|05-13-2010, 06:04 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2010
Can't seem to find my way
When I was 17, I had a vision, which I never really talk about because it's so personal, but maybe some of you can help me. I had laid down to sleep, and in that pre-sleeping place, a white light surrounded me. I felt totally loved and valued and appreciated - and just for those minutes, I knew everything. Why I was born, what my place in the world was, even why I was named what I was named - I also knew about the universe, and how important spirals were - all kinds of things. It was amazing. Then a voice spoke and said, "You are the compass rose, you will show the others to their paths." I knew this was a true vision, because I'd never heard of a compass rose, and had to look it up in the encyclopedia - actually I didn't know any of the information I was shown, and had to look it all up.
In the 18 years since then, I have done that. I tend to see something in people and am able to just know where they should be - and have surprised people with how happy they are on their new path's. But I can't ever seem to do this for myself. If I'm in the middle of the compass, and can point in directions, there really is no exact direction for me to go.
This really has to do with what career I want/need. I've done everything I've ever dreamed of doing - both helping people, and using my brain and creativity. And now I don't have any interest in doing anything for work, and need to. I've learned that when I'm directly trying to help people on their path, that I suffer. When I'm indirect about it, and let the universe bring people to me, then we're both successful - so I don't believe my career is supposed to be directly helping people face-to-face (nothing but bad bad things has happened when I've tried this).
My talents are reading, writing, art, research, editing, jewelry making, crafting, anything artistic pretty much, and true compassion and love for others. When I have a goal I work extremely hard. I'm very passionate about whatever I do.
I've been an editor, graphic designer, writer, photographer, journalist, shoemaker, and worked for years in nonprofits trying to help and guide lost people (and this was not successful).
I'm unemployed right now, and need to find something - and want to as well. I can't promise I'll take your suggestions, and I can't promise I won't - but I'm hoping some of your ideas will inspire me and help me find my own path.
My detriments - I work best alone. People are more stressful to me than work. I have never been good with authority, in almost any fashion. I'd love to start my own business, but I don't really have the financial credit report to get loans, even if I could figure out what kind of business to start. I've done tons and tons of tests on trying to figure out what I want to do in life (I'm in my mid 30's), and just can't quite seem to get interested in much of anything - and that bothers the hell out of me!
I don't know. I don't know why I can't see my next step, and I don't know how to get there. If this were someone else, I'd be able to look at their soul and say - "Oh, you are an actor!" But as for myself.... Sigh.
Any thoughts at all would be very much appreciated.
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