Have your parents ever helped you financially?

[Green Lady]

If your parents currently help you financially or have helped you in the past, do they tend to rub it in your face later on?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

If your parents currently help you financially or have helped you in the past, do they tend to rub it in your face later on?

Yes they have and yes they did rub it in my face...

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

If your parents currently help you financially or have helped you in the past, do they tend to rub it in your face later on?

No, they don't rub my face with it

Why do you ask?

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

If
your parents currently help you financially or
have helped you in the past, do they tend to rub it in your face later on?

Abandoned before birth, until I was 15 I was housed, dressed, & fed food - by others.

Since then, everything & everything else has been 100% my responsability:
House(s), Utilities, Clothing, Food, Schooling, Parenting , Sport (iceskating ), etc.

[mikej]

yes they've helped me out and i've helped them out in the past as well. it's not a big deal in my family to do it and there's never any rubbing of faces either from anyone.

[Green Lady]

Mine always offered help but then always rubbed in my face whenever I put my foot in it (a word/action out of the ordinary and I get a nice rub). I now have debt and refuse to talk about it and don't want any more help.

However, I am terrified as financial issues have always been a major block for me. I want to trust that the universe will take care of me. Not so long ago I intended 10,000€ and won it on a contest. I just need to do it again but all the blocks, that are really shame and guilt, need to leave my consciousness (saying that when I manifested the money I had those same feelings...).

[AlmostGodess]

Both my parents gave me more then I have ever expected and never reproached this to me. Now I pay parts of my mother's debt and to my shame I reproached this to her quite often. The interesting thing is that this summer I just decided that, despite the fact that my resources diminish due to this loan that I al paying for my mother, I will enjoy life as much as I can. Since that time, my life had been magical and I have received important amounts of money from unexpected sources. This is how I understood what finding peace with yourself meant.

[aelle]

My parents supported me during the first 3 years of my studies (which were nowhere near as expensive as they would have been in the states) and I paid for tuition and everything except housing for the last 2.

My mother is actually really proud that I could make and save some money as a student (I also did an internship abroad every year, fully supporting myself) and no, she's never rubbed it in my face. She actually keeps offering financial help even though I make a lot more money than her now.

I find it really petty that anyone would offer money no strings attached and then use it against you.

[Green Lady]

Originally Posted by aelle

My parents supported me during the first 3 years of my studies (which were nowhere near as expensive as they would have been in the states) and I paid for tuition and everything except housing for the last 2.

My mother is actually really proud that I could make and save some money as a student (I also did an internship abroad every year, fully supporting myself) and no, she's never rubbed it in my face. She actually keeps offering financial help even though I make a lot more money than her now.

I find it really petty that anyone would offer money no strings attached and then use it against you.

I had one of the most challenging years of my life this year. And thanks to that a curtain that was obscuring my vision was lifted (I was being manipulated left, right and centre). Everytime money issues were rubbed in my face I felt so small and worthless. I truly believed it was me.

I am not the kind of person to ask. I spend as little as possible but had trouble with my business and my mum kept saying "my money is yours as well" (and it is in my name as well, since my father passed away). But I never felt it was mine and now I want to handle my debt on my own.

I need to get over the feeling that I am a failure for not being financially stable.

[P83 Wanad]

Yes, I grew up very very sheltered by them. To the point they wouldn't even "let me" work and I say "let" because that's how they always acted, like I needed their permission to get a job.

They were obsessed with me going to school full time. My dad was the one that worked and paid for everything and he was generous enough about it until I started doing or attempting to do something he didn't agree with, then he would rub it in my face. Like I was only entitled to his financial help as long as I did what he expected and wanted me to do, it didn't matter what I really wanted.

Now I'm financially crippled. I've never really had a proper job or made my own money and while this is mostly one's responsibility, the fact that I was never empowered to do so (I was just made feel guilty) didn't help at all.

[Bizarre Jester]

They let me live at the house for free, and cover my insurance. I'm not getting anything rubbed in my face yet but I'm only 18.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

I had one of the most challenging years of my life this year. And thanks to that a curtain that was obscuring my vision was lifted (I was being manipulated left, right and centre). Everytime money issues were rubbed in my face I felt so small and worthless. I truly believed it was me.

