Helping people

[learnllovelaugh]

I have gotten far enough along in my own personal development that I feel incredibly happy most of the time. However, it really frustrates me to watch the people around me letting their potential go to waste. Some people seem to think that they will feel good about the way they live if they stay ignorant. If there is one thing I've learned it is that this is the exact opposite of the truth.

I've come to realize how delicate I have to be when offerring people advice, so I avoid doing as much as possible. I would love to help people but I feel it is rare for someone to listen and act on advice; no matter how good it is. I am young so my friends still seem pretty impressionable. However, I think that also makes them less sensitive to damaging effects of their actions.

I feel like people would much rather be entertained instead of educated. Peopled would rather prefer talking to someone who is funny over talking to someone who can help them. I think you have to be very entertaining if you want someone to actually take advice from you. What do you guys think?

[HarrisNanthakumar]

Originally Posted by learnllovelaugh

I have gotten far enough along in my own personal development that I feel incredibly happy most of the time. However, it really frustrates me to watch the people around me letting their potential go to waste. Some people seem to think that they will feel good about the way they live if they stay ignorant. If there is one thing I've learned it is that this is the exact opposite of the truth.

I've come to realize how delicate I have to be when offerring people advice, so I avoid doing as much as possible. I would love to help people but I feel it is rare for someone to listen and act on advice; no matter how good it is. I am young so my friends still seem pretty impressionable. However, I think that also makes them less sensitive to damaging effects of their actions.

I feel like people would much rather be entertained insead of educated. Peopled would rather prefer talking to someone who is funny over talking to someone who can help them. I think you have to be very entertaining if you want someone to actually listen to you. What do you guys think?

I agree completely. You've got to talk about their interest.

Can you help me?

[learnllovelaugh]

:

Originally Posted by HarrisNanthakumar

Can you help me?

Nah, you wouldn't want to listen to me

[HarrisNanthakumar]

Originally Posted by learnllovelaugh

:

Nah, you wouldn't want to listen to me

Sure I would,just get rid of that false belief first.

What are you major interests in life? What's your passion in life?

I want to be the happy minority

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by HarrisNanthakumar

Sure I would,just get rid of that false belief first.

Just a little sarcasm. I assume people who use a site like this would gladly listen to recommendations. Thanks for showing your interest by the way.

My friends on the other hand are far more focused on the next night out, or just basking in their own laziness. They are great people with a lot of potential though.

Originally Posted by HarrisNanthakumar

What are you major interests in life? What's your passion in life?

I want to be the happy minority

My highest priority right now is my own personal development. I'm lucky enough to work for myself, and my boss is pretty lenient. I think that understanding yourself and being truly sensitive of your body is the foundation of happiness.

Recently I became obsessed with improving my diet. For now I'm convinced that that quality of diet is the most influential factor on quality of life. I could talk someone's ear off about food if they wanted me to. Physical activity is a close second. I encourage everyone to try optimizing both and see how insanely good it feels. I felt the positive effects pretty immediately, and they keep improving. Everything in life becomes easier when you feel truly healthy.

For now I am most interested in learning about how to help people. So here I am writing this post.

[Federer]

Two years ago, i was in the same condition like you are now. Later i looked at myself and realized that it is ego. We want people to do in this way, we feel we are so willing to offer them a help. Then what happens? Ego grows more and we start labeling ourselves. I don't like this. Just stay calm when you see different people around you. Enjoy the atmosphere, you'll go more ahead in your development.

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by Federer

Two years ago, i was in the same condition like you are now. Later i looked at myself and realized that it is ego. We want people to do in this way, we feel we are so willing to offer them a help. Then what happens? Ego grows more and we start labeling ourselves. I don't like this. Just stay calm when you see different people around you. Enjoy the atmosphere, you'll go more ahead in your development.

