What do I do!?!

[Jaxamillian]

I'm stuck.

I've graduated college with a degree that I care very little about (B.A. Psychology) and have tried entry level jobs in a few different fields, only to discover that I have no interest in them as a career. I am currently unemployed and living with the parents applying for nearly minimum wage jobs in coffee stores and the like.

I know that my passion is for music- it is what I love. I get excited talking about the topics that a lot of music majors I went to school with (I was a music minor) find boring- music theory and history. My college room mate would laugh about how I almost never talked about my academic major and knew more about the stuff I was minoring in. I almost feel embarrassed to say it because how many people fantasize about being a musician? Usually that phase ends when you are 20- I'm now 26. I don't just dream about being a rock star though- I would teach middle school band or just anything where I can learn more about music and work with what I believe is my best, most unique skill.

I constantly oscillate between "following my dream" of pursuing something in music as a career (middle school band teacher, sound design) and joining the military either as an Officer if I can or going Enlisted and learning a skill. The military is something honorable, a "real job"; something that would make my parents proud and teach me valuable skills. I would get to travel and learn to deal with difficulty and challenges that I know would be valuable to my development. It would be a "growing up"- letting go of a childish, selfish pipe dream and taking on REAL responsibility in an almost heroic manner. However, I would not be able to play, record, listen to music and that is a big issue for
me.

I also acknowledge that I need to do some growing up; I understand that this analysis of my situation might be clouded by naivety and irresponsibility. One thing I can say with some certainty is that music is the most beautiful thing that I know and a life devoted to it's study would be worthwhile.

So, I'm either looking at :

1) going to school for another 2.5(ish) years for another BACHELORS (Masters in Music is not possible unless you have a major), in either music education or sound design (working for media doing soundtracks/sound effects);

Pros:
- I love it.

Cons:
- Hard to find jobs?
- More than two more years for a second Bachelors degree and no guaranteed jobs.

2) joining the Navy (Officer or Enlisted) and learning a functional real world skill.

Pros:

-Grow up! Learn how to deal with different people, travel; learn technical skills applicable to real world.
- Challenge myself.

Cons:

-Relegating my passion to a hobby- but is this growing up?

Wow. Thank you for reading my essay. I'm not really sure what I'm asking for but any response or advice is welcomed.

PS here are some links to my music just if you were curious- this is not an advertisement for me.

Justin on Myspace Music - Free Streaming MP3s, Pictures & Music Downloads

YouTube - JustsMusic's Channel

[SnerpGoodWord]

If you can pass the audition on some instrument, the military bands might be an option. Is there any instrument where you can read music well?

[Jaxamillian]

Originally Posted by SnerpGoodWord

If you can pass the audition on some instrument, the military bands might be an option. Is there any instrument where you can read music well?

I was considering trying that. I would most likely audition for trombone or guitar. Do you know anything more about it? I was looking at the audition requirements earlier.

[SnerpGoodWord]

Oh, and just broader advice, follow your passion even into an overcrowded field like music. If you think music education is where you'd like to be, you are WAY better off going to school and getting the degree even if it takes 5 years. The alternative is a lifetime of wishing you had.

[SnerpGoodWord]

Originally Posted by Jaxamillian

I was considering trying that. I would most likely audition for trombone or guitar. Do you know anything more about it? I was looking at the audition requirements earlier.

I just knew a couple of people who did it - they said they got to see the world and had a good time, but the actual playing in the band was VERY straight laced. In a way, sort of like cruise ship gigs.

[Philemon]

What's the benefit of growing up? Follow your dreams, dear friend. Even if it temporarily leaves you completely broke and worthless by the mass-social definition of success.

I have a job teaching college, full-time, benefits . . . woo hoo. I still think about living homeless and writing about it. I think about giving this whole social standard away and proving its mediocrity. The people in my life are the only thing that really stop that adventure. Then again, that's not even my dream.

Life is too short to waste time pursuing honor or making anyone proud. I'm not saying only do what pleases you and makes you feel good all the time, but this time you should really figure out what you want and go for it. Worst-case scenario, you fail. What's really important to you? If it's money, career, prosperity . . . I would say military, and you can become a "productive" citizen. To me, that doesn't sound like what you really find important right now.

