Writing with clarity?

[Cochonette]

When I commented on Steve's writing style, noting how well-organized it was, he said that he had a great teacher in high school who taught him to write with great clarity. It seems like I have issues with clarity when I'm writing. I have a tendency to think all in terms of myself, my life, my story, etc.... when I'm writing about PD, it's too easy to just start talking about me and kind of forget about my audience. I'm such a darkworker. But I want to be able to write for my audience. I like when I'm writing about me and say interesting things, so I'm not sure how to get out of this. I notice that all popular PD bloggers like Steve, Scott H. Young, etc..... have this similar grasp on clarity - making the subject matter clear to the audience. Me, I will write coming from a place where I feel kind of reluctant to explain things fully, as long as I understand what I'm writing about and am giving the audience the basic idea. For example, I keep bringing up martial arts and mentioning it as if I half-expect my audience to all be as familiar with martial arts as I am. It's like I have a hard time thinking from random person's perspective.

I actually am like this in the rest of my life, too... all focused inward on my own story. I think working on that will help, but I haven't yet figured that out either. Being playful with people, asking more questions, more sensitive, but my progress on that has been extremely slow.

Any ideas?

[Supertramp]

Give away a Dollar to someone whenever these words appear in your article - me, I, my, mine.
Broadcast your intentions and challenge people to find these words in your write ups.
Do a 30 day trial of treating everyone you meet as the most important people in your life so as to make it a habit to think more about others and less about you.

[James81]

I don't think it has to do with you talking about yourself. Look at how much Steve talks about himself in his articles.

I like to think of writing as exploration. I imagine that I'm looking for treasure and I let my fingers move across the keyboard and broadcast my more unconscious thoughts. I get that out of me on the first draft, no matter what it looks like or sounds like.

Then, I go back over it and I edit it for flow and feel, taking out parts that don't go well, adding in parts for clarity.

Then, I go back over it again and edit it for grammar and spelling.

Finally, I read back over it one last time with the intention of not changing much (if anything)...but sometimes I catch a spelling or grammar error in the last pass, so I've discovered it's best to not leave it out.

I think the major thing for you is to write. Write write write. The more you do it, the more clarity you'll gain. Get yourself into the habit of getting first drafts finished, and then you can worry about about editing them for clarity and stuff as necessary.

EDIT: (Of course, I don't do that on forums. You guys here on the forums are always getting first draft-eque posts because I don't edit anything on forums. )

[spacecadetglow]

Post something you want criticism on, if you like, and I'll help. Professional composition tutor here. Much easier to work on this stuff when we have something to work with.

[Brutha]

As far as your opening post goes it would probable be more clear if it wouldn't start with one big paragraph. It would be clearer if it would separate the ideas into two or three paragraphs.

Also look at spacecadetglow. She writes three sentences and hardly needs three lines for those sentences. Clear writing has usually fewer words per sentence than unclear writing.

I know that I have also a problem with writing relatively unclear. To practice writing clearer I often try to rewrite sentences. I try to make them shorter. I ask myself if I can split the sentence into two.

Up for a challenge? Practice at the next article that you write. Try to get an average ratio of 10 words per sentence.

It's like I have a hard time thinking from random person's perspective.

Don't write for random people. No one likes to be seen as a random person.
To quote Nassim Taleb: Truck drivers who read books don't read books that are written for truck drivers.

[curiouslyrandom]

Hey! I'm a random person.

Brutha, I always hear a German accent when I read your posts. Your written English is very good, but sometimes your phrasing catches my eye as not being that of a native English speaker. I wish I spoke fluent German as I'm sure your thoughts are much clearer in German than in English, and you always have something intelligent and interesting to say.

Sorry for the threadjack! Logging off now...

[Cochonette]

Love these responses. Thanks, everyone.

Originally Posted by Supertramp

Give away a Dollar to someone whenever these words appear in your article - me, I, my, mine.
Broadcast your intentions and challenge people to find these words in your write ups.
Do a 30 day trial of treating everyone you meet as the most important people in your life so as to make it a habit to think more about others and less about you.

I'd like to do something like that. Entirely cutting out first person pronouns is probably a little extreme, but using them less would be a good sign. I like your 30-day trial idea.

I don't think it has to do with you talking about yourself. Look at how much Steve talks about himself in his articles.

I realize that Steve talks a lot about himself in his blog, as do other PD bloggers. I just feel like there's something different about the way I talk about myself.

I think the major thing for you is to write. Write write write. The more you do it, the more clarity you'll gain. Get yourself into the habit of getting first drafts finished, and then you can worry about about editing them for clarity and stuff as necessary.

You're right. I could be writing more. It definitely helped the time I committed to writing every day.

Post something you want criticism on, if you like, and I'll help. Professional composition tutor here. Much easier to work on this stuff when we have something to work with.

Wow, thanks for the offer! (Sounds like an awesome, lightworker job!) Okay, I went and picked a post, but now I think I just have two separate, intersecting issues confused here. One is that I want to be more of a lightworker; the other is that I need to get more organized and clear in my writing. My post isn't so bad, but I did have to make a strong conscious effort to move from first to second person, as I got caught up in the second paragraph. The post I'm referring to is here. I'm not sure I like the style once I go into second person after the second paragraph. I'd like it to be more like Steve's somehow, but don't know how.

My writing is okay, I just feel like something could be more effective. I just want to take it to another level so it would appeal to a greater number of people. Maybe it is mostly just the organization of it. Do you have any advice on how I could organize the post better?