I don't fully understand this post, but I believe the main point is: the urge to help someone stems from the belief that you are a better person than they are. However, that seems to mean your advice is paradoxical. You are advising me to resist the urge to advise people. It is completely natural to want to help someone who has weakness where you have strength. It doesn't mean you are any better than them. It just means you have something worth sharing.

My friend's brother is clearly depressed. He spends pretty much all of his free time watching TV. He has a lot of free time because he doesn't have a job, nor does he look for one. He will gladly unload his negative thoughts on anyone willing to listen. His diet consists almost entirely of fast food, "because it's easy." His normal expression is a frown and when he smiles it looks like it is causing him pain. He doesn't ask for help, so I don't try to give him any. Are you saying the right thing to do is to enjoy the tragic atmosphere sorrounding him? Just ignore the fact that he could use help?

Just focusing on your own personal well being is an unnatural way of life in my opinion. We are social animals, and social animals thrive because they go to great lengths to help each other. Further, people love being helped IF the help is offered in a way that doesn't hurt that person's ego. I am completely aware that people don't want beliefs to be pushed onto them. You have to be sneaky about how you help people. Of course, that makes it more challenging than helping yourself.

I will respect and acknowledge people's opinions. However, in our society many beliefs are formed by a combination of misinformation, ignorance, laziness, etc. We stop debating about something when we think we are close enough to the truth. However, we often stop too short, before all evidence has been discovered and considered. I think if you have extensively studied an idea, and have discovered strong evidence supporting that idea, you should want to share that knowledge. And you should encourage people to challenge your opinions. If this seems to be ego driven and competitive then good. Competition stimulates progression. Please help me out if you see flaws in my opinions.

[Federer]

Sorry if you find it weird. Dude, i was sharing my own thoughts. I am not giving you any advice here.

It's good to help people when they are in need. I will say this.

Cool helper

[sakredkow]

IMO, wisdom is a hard commodity for young people to come by - yet you seem to be doing pretty well. Particularly you are sensitive to offering advice - you know most people are not very receptive. I say "young people" because I do believe that it's a more natural impulse for youth to want to offer advice and help to change others. Over time I think many people realize that this is a much more complicated task to overcome other people's barriers. So you got a pretty good leg up.
One of the things I realized over time as my own development flourished is that I actually help people change not by cajoling or convincing them, but simply by my example. Flourishing and striving for wisdom is the best way to change others. You certainly won't change everybody, nobody at all can do that. But your influence will be felt much more strongly than through hectoring or persuasion. I think if your development is sound and authentic, your influence will be felt even when you don't realize it is.
A key milestone in the development of wisdom I think is the point where we stop judging those who don't want to develop in the same way we do. Accepting and loving those who are immature say, who care more for entertainment than education - it's not easy to do. Good luck!

[James81]

A perspective that works well for me (after having the same frustrations with people receiving advice) is that most people aren't looking for advice (even if that's what they say they want). Most people seem to be looking for guidance.

That is, they aren't looking for you to tell them what to do (they'll resist the bejesus out of that). They want you to help them figure out what they want to do on their own.

The help you give to someone has to occur to them like they are generating it for themselves (even if you are feeding them the ideas), or it usually won't stick.

[ChrisL]

As always, I'm appreciative of your experience and wisdom James. Well said.

For anyone who wants to be in service, I recommend being a solicited support to help people acknowledge themselves and see what is needed in the moment. We want to see where we are negating ourselves and how to more fully accept ourselves, but not feel judged. People deeply want to be acknowledged/recognized, to know how to love more fully, not just to be told what's not working or where they are in conflict. And "breaking" the culture of someone to prove a point is just another form of violence and a need to be right (ie. this is the right way to change) - pacing others to see what is needed in the moment gives much more courage, trust and commitment to ourselves.

