screwing up GPA makes me smile

[rei]

Tonight I went to a ceremony where they recognized me for outstanding academic achievement in my Master's program. I will most likely be dropping by the office at some point to ask if they want the award back - because I have no interest in going the extra mile (getting an optional A) for my final class.

It will mess up my GPA (I have a 4.0). Everyone in my field has said the agencies don't care about your grades.

But this is actually a beautiful sign of progress... for me, a former academic overachiever to consciously sit with the idea of getting a B and be totally fine with it

One of my family members was less than thrilled about my enthusiasm for a B and tried to criticize it more than once... but I don't really care... this is about my values - and if anyone WERE to ask, I think it will actually be a positive thing (at least in my field) for me to be able to explain how this B will be a testament to my improved mental health

I spoke to my supervisor about my perspective today and she understood exactly what I meant when I said being okay with a B is a sign of progress. (I don't even mean okay only, I mean I am entirely content with it, since I would have to do another assignment to do better - which I'd rather opt out of - and I love how okay I am with the prospect of getting a B).

Just wanted to share how great this is for me... I am literally proud of myself for being so comfortable with the notion of getting a B. And very proud of myself for keeping my values and choices regardless of the criticism that came.

Part of this could be I no longer stake my identity on being seen as smart or having my intellect recognized... so it's easy for me to try on a non-A and not feel that twinge of "oh no I did not perform perfectly" ... it is just not that important anymore

Maybe other recovering perfectionists might enjoy this as a sign that it's entirely possible to get past the pattern if you want to get past it. I'll admit I still like to do my best when I care about the focus, but for a very long time I cared a lot about my grades so this is definitely progress - especially in light of the critical feedback.

Whooboy... not sure I've ever been so thrilled at the notion of mediocrity

[Cochonette]

B... sounds traumatizing. I make lots of B's. I really don't think anyone in the world cares if you make a B when you have a 4.0 GPA.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

I really don't think anyone in the world cares if you make a B when you have a 4.0 GPA.

My family member cares. Apparently cares quite a bit. Not happy about it at all, even tried to say the title of the course means potential supervisors would be especially unimpressed - this person tried to twist it around to mean my competence would be questioned through my decision when it doesn't work that way.

And it still most definitely speaks to the perfectionistic pattern being less strong there if I am content to mess up my track record.

Bear in mind, your school is probably more difficult than mine. The standards for this program, when considered at a national level... seem pretty lacking to me. And I think I remember you saying you're at a top tier school.

[Cochonette]

I see.

And it still most definitely speaks to the perfectionistic pattern being less strong there if I am content to mess up my track record.

I agree, and I'm not disputing that.

Your family members sound silly. My mom only thinks she has any idea about grades. One time in middle school or high school I got an E on my report card for conduct (Excellent). My mom started screaming at me for getting an E.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Your family members sound silly. My mom only thinks she has any idea about grades. One time in middle school or high school I got an E on my report card for conduct (Excellent). My mom started screaming at me for getting an E.

Haha! That's rich And yes the family is being a bit silly... focused on their own values instead of on supporting me for choosing my own. But that is nothing new, and will not ruin my enjoyment of being so content with the notion of a B

[Karanime]

I giggled at this.

I'm smart. My self-esteem rides on being seen as smart. But lately, I've been shown up by a knowledge junkie. I know nothing and understand everything. He understands nothing but knows everything. We're a good team, I think. :P

Yeah, I've chosen happiness over perfection, for once.

/<3

[Elrond]

Getting a B huh...

You're really sticking it to the man ... or yourself/whatever.

Where I'm from (non-US), getting perfect grades in high school is pretty rare. You might get on the news if you do it. The only ones who have the reason to aspire to it are people that want to get into medical school, be a veterinary, maybe journalism.

I guess you're in college though.

[Andrew Gubb]

Rei didn't you use to be indigo??

[rei]

Karanime, I used to tie my self-esteem and identity to my intelligence too. Glad you got a giggle out of this, and awesome that you also chose happiness

Elrond, yeah, college - graduate school actually. Which has become the new college since so many are just 'expected' to go to university. And yeah, stickin' it to, uh, something

Andrew, maybe or yes? I think so, but this is not about authority for me. It is about enjoying how content I am at the idea of something that used to bother me. Point taken though