What do I do now in life?

[SpirosGyrosAU]

Hi,

I don't post here as often as I should and I seem to only post when I've reached a crisis point in my life (so my apologies for not always being part of the community).

I'm feeling terrible about myself at the moment as I've turned 30 and all of my aspirations that I had during my 20's haven't been achieved either due to changing roles in a company or moving to another company.

I thought I would make it this far in life and I would have reached a certain level in my career to become successful but that hasn't been the case where as some of my other close friends have made it to a higher level in the IT industry.

I'm not sure what to do at the moment. I enjoy what I do but at the same time I don't feel fulfiled in what I do and I feel dead inside as I'm just going through the same routine everyday. What changes? Absolutely, nothing. I say to myself I'm destined for better things and that I'm important and will make significant changes but I can't see that happening right now.

I've always thought my communications have held me back in life as I sometimes have trouble explaining something or concentration on a specific task possibly due to my mind just zoning out. I've been to speech therapists and I've attended several speech courses and I found that I was improving but I've regressed and I feel that I can become a great leader but in practice, I can't communicate well or lead others well. I also have a hard time explaining a concept as I might even stumble, lose track of what I'm trying to say, or find it hard to find the right words.

Mostly, I'll start small projects but never actually finish them as either I lose interest, become bored, or hate the constant routine. I might even start a new hobby but then I'll say to myself; am I wasting my time here; should I be doing something else with my time and then go back home and do nothing.

My finances haven't been great either as I was always hopeful I could be successful in life whilst at the same time being able to live combortable enough to say that if I wanted to buy something I would utter 'when?' instead of 'I can't as I'm broke.' or otherwise.

I've always had a soft-spot for people and thier feeling so in the corporate world, I would never back-stab anyone, but at the same time I would always get involved in office politics someway or another without my involvement.

I almost feel like my whole mind needs to reset itself so I can relearn everything as I've never been great at mathematics, economics, etc but I've been great with computers.

I'm not sure where to go at this point as I have a family but I still feel dead inside. I feel like there is a sense of adventure that is missing in my life but I'm not sure what that is at the moment.

What sort of world do we live in these days where we have lost trust in ourselves and others?

What sort of person am I to belive and function in this way?

Where do I go from here? (even though I've tried focusing on my life plan, priorities, etc but I still don't feel fulfiled).

I'm from Australia.

A broken man,

SG.

[zeitgeist]

We are in a period of a lot of transitioning, changes and soul searches, and you seem to be right in the middle of it. I had an experience like that about 10 years ago, so I know what you are going through. I think you are in the right community, just imagine where you can be if you tackle the weak spots and strengthen the areas you feel passionate about. Just one example, just a few days ago I met somebody who always stuttered in the past - it has completely vanished! Somebody once mentioned to me that the Chinese character for crisis is the same as opportunity. I strongly believe this concept. Every crisis is there to reposition yourself into something much higher and grander, that is, if you have the guts, willpower and strength to make the change.

A couple of items in your text, I thought were not helpful. First, comparing yourself with others can be misleading; focus on your own path instead. Second, the word is all you have. When you are fully developed your word will literally move mountains. If you sign your note as a 'broken man' no self development course in the world will be able to lift you up. How about 'a giant in transition' instead?


All the best, I am sure it will all work out ...

Zeitgeist

[ChrisGinsburg]

The first thing I noticed after reading your post is that it was almost all negative. By repeatedly casting doubt on yourself and defining yourself by your failures, you are creating a life of failure. There is no way around this and no substitute for changing your thinking. Each day is truly a new opportunity whether you are flat broke, a millionaire or even in prison. Success is really what you make of it. Don't compare yourself to your friends or anyone else for that matter. It is not beneficial in any way. Real success has endless layers to it just like an onion. Money and job title are only one layer and honestly not the most important.