Using humor can be very useful in releasing fear to help us dive deeper, to gain a different perspective, to not take ourselves or others so seriously. I'll use humor on a regular basis, not as a distraction from consciousness, but as a pressure release and perspective shift to see our own absurdities and release them. In public speaking/teaching I've learned that people will listen if you're saying something important to them, but they are much appreciative, connected and relaxed when you use humor in tandem with it, and able to grasp more difficult/triggering concepts because of it.

Almost everyone seems to have an answer for their current questions - I've found very few people who truly don't have a clue. Many people are self-negating, over-riding themselves, but we have our own answers buried beneath the layers of doubt/fear/judgment.

If we can reflect people back to themselves and show them how they are exemplifying their truth, not force our truth on them, if we can ask questions that reveal their understanding, instead of making our understanding the most important thing, if we can love and accept them as sacred and unique, and listen to them knowing that Creation is telling us something important through them, then they have the chance to really acknowledge themselves.

Then it's less about "figuring out" what to do next, and more about being present to what is revealing itself. We help ourselves by knowing ourselves, being real, and internally-validating. Then any technique, any outside help from someone else, is just an excuse to give ourselves what we need in the moment.

[spacecadetglow]

+1 to ChrisL.

Forcing your agenda on someone is not helping them, it's proselytizing. I think when you first start having these shifts and come to new ways of understanding that improve your life, there's a tendency to get egotistical about it and think you have "the answer" because you found something that works for you. What Chris recommends, nudging others along to arrive at their own truth, is much more effective -- and you don't come off as a pretentious ass!

[Kurtzilla]

Sometimes in order to give someone advice you need to listen first. That's why God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. Do twice the amount of listening and half the amount of talking. It's amazing what will happen.

[faithsdaddy]

Originally Posted by learnllovelaugh

I have gotten far enough along in my own personal development that I feel incredibly happy most of the time. However, it really frustrates me to watch the people around me letting their potential go to waste. Some people seem to think that they will feel good about the way they live if they stay ignorant. If there is one thing I've learned it is that this is the exact opposite of the truth.

I've come to realize how delicate I have to be when offerring people advice, so I avoid doing as much as possible. I would love to help people but I feel it is rare for someone to listen and act on advice; no matter how good it is. I am young so my friends still seem pretty impressionable. However, I think that also makes them less sensitive to damaging effects of their actions.

I feel like people would much rather be entertained instead of educated. Peopled would rather prefer talking to someone who is funny over talking to someone who can help them. I think you have to be very entertaining if you want someone to actually take advice from you. What do you guys think?

Reading this, I'm in two minds as what to think. Much of what you say makes you come across as someone who knows better than anyone else. A 'smartypants' if you will. If this is the case, then there is much to learn. Some of what has already been mentioned (mostly by James), as well as being realistic, grasping the full picture, learning to read people, etc.

The other side of this is what I hope is actually happening. That is, that you care. You have a drive to help people. You want them to be happy. If this is closer to the truth, then my advice is to help everyone you come across who needs it. Work to improve yourself, so you can help them better. You will improve as a result and be even better able to help people, which in turn will 'draw' more people in need to you.

If my second paragraph is true for you, then stick with it and do not let up, for you have the most rewarding life possible ahead of you.

[learnllovelaugh]

Thanks everyone, I really like the points being made here.

Originally Posted by sakredkow

IMO, wisdom is a hard commodity for young people to come by - yet you seem to be doing pretty well. Particularly you are sensitive to offering advice - you know most people are not very receptive. I say "young people" because I do believe that it's a more natural impulse for youth to want to offer advice and help to change others. Over time I think many people realize that this is a much more complicated task to overcome other people's barriers. So you got a pretty good leg up.
One of the things I realized over time as my own development flourished is that I actually help people change not by cajoling or convincing them, but simply by my example. Flourishing and striving for wisdom is the best way to change others. You certainly won't change everybody, nobody at all can do that. But your influence will be felt much more strongly than through hectoring or persuasion. I think if your development is sound and authentic, your influence will be felt even when you don't realize it is.
A key milestone in the development of wisdom I think is the point where we stop judging those who don't want to develop in the same way we do. Accepting and loving those who are immature say, who care more for entertainment than education - it's not easy to do. Good luck!