Keep in mind, you are blessed by having a dream. I meet some unfortunate souls and ask them what their dream is, and they laugh in my face. "Ha! I gave up on dreaming a long time ago."

[Kurtzilla]

Volunteer your talents to your community or local church. It's amazing what doors will open for you by volunteering.

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by Jaxamillian

I know that my passion is for music- it is what I love. I get excited talking about the topics that a lot of music majors I went to school with (I was a music minor) find boring- music theory and history.

I've known a lot of working musicians over the years. Very few had degrees in music (unless they played classical). Many of them had little interest in music theory beyond what they needed to play their instrument or write songs. Some couldn't even read music. And of those who were well-versed in theory, I only remember a couple of them getting excited over it.

So your genuine excitement over theory and history already put you in a different place than someone who doesn't have it. It's the sort of thing that will make you a much better music teacher one day, because people teach best when they teach things that excite them.

I constantly oscillate between "following my dream" of pursuing something in music as a career (middle school band teacher, sound design) and joining the military either as an Officer if I can or going Enlisted and learning a skill.

Trouble is, if you decide you hate the military (as you've hated the entry-level jobs you've already held), quitting's awfully tough. And fine, you'll "learn a skill." But at what? And would you want to do that thing when you return to civilian life?

I'm going to step out on a limb here: you seem to be stuck at a point in your life where you're drifting, without much to hold on to. You're an adult, but you don't have much to show for it yet. No career, no home of your own, no obvious successes you can point to. (And dude, I was there myself, so please don't think I'm judging you.)

In fact, I think you might be having a quarter-life crisis--which is normal. At some point between ages 24 and 27, most young adults despair at not having reached certain "adult" milestones yet (career, marriage, a home on their own, whatever). They convince themselves that they've failed so far and will keep on failing forever. Eventually, the madness passes. But in that context, deciding to go back to school to pursue your dream of music may seem like a childish avoidance of "growing up" because it means however many more years of no career, no easily-identifiable "success," no proof that you are, in fact, a successful adult human being.

The military is something honorable, a "real job"; something that would make my parents proud and teach me valuable skills. I would get to travel and learn to deal with difficulty and challenges that I know would be valuable to my development. It would be a "growing up"- letting go of a childish, selfish pipe dream and taking on REAL responsibility in an almost heroic manner.

It can be all that, yes. But ask yourself this: do I feel as passionate about joining the Navy as I do about music? If I could do only one and not the other, which would it be?

And be brutally honest with yourself: are you thinking about enlisting because it represents Instant Adulthood? I mean, hey--in one fell swoop it'll get you out of your parents' house and out on your own, give you a job and an income, and provide a firm social identity that other people will recognize as good and honorable and worthy of pride.

Your desire to pursue music is not a "selfish, childish pipe dream." It's not something you need to "grow up" and get over. It's your dream. It's a powerful desire, one you can't ignore, can't dismiss. You have that desire for a reason. Pursue it. And in the process, you will truly "grow up."

For myself, the most significant marker that I'd "grown up" was when I quit worrying about what my parents thought of my career decisions. I trusted my own judgment, set my own standards for success, followed a course of my choosing. When I stopped needing a parental (and societal) stamp of approval on my life in order to feel like I was on the right track, that was when I finally grew up.

And if my parents were going to be proud of me they would find something to be proud of--no matter what I did for a living or how little money I made. If they didn't have it in themselves to be proud of me, nothing would make them happy.

You cannot make your parents proud; that's their doing. If their pride is contingent on doing all the "right," expected things, and doing them according to schedule--even if it keeps you from doing what you love most--then maybe it's time to re-examine whether their pride should be part of your personal equation for what equals success.

Sure, my parents have fretted and worried over my decisions, and wondered when I would get my act together, and been at a loss for what to say when people asked what I was up to. But they were still proud of me because they wanted to be. They found reasons. Your folks probably will, too.

I also acknowledge that I need to do some growing up; I understand that this analysis of my situation might be clouded by naivety and irresponsibility.

I think it's clouded by fear, myself. Because if you honestly feel this way about music:

One thing I can say with some certainty is that music is the most beautiful thing that I know and a life devoted to it's study would be worthwhile.

It's like a flashing red neon sign that says THIS WAY.