I am not the kind of person to ask. I spend as little as possible but had trouble with my business and my mum kept saying "my money is yours as well" (and it is in my name as well, since my father passed away). But I never felt it was mine and now I want to handle my debt on my own.

I need to get over the feeling that I am a failure for not being financially stable.

Most people are not financially stable. You are brave and smart for not being in denial about it, and very responsible for tackling your own debt.

[votoshka]

Originally Posted by P83 Wanad

Yes, I grew up very very sheltered by them. To the point they wouldn't even "let me" work and I say "let" because that's how they always acted, like I needed their permission to get a job.

They were obsessed with me going to school full time. My dad was the one that worked and paid for everything and he was generous enough about it until I started doing or attempting to do something he didn't agree with, then he would rub it in my face. Like I was only entitled to his financial help as long as I did what he expected and wanted me to do, it didn't matter what I really wanted.

Now I'm financially crippled. I've never really had a proper job or made my own money and while this is mostly one's responsibility, the fact that I was never empowered to do so (I was just made feel guilty) didn't help at all.

Hmm sounds a bit like me... my parents never let me have a job while I was at school, as they were afraid it would interfere with my studies. Likewise, when I was at university - they wouldn't have forbidden it, but they supported me so I didn't have to work, again because they were afraid that working would take me away from all the important study...

Of course, the downside is I don't think you develop a terribly good work ethic when you don't have a job when you're young, and after graduating university it's not easy to get a job if you've never had one before (ie. no references etc.). My dad grew up in a time where a university degree would automatically entitle you to your pick of jobs, but times had changed by the time I graduated!

[Green Lady]

Originally Posted by votoshka

Hmm sounds a bit like me... my parents never let me have a job while I was at school, as they were afraid it would interfere with my studies. Likewise, when I was at university - they wouldn't have forbidden it, but they supported me so I didn't have to work, again because they were afraid that working would take me away from all the important study...

Of course, the downside is I don't think you develop a terribly good work ethic when you don't have a job when you're young, and after graduating university it's not easy to get a job if you've never had one before (ie. no references etc.). My dad grew up in a time where a university degree would automatically entitle you to your pick of jobs, but times had changed by the time I graduated!

100% my case!!! This is the norm in my country but when I went to finish my studies in the UK everyone I met had had jobs from a very young age and therefore work experience.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

However, I am terrified as financial issues have always been a major block for me. I want to trust that the universe will take care of me. Not so long ago I intended 10,000€ and won it on a contest. I just need to do it again but all the blocks, that are really shame and guilt, need to leave my consciousness (saying that when I manifested the money I had those same feelings...).

That's pretty good

Nup my parents only supported me till about 15, then I got a casual job...and continued to do the same whilst at university. I think I made over $200 a week when I was around 15 I have no clue what I spent the money on to be honest. Must of been clothes and going out and having fun.

[Green Lady]

Originally Posted by ellie

That's pretty good

Nup my parents only supported me till about 15, then I got a casual job...and continued to do the same whilst at university. I think I made over $200 a week when I was around 15 I have no clue what I spent the money on to be honest. Must of been clothes and going out and having fun.

If I made $200 a week nowadays I'd be so SO happy

I don't think I could have found a job before I left my village as it was too tiny and no jobs for young people. But it's our culture really. I have cousins who live in the city and they left home at 30 odd when they got married and lived off their parents money until then. Going to the UK made me see clearly how damaging that kind of "arrangement" is for everyone involved.

[faithsdaddy]

Most of my family have helped 'us' and were happy to do it. My uncle bought my dad a boat and he would do anything for us. I really miss him. Such a lovely man. Since much of my family has now passed away, there's only really my Mum left and she really makes a big deal over every little thing.

However, the up side of this is that it disgusts me so much that I will NEVER be like this with my own kids.

[Green Lady]

Originally Posted by faithsdaddy

Most of my family have helped 'us' and were happy to do it. My uncle bought my dad a boat and he would do anything for us. I really miss him. Such a lovely man. Since much of my family has now passed away, there's only really my Mum left and she really makes a big deal over every little thing.

However, the up side of this is that it disgusts me so much that I will NEVER be like this with my own kids.

