Insalted,

I know where you're coming from, been in your situation 1-1,5 year ago.
My story short: finished high school - wanted to go to med school, didn't have good enough grades -existential crisis, parents wanted intern.relations, I went against them and started liberal arts-languages. Finished it w good grades (not great ones, mind you), went ahead to grad school in litt-languages, but because of family/friends/society negativity (like : what does a liberal arts major actually DO? do you think you'll get a job with that?) became depressed (I'm a failure), so got a scholarship away for 5 months to work through some issues. Came home, finished grad school. Sometime in between being away from family it dawned on me that I really, really like my major. And I liked teaching. Hell, I could write. You know, I was like : well, maybe I'm creative? Maybe I've got talent? Maybe I'll never be another Stephen King, but still, I've got something to say. And people around me sensed this internal shift. They kinda stopped bugging me.

At this point, I still didn't know what to do. I graduated a few days ago. And guess what? I was the best of my class (even teacher tought of my of failure a year ago!). Doctoral teachers are "fighting" for me to go to their doctoral programs with scholarship. And I got a part time job as an art manager.

Do I know where I'm heading? Not really, but the thing is : its a good way. Are my parents happy? Their are. Because I explained to them that I have to live with my choices - not them. As for the money . . . They wanted to give it to me to study. I didn't asked for it. It is a gift (albeit a huge one, I know). But then, it's not fair that they want to control me via money. It wasn't an easy talk, but it cleared the air.

At this point I'm quite happy not knowing what I'll be when I grow up - I kind of think about it like an adventure, like Coelho's alchimist.
Maybe you just need to have faith in yourself that you'll figure out in time. Some people know from an early age that they want to be lawyers, or doctors. That's great. But it's not the only way to go.
Finding a "vocation" or "career" is like falling in love : you have to know yourself and have an open mind (and eyes) about it. Maybe as you go down the road, you'll get in contact with a career or job you'd never tought would attract you (or even exist as we type here), and boom! you'll say "this is what I want to do!". And maybe it'll be a love story of forever. Maybe you'll work there for 5 years and then move on. . . Does this seem like failure? I don't think so.

And a last word of "wisdom": don't be so rushed to arrive, to start things. Enjoy the free time you have, the days you can spend as you wish, the feeling that you can study whatever you want. Choices shouldn't block you, and when you choose, don't think its forever. :-)

Hoped it helped,

God bless

[Lioness]

Originally Posted by insalted91

Second-year college student at a decent 4-year ....I'm an Art History major because I like it and I'm good at it. I have an "internship" at a private car collection curated by a friend of my grandma's and am working on getting another internship to work in Human Resources at a local business. I have a
part-time job. I'm on course to study in Paris next year.

This sounds great. You are already so far ahead of students who are floundering with absolutely no idea of what they want to do and not getting any kind of work experience. Paris is a dream experience many people would die for. You seem nervous about the language gap, so take this opportunity to pick up the basics. There are plenty of resources for this, from "Rosetta Stone" or other online course, do-it yourself dictionary plus some elemetary reading or conversational french tapes/MP3s. Since you are on campus, seek out one of the french professors, maybe you can audit some classes to get familiar. Many Parisians speak english though, so don't panic.

I kind of wanted to do something in Art History, but the main problem with that is: what does that even mean? I like the idea of being an art dealer or a professor...

I just googled Art History jobs and came up with current openings for program manager for a museum, several assistant professors or teaching assistants at universities, art magazine editor, and curator. Now these positions are all over the country, but this would fit in with your desire to travel/relocate. (Some of these jobs require only a B.A, some require a PhD!.)

...doing graduate work in a particular subject area (such as MA in Art History) makes my dad want to vomit. And my dad matters because, when it comes down to it, he pays for it.

To convince your father that an investment in an MA is not a waste of money, you've got to show him that there are ample career opportunities. Do some research, talk to your professors about this. These are not the kind of jobs that the average Joe can fill, whereas MBAs are a dime a dozen. There must be some jobs you can do also to help pay for your masters. Check out if their are any kinds of scholarships/work-study thing which would help offset the cost. Show Dad that you are not just expecting him to foot the bill for everything. And as Brutha indicated, a Masters is a Masters, if need be, you can translate this to a more general business career. But I like the fact that you have seemed to have found your niche. IMO, this is more important than aiming for something "practical" at this point in your life. Since you've still got 2 more years, and who knows what opportunities may present when you go to Paris, I'd like to see you stick with this direction instead of venturing off into "business".