I love this whole post sakredkow.

Originally Posted by faithsdaddy

Reading this, I'm in two minds as what to think. Much of what you say makes you come across as someone who knows better than anyone else. A 'smartypants' if you will.

I'm glad you brought that up. That is why I started this thread. What I'm really trying to figure out is how to share knowledge without having people hate me for it. I find myself slipping into 'smartypants' mode all the time. I think this forum is a great place for us to submit our opinions to a wide range of criticisms. So here I am.

The conclusion I am coming to is that I can never be too careful about the way I offer my opinions. The more our beliefs differ, the more I have to remind myself to listen and empathize. Opinions have to be so delicately sculpted and pleasant if I want them to avoid instant rejection. So here I am, sculpting my opinions.

Originally Posted by James81

The help you give to someone has to occur to them like they are generating it for themselves (even if you are feeding them the ideas), or it usually won't stick.

Most people don't like to be slapped in the face by the truth. Patience will be tested here since ideas evolve at a painfully slow rate sometimes. Great point.

Originally Posted by faithsdaddy

If this is the case, then there is much to learn.

There always is, so here I am

Originally Posted by faithsdaddy

Work to improve yourself, so you can help them better. You will improve as a result and be even better able to help people, which in turn will 'draw' more people in need to you.

I completely agree. I think I started this thread because my personal development pulls me away from people sometimes. If I am sitting in my room reading a book, I am not out harmonizing with the people around me. I guess I'm just sensing the need to place more importance on social harmony and balance. An extremely important aspect of life that, for me, is easy to neglect at times. You can't learn everything on your own. Hmm...

[Anniebugs]

The other day a neighbour popped round to ask something related to our building. I could see she was clearly troubled about some issue non related to the reason of her visit. We are not "friends" though we get on well. I felt tempted to ask if everything was all right (the one you ask when it's obvious the answer is no) but on hunch refrained myself since I know she is a very private person, we are small town folk who keep to ourselves and she and I are not that close. Instead I offered her a cup of tea (I don´t usuallly), as by chance put on some nice classical music, lit up a fantastic incense a friend had given me and we enjoyed a nice relaxed conversation about things in general. I deliberately tried to keep a warm and welcoming atmosphere all along. When she left, I still didn´t know what was troubling her but she definitely seemed more at peace and cheerful. I believe there are many ways of helping people and some of them can be very subtle. How many people have cheered me up just by being nice, kind and pleasant at a moment I needed it? Life can be tough, and sometimes we just need a break from whatever we need to take it from. Even if it's just for half an hour.

[Minxed]

Very nicely said Anniebugs. It can be very difficlt to take a step back and give what someone needs in such a situation. I frequently find myself trying to answer a question or a problem someone has, only to realize that if I can slow down and step back I can help more with the cause than by treating a symptom.

I can not control how people are around me. I can only do the very best I can. Figuring out how and what to do for the best effect has been a long drawn out process that I still miss the mark on here and there. As long as I'm doing the best I can, I'm alright with that.

In many ways, people will look for someone else to solve their problems, rather than learn to solve them themselves, but at other times, smiling at that sweet woman at the grocery store while I reach for the things just out of her reach reminds ME to smile and enjoy life. Sometimes the perspective about the meaning of help can change the entire process. Lead by example. Be happy, good, and watch how you affect the people you care about. You might be pleasantly surprised to see what they are learning when you aren't worrying about actively educating them .

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by learnllovelaugh

Just a little sarcasm.

I think that understanding yourself and being truly
sensitive of your body is the foundation of happiness.