I think one of the best gifts parents can give their children is to teach them to manage their own money from a young age. This was an alien concept where I was brought up. Unfortunately, rubbing everything they did in my face wasn't.

My mum attempted to tempt me to pay my debt two days ago, saying I'd then pay her (instead of paying interest to the bank). Last time we tried that with an expensive car repair she would not take my money but soon she was saying "I paid for...".

So, I said - No thanks!

[P83 Wanad]

Originally Posted by votoshka

Of course, the downside is I don't think you develop a terribly good work ethic when you don't have a job when you're young, and after graduating university it's not easy to get a job if you've never had one before (ie. no references etc.). My dad grew up in a time where a university degree would automatically entitle you to your pick of jobs, but times had changed by the time I graduated!

Originally Posted by Green Lady

I don't think I could have found a job before I left my village as it was too tiny and no jobs for young people. But it's our culture really. I have cousins who live in the city and they left home at 30 odd when they got married and lived off their parents money until then. Going to the UK made me see clearly how damaging that kind of "arrangement" is for everyone involved.

I can completely relate to this. It must be cultural or something

In my case, getting a "menial" job (receptionist, secretary, cashier, cleaner) while I was a student, oh no, those are dead end jobs for losers, it would haven been a scandal and almost a disgrace. I was A STUDENT for goodness sake, I was aiming high, I just had to get on with it and the world would be at my feet once I got my almighty degree, yeah right. My parents never went to college so I don't know where they got all these bollocks from? Who's the loser now eh ¬¬

So they wrap you in cotton wool until you're like what, 25 and then they expect you to go out into the world with no experience and be all successful and prosperous. Then they play the blame game over all the "help" they've given you. HUGE fail. I feel your pain.

[faithsdaddy]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

I think one of the best gifts parents can give their children is to teach them to manage their own money from a young age.

My mum attempted to tempt me to pay my debt two days ago, saying I'd then pay her (instead of paying interest to the bank). Last time we tried that with an expensive car repair she would not take my money but soon she was saying "I paid for...".

So, I said - No thanks!

I agree. We push personal responsibility and the VALUE of money, so they can gauge the consequences of their spend.

Once a gift is made, it belongs to the recipient. I never thought my uncle wanted to say something, or that there might be a snide comment imminent. That's how it should be. Once you give something, you don't hold it over the other person.

Sometimes, it seems so bloody easy to do the right thing, that I can't believe so many people fail to do it.

[Green Lady]

Originally Posted by P83 Wanad

I can completely relate to this. It must be cultural or something

In my case, getting a "menial" job (receptionist, secretary, cashier, cleaner) while I was a student, oh no, those are dead end jobs for losers, it would haven been a scandal and almost a disgrace. I was A STUDENT for goodness sake, I was aiming high, I just had to get on with it and the world would be at my feet once I got my almighty degree, yeah right. My parents never went to college so I don't know where they got all these bollocks from? Who's the loser now eh ¬¬

So they wrap you in cotton wool until you're like what, 25 and then they expect you to go out into the world with no experience and be all successful and prosperous. Then they play the blame game over all the "help" they've given you. HUGE fail. I feel your pain.

I LOVE YOU! It's like you know me. Exactly my situation. And now all the jobs I can get are: receptionist, secretary, etc.

And ironically my friends who did not make it to the university are better off than the ones that went to university. (They got jobs when there were still some available and started to make money at 17 instead of their 20's).

[persephonevii]

Originally Posted by P83 Wanad

Yes, I grew up very very sheltered by them. To the point they wouldn't even "let me" work and I say "let" because that's how they always acted, like I needed their permission to get a job.

They were obsessed with me going to school full time. My dad was the one that worked and paid for everything and he was generous enough about it until I started doing or attempting to do something he didn't agree with, then he would rub it in my face. Like I was only entitled to his financial help as long as I did what he expected and wanted me to do, it didn't matter what I really wanted.

Now I'm financially crippled. I've never really had a proper job or made my own money and while this is mostly one's responsibility, the fact that I was never empowered to do so (I was just made feel guilty) didn't help at all.