Up for a challenge? Practice at the next article that you write. Try to get an average ratio of 10 words per sentence.

I just may do that. I'm always rewriting sentences and find it time-consuming and frustrating, but I could instead look at it as a game in which I try to use a big block of time just rewriting sentences.

[Michael Chui]

Who's your audience? What do they want to know? Why are they reading it? What do you want them to get out of it? What kind of feedback do they give you? What did they understand? What did they mistake? Why?

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by Michael Chui

Who's your audience? What do they want to know? Why are they reading it? What do you want them to get out of it? What kind of feedback do they give you? What did they understand? What did they mistake? Why?

Good questions.

Okay, Brutha, I wrote a new post and took your advice of aiming for shorter paragraphs and shorter sentences. I like the way it turned out. [Link.] Seems to me that the shorter paragraphs result in a decluttering, a neater separation of my thoughts, so I'm not juggling so much.

[Brutha]

Brutha, I always hear a German accent when I read your posts. Your written English is very good, but sometimes your phrasing catches my eye as not being that of a native English speaker. I wish I spoke fluent German as I'm sure your thoughts are much clearer in German than in English, and you always have something intelligent and interesting to say.

English is the language that matters. Academic papers get published in English. Outside of academia there's also a bigger market for English writing.
Developing writing skills is in the end a matter of practice.

There many people with mediocre writing skills who still hope to make money with a blog. Writing for a blog is a great practice. If you however want to be successful you need good writing skills.

and you always have something intelligent and interesting to say.

Yes, the goal is to irritate people with deep thoughts they haven't considered before instead of irritating them with unclear writing
Offend with substance instead of offending with style.

I like the way it turned out. [Link.]

I also think you did a good job at writing clearer.

Seems to me that the shorter paragraphs result in a decluttering, a neater separation of my thoughts, so I'm not juggling so much.

Yes, it forces you to separate your thoughts.
It helps you practice to separate thoughts.

[spacecadetglow]

Hey Cochonette, I'm going to take a stab at the Confidence post you linked me and offer some input.

I think your issue with clarity stems from the fact that you're approaching your subject very abstractly: telling instead of showing. You've heard that adage, right?

When I made the commitment to be self-confident, within a week or so, I found myself being very (genuinely) encouraging to a friend who was struggling with self-confidence, in a way I never would have been without self-confidence of my own. It was a wonderful feeling to know that I was creating so much positive energy with a friend, and it made me feel closer to him.

What if you told us the exact situation with your friend? What was he struggling with? How else can you describe this "wonderful feeling" using sensory details? What exactly did you say to encourage him?

In other words, become more of a storyteller and less of a theorist. More detail, less abstraction. Using this tactic at the beginning of your posts is important to maintain your readers' interest. Nothing builds and maintains interest like a little suspense.

I'd also recommend toning down on the second person a bit. It makes you sound like an instructional manual and less like a human being, ya know? Tell your own story. I want to hear more about this situation with your friend and what it changed in YOU, so that I may see myself through it.

For example, maybe you have body image issues because you see others’ bodies as ugly.

Good use of example (do more of it!) but you could improve on the execution. Describe this person with body issues to me. I'm thinking something like, "Think of the skinny supermodel who orders steamed vegetables for dinner as she nervously glances around the room, hyperaware of the eating rituals around her. She finds them grotesque because that's how she feels." I dunno, not the most well written example, but do you see how I'm *showing* you the point I'm trying to make without *telling* you?

Make your writing come alive in this way. The stories are all around you, just waiting to be told. Hope this helps.

[Cochonette]

Okay, good point. I have heard that advice a number of times, but I didn't think to use it for blogging. I want to go read some of Steve's posts now and see if that's how he does it...

Thanks for taking the time to read and critique my post!

[Indiana]

There's a recent novel called 'The Lacuna', by Barbara Kingsolver. The first chapters are all written in diary form, purportedly by a young man who would grow up to be a writer.

In an introduction to the pages, the book's narrator notes that an unusual characteristic of the diary is that the writer almost exclusively describes what he sees, and what goes on around him, rather than his thoughts or feelings. But from the things he chooses to describe and note, we gain a very good sense of his character.

I found this a fascinating exercise in approaching writing in a different way; you might too.

[spacecadetglow]

Originally Posted by Indiana

There's a recent novel called 'The Lacuna', by Barbara Kingsolver. The first chapters are all written in diary form, purportedly by a young man who would grow up to be a writer.

In an introduction to the pages, the book's narrator notes that an unusual characteristic of the diary is that the writer almost exclusively describes what he sees, and what goes on around him, rather than his thoughts or feelings. But from the things he chooses to describe and note, we gain a very good sense of his character.

I found this a fascinating exercise in approaching writing in a different way; you might too.

That's awesome. This is my favorite type of writing to read. Sometimes you'll get one or two sentence commentaries from the narrator, but not much.

Things Are. No "I think," "I felt like," "In my opinion," etc. I give the same advice to my Comp I students when they're writing their research papers. Your writing is so much stronger this way. Ironically, when we make it less apparent that there's something talking to you, your voice comes through much more.

[Bricona]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

When I commented on Steve's writing style, noting how well-organized it was. . .

Any ideas?

Try reading Chuck Palahnuik, those books are sooo confusing. So much italics and caps that it's blow up in your face annoying actually.