In college and in a critical moment of purpose confusion and struggle

[JJP]

I'm 21 and a junior in college. My challenge is that it's the middle of the semester, and I've had no passion or desire to do anything in a couple of my required classes. I used to think I could make it, but they don't fire me up anymore. I don't even feel like salvaging what's left of them and trying to scrape by.

My heart is telling me to follow my passions. My heart is telling me to practice and play tennis, soccer, bodybuilding, and pool. All day long, that's all I think about. Yeah, you read that right. I have very little idea why. I never did any sports as a kid, and this feels like a new world opening up and calling me.

I'm not depressed -- except for this issue of purpose and passion I feel really good and am probably thinking clearer than I have all my life. The crisis is that I'm afraid that with my already low GPA, failing these two classes will get me kicked out of school.

Which would give me time to follow my passions.

BUT on the other hand, I really don't want to dissapoint myself by being a college dropout, or my parents, who have invested so much in me. It would break their hearts. I think I would be disowned, and would be totally alone. They've given me so much and sacrificed so much, and I'm thinking about following my heart to play some GAMES?? What if my passion doesn't last, and I just end up "following my heart" to something else, and end up a drifting loser, a failed adult. I can't imagine dealing with those consequences, but I also don't think I can deal anymore with this feeling of being imprisoned like I feel right now. I wish I had the courage to follow my passion right now, but I also wish I had the passion to follow my obligations and just do work right now and graduate.

I was always the smart, quiet, unathletic kid... thick glasses, good grades, nice college... corporate job -- that was supposed to be the whole package. And as I contemplate what's happening now, I literally feel like I'm letting the whole world down and watching it smash to pieces in slow motion.

Do you have any advice? Maybe someone can cut some holes in my cage. Are there any more sensible or balanced options to choose from that you can see? Because neither one that I'm contemplating feels completely right at all. I feel helpless, but I also feel optimistic, because SOME major breakthrough is about to happen... I just have to find something... or decide something... (see? confused struggle) Who do I talk to, what do I read, what what what?!


Edit: Well, I've already got a positive update, lol. First off, I was glad after I wrote all that above, glad to get it off my chest. Right after I wrote it, I started asking more and more questions. I then remembered the law of attraction and decided to focus on what I want, and also I read Steve's article on making decisions based on what I want to experience. So I wrote down exactly what it was that I desire. Soon after I got like this... inspiration... I started asking more questions, and then almost automatically I found myself on my school website, looking at some sections I'd never seen before and finding out some interesting info almost by coincidence. I think I'm on track to a better option, I had a new idea... and I feel really good about it. Nice.

[빈센트]

I was in a similar situation to you. Of course this requires you to burn a ship here and there. You need to go to the library one day. Eat light. And just study all day until you've caught up a decent amount. The library has just that atmosphere to keep you focused. If the library doesn't do it, find somewhere that does.

After that.... talk to people. Go to every office hour your professor provides. Create study groups. Just talk to people. The best thing you might find is someone doing the same major as you and with the same interests as you. Find likeminded people, and your motivation rises immediately.

As for life long goals. Keep them loose. You're young. Your only goal right now is to open up as many doors as possible. College is one step to that.

[Liara Covert]

Hi JJP.

I'm glad you thought of the Law of Attraction. That reminds you how you highly influence the nature of your thoughts and invite opportunities, people and experiences into your life. You are in charge. You have that power and you may underestimate the impact that this has on your life.

I like the suggestions made in the previous post. The idea of talking out your ideas and feelings can be very useful. You could approach a guidance counsellor, minister, friends, people you know or don't know. Sometimes groups of students also get together to work through student issues rather anonymously. The key thing is to express yourself. The idea mentioned about visiting a library is something I'd also suggest. Not only is this a quiet place to get focused for study, you can also consult books about people who may have experienced similar fears and confusion as you. Find out how they dealt with this. Expand your understanding of yoruself and your choices.

If you prefer, write in a journal. Express all your feelings and what specific life experiences you think seem to trigger them. List the positive and negative feelings. Don't leave any out. Who are the people that you think about when you experience these feelings? Are you making choices for these people or for yourself? Sit back and read what you wrote. Do you grasp your thoughts and feelings and act in ways that your heart, mind and intuition guide you? Only you can figure out the kinds of decisions will make you feel good about yourself. Changing your goals as you evolve is natural. No need to rush though. It can be a good habit to finish things you start.