Recently I became obsessed with improving my diet.
For now I'm convinced that that quality of diet is
the most influential factor on quality of life. I could talk someone's ear off about food if they wanted me to.
Physical activity is a close second.
I encourage everyone to try optimizing both and see how insanely good it feels.
I felt the positive effects pretty immediately, and they keep improving.
Everything in life becomes easier when you feel truly healthy.

For now I am most interested in learning about how to help people.

People don't need egotistical/smarty-pants "advice".

What they need/want is guiding...Mentoring... which means
you've already achieved, sufficient! to live as a trustworthy example...

What are your exemplary passions?

Do you routinely allow yourself? to self-heal

Do you have additional skills? to help others their own healing(s) realize...

[Brutha]

I would love to help people but I feel it is rare for someone to listen and act on advice; no matter how good it is.

If advice isn't presented in a way that gets the recipient to act on the advice it isn't good.

[nzaccario171]

I wrote a really thorough response explaining my how I used to feel the same as you do now, and what I found helped
me tremendously. Then I got timed out and all was lost so I only have time to give you an idea of the parrallels I see
bt me then and you now. And I'm being straight with you I experienced this so.
-If you were so far along in your development you wouldnt feel the need to explain how far along u are, just to be followed
by u airing your grievances explaining the problems you disapprove of in others which I'm sure you likely when sharing your
wisdom by putting yourself ona pedestal right before you decide that you have the right to cast judgement upon others.
- Right there your inadvertantly starting a pissing contest before you even get started.
-you've either got a sense of humour or you're heads so full of hot air you may float away. Please never refer to sharing your
opinion as "educating" anyone. And yes he wants to have a good time not recieve advice he likely never asked yet you shared
despite your reluctancy to "educate" him.
-you called it being delicate. But I heard you have to watch how critical you are so you dont hurt him.
-My father used to say "we can see the splinter in our neighbors eye, but we can not see the plank in our own."
-Its ironic you spread your ignorance to him and criticize him for being ignorant. Ignorance is Bliss...no truer words to
those of us who wish we didn't have to logically understand or make sense of everything and anything we do not understand
bc then are eyes are open to the true tragedies and realities of this world.
-Oh and I found when I learned to have humility I didn't come across as a pretentious ******* anymore.
-I had a successful career as a stockbroker working on Wall Street for nearly 4 years and then
-It took a trip to drug rehabilitation for an oxycontin addiction and a subsequent 3 month stint at a sober living community
before humility had made its way into my life at age 24.
- joke around with someone to make them feel at ease and not like your "educating" him and he may actually be open to
hearing you out as long as you do not lecture. help them look at their problem from a different perspective and only lead them
to where they can solve it themselves so it seem as though they figured it out and simply bounced ideas off ya. If your
so far along you would find satisfaction in helping him to find their answer and be happy you were able to help someone, and \
not educate them. give only suggestions and ideas not your biased opinion and don't act as if you know enough to educate anyone
as this is a life long learning experience so either stop wearing your underwears so damn tight and loosten up and have fun or you will risk
alienating yourself from those you seek to help.
I hope this may provide some help to you...
If not feel free to sling an insult at my drug rehab stint if I offended you and it makes you feel better. im not a fan of puttin anyone on like that but I want you to ask me to explain something if i didnt make sense bc I wrote this quick

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by nzaccario171

-If you were so far along in your development you wouldnt feel the need to explain how far along u are, just to be followed
by u airing your grievances...

I said, "I have gotten far enough along in my own personal development that I feel incredibly happy most of the time. However, it really frustrates me to watch the people around me letting their potential go to waste."

All I was trying to say is that I feel happy and I want to help people feel the same way. I'm not trying to brag to a bunch of strangers on the interenet, I'm trying to communicate how I truly feel so I can get some advice. We aren't talking face to face. I can't use my body language to show how good I feel. Given the nature of our exchange I thought I could save some time and just be blunt. My sincerest apologies

Originally Posted by nzaccario171

Please never refer to sharing your
opinion as "educating" anyone.

