Sarcasm * Do you perceive it as hurtful or funny?

[WorkitSmart]

This is the first time I have ever started a thread in a forum.. ever!

But I am so flummoxed by a conversation I had earlier today with a family member, that I would greatly appreciate your opinions on this topic.

Sarcasm

My view is that it's hurtful, belittling... meant to demean, degrade, put down. This person thinks it can be 'funny'.. (Coming from someone who has a tendency to be sarcastic!) When I asked for examples of 'funny' sarcasm, they couldn't think of any.

I care deeply for this person and am in a position of mentoring. Any feedback/advice as to how I can continue this conversation in a supportive way?



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[James Moore]

It's an interesting question. I'm very much an overly-sarcastic person, without a doubt to a fault. The last relationship I was in was with a person very much the same way and in the beginning, it was a lot of fun to have a battle of our sarcastic whit. I can say today though that without a doubt, the fact that we were so sarcastic caused us a lot of problems.

In short, I think that in a relationship sarcasm should be checked at the door mainly because it can become increasingly difficult to tell when someone is being true or not.

[WorkitSmart]

Originally Posted by James Moore

In short, I think that in a relationship sarcasm should be checked at the door mainly because it can become increasingly difficult to tell when someone is being true or not.

James.. are you saying that you think people are generally 'kidding around' with their sarcasm? Not speaking the truth?

[Captain Drywall]

Fellow worker: " you drive us all nuts, you mess this place up and never help enough."

Me: "don't hold back, tell me how you feel"

Man walks into his living room, there on the couch is his best friend kissing his wife, he says "Jerry, i have to , but you?" Henny Youngman

Woman: "you don't respect me as a person, you don't appreciate my talents.
Man: "are you kidding, your the best hog i ever had" Steve Martin

OK that last one is hurtful, the others are comic relief. I had to wait 21 years to use that Henny Youngman joke on my wife and best friend.

For some of us sarcasm is just a habit, not meant to be hurtful. But, we know it can be. If it's hurtful to you,, It's hurtful period. It shouldn't be done.

[Captain Drywall]

Originally Posted by WorkitSmart

James.. are you saying that you think people are generally 'kidding around' with their sarcasm? Not speaking the truth?

I would say the truth often comes out in sarcasm

[James Moore]

I think that there is truth in sarcasm, but the intent is what is hard to measure.

[blossom]

It's been said to me that sarcasm is a form of anger being expressed. It can be hurtful and the people who use it need to understand that there are other forms of humour, and that different people find different things funny. Sometimes it can be funny, as long as it isn't aimed at you directly!

[Cado]

It depends entirely on the context. It's rare that anything "is" or "is not" something; an answer given without context will prove useless in practice.

Most people are dicks. Depending on who you are, their sarcasm is either hurtful or annoying. (I, for one, can't tolerate small minds. If their vision is limited to five inches in front of their face then it will only be a moment before they can't see me anymore.) If you're dealing with friends who can give and take a friendly ribbing, it's another matter entirely. It can also be a disarming way to place the truth right out in the open. By "disarming" I mean bluntly stating the truth can often prove very funny-if you know your audience.

[James Moore]

Originally Posted by Captain Drywall

I would say the truth often comes out in sarcasm

Understanding it is a vicious circle in my opinion. I used to tell myself that when I would say something sarcastic to my significant other, that whatever the topic was really didn't concern me and I was just joking.

Now, I know that I was in fact just joking, but the fact that I would retain the topic in the first place could arguably mean that it really did bother me to some degree.

[ArthurHung]

Well, it's your first time posting and it's soooo deep and value producing, it almost makes me want to post a reply

It depends on the energy. Everything is beautiful.

[rei]

i think in many, if not most cases, sarcasm is used as a way to say how you really feel while pretending it is only a joke. i used to do that. with people i didn't really like.

cheerleader: i like your outfit!
me: oh wow, really?? that's awesome!! i am so glad you like it....haha, just playing with you. your opinion is obviously very important to me.
(suddenly i am unsure if this is an actual example of sarcasm.)

or variations of such things.

i think most sarcasm is ultimately hurtful. but as someone else said, if the person you are speaking to feels hurt by it then if you care at all that should be considered feedback you can apply to future communication. this would be true even if you think it's all in good fun.

i also think it would help for people who use sarcasm to come up with other ways to speak what they feel as the truth of things. you don't have to do that through sarcasm. but you can if you want, you always have a choice. and if no one feels at all hurt by it then that is also feedback that tells you it is basically harmless.

[aggie]

i happen to love and appreciate sarcasm, even if it is directed at me...because i have an "off" sense of humor at times.

i think there are many "degrees" of sarcasm and most times, at least for myself, it is meant to be humorous and not to hurt.

my husband has a good sense of humor, but he hates it when i use sarcasm on him...so i do have to be careful

[blossom]

Everyone has different levels of sensitivity, and different ideas about what is funny to them!

[spirit4711]

I love Dogbert's sarcasm, from The official Dilbert website with Scott Adams' color comic strips, animation, mashups and more!

It's so refreshing!

(This post is not sarcastic BTW.)

