Changing my way of being

[ssandra]

Hi all,

In general I'm extremely happy and excited to be who I am choosing to be these days

However, there is a small part being who I choose to be, that isn't really working for me all the time.

(I'm going to use short hand for choosing who I choose to be, as "I am" )

I am SUNSHINE, which means to be being very in the flow, comfortable with who I am, flexible, joy etc.

However, I associate going to the gym and doing exercise with none of that And yet I want to be thinner and most importantly, healthier.

I love eating, so I don't want to do any diet thing, I want to take on a new, temporarily way of thinking where I can enjoy exercise and feel good and excited about going to the gym.

Once I'm at the gym I can do whatever I need to do, and semi enjoy it (completely enjoy it would be better of course) but it is the part of getting to the gym (only a 10 minute walk) that needs "fixing".

I'm looking for some outside input because I cannot seem to get around my limiting belief of exercise is NOT fun.

Basically, I want to transform who I am into someone more active, for a few hours a day.

[James81]

It looks like an opportunity for you to:

1. Examine why exercise is not fun, and what that means about you
2. Generate a new inspiring possibility that is more in line with getting active.

What I mean by number 2, is when I think of being "sunshine," I don't imagine being active as part of that. I mean, being sunshine has a lot of really cool possibilities attached to it (don't get me wrong), it just seems like another possibility might be more effective in inspiring that action/activity you're wanting.

Like for me, being Charisma doesn't inspire a whole lot activitiy in my mind. But being fluid motion does. In fact, just thinking about that gets me excited to want to *do* something.

Same thing here. Seems like it's time to expand and recognize that the possibilities are limitless, and that just "one" possibility won't always be a catch all for who you are.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

It looks like an opportunity for you to:

1. Examine why exercise is not fun, and what that means about you

Because it simply isn't. It is sweaty, dirty, and I have to MOVE. I dislike moving! (Which is not true.... I love taking walks and swimming, yet somehow that isn't good enough to get me off my ass and to the gym).

2. Generate a new inspiring possibility that is more in line with getting active.

I understand what you mean, and that is exactly what I'm looking for here.

There is some limiting belief on my part, some block that I cannot clearly see that doesn't allow me to do this on my own at this moment.

So anything that you could think of that I could try on... I'd appreciate it!

(ps. motion doesn't work for me... I'm not an engineer )

Actually... thinking out loud about this... something about being healthy... something about being active, jumping, joyful jumping? Playing...?

Oh well.... I keep on thinking and hopefully more wonderful suggestions will spark some more imagination!


hmmm another part is I guess how I have always seen myself and how others always have seen myself... which is lazy. Nothing bad about it and I don't feel bad about it, but that in itself is a limiting way of seeing myself.

Maybe I could (will) try to get go of that label....

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I dislike moving!

I know how you meant this (as in getting active), but I'm going ask it from another perspective...

(And I'm just taking a shot in the dark here, I have no idea, but I'll throw it out there)

Is there or was there a situation in your past about the act of "moving" (as in changing locations) that might've generated some bad feelings?

I know that's not the same thing, but I did find it interesting that you put it in that way.

Did you move a lot as a kid or anything like that? (I'm meaning "moving" as in changing houses/cities/etc.)

Just curious. If I'm off base, then perhaps it's something else.

[butterflyeffect]

So essentially, the problem is getting to the gym. Once your there, you do your routine, its okay and your relieved its finished and you can go home?

Sounds a bit like I can be. I put up pictures of people working out in my room, bought cute workout gear, loaded my ipod with work out music and then go to specific classes at the gym.

You might like boxing, I do it and its lots of fun. Or dancing, or Zumba or Pilates. I find doing straight treadmill boring but enjoy doing a varied workout class.

Or could you treat yourself to something afterwards? Like walk to the gym, exersize and then get a manicure and build up positive feelings about it.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Is there or was there a situation in your past about the act of "moving" (as in changing locations) that might've generated some bad feelings?

I actually had to close my comp for a few minutes and walk around after you said that


Yes... my parents moved when I was 15. There are several issues that I have with that move.

1. We moved away from my best friend, only a few minutes but I still didn't see her as much.
2. Moving day came and me and my friends were having a sleep over (as one of their houses) and my parents started moving without me. Without letting me know. Just the first few stuff and boxes, but a lot already.
I know it was because my uncle came over to help, so they just decided to get a head start... but it hurt me in the deepest part of my soul.