[ethereal]

Uncertainty and confusion is normal, especially at this transition stage in life. Don't fight it, just accept it as something you gotta go through, even learn to enjoy the feeling it means you're truly open to answers instead of thinking you know it all.

In reality, there is no "right" or "wrong" path. There are just options and likelihoods and consequences. All the guilt you feel about matching up to other people's expectations, simply doesn't exist in reality. It's not your problem, it's theirs for putting expectations on you in the first place

However, it also means you have to get real about the consequences of your choices. If you can accept how your life will turn out if you follow your passions and drop out of college (i.e. if you're ok with not having "worldly" success, and being happy with a simple life), then don't be afraid of choosing it, even if nobody else will understand. If you can't accept that, or you feel that you need your parents/friends/significant other's approval (not meaning this in a negative way, just objectively speaking), then there are other options like finishing your degree, getting a job, etc. You have absolute freedom to choose your own path, but each one has its consequences. There's no right or wrong, just ones that make you more or less happy

[Angelwings]

I m soo glad to found tis thread because I m also in the same situation as u JPP. I m going to be 21 in two weeks. I m in 3rd year at the moment,in a highly prestigious career but i m unhappy tho because i have no passion for the course. Everyday i struggle to go to college..to get out of my bed and trying best to stay focus while trying hard to convince myself i love the course; i love my job. I hated my course since i stepped into college. I have the worst grades in the class. Every year, I ve been getting just a Pass for all my exams. If i continue getting pass...and graduated with a PASS degree. I m screwed!! It would be alot more difficult to get a job than honours student. Few days ago, my classmate said to me " you seemed lack of energy all the time and you seem like you dont want to be here" He was right. I dont! People noticed my soul isnt der when i m in college.

Deep down my passion is Music. I want to study music and become a Music teacher. Most times I ve come across from many threads about passion and havng a career u are passionate of doing " -ITS KILLING ME!

I ve been reading Stevpav things on timemanagement and motivation and goals to get through college.
Right now, i m trying my best to think of a way to use my degree and a ways to pursue my passion.
My plan is tis:
-My degree is going to be a stepping stone to my goal.
- i will use my degree to get a job to make money to support me in future. Financial Stability
while I will be able to do part time studying music through.

I know u have other passions too JJP, remember it can wait, Be patient with yourself. Time will fly anyway. Keep studying.. I know it's hard coz im in the same situation too.
Remember to tell yourself: " i must graduate! i will have financial security and more options in future coz i dont have to worry about money!" "I will have more freedom and options "
take care and all d best. Keep updating this thread to tell us how u get on.


message me privately if u need more help.

[Liara Covert]

Hi Angelwings.

It must feel great to sense that music is the source of your passion. Many people struggle to discover the source of their energy and enthusiasm and you have already found it!

I like the sound of your plan to work toward your goal of becoming a music teacher. To help boost your morale, you may also create opportunities to develop your music passion during university. If you're musical, sing or play an instrument, you might consider offering lessons to earn some money or volunteer for concerts in hospitals, nursing homes or other places on special occasions. During university, I knew a girl who got involved in a band. I knew another one who initiated a music club so she could interact with people who shared her musical interests. If there's a theatre group, you may even decide to get involved in a university musical production. As you find ways to stay connected to what you really want to do, you'll find its easier to get through courses you don't like as much, and you'll stay focused on end goals. Since you're heart and soul are in it, you likely won't need luck.

[Fifth_Column_Media]

I was just/am going through a similar thing as I'm 22 and owner of my own internet business. I have 6 jobs and no money lol.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I think its interesting that I see a lot of people who are very passionate about music, having difficulty with purpose. That where I was too as music is my passion as well and it took me forever to actually believe I could make it doing something music related. For the longest time I felt very trapped because I thought that I was locked into my degree and thinking that I was going to hate any job that used my degree. I relegated myself to basically saying that my degree would be nothing other than a way to fund my passion.