[Marc D]

The answer is both I think. The use of the sarcasm is what makes it hurtful or funny, its all about the intent. Of course the intent can be misconstrued based on factors such as overusing sarcasm, the environment, the sensitivity of the topic, the nature of the person receiving the sarcasm etc.

I tend to use sarcasm pretty often, but I try to be careful with it.

[WorkitSmart]

Originally Posted by Marc D

The answer is both I think. The use of the sarcasm is what makes it hurtful or funny, its all about the intent. Of course the intent can be misconstrued based on factors such as overusing sarcasm, the environment, the sensitivity of the topic, the nature of the person receiving the sarcasm etc.

See, Marc, I think I always assume the 'intent' is to hurt, when in fact, maybe that's not so.. It is fascinating to me how many people find sarcasm funny.. I just never in a million yrs. considered it so.

Thanks for all the sharing!

[WorkitSmart]

Originally Posted by ArthurHung

Well, it's your first time posting and it's soooo deep and value producing, it almost makes me want to post a reply

It depends on the energy. Everything is beautiful.

Arthur.. thanks for jumping in!

I must clarify, though.. this is the first time I've opened a new thread.. not the first time I've posted. I must say, it's a bit liberating. Previously, when I considered it, I thought the forum police might come out yelling, 'no, no, that's already been posted'

[lifetimelearner]

both !




Fun E Humor - Joke and Humour Archive

[Plays With Life]

I love sarcasm in humour, it just cracks me up. It can play on stereotypes.

But it seems like sarcasm can be an easy (and thin) cover for snide, contemptuous comments. In that case it's just unpleasant.

[Plays With Life]

Some examples of sarcastic Xmas humour

YouTube - larry the cable guy - the night before christmas

YouTube - Brad Paisley - Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday

[blossom]

I don't mind that sort of sarcasm

[Rose of Cairo]

WorkitSmart, congratulations on starting your first thread ever!

Since you're asking about the intention behind sarcasm, I think sometimes it can be meant to belittle, hurt, put down etc. in a poisonous way - but not always. In my experience, most sarcastic people have some fear or vulnerability inside and use sarcasm to cover it up and express themselves in a way that does not expose them too much. They're often not aware of it though. They just think it's funny and have no intention to hurt. I don't know if that's the case in general though, it's just my experience.

A close friend of mine is very sarcastic. At the beginning when I met him, he used sarcasm a lot every time I expressed love verbally, because that was emotionally too overwhelming to him! Now that he's used to it, he's way less sarcastic towards me.

I don't know what to say about your family member. Can you spot any fear, insecurity or vulnerability in him? If there is, maybe that is the real topic to be addressed. If not, I don't know.

Good luck!

[Hulbert]

I think sarcasm is funny. But the intention of sarcasm is usually hurtful.

[Michael Chui]

The issue is really humor, not sarcasm. Saying one thing while meaning another is irony; sarcasm is "verbal irony".

Humor is problematic because the only type of humor that isn't derogatory or hurtful (that I know of) is word puns. Humor is a response to pain: it's a dismissal of it, saying it doesn't actually matter. It's a bonding agent, letting two people who both disagree with another laugh together.

Sarcasm that's intended to be funny is hurtful. It has to be, because it's funny.

Sarcasm that's not intended to be funny is not necessarily hurtful. That usually means it's merely contemptuous, in which case it is hurtful. In the tiny sliver of expressions where you're sarcastic, but not funny or contemptuous, it generally means that the speaker is the object of his own scorn.

[Marc D]

Originally Posted by WorkitSmart

See, Marc, I think I always assume the 'intent' is to hurt, when in fact, maybe that's not so.. It is fascinating to me how many people find sarcasm funny.. I just never in a million yrs. considered it so.

Thanks for all the sharing!

welcome

[Mikahcho]

I used too be easy too sarcastic.

I realized it made people laugh at first, but then began to hurt them. So I use sarcasm to break the ice, though I'm still vey shy, but when in a closer group of friends, I would be sarcastically funny about myself.

Example:

My friend says 'I was this close to coming first in the contest!' He then uses his fingers as a measure of closeness, metaphorically.

Then I reply, 'You know, I was that close to losing my virginity once. She woke up.'

[dulaney0330]

it can definitely be demeaning, rude, or belittling.

I realized that I am not as funny as others because I dont poke fun at them....which I perceive as mean. So, I try to find light of a situation instead of subtly putting down a person.

[aelle]

Often hurtfull, including to the sarcastic person themselves. Ultimately, there ar better ways to convey a message than with snark. You'd feel a lot better if you (general you) expressed your feelings and opinions in a less loaded way. Negativity goes both ways.

[cacheborn]

I used to be very sensitive about it, until I saw Seinfeld. In the beginning I found it difficult to get. It's full of sarcasm and they do not leave out anybody. They even did a parody on the movie JFK.

As I got used to it, my sensitivity reduced and now it is one of my favorite sitcoms of all times. I understand it may seem insensitive to some people. (As it did to me in the beginning).

YouTube - Seinfeld The Yada Yada: Anti-Dentite

YouTube - Seinfeld "Reservations"

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

I love Dogbert's sarcasm, from The official Dilbert website with Scott Adams' color comic strips, animation, mashups and more!

It's so refreshing!

(This post is not sarcastic BTW.)

I like dogbert, too. And also Wally.