I would suggest you do the following:

1.When negative thoughts begin to formulate in your mind, change them into positive thoughts. For instance, many negative thoughts begin with "I can't..." You could finish this with "I can't be stopped" or "I can't fail". Start to plant positive seeds throughout the day such as "Success is inevitable". Used frequently and honestly, it is more powerful than drugs.

2. As you lay in bed before you fall asleep, use your mind to produce an actual image or short movie of where you want to see yourself. Or what your idea of success is. This image will be different for everyone. Don't just pick something that has no real meaning to you.

3.Your communications will improve alongside your confidence. As you purge the negative suggestions from your mind, your confidence will grow. Use this as your time to shine. Your communications and confidence will continue to boost each other in a synergistic manner.

[curiouslyrandom]

Why people make such a big deal about turning 30 I'll never know. It's just a number. We don't all reach our goals at the same time, so unrealistic deadlines can really backfire.

I have friends in their 30's who are hugely successful, married, own a nice house, have a great job with healthy income, take nice vacations to beautiful locales. Congrats to them.

I also have friends in their 30's who have moved back in with their parents, are single and can't get a date (despite being hard working, attractive and nice people), and generally wonder what it is they need to do to "catch up" with the Joneses.

I probably spend more time with the second group of people because they're more fun. The first group is kind of boring, and always too busy to socialize.

Anyway, don't hold yourself up to some imaginary standard. You may discover the cure for cancer at 50, become a billionaire and marry a super model who adores you. You never know, so cut yourself some slack.

Embrace your inner late bloomer!

[kungfoucault]

You've been given excellent advice from the posters above. I can only think to add that I notice you communicate very well in written form. Do you enjoy writing? I'm not talking about if you enjoy writing fiction or non-fiction (though that's great if you do), I mean do you enjoy the physical act of writing? The way your favorite pen or pencil gides over a clean, fresh sheet of paper? The way you enjoy the look of your own handwriting, the aesthetics of letters? There is magic in that. Use it to write a new story about your 30's. Write about your magnificent decade, your wonderful day. Just write it the way you want it to be, stash it, and read it when the time is right.

[AlexJay]

***8I'm feeling terrible about myself at the moment as I've turned 30 and all of my aspirations that I had during my 20's haven't been achieved either due to changing roles in a company or moving to another company.***

Do me a favor. Make a list of those aspirations right now. Use a pen and paper. then draw a line through each one of those aspirations and decide right now that they are over, its the past, its done.

The only place it time where you have any power is in the present. Think about it… if you wanted to move the chair your sitting in , you can only do it in the present. Even your physical power is limited to the present moment.

You simply cannot move the chair in the past or the future. You can wish you had moved the chair in the past and you can plan to move the chair in the future but these are just thoughts about moving the chair and they mean literally nothing, they are of no consequence.

Fact: You have no power to physically change your past.


*** I'm not sure what to do at the moment. I enjoy what I do but at the same time I don't feel fulfiled in what I do and I feel dead inside as I'm just going through the same routine everyday. What changes? Absolutely, nothing. I say to myself I'm destined for better things and that I'm important and will make significant changes but I can't see that happening right now. ***

Stop looking, its like a jogger looking for rest... until he actually stops jogging he'll never find rest. So stop! See how that feels... If you keep looking for changes you're going to miss when change happens because you'll be too busy looking for changes.

I was going to respond to everything you've said in your post but it occurs to me that you have some "core beliefs" that you definitely need to focus on and question... I see that you care deeply and I also see that underneath all of that negativity is a good person. But you probably won't believe me...

You don't have to post the answers to the following questions on this forum. Answer them for yourself. Take your time...

Have you always been lost?
How has believing that we've all lost trust for each other affected you, your friends, your family?
Whats been the result of thinking that way?
What would a mind reset do you you, for your family, for your friends?
Where do you go from here?
Where is there to go and if you do find out, how will you go there?

And finally... Who would you be right now if you couldn't think these thoughts? Then compare the person you are right now to the person you would be without these thoughts.

I hope this will be of some help to you. I have empathy for how you feel.

Best Regards,
Alex Jay
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