My parents were like this too. My Mum told me I didn't need or want a job and to pretty much just live with her forever. Stuff that. I left home. She got cranky about it and she's still kinda cut about it. But... it's my life or sitting around pitying her and doing what she wants. NO.

So now I live by myself, I have a job, I can drive myself now. I made it so I would never have to rely on my parents much. I wanted to prove to them that I'm not their little baby girl and that I am a grown woman who can quite easily take care of herself. The thing is, my mother especially, actually has no faith in me. Sure she waxes lyrical about what a beautiful and genius daughter she has, but crunch time? She'll be digging those claws in and trying to drag me back into her nest.

My mother is both terrified and so proud of me. I remember one time I drove all the way home to see my parents, both my parents watched me drive into the driveway. They looked... proud. But nonetheless, I still give my mother the heebie-jeebies.

So do I rely on my parents financially? When I first left home, yes I had to. I wasn't very happy about it but my situation made it so. But years on, I like to say I can handle myself now.

[cacheborn]

They helped me up to a certain point. Did not rub it in my face. They had a different style.

[pyrogen]

My parents are actually helping me out a good deal, for the first time in my life since my teen years. I moved back in at one point, initially to help *them* out, but then became ill and had to leave the work that I normally did (very physical work), at least for the time being.

Being here has helped me to actually get through school and become stable and build real foundations, as opposed to what I was doing before - grasping at whatever I could find for the sake of survival. I expect it will end in the next few months, but I've made enough strides to pick up where they're leaving off.

I'm very appreciative.

[scorpio1980]

My parents supported me until I was about 16, and I moved out. I am 30 now, and have never received help from them. My dad is dead, and my mom couldn't help if I needed her to. I got my first job when I was 8 mowing grass with a friend, and did that until I turned 12, and started working in my dad's bar/grill. From 12 on I bought all my clothes, and school supplies, and anything fun I wanted. Then from 16 on I supported myself completely.

[Green Lady]

Originally Posted by scorpio1980

My parents supported me until I was about 16, and I moved out. I am 30 now, and have never received help from them. My dad is dead, and my mom couldn't help if I needed her to. I got my first job when I was 8 mowing grass with a friend, and did that until I turned 12, and started working in my dad's bar/grill. From 12 on I bought all my clothes, and school supplies, and anything fun I wanted. Then from 16 on I supported myself completely.

I admire you.

[Andrew Brunelle]

My mother and I have lived in the same house for 25 years, although they were 2 different houses. We have lived together, and since I've been 21, I've paid rent. I've paid for groceries, and other things, but not to the extent she has. She has been sick her whole adult life with fibromyalgia and rheumatoid athritis and needs someone to be in the house with her. She makes about double what I do, so she pays more of bills and stuff, but I'm always willing to help in other ways to make up.

We get along and we have a 4 bedroom home, so it's not a big deal that we live in the same house. I work nights, she works days. But she doesn't directly give me money. She does for another one of my brothers, who is constantly broke because he didn't want to work during high school. But he's at college, living with a roommate, which I guess is living on your own, but not really because everything is divided.

[AshNZ]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

If your parents currently help you financially or have helped you in the past, do they tend to rub it in your face later on?

Yes, they have. There have been times when I've been too embarrassed to ask. Few years ago I was absolutely broke and at the same time my eye sight was getting a bit bad (needing glasses). I didn't have money so I kept delaying it. Mom heard about it from my brother and dragged me to the optician and bought me $500 glasses. That's just one of the times.

Now my life is somewhat in order - got a job, almost finished my degree so hopefully won't need to ask money from parents again. But I know that they will help if I ever ask.

[scorpio1980]

Originally Posted by Green Lady

I admire you.

Well thank you, but really I don't look at it as something too unique. I did start working very early, but I have always been very independent, and always wanted to be in charge of my life.

[Richful]

My parents are like that OP. I've never borrowed money but I have received "gifts" like a car, so I could get a job, not because it's nice. They taught me nothing about money other than saving is good (a valuable lesson for sure) and pushed me into practical work.

My sister needs help financially now and again, but being male my Dad treats me differently - men must be self-sufficient earners! Bread winners!! Pillars of industry!!! Because clearly certain daughters can make mistakes and that's ok, but not sons... (Daddy issues much )