A conversation is two people exchanging information. Two people educating each other. Yes, there are lot of synonyms: information, thought, opinion, advice, knowledge, wisdom, education, etc. Sorry if the word I picked didn't work for you. I trust you understand the concept though.

Originally Posted by nzaccario171

And yes he wants to have a good time not recieve advice he likely never asked yet you shared

A lot of my friends tell me how much they respect me. They see I am doing well and will ask for advice. I'm not trying to brag here, calm down . It may seem like I'm a person who wants to go around slapping people in the face with my opinions. I'm just looking for advice on how to give people advice in the best way possible WHEN they ask for it. I'm not incapable of this, I'm just trying to improve.

Originally Posted by nzaccario171

-My father used to say "we can see the splinter in our neighbors eye, but we can not see the plank in our own."

I see at least one of the planks in my own. Here I am trying to get it out. Do you think I would be using a site like this if I wasn't aware that I'm not perfect

Originally Posted by nzaccario171

-Its ironic you spread your ignorance to him and criticize him for being ignorant. Ignorance is Bliss...no truer words to
those of us who wish we didn't have to logically understand or make sense of everything and anything we do not understand
bc then are eyes are open to the true tragedies and realities of this world.

Hmm, did you just say that you agree that ignorance is bliss? Did you then say that we need to open our eyes to the true tragedies of the world? Ignorance means to keep your eyes shut to the truth. Do you understand that what you said right here does not make sense? But yes, we shouldn't let ourselves get caught up in little things because we may forget about more pressing issues.

I know I can't understand everything, but relentlessly seeking the truth is a basic part of being human. I understand that, and will continue my relentless search. I hope I never feel content relaxing in my own ignorance.

Originally Posted by nzaccario171

if i didnt make sense bc I wrote this quick

I think I understood everything. In my posts I like to add things like com,mas, lots of punctuation! Even

new paragraphs. I might even try to make sure that everything is succint and makes sense. My personal opinion, not that it is worth anything , is that I should try to have some consideration for the reader when I write my posts. Why would an @$$hole like me do a thing like that though?

You told me I sound like a person who likes to stand on my pedestal. Then you hopped on yours and started ranting. My OPINION (Uh-oh you better stop reading now) is that you should organize your thoughts a little more and see if you can't bring a more sound and maybe even contructive post to this thread. Sorry for all the sarcasm, its just too fun sometimes .

Maybe my writing can seem too blunt. I appreciate all the advice, but if you don't mind, let's just assume that I am more careful with my words during casual conversations. However, on this site I don't want to bore you guys with fluffy padding in my posts. The reason I am writing these ideas here is probably because a lot of them go unsaid during my day to day conversations.

I already said I was young, but I want to bring it back up because I think it is part of my problem. A downside of being young and healthy is that you may find yourself with an abundance of energy and a lack of patience to diffuse it. Once agin, I'M NOT TRYING TO BRAG , I just want to say it is hard for me to release energy at times. (Please stop reading if you can't handle honesty) It's difficult to sync up with someone when I feel like my brain is going five times faster than theirs. I find it exhausting to try and divert all the energy that is building up when I slow down for someone. I guess patience is all about finding ways to release that energy.

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by Brutha

If advice isn't presented in a way that gets the recipient to act on the advice it isn't good.

Excellent point.

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by Minxed

Very nicely said Anniebugs. It can be very difficlt to take a step back and give what someone needs in such a situation. I frequently find myself trying to answer a question or a problem someone has, only to realize that if I can slow down and step back I can help more with the cause than by treating a symptom.

I can not control how people are around me. I can only do the very best I can. Figuring out how and what to do for the best effect has been a long drawn out process that I still miss the mark on here and there. As long as I'm doing the best I can, I'm alright with that.

