Choosing my new values

[SunnyPat]

In 2010 I did change a lot of small attitudes and habits, and I was very pleased to see that those actions had positives repercussions in a lot of other areas I wasn't focused on.

Now I feel I've gained enough momentum to tackle way bigger challenges in 2011, and I feel like a very good start would be to create my new values. Now I've a dilemma about choosing them. I will use an example here, but what's interesting me is more the dilemma behind it then those actual values.

I want to choose in between adventure and comfort. I've been a really shy person most of my life (I did start to change that a lot last year) so comfort seems to be right for me. That being said, I feel like adventure is better to have a fulfilling life. So how would you go to choose in between them, in between what seems to be my 'nature', and what seems to be better for what I want to become.

I kinda feel like being shy is only a layer of social conditioning on me and that I therefore should go with the adventure. And then I have a little hesitation, what if adventure was the 'ideal' that social conditioning is putting on me, and that I should strive to live a simple and comfortable happy live instead of putting myself through some discomfort to live adventures.

In resume, should I respect what seems to be part of my personality, or should I go ahead a create a completely new personality?

[AlmostGodess]

Originally Posted by SunnyPat

In 2010 I did change a lot of small attitudes and habits, and I was very pleased to see that those actions had positives repercussions in a lot of other areas I wasn't focused on.

Now I feel I've gained enough momentum to tackle way bigger challenges in 2011, and I feel like a very good start would be to create my new values. Now I've a dilemma about choosing them. I will use an example here, but what's interesting me is more the dilemma behind it then those actual values.

I want to choose in between adventure and comfort. I've been a really shy person most of my life (I did start to change that a lot last year) so comfort seems to be right for me. That being said, I feel like adventure is better to have a fulfilling life. So how would you go to choose in between them, in between what seems to be my 'nature', and what seems to be better for what I want to become.

I kinda feel like being shy is only a layer of social conditioning on me and that I therefore should go with the adventure. And then I have a little hesitation, what if adventure was the 'ideal' that social conditioning is putting on me, and that I should strive to live a simple and comfortable happy live instead of putting myself through some discomfort to live adventures.

In resume, should I respect what seems to be part of my personality, or should I go ahead a create a completely new personality?

Hi, SunnyPat!

What you become is also part of your nature and of who you are. Choosing between your past, present and future self seems like a useless and even dangerous endeavor. We are harmonious when we integrate all parts of ourself, when we make all parts exist and work together.

Why do you think you need to choose between comfort and adventure? Can you be comfortable and adventurous at the same time? For example, half of the week you are serious and the other adventurous. Or in some areas you are serious and in other areas adventurous.

Give yourself the privilege of being who you want to be and to make your own rules.

[SunnyPat]

We are harmonious when we integrate all parts of ourself, when we make all parts exist and work together.

I got to admit that it does strike something inside me, and I think it is part of what makes it difficult for me to have a clear view about it all.

I agree that I can target both comfort and adventures at some point in my daily life, but often I'm also gonna have to take bigger decisions that's gonna have to satisfy only one of those values. For instance, do I want to leave my secure job for my passion when I can't do both? Do I want to stay at home with a little bit more money, or do I want to explore the world? And I feel that in those kind of instances, if I give a lot of importance to two 'opposite' values it might be very tough to take some crucial decision. So even though you are giving me some food for thoughts, I still feel that I could bring some better flow to my life by giving more priority to one of those values (or any other combination of values).

Give yourself the privilege of being who you want to be and to make your own rules.

Exactly how I feel, thanks for putting words on it ! And I guess my answer is then... I want to be who I want to be, not who I was. The only problem left might be that I still have some fears about that. Thanks for sharing some lights into it !

I'm out to finish that Polynesian salad for tomorrow

Have a happy Christmas AlmostGodess !

[Johnny Jay]

Life is a wild and unpredictable ride and is FUN once you get most of the pieces in order. I've discovered in my own life that your foundation is of the utmost importance. You can BLOSSOM completely from the person you were, but it is a never ending process that you must embrace fully - through anxieties, bumps, bruises, scrapes and people giving you the crooked eye. I was told by one of my mentors that the greatest amount of growth occurs during discomfort when you have a definite purpose; the trick is to be detached from the results and keep moving forward never giving up EVEN when those feelings come up. It takes real bravery and endurance.

Congrats for having the courage to take things to the next level in your life SunnyPat

[SunnyPat]

Originally Posted by Johnny Jay

the trick is to be detached from the results and keep moving forward never giving up EVEN when those feelings come up.

I heard, a little bit more than one year ago, that we now live in a society where it is 'normal' to let our emotions dictates our actions. If we are shy with a girl, it's a reason to do not go up to her, if we are depressed, it's a reason to do not get a job, if we are broke, it's a reason to do not do activities, and so on. Well guess what. That might be common, but guys that push through, that act despite whatever 'bad feelings' they have, are way ahead to have more fun, more growth and more success overall. I think I knew it before, but I integrated it last year by pushing through my comfort zone again and again.

I also learned that my shyness and my state of depression that did last most of my life were only masks, because I was afraid. I was not shy or in depression, I was only lacking courage. And it's all good, because now I know where to keep my focus at.

Thanks for the inspiring post Johnny Jay !