[Anthoneee]

- The military is extremely dishonorable
- The military is the most fake job out there
- You are the most grown up person I know
- Your parents are already proud of you, they don't show it
- Your current skills are too valuable to put into words
- I fantasize about being a musician all the time, I'm 100 years old, and don't play an instrument - the phase will never end
- Being a musician is incredibly selfless
- Becoming a musician is so easy, but that's not a problem, because you already are a musician
- You are already my hero
- You're almost too responsible
- You have so much experience; you're not even close to being naive
- It's so easy to find a job as a musician
- You're challenging yourself right now
- You've been in the real world the moment you were born

Now what? Which will you choose now?

Here's my point: You are letting other people choose your identity. When will you be grown up? When will you be responsible? What defines honor/real/value/heroic/etc? Your definition of these words, and your opinion of when you will reach these milestones, will be different than everyone else's definitions and opinions. For example, I think a hero is someone who creates joy in people's lives; my buddy thinks a hero is someone who does what's right; my demon-friend thinks a hero is someone who causes the most suffering. Who is right? What defines "right"? You are right. You are a hero if you believe you are a hero - if you fit your own definition of heroic. Their opinion only matters if you want something from them. But don't worry, when you become who you want to be, new people will become apparent with similar values. You will never be alone, you just need to find the new supportive people you are looking for.

Don't let other people slow you down, don't let their fears and limitations become yours. This is your life, your personal experience, and it may be your only chance. You seem to already know what you want to experience, SO DO IT. Be happy, be fulfilled, be what you want to be.

Personally, I love musicians. I think it takes a lot of courage to be able to express yourself in front of an audience. I love it when someone can make me dance and feel joy through sound. I love it when I connect with the artist, when the kick becomes my heartbeat, when I feel the break coming and we freeze together, when the melody flutters throughout my body, when I feel the real you. The ecstasy created by the music is incredibly valuable, as all I really want at the end of the day is to have been happy. I think you will get to travel to different gigs, you will learn technical skills applicable to your real world, you will learn how to communicate with the audience and gig-providers, you will face challenges, you will become responsible your life, and constantly grow in the process. I think what you are hoping to find through joining the military, you will find as a musician also.

I don't think you have heard the uncountable pro's to being a musician, and you haven't found enough people that value your skill to make it seem worthwhile. You know what you want to do, you just need the courage to take the first step into the unknown. So please, if you do it for anyone, do it for yourself.

Glad to read your essay, but it's more of a summary in my opinion . Have a great one.

[ZephyrusX]

Originally Posted by MagicalRealist

I've known a lot of working musicians over the years. Very few had degrees in music (unless they played classical). Many of them had little interest in music theory beyond what they needed to play their instrument or write songs. Some couldn't even read music. And of those who were well-versed in theory, I only remember a couple of them getting excited over it.

So your genuine excitement over theory and history already put you in a different place than someone who doesn't have it. It's the sort of thing that will make you a much better music teacher one day, because people teach best when they teach things that excite them.

Trouble is, if you decide you hate the military (as you've hated the entry-level jobs you've already held), quitting's awfully tough. And fine, you'll "learn a skill." But at what? And would you want to do that thing when you return to civilian life?

I'm going to step out on a limb here: you seem to be stuck at a point in your life where you're drifting, without much to hold on to. You're an adult, but you don't have much to show for it yet. No career, no home of your own, no obvious successes you can point to. (And dude, I was there myself, so please don't think I'm judging you.)

In fact, I think you might be having a quarter-life crisis--which is normal. At some point between ages 24 and 27, most young adults despair at not having reached certain "adult" milestones yet (career, marriage, a home on their own, whatever). They convince themselves that they've failed so far and will keep on failing forever. Eventually, the madness passes. But in that context, deciding to go back to school to pursue your dream of music may seem like a childish avoidance of "growing up" because it means however many more years of no career, no easily-identifiable "success," no proof that you are, in fact, a successful adult human being.

It can be all that, yes. But ask yourself this: do I feel as passionate about joining the Navy as I do about music? If I could do only one and not the other, which would it be?

And be brutally honest with yourself: are you thinking about enlisting because it represents Instant Adulthood? I mean, hey--in one fell swoop it'll get you out of your parents' house and out on your own, give you a job and an income, and provide a firm social identity that other people will recognize as good and honorable and worthy of pride.