In many ways, people will look for someone else to solve their problems, rather than learn to solve them themselves, but at other times, smiling at that sweet woman at the grocery store while I reach for the things just out of her reach reminds ME to smile and enjoy life. Sometimes the perspective about the meaning of help can change the entire process. Lead by example. Be happy, good, and watch how you affect the people you care about. You might be pleasantly surprised to see what they are learning when you aren't worrying about actively educating them .

I could feel myself slow down and relax as I read this. Thanks!

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by Anniebugs

The other day a neighbour popped round to ask something related to our building. I could see she was clearly troubled about some issue non related to the reason of her visit. We are not "friends" though we get on well. I felt tempted to ask if everything was all right (the one you ask when it's obvious the answer is no) but on hunch refrained myself since I know she is a very private person, we are small town folk who keep to ourselves and she and I are not that close. Instead I offered her a cup of tea (I don´t usuallly), as by chance put on some nice classical music, lit up a fantastic incense a friend had given me and we enjoyed a nice relaxed conversation about things in general. I deliberately tried to keep a warm and welcoming atmosphere all along. When she left, I still didn´t know what was troubling her but she definitely seemed more at peace and cheerful. I believe there are many ways of helping people and some of them can be very subtle. How many people have cheered me up just by being nice, kind and pleasant at a moment I needed it? Life can be tough, and sometimes we just need a break from whatever we need to take it from. Even if it's just for half an hour.

Thank you for that example . I definitely need to pay more attention to subtle things like this.

[Angelique]

I really like Sandra's article about giving. It's directed towards relationships but I'm loving this approach for giving advice. Hope this helps!

Expectations and the Art of Giving | Intimacy and Romance

P.S.- Congratulations on your progress!!!

[LeadershipDevelopment]

first all of thats great you are happy most of the time,

i think its important to remember that it was a journey for you to get there, and other people are on their own journey too. When they are ready to receive the information and be educated they will be. Try not to take it onboard, and just stay focused on your own well being

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by LeadershipDevelopment

first all of thats great you are happy most of the time,

i think its important to remember that it was a journey for you to get there, and other people are on their own journey too. When they are ready to receive the information and be educated they will be. Try not to take it onboard, and just stay focused on your own well being

Well put, I fully understand. I feel great when I am simply letting people see the example I present rather than telling them about it. I don't want to stay that passive about it though. My own happiness can only reach a certain level if I can see the people around me struggling. What really gets to me are simple changes that I know for certain will make a person's life easier instantly. Diet for example.

If I find out that something in my life does more harm than good, it will be out of my life immediately. However, many people end up facing a fatal illness before they will change their lifestyle. I feel an obligation to learn the art of inspiring people to make a positive change now, before they lose more energy and allow hidden consequences to keep piling up . Everything takes time, but I think that theres a fine line between patience and laziness.

[ChrisGinsburg]

Originally Posted by Kurtzilla

Sometimes in order to give someone advice you need to listen first. That's why God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. Do twice the amount of listening and half the amount of talking. It's amazing what will happen.

That is all anyone needs to know rapped into a nutshell. Well spoken.

[learnllovelaugh]

Originally Posted by Kurtzilla

That's why God gave us 2 ears and 1 mouth. Do twice the amount of listening and half the amount of talking. It's amazing what will happen.

Originally Posted by ChrisGinsburg

That is all anyone needs to know rapped into a nutshell. Well spoken.

Listen, empathize, communicate this back to the speaker. Conversation 101. Yes, listening is the first thing you should perfect when it comes to conversation. However, I feel like speaking never gets any respect. What about speaking in a way that makes people listen, empathize, and communicate their understanding back to you?

You can always find someone who will like you because you let them talk your ear off. Speaking in a way that makes them want to listen to you is a more impressive skill in my opinion. I realize that this point is not inconsistent with the quote above, but I don't think listening deserves all the glory. If you spend only a third of the conversation talking, your speech should be of the highest quality. People will like you if you are a good listener, they will love you if you can bring valuable and passionate input to the conversation as well.