[AlmostGodess]

SunnyPat, have you read any books or papers about values? I know that Steve had some good ones about this topic. Maybe they will be helpful to you

[Fred Tracy]

My advice here is to stop worrying about it. If something feels right, do it. Otherwise, do not. This has made my life much more simple and fulfilling.

[SunnyPat]

Good idea AlmostGodess I'll have a look at Steve's articles. Fred I sure like the idea to do what feels right, since it can be a good way to give more attention to our deep roots. I also think that some of what feels rights to us has to do, among other things, with our values. Thanks for the input !

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by SunnyPat

I want to choose in between adventure and comfort. I've been a really shy person most of my life (I did start to change that a lot last year) so comfort seems to be right for me. That being said, I feel like adventure is better to have a fulfilling life. So how would you go to choose in between them, in between what seems to be my 'nature', and what seems to be better for what I want to become.

I think it is in everyone's nature to chose comfort. I look at fear as a basic instinct that used to be more vital for our survival. However, now that we live in socities where our safety isn't threatened very often, most of our fears have become unnecessary.

You can compare the same concept to hunger; Food used to be more scarce so we all have the intstinct to eat as much as we can. However, now that food is always around, many of us have learned to control our instincts to avoid harming ourselves by overeating.

We have the advantage of being able to override our animal instincts when we feel that they are doing us more harm then good. That is probably why you are sensing a need to overcome your fears.

Originally Posted by SunnyPat

I kinda feel like being shy is only a layer of social conditioning on me and that I therefore should go with the adventure. And then I have a little hesitation, what if adventure was the 'ideal' that social conditioning is putting on me...

I think both of these are true, but you were probably conditioned to be shy when you were young. Most likely in unintentional ways by the people around you. Now you are feeling social pressure to be more adventurous and I think that is a good thing. A lot of that social conditioning is intentional because people know the benefits of being more adventurous. I can't remember anyone ever intentionally encouraging me to be more fearful.

Originally Posted by SunnyPat

...and that I should strive to live a simple and comfortable happy live instead of putting myself through some discomfort to live adventures.

In resume, should I respect what seems to be part of my personality, or should I go ahead a create a completely new personality?

I don't think the comfortable life would be all that happy. You are feeling pressure to be adventurous for good reasons in my opinion. Taking risks is how we get rewarded. Nobody wants to have regrets.

I relate to your thoughts completely. I was a very timid person for most of my life, and still am a lot of the time. However, having such a small comfort zone makes it relatively easy for me to find ways of expanding it.

I think it is all about making a lot of small steps rather than a few big ones. I find it easy to get myself to overcome small ammounts of fear, and it gives me a little rush of energy (adrenaline I suppose). It's a pretty addicting feeling. I still might avoid something that terrifies me, but now I seek out situations in which I can face small fears. It feels really good to see my comfort zone expanding.

[CDHOAG]

SunnyPat,

You say, "do I want to leave my secure job for my passion when I can't do both? " How sure exactly are you that your job is secure? Can you imagine giving up adventure only to get laid off? I tend to agree with Helen Keller who said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure." Your only job security comes from the skills and passions you bring to the table. Do what makes you excited. CD

[SunnyPat]

Thank you all for your bit of wisdom, I never did express myself much in any forums in the past, but I found it great to get more clarity. I'm not totally done with my new values but I now know how to choose them, and I'm having fun choosing among my options Courage will definitely be very important from now on !

I hear what you say learnllovelaugh, it's about changing some beliefs and actions about old instincts and learned behaviors that doesn't fit our vision well.

Originally Posted by learnllovelaugh

I think it is all about making a lot of small steps rather than a few big ones. I find it easy to get myself to overcome small ammounts of fear, and it gives me a little rush of energy (adrenaline I suppose). It's a pretty addicting feeling. I still might avoid something that terrifies me, but now I seek out situations in which I can face small fears. It feels really good to see my comfort zone expanding.

That does resonate particularly well with me. In fact I think you might be some kind of me, please never be too rough on us Last year I did, for a good portion of the year, something outside of my comfort zone everyday. That has to have been one of the better 'challenge' I ever did, and as scary as it was sometime I also did love it. I think that it was also 'easy' to me at the beginning since my zone was really small, but I guess I get scared once it got bigger. I'm starting it back today !

Originally Posted by CDHOAG

SunnyPat,

You say, "do I want to leave my secure job for my passion when I can't do both? "

I hear you CDHOAG, I'm glad it was only an example. I left my old job 2 years ago and make 'the move'. I see it as a decision that was and is still glorious ! I wanted to trade full time... but since I didn't have enough money, I played poker full time for a year. I made my best salary ever and used it to be a trader since last year. I'm really glad I took that decision.

[evelynlim]

Originally Posted by learnllovelaugh

I think it is all about making a lot of small steps rather than a few big ones. I find it easy to get myself to overcome small ammounts of fear, and it gives me a little rush of energy (adrenaline I suppose). It's a pretty addicting feeling. I still might avoid something that terrifies me, but now I seek out situations in which I can face small fears. It feels really good to see my comfort zone expanding.

I like the above advice as well. While growth happens when I put myself in discomfort, I find it manageable to take small steps at a time. So I challenge myself each day to do something that shifts me out from my current comfortable state.