I thought I was over that, but the emotions that are resurfacing tell me that I'm not really....

3. That move was also at a time in my life when everything started to go to hell.
In our old house, I went to an old school, went with girlfriends, by bike, having fun.
In our new house, I went to a new school (different level), and that was the start of a very difficult period in my life....


It is funny though, because ever since I moved out of my parents home, I've loved moving. I still love moving. If it was up to me, I'd change houses every 3 or 4 years Just for the fun of it.

Not sure what to make of it....

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

So essentially, the problem is getting to the gym. Once your there, you do your routine, its okay and your relieved its finished and you can go home?

It is indeed the going there part.

I don't even mind while I'm there. I'm entertained enough with my own thoughts to make any exercise interesting for me. And I can always go swimming which is wonderful.

So, I don't even feel relieved that it's finished, I don't have really any feelings about it being finished....

But yes... getting there is the problem. Actually getting off my chair, packing my bag, getting all the stuff ready, going downstairs, and then walking to the gym.

I tried classes, but they don't work enough for me to feel a sense of obligation to get to them...

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I actually had to close my comp for a few minutes and walk around after you said that


Yes... my parents moved when I was 15. There are several issues that I have with that move.

1. We moved away from my best friend, only a few minutes but I still didn't see her as much.
2. Moving day came and me and my friends were having a sleep over (as one of their houses) and my parents started moving without me. Without letting me know. Just the first few stuff and boxes, but a lot already.
I know it was because my uncle came over to help, so they just decided to get a head start... but it hurt me in the deepest part of my soul.

I thought I was over that, but the emotions that are resurfacing tell me that I'm not really....

3. That move was also at a time in my life when everything started to go to hell.
In our old house, I went to an old school, went with girlfriends, by bike, having fun.
In our new house, I went to a new school (different level), and that was the start of a very difficult period in my life....


It is funny though, because ever since I moved out of my parents home, I've loved moving. I still love moving. If it was up to me, I'd change houses every 3 or 4 years Just for the fun of it.

Not sure what to make of it....

Do you want to look deeper and see what else is behind it? Another limiting belief perhaps?

[rei]

First off, a practical idea - would it help at all to constantly have a bag packed and ready by the door? One less thing you can use as a source for not doing what you want to do?

If you were going to the gym regularly and cheerfully, what would be different for you?

I'm also curious to know if the "getting started" appears in other areas of your life?

Have you tried the procrastination exercise you shared with me on this issue? Or is the goal here to work on toward motivation instead of away from motivation?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Do you want to look deeper and see what else is behind it? Another limiting belief perhaps?

I'd love to.... just have no other feelings or thoughts about it at the moment...

It feels like a bad moment in the past, where I felt left alone, not taking into consideration. Almost as if I wasn't important enough...

And whoops there it is!

not important enough.... ties in nicely with other stuff that has been going on in my life... Ok if I'm there, but not important enough to invite if I'm not there...

Which is clearly not how I feel anymore now, but how I did feel back then. And I guess this is also the root of me being extremely protective at times for other people, no matter how well they can take care of themselves. Because they matter. And I don't. Oh.... ok.... I don't matter....

I'm not important, I don't matter.

Interesting to say the least, but I'm still not sure how that is going to get my ass to the gym...

Unless....

I'm not important enough to care about, to make sure that I'm healthy. I don't matter, so therefor no need to go?

I don't know... feel like I'm reaching here, yet not seeing something....

If someone sees something, please point it out to me! Feel like a blind person running in circles looking for a very large wall, but not being able to see it or feel it....

[lifetimelearner]

all I see is a beautiful woman being hard on herself -hugs !

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by rei

First off, a practical idea - would it help at all to constantly have a bag packed and ready by the door? One less thing you can use as a source for not doing what you want to do?

Good suggestion, and will implement that. Maybe it will help.

If you were going to the gym regularly and cheerfully, what would be different for you?

I would be feeling healthier. I would be thinner, which would be a nice bonus. I would be feeling more in shape.

I would be someone else. I wouldn't be lazy. I wouldn't be destined to always fight with my weight and have to constantly watch what I eat. I wouldn't be destined to be fat.

(thanks for that one mom, by continuously repeating that "being fat runs in the family on both sides, watch what you eat. Are you sure you want those chips?")

I'm also curious to know if the "getting started" appears in other areas of your life?