It didn't bother me at first but after a while I really started to dread the fact that I might end up hating my job and having to work at it 8+ hours a day. That bothered me tremendously. Since I've started running my own music site though, I feel a little bit better about it because at least I get to write about music everyday.

Seems to me us who are into music, art and things like acting have the most trouble with our purpose. I wonder if that is because we're subconsciously thinking what we've been told: "That 1 in 100,000 makes it in entertainment and art" etc.

I hope it works out for you Angelwings and best of luck JJP. I can definitely relate.

[Angelwings]

Originally Posted by Liara Covert

I like the sound of your plan to work toward your goal of becoming a music teacher. To help boost your morale, you may also create opportunities to develop your music passion during university.

Originally Posted by Fifth_Column_Media

Anyways, I just wanted to say that I think its interesting that I see a lot of people who are very passionate about music, having difficulty with purpose. That where I was too as music is my passion as well and it took me forever to actually believe I could make it doing something music related. For the longest time I felt very trapped because I thought that I was locked into my degree and thinking that I was going to hate any job that used my degree. I relegated myself to basically saying that my degree would be nothing other than a way to fund my passion.

Great suggestion Liara.
About last month, my friend asked if i want to join her band.I was nervous because I didnt think i have time for d band and couldnt possibly imagine i can cope with college at the same time. I did it anyway.
Someone asked me to join d band back then two years ago the summer before i entered college. During the last 2 yrs of my college, i kept myself away from the truth,, i didnt want to admit to myself i love music and tis is my passion and something i'd love to do for a career because I wasnt doing it. I was far from doing music.It hurts me alot to admit that i dont like my career and i was feeling down for weeks; that is why i ve been avoiding any musical activities in college coz it HURTS me alot knowing that i m far from my purpose/passion and that it is not easy to do my 5 years degree and decided i dont want it anymore.What a WASTE of TIME!
I dont think like tis anymore.. My degree is not wasting my time.It is helping me. Lately, I ve been enjoying going to college alot more. I m happier now. It took me a while to realise my degree is essential.It wud be alot easier to accomplish my passion free of the worry about MONEY.

Fifth_Column_Media
I entered the college coz my parents told me to REAL. People need MONEY. Music fulfills my spiritual need and passion but StevPavs talked about: the Purpose must fulfill both your spiritual, heart, and PHYSCIAL need! Music is not something i m absolute sure i can make enough money to pay for my bills and pay for my food. If i have to worry about Money..I will absolutely hate my passion.

I have many many friends that went to do art and music. I was so jealous of them for the last 2 years coz they seem happy. I was very unhappy coz my course was difficult i have no time to socialise, plus I hate my course.
But lately, I realised their passion is making them miserable at the same time.
They are so worried about money. They cant afford alot of things.They have enough to pay the rent but that's it.They cant afford to eat in fancy restaurant and they are not eating right also..they are eating junks alot of the time. They cant afford alot of basic equipments for Art/music. Instruments,,, paints,,drawing papers etcs.. these are actually EXPENSIVE.


There's too much BS in these industry. Of course, they are happier than me now. I m guranteed in the long run..I m better off. I can use my degree to get a nice decent easy 9-5 job which pays well and after work i can do my music and be able to pay for my instruments, more music lessons..etc. Then finally BOOM my I MADE IT as a MUSIC LECTURER in a university. I will quit my stable 9-5 job and be able to make money from then on with my passion. I get up everyday going doing my passion not saying to myself : " I M GOING TO WORK" It is something " I DO"
When i think about my situation in 2yrs time i m motivated and alot happier. I m suffering now..but these 2yrs will gurantee me a life time free of most worries.

Its not easy at the present moment. I must be patient.Its not going to be easy. I m expecting alot of EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER.But things will get alot brighter as time passes.
Meanwhile, I m not holding back my passion anymore..I m doing my music and also my degree. I m not choosing to give up one for the other.I m keeping them both. Degree and music help one and the other.
Sometimes I wish i knew what i know now 2yrs ago coz then i wud have been a happier person. How i wish i did something with music 2yrs ago.I wasted alot of time..being unhappy I cud have been happy getting a balance of them both.