SEVERE purpose cramps.

[Boris Ezeriek]

Hello, people. This is my first post on these forums. Please pardon the fact that it is not on the introduction forum. However, in the way of introduction, I guess you could say that I found Stevepavlina dot com several years ago, when I was but a wee child, I suppose. Now I have grown up a bit, but I am still finding difficulty with the same problem. The very same problem that I came to solve when I first came to steve pavlina dot com.

That problem was, of course, finding out what I wanted to do with my life. Finding my purpose, my world view, indeed. I must say, that I am a bit on the cerebral side. It supposes me no greater contradiction that in groups I'm the biggest loud mouth there is. I can't seem to shut up. Even so, I abhor the day when I find myself in a job like, say, sales, where I'll be forced to reconnoiteur with others to make a living for myself.

No, I'm a cerebral one. I fancy myself one to learn and read, and I like the stimulation I get from the act of putting two and two together. Even so, I can't find myself ever sticking with one thing. I tried computer programming, and found that I was so fascinated with reading books about low level theory and high level theory, and all the theory, that I never actually got around to the programming bit.

You see, my problem is that I seem to be a bipolar switching between a natural scanner and a natural diver. A natural scanner is someone who loves everything and anything. He's one to see a subject that interests his mind, examine it, and say to his laddies, "That's great! What's next?" While a diver will see a certain subject and will be struck with the bolt of lightning right then and there. He'll see the tree and want to stick with it till he knows just everything about trees. Everything and I mean EVERYTHING.

Well, I've gone over the articles in steve pavlina's locker and website over many times. I've read books on finding my purpose. But I just can't seem to find anything. I'm lost very bit lossy.

Though, if I were being honest with myself, and being honest is the best way to be then, I'd say that I'm a very right and cerebral looking character. I talk like the dickens, but I don't like to socialise. Please, I'm at my wits end here. How does a boyo figure out what he's like to become when all he wants to do is heighten up his mind?

Oh. And It's like to be a pleasure to be here, Jesse's. How bout a pint to celebrate new friends, eh?

[The Cloud]

How are you avoiding purpose? Purpose isn't necessarily something you have to find. It should naturally come to you. Since that has not been the case, you probably have a mental mechanism in place so that you are actively preventing yourself from becoming aware of your purpose.

Since you haven't realized this, it is likely that the action you are taking that is preventing you from knowing your purpose is an action that you are using in the effort to find your purpose. That means that your efforts to find your purpose may be the very things blocking you from knowing it.

So tell me, in your mind, how do you think or feel in order to find your purpose? Not what do you do on the outside, but what do you do inside your head?

[Boris Ezeriek]

A bit embarrasing, friend, but I just had a breakthrough. After logging off, I decided to have another go at the process and, well, everything just clicked. Funny thing, really, it happened just how Mr. Steve pavlina said it would, though I had some help with the rational attempt, too.

I feel--happy now, actually. Like three years of frustration has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel... pretty good. Really good. A bit. Nice.

Ultimately, I think what was happening was a lack of clarification between myself and how I viewed reality, that maiden. Reality is...motion. I see her as motion. Things come into being constantly, and then other things come into being constantly, replacing stuff.

But all this motion is just motion. It takes death--to give it value. Death... she gives life value for me. The way I wrote it in my orange journal(for philosophy, I use orange.) is that life without death is just meaningless motion. It is when we know that our life will be taken away that we cherish it.

And I guess something clicked, because I soon realized that I'm the like mind to think that my values were wrapped up in impermanence. I valued things because they were fleeting. And lo and behold, the answer that made me all sniffly and such was, "My life purpose is: To mourn, rejoice and value all things that pass away, so long as I live."

Interestingly enough, the mourning bit is pretty good. Mourning is a way you show that something was valued. Mourning is a proper thing.

Anyways, I'm sorry to have made a big brouhaha out of this, only to have reached a breakthrough so soon, jettes. But then again, I'd been struggling for three years, so can ya blame me?

How about a bottle of scotch? On me? Lemme buy you guys a drink? lol. Actually, one more year, and I'll be able to drink. I'm only 20 years right now, haha. Thanks for the reply, Cloudy.