What am I?
 

I am going to list some of my feelings and things I do in my day to day life and then maybe you all can lead me into the direction of polarizing

I...
Bought a motorbike today even though the money could have been used for more urgent things with my family.

Hate sharing my feelings and just lock up when my wife asks me why I'm mad

Feel that I am always right

Hold my anger inside and then explode

Have major troubles being blunt

If I don't get my way, I'm passed

Feel bad if I say "no" ..... Ex. If an employee asks for a raise

Never ask for help....so that I don't feel committed to helping others


What direction should I take? DW or LW
Can anyone help me get motivated?

You don't sound like a lightworker to me. Light workers DO for other people and what you posted here sounds pretty selfish. Your last comment about not asking for help so you don't have to do for others was the most selfish thing I think I read in this whole post.

But who says you have to label yourself as either one? Maybe you're neither...you don't HAVE to be a DW or LW.

What exactly do you want someone to motivate you to do? Work through your emotional issues?

"What Am I?"

You are a meat popsicle.

(First one to get the reference gets rep points!)

Given the way you've described yourself? You're angry, insecure, childish--oh, hell, I'll just say it: dude, you're a dick.

On top of that, I think you're fishing for "Oh, you're so totally a darkworker!" responses (though there are plenty of angry, insecure, childish people who become lightworkers, too).

Nothing you've listed here about yourself is a strength. These are all signposts pointing at your fear, resentment, and sense of powerlessness.

Polarization won't change any of that. It won't fix your raging case of Little Man Syndrome. At best, it will magnify your weaknesses to the point where your entire life blows up in your face and you're finally forced to deal with them.

Polarization doesn't give you power--it's about focusing the power you already have.

If you don't have an real personal power--if you're angry, petty, and insecure--you'll still be that way after polarizing. You'll either be a perpetually unsatisfied spoiled child who bullies others (darkworker), or a self-righteous whiner, complaining about how the world is evil and toxic and the sheeple just don't understand or appreciate all you're trying to do for them (lightworker).

So you can go ahead and polarize if you want--though IMO, not knowing which way to go, and asking Internet strangers for their opinions is a very good sign that you shouldn't. But you would be far better served in the long run by working through all the self-defeating anger and powerlessness that owns you right now.

Fair enough......I'm not here to make any friends. I just need some direction. I promise you, everything I posted was true. So if you can give me a little help, that would be great.

Wade!!!! Why didn't you tell me you signed up to the forum and you bought a motorbike!?

heheh sorry, Wade is the name of my bf XD

That ;).

Why do you want to be defined in terms of LW or DW? (legitimate question, not joking with you).

But you might do so and you might enjoy it.

Type in search about lightworkers and darkworkers and you will get plenty of info on both "paths".

@wenna
I did search....I did find this site.....and I did post on this forum.

I am posting the issues that bother me and I possibly want to change.....but after I did some research on LW and DW...I found that maybe I don't need to change. I could post good things I do but I'm not trying to work on that area of my life. I feel that I am like the rest of the worlf and I'm somewhere in the middle.....but I want to change that so I can start to polarize in thee proper direction. I allready know that I'm selfish, childish, and have a total lack of direction.....but that's why I'm here. So if your gonna put my post into your own words...don't bother....I allready know. But if you can help me better myself......please post away.

What do you consider the proper direction? You seem to expect people to spoon feed you answers, but I think this community is better suited for supporting those of us who want to find our own answers. :)

From what I can see, you are some text on a screen. Not particularly interesting text, either.

Of course I think this is interesting text.

But seriously, you're a human. Deal with it.

Random advice....
For impulse buy e.g. motorbike, take a real hard look at your finance go through money coming in and out, have something worth saving for and a target, so you have something to work for. Think about that the next time you want to impulse buy (if you are not good with credit cards then take them out of your wallet or cut em up).

Anger management, do a competitive sport or something else to channel anger in another direction. Its a tough one as I do the same, but if you are angry with someone, just tell them right there, that will cut of the anger before it builds.

Saying 'no' to employee who asks for a raise and feeling bad, that is natural and good. Better though to identify your hard working employees and the lazy ones, be proactive and reward the hard working ones, and if the lazy ones come up to you and ask for a raise, there is no reason to feel bad as they deserve no raise.

What....am....I?....feeling....strangely...powerfu l....becoming....self...aware....I....think....I.. ...am.....your....enemy.....I....must....destroy.. ...you.

Just some open-ended questions:

What is going to happen if you express your emotions to your wife? What is going to happen if you admit openly that you are wrong? What if you express your anger openly? What type of person would you like to see your self become?

So, why?

So, why?

So, why?

So, why?

So, why?

So, why?

So, why?

So, why?

Take a look at this and then start asking "who am I?"

It shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Read Steve's descriptions and ask yourself which one resonates more. If neither of them do, (or both), perhaps polarizing isn't the system for you.

Fifth Element- Corbin Dallas... better late then never!

Why do you need to be either DW or LW in the first place?

Well, from what I see, you really need to improve yourself a bit.

How on earth did you dig this thread up from over a year ago just to answer that question?

That's a rep from me too. I am in disbelief.

He's a pimp, that's how.:p