Very obvious in other areas in my life as well... that's why I shared the 15 minute rule with you, because it seems to work very well for me.

Maybe I can adjust that a bit.... Such as ....

You only have to go as far as out the front door, then you can decide to continue.
You only have to go as far as downstairs, then you can decide to continue.
You only have to walk as far as the gym, then you can decide to continue...

Hmmm Thanks Rei! Wonderful advice!

Have you tried the procrastination exercise you shared with me on this issue? Or is the goal here to work on toward motivation instead of away from motivation?

For this one it doesn't work. Because the bad feelings and the good feelings alone are not enough to get me going.

I feel there is a bigger block somewhere...

But... I'm going to try the 15 minute, adjusted technique while working on that bigger block

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

all I see is a beautiful woman being hard on herself -hugs !

AAahhhhh!! thank you!!

Just to be clear, I love my body, exactly as it is right now. It is a bit flabby and soft, but I like it anyway. I like it maybe extra because of that.

I don't feel the need to change to be happier, or to somehow gain a wonderful life... I just want to feel healthier and be in a better shape.

As well, I know that going to the gym is representing a block for me, so getting that one out of the way is something that will help me in other areas of my life.

[rei]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Hmmm Thanks Rei! Wonderful advice!

You're very very welcome! So glad it seems helpful

Okay, you said you want more possible things to chew on... So when I read this...

Originally Posted by ssandra

You only have to go as far as out the front door, then you can decide to continue.
You only have to go as far as downstairs, then you can decide to continue.
You only have to walk as far as the gym, then you can decide to continue...

I see a sense of baby steps, and wanting to give yourself plenty of space to make a choice. (By the way, I have a bit of that too, I love to keep my options open.)

I am wondering how this relates to your experiences of committing. Can you trace things back to a time where you were "all in" and it blew up in your face?

Also wondering if you happen to have any patterns about using your body to "get back at" or "punish" - either yourself or someone else, maybe your mom for feeding you that tape, which I can understand would be annoying? And could that be somehow related to the gym thing?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ssandra

I'm not important, I don't matter.

Is it true?
Can you know for sure that it's true?
What is the impact on you of your believing that?
What is the impact on other people of you believing that? (p.s., consider even the people who haven't been born yet)

[Solipsist]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

all I see is a beautiful woman being hard on herself -hugs !

sandra, there may be something to consider in this comment, here.

Of course, I'm fairly new at all the stuff that's in this forum, but I came here to find like minds, and I've found a bunch, I think, (including you) that would understand what I am about to say.

Not that going to the gym isn't a good thing, but why, if you're already perfect in Being? I'm not saying "don't go to the gym," rather, I'm saying to go to the gym out of love for yourself, not because you "should" to lose a few pounds. That you think you need to lose those pounds means that you're seeing yourself as something less. You're already beautiful!

In my own experience, getting rid of the "shoulds" only helps me (in my case, getting rid of the "shoulds" is helping me to eat healthier, as I am starting to want to eat healthier, out of love for myself).

I don't know if this makes any sense, to you, but I saw something there that I was compelled to pass along.

Peace to you

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by rei

I see a sense of baby steps, and wanting to give yourself plenty of space to make a choice. (By the way, I have a bit of that too, I love to keep my options open.)

I am wondering how this relates to your experiences of committing. Can you trace things back to a time where you were "all in" and it blew up in your face?

It is less about baby steps, as it is a very simply way of deceiving yourself into doing something.

Going to the gym is a huge thing. It involves lots of things to do.

While getting a gym bag is a very small thing.

After that a walk to the door is another small thing.

It is just a clever way of tricking yourself into not seeing the big picture, while actually working towards the big picture. Because I have nothing against walking to the door, or downstairs, but there does seem to be something against "going to the gym".

Also wondering if you happen to have any patterns about using your body to "get back at" or "punish" - either yourself or someone else, maybe your mom for feeding you that tape, which I can understand would be annoying? And could that be somehow related to the gym thing?

Oh yes.... Thank you.... Big one here

I "should". But I don't want to. Because I "should". People who "should" me, can count on me doing the opposite, even if the "should" is what I really want for myself as well...

I have to, but I don't want to, but they make be, I have no choice, I'm helpless/hopeless feeling.

And there is the bottom where it all feeds into.

My mom saying that I "should" take care of myself, watch what I'm eating
Society saying that I "should" go to the gym
Society saying that I "should" be thin

All that (and more, but I won't bore you guys with that) leads me to push back.

