The Curious Effectiveness of Self Centered Giving

[Cat Dancer]

A curious paradox I've been noticing recently is how much more effective I've been as I've become more self centered.

On the one hand, my desired polarity is strongly giving. I want to take what is inside of me, and bring it out into the universe.

But on the other hand, I'm not saying to people, "there are the skills I have, I'd like to do whatever I can that would be most helpful for you". That would be altruistic. Instead I'm saying, "here is what I have inside of me, I offer it to you, you can take it or not as you please", regardless of whether it would in fact be useful to you or not.

I used to try to do the former. I'd say, "I have programming skills, I want to use them to help people", so I went to work at non-profits. And I was unhappy during all those times, and not terribly effective in making much of a positive difference in the world.

What's strange is now that I'm focused on myself, releasing what I have inside of me, I get extravagant praise:

I saw you tonight in Postcard Park at Exchange St. and Middle St and I was astonished. You are a hero. A flesh and blood Superhero. Please dance forever. Disregard any criticism. Being as unique as you are, some folks will misunderstand your act. Prevail. You must prevail. The world needs you. What you do requires courage and discipline. I sincerely admire your work.

What confuses me at this point is that *I* haven't thought that my dance was important. I dance because I feel like dancing, I enjoy dancing, and I like seeing people have a reaction. If it's not selfish, it's at least self centered -- centered around my self, almost childish in a way. Yet I'm having far more impact doing this than I was having trying to do good.

I wonder if it something to do with the size of the world? In a family, in a tribe, in a small village, there's only so many people there. Many things you might offer won't be useful because in that small population no one will need it. But in a large world, there's room to offer whatever unique thing you have and someone out there will need it.

The funny thought I had this evening was maybe it is useful for me to be Cat Dancer. I haven't taken being Cat Dancer too seriously myself, although it's been important to me. I started going out and dancing because I want something fun to do. Yet what if being Cat Dancer, fully releasing whatever is inside of me into the universe, whatever that turns out to be, was in fact the greatest contribution I could be making?

I respect and admire, for example, people who go to Africa to help fight AIDS, Steve for his work helping people grow, peacekeepers who save lives, politicians who fight corruption and authoritarianism. But do I need to do any of these things? Would it be my greatest contribution, for example, to do what Steve is doing? After all, he is already doing it. Many people would like to go to Africa and fight AIDS if they could. Many people would like to save lives, fight corruption, end authoritarianism. Perhaps there is something I can do which would further enable these people to do these things, rather than my picking one of those things and trying to do it myself, perhaps poorly.

[persephonevii]

The ironic thing about being selfish is that it can lead to being selfless or producing acts which seem generous or kind, just selfless.

You give because it makes YOU happy no one else. It's all about you. So you dance for yourself but in the process of doing so, entertain other folk, give them something to smile about. It's like reading the blog posts of a cynic; hard, cold and skeptical yet making people laugh and smile, and perhaps in the cynic's own selfish way helping others to share their own views; if he can express it freely, so can I.

Keep on dancing if that's what makes you happy and worry just about you, it seems to me that the rest will take care of itself.

[bellbird]

Great post persephonevii, thanks for that. I have experienced similar things in a way Cat Dancer. I found it's also setting the example (just by deciding you do what you wnat to do) that inspires other people do find courage to do the same, even if you didn't intend anything like that. It is a funny contradiction but there you go

[Andreas]

Bellbird, I've heard that before. There's a famous quote that goes something like that. They summon the courage to follow their dreams, do the thing they think they cannot do. It's a beautiful thing.

Cat Dancer, I checked out your website and you're amazing! Keep dancing! And find someone to make a better video of you, the world deserves to see. Thanks for everything. :-)

[Cat Dancer]

Originally Posted by Andreas

And find someone to make a better video of you, the world deserves to see.

It will happen

Thanks for everything. :-)

You're welcome!

>^.^<

Cat