Your desire to pursue music is not a "selfish, childish pipe dream." It's not something you need to "grow up" and get over. It's your dream. It's a powerful desire, one you can't ignore, can't dismiss. You have that desire for a reason. Pursue it. And in the process, you will truly "grow up."

For myself, the most significant marker that I'd "grown up" was when I quit worrying about what my parents thought of my career decisions. I trusted my own judgment, set my own standards for success, followed a course of my choosing. When I stopped needing a parental (and societal) stamp of approval on my life in order to feel like I was on the right track, that was when I finally grew up.

And if my parents were going to be proud of me they would find something to be proud of--no matter what I did for a living or how little money I made. If they didn't have it in themselves to be proud of me, nothing would make them happy.

You cannot make your parents proud; that's their doing. If their pride is contingent on doing all the "right," expected things, and doing them according to schedule--even if it keeps you from doing what you love most--then maybe it's time to re-examine whether their pride should be part of your personal equation for what equals success.

Sure, my parents have fretted and worried over my decisions, and wondered when I would get my act together, and been at a loss for what to say when people asked what I was up to. But they were still proud of me because they wanted to be. They found reasons. Your folks probably will, too.

I think it's clouded by fear, myself. Because if you honestly feel this way about music: It's like a flashing red neon sign that says THIS WAY.

+1 Awesome post MagicalRealist

Jaxamillian: I second the opinion that maturity is about following your own dreams and values. I think I understand the situation you are in. You want to show the world that you have accomplished something. You want to be respected. But respect from others can be a cold, dead thing if you are receiving it through actions that are personally meaningless to you. If music is your passion, then follow it for your sake.

No one can tell you what to do though. If you really want to join the military, go for it. Just don't take the easy way out in order to ease your present anxieties. I don't think one can get out of the military so easily.

[sandy]

You are loving musics

Do what you love.

Support yourself in other ways with other "real life skills" for now, still you will be left with some petty times for yourself to chase your dream in every day, which is kinda what I do and feel OK with currently

[Lauxa]

What about pursuing a career in music therapy? Would such a thing appeal to you?

American Music Therapy Association

[firenexx]

Be a musician, but don't go to "music school."

Take a few lessons, learn some stuff, practice your instrument, but most importantly, get out there, meet people, and start playing. The work is out there, but many musicians aren't even looking for it. They're just sitting around worrying about whether this was the right life for them and how little money they have.

Relevant experience: I am a working musician with a degree in music.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by firenexx

Be a musician, but don't go to "music school."

Take a few lessons, learn some stuff, practice your instrument, but most importantly, get out there, meet people, and start playing. The work is out there, but many musicians aren't even looking for it. They're just sitting around worrying about whether this was the right life for them and how little money they have.

Relevant experience: I am a working musician with a degree in music.

Exactly!

DO NOT ABANDON YOUR MUSIC DREAM. I am a musician as well, and I am so happy now that I'm playing out and have found a regular group to jam and play shows with.

[Angelique]

I like the scoring you did in that action scene. Good stuff. I heard the Radiohead influence before I saw it in your notes.

If you're already so passionate about music that you're doing it for free..why not see if there's a way you can profit? In a musician's world we would call what you're doing now "working." Maybe, for now, you can think of it as an "internship" no? I don't know, just writing out some thoughts here.

[shannon smith]

Go for the music! There's way too much military already. There's not enough passionate musicians, especialy in the school system. Go for your true passion and believe in yourself.

[Drew78]

Originally Posted by Jaxamillian

I constantly oscillate between "following my dream" of pursuing something in music as a career (middle school band teacher, sound design) and joining the military either as an Officer if I can or going Enlisted and learning a skill. The military is something honorable, a "real job"; something that would make my parents proud and teach me valuable skills. I would get to travel and learn to deal with difficulty and challenges that I know would be valuable to my development. It would be a "growing up"- letting go of a childish, selfish pipe dream and taking on REAL responsibility in an almost heroic manner. However, I would not be able to play, record, listen to music and that is a big issue for
me.

Could I go out on a limb and say you could be happy either way? You won't despair if you make the "wrong" choice, whatever that is. If you join the military, colleges will always be there to take you back if you can't stand it. If you get your second bachelor's degree, I'm sure the military would love to have you when you're finished if you end up unhappy from that. Still, maybe you could be happy either way.