I "should" nothing!

I do what I want!!!

However, by resisting "should" so much, I still don't do what I want, I do the opposite of what others want...

I guess that is why SUNSHINE feels so good for me. Because it simply is. There is no should, no should not. It just is. I am just being.

I think tonight I'm going to let go of my dependency of the opinions of others, although it is completely the opposite of what you normally would call dependency, it is still dependency.

Completely releasing my resistance to anything and everything I "Should" be (doing, being)

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Solipsist

Not that going to the gym isn't a good thing, but why, if you're already perfect in Being? I'm not saying "don't go to the gym," rather, I'm saying to go to the gym out of love for yourself, not because you "should" to lose a few pounds. That you think you need to lose those pounds means that you're seeing yourself as something less. You're already beautiful!

Thank you!

I don't need to loose those few kilo's to be more beautiful. I already am beautiful. I would (at most) be different beautiful.

But I'm also not stupid And I know that it is easier to loose these few kilo's and feel better and healthier, then to leave them on and slowly gain more over the years...

And besides, it is not about looks, it is about how it feels. How wonderful it feels to feel lighter, to feel more energetic etc.

In my own experience, getting rid of the "shoulds" only helps me (in my case, getting rid of the "shoulds" is helping me to eat healthier, as I am starting to want to eat healthier, out of love for myself).

And thank you VERY much for this.

This is indeed what I need to see.

Not resisting the "should" (they say I should, and therefor I won't)
But instead choosing for myself, what do I WANT?

Thank you. That just may be the shift in thinking that I was looking for!

I still feel a lot of resistance in my stomach for choosing what I want, if it coincides with what I SHOULD do.... but now I know where it comes from and I'll let it go.

I don't know if this makes any sense, to you, but I saw something there that I was compelled to pass along.

Peace to you

Makes a lot of sense, and helped enormously. Thank you!

[rei]

Originally Posted by ssandra

It is less about baby steps, as it is a very simply way of deceiving yourself into doing something.

Going to the gym is a huge thing. It involves lots of things to do.

While getting a gym bag is a very small thing.

After that a walk to the door is another small thing.

It is just a clever way of tricking yourself into not seeing the big picture, while actually working towards the big picture. Because I have nothing against walking to the door, or downstairs, but there does seem to be something against "going to the gym".



Oh yes.... Thank you.... Big one here

I "should". But I don't want to. Because I "should". People who "should" me, can count on me doing the opposite, even if the "should" is what I really want for myself as well...

I have to, but I don't want to, but they make be, I have no choice, I'm helpless/hopeless feeling.

And there is the bottom where it all feeds into.

My mom saying that I "should" take care of myself, watch what I'm eating
Society saying that I "should" go to the gym
Society saying that I "should" be thin

All that (and more, but I won't bore you guys with that) leads me to push back.

I "should" nothing!

I do what I want!!!

However, by resisting "should" so much, I still don't do what I want, I do the opposite of what others want...

I guess that is why SUNSHINE feels so good for me. Because it simply is. There is no should, no should not. It just is. I am just being.

I think tonight I'm going to let go of my dependency of the opinions of others, although it is completely the opposite of what you normally would call dependency, it is still dependency.

Completely releasing my resistance to anything and everything I "Should" be (doing, being)

Woot! Very inspiring stuff, Sandra... a little like rebelling against rebelling or rebelling against the idea of rebelling. Or just relaxing out of it...

I second Solipsist's idea to do things from a place of self-love. In fact I'm stealing that to apply in my own life

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by rei

Woot! Very inspiring stuff, Sandra... a little like rebelling against rebelling or rebelling against the idea of rebelling. Or just relaxing out of it...

I second Solipsist's idea to do things from a place of self-love. In fact I'm stealing that to apply in my own life

It served me very well in a certain place in my life. Not giving in to peer pressure. I'm not smoking, using drugs, needy of designer outfits (or ever have been) thanks to that, to just name a few surface good things.

I am also not afraid to stand up for my own opinion, to tell people my mind. I've never been ashamed for who and what I am. I've never felt the need to change because others feel that I should

But.... I've taken it too far.

And now it is time to realize that and to let it go. And to truly be my own person instead of just the opposite of what everybody else says I should be.

(oh funny... that is also why I so much hate to be ordinary. Normal... I don't want to be normal )

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

And now it is time to realize that and to let it go. And to truly be my own person instead of just the opposite of what everybody else says I should be.

Yep, I do this too.

When someone tells me to do something, I want to do the opposite.

But realizing that doing the opposite, despite how I feel about it, is just letting others control me.

[ssandra]

And I'm just now realizing that this might also be why I carry around so much unconscious stress with me.

This is what has been going on unconsciously:

"I'm a woman so I should like chocolate. I don't want to be a typical woman. But I do like chocolate. Like I should. But I don't want to.
I want to eat chocolate. But I shouldn't. Because it would make me fat. I don't care about what I should look like, I like myself. But I also want to be healthy, but I shouldn't eat it. But because I shouldn't I want to. But I don't want to because I should like it, and I don't want to like it, because I should like it."

Oh boy.... if that has been running almost all the time... no wonder I have the signs of stress even when I'm feeling calm and relaxed....

[rei]

Yipes No wonder you were stressed! Come to think of it I've had similar patterns at times. Wanting to not fit in because I've been told I *should* but also wanting to and then wanting to resist that because it's a should. Whew.

And now you've decided you're rather bored with approaching things that way... I can understand that!

So, now that you've uncovered this should monster what are you choosing instead?

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by rei

So, now that you've uncovered this should monster what are you choosing instead?

Wanting.

What do I want.

It is going to take some practice surely, because it has been ingrained in every bit of my life.

(now that I think about it... only now that everybody seemed to accept that I didn't want to have children did the real want come up, which is that I do want children, or at least 1 for now).

[rei]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Wanting.

What do I want.

It is going to take some practice surely, because it has been ingrained in every bit of my life.

(now that I think about it... only now that everybody seemed to accept that I didn't want to have children did the real want come up, which is that I do want children, or at least 1 for now).

Well, I want to say I admire this space you're in right now... this sense that you are valuing yourself enough to just be in that space and let your own preferences and desires flow up when they're ready. At least, that's how I experience where you are at in this post.

Really cool to see, for some reason

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Angela

Is it true?
Can you know for sure that it's true?
What is the impact on you of your believing that?
What is the impact on other people of you believing that? (p.s., consider even the people who haven't been born yet)

I'm answering them, but for myself.

thank you for pointing this out to me I completely missed your post!

[Angela]

I wondered!

I'm not asking you to share the process out loud, but if you're inspired to, would you please share what comes up for you out of it?

And if you want more nuts & bolts from me, as we were talking about in that other thread, I'd be delighted to share.... I think those nuts & bolts will look a little differently to you after you release what there is to release, and generate what there is to generate.

[Angela]

By the way, this is very, very funny:

thank you for pointing this out to me I completely missed your post!

If someone sees something, please point it out to me! Feel like a blind person

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by Angela

I wondered!

I'm not asking you to share the process out loud, but if you're inspired to, would you please share what comes up for you out of it?

I do not exist. I am not worthy of existing.

I am not fit to be a mom. I will create hurt, sadness and a general mess in my future child instead of a happy, joyful human being.

In the end... it does come down to what we spoke about on the phone.

I am death. I am non-existent. I am disconnected. I am not part of ....


They do not have the same feeling behind it anymore. I can see clearly (not so blind anymore ) that it is a choice that I took on, and that it is not required of me to be like this. That I have new choices available.

Which one, who knows

I still love the possibility of being SUNSHINE! Being sunshine, I do not feel unimportant. I feel... (please don't sent me to the nuthouse for this) omnipresent. Life bringing. In other words, important


But as James said... it does feel a bit too much of being .... Simply being. It is joy and happiness and love and unicorns and butterflies and roses and all that crap but it doesn't get me off my ass to the gym


Maybe I can try on the possibility of being Puppy! Oh... I like that one!!!

My mind works in symbols (I guess most peoples minds do?) and puppy stands for bouncing around, being happy, jumping, energy, playing....

I actually started moving my chair back and forth, just thinking about it

And if you want more nuts & bolts from me, as we were talking about in that other thread, I'd be delighted to share.... I think those nuts & bolts will look a little differently to you after you release what there is to release, and generate what there is to generate.

I'd love some! Thanks in advance!

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Maybe I can try on the possibility of being Puppy! Oh... I like that one!!!

Haha! I like that.

Reminds me of that scene in The Fox and the Hound where the hound, as a puppy, said in a real gruff voice: "I'm a hoooound dog! Rooo!"