This might be borderline disorder

[improver]

I'm not sure.. this may sound VERY messed up.
Well, I'm in college, I DO NOT KNOW what I want to be, and this is almost my third year of college. I'm 19 years old and male. I have NEVER had an ambition. Maybe it's borderline disorder based on what I've researched on the net. I have made friends in high school, but none I actually go out with, just hang out with at school, etc. I have NEVER made a friend in college, yet. But, WHY DO I HAVE NO AMBITION to do anything for my future? It's not that I was born as a person without ANY goals, because I have had goals in the past, like lose weight, and I did focus and strive to achieve it, and I did. But, when it comes to education and future career, etc. I am clueless, I don't know where I'm heading. I don't feel like I have a purpose in life. I just want to stay with my parents forever, even though I have thought about moving out and living alone, if I had the money. Please help me find a way to find out what I really want to be in my life, what I want to do, my purpose.. Not just things like, "What are you interested in?" Or, "Do whatever interests you, you have a passion for." I DON'T KNOW what I'm interested in.. I like video games (Role playing games), traveling, camping, I know the world map very well, I have an big interest in hurricanes, etc. But, still, I just don't know what I want to be. I am pressured A LOT by family to get into the medical field ( doctor ), and it's such a burden on my mind. It has caused me to become depressed at times, etc. I know I have NEVER worked hard enough to become a doctor, I don't know. HELP ME PLEASE. Thank you.

[amj]

I'm in a similar situation. I would say learn a trade. This way, you will have useful skills that will translate into making money. If I could go back to being 19 that's what I would have done. Instead, I went allll the way through college, got a degree that I didn't care about, and wondered what I was going to do next.

[improver]

what do you mean by Learn a trade?

[joyfulgrowth]

Doesn't sound like borderline AT ALL, unless you have lots of other issues you are not sharing about. Doesn't even sound like you have any disorder (even though I certainly see your struggle in the present situation).

Sometimes our passions and ambitions are like flower seeds. They need the right environment to grow. Maybe yours need to trust that they will be hold with care, first of all by you. Maybe you just need some time to get clear of your own position in life, and step by step learn to stand up for that. Or to allow yourself to be ambivalent imagining the needs both staying with your parents forever and moving out would meet for you.

Could you find the money for a few sessions with a life coach who could help you find your power in this present challenge? (sometimes that can go really fast, once you look at it from the right angle and allow your mind to rest for a while)

Curious, because I have never met anybody with a big interest in hurricanes: What interests you about them?

[Coffeesmurf]

It doesn't sound messed up at all - in fact, it sounds pretty normal to me not knowing what to do with your life at 19.

Borderline is a personality disorder with some very serious symptoms like self hatred, a black/white view of people (either someone is all good or all bad), extreme mood swings, extreme fear of abandonment, self mutilation and suicide attempts. Nothing in your post indicates that you might suffer from Borderline.

[ssandra]

I would suggest to go traveling for at least a year. It is a great way to get to know yourself. Go backpacking!

It is great! When you come back you will most likelty have a better idea what you want. Even if you do not, you had a great year and know yourself a lot better!

[amj]

Originally Posted by improver

what do you mean by Learn a trade?

I mean learn a skill such as plumbing, mechanic, electrician, welding, computer tech, barber, etc. I don't know anything about cars so I am going to take an auto mechanic class. I figure at the very least I could make money fixing people's brakes or doing oil changes.

[improver]

Originally Posted by joyfulgrowth

Doesn't sound like borderline AT ALL, unless you have lots of other issues you are not sharing about. Doesn't even sound like you have any disorder (even though I certainly see your struggle in the present situation).

Sometimes our passions and ambitions are like flower seeds. They need the right environment to grow. Maybe yours need to trust that they will be hold with care, first of all by you. Maybe you just need some time to get clear of your own position in life, and step by step learn to stand up for that. Or to allow yourself to be ambivalent imagining the needs both staying with your parents forever and moving out would meet for you.

Could you find the money for a few sessions with a life coach who could help you find your power in this present challenge? (sometimes that can go really fast, once you look at it from the right angle and allow your mind to rest for a while)

Curious, because I have never met anybody with a big interest in hurricanes: What interests you about them?

Well, I just love the feeling of the skies turning dark, and then the rain starts to trickle, and soon, the wind starts howling. Also, I like to track storms, where they are going, etc. I would love to get a camera and safely go outside during a hurricane to film what's going on, not that I want to be a storm chaser, that's dangerous. I sometimes exaggerate the news, I've been told.


__________________________________________________ ___________________________

Thank you everyone.
More replies are great, wanted and always welcome.

Seems to me you are saying this isn't borderline disorder at all, well, that's good to know. But, if you look at my other threads, I have other problems too, and they are bad.

[lifetimelearner]

trust me I have taken care of some Borderline patients and it doesn't sound like you are one of them
you are just confused about what to do

[improver]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

trust me I have taken care of some Borderline patients and it doesn't sound like you are one of them
you are just confused about what to do

I thought borderline was like, not having a self-identity.. I will also mention that...I have no friends. (read my other threads if you can please) Thanks.

[joyfulgrowth]

Originally Posted by improver

Well, I just love the feeling of the skies turning dark, and then the rain starts to trickle, and soon, the wind starts howling. Also, I like to track storms, where they are going, etc. I would love to get a camera and safely go outside during a hurricane to film what's going on, not that I want to be a storm chaser, that's dangerous.

Wow, I am from an area where we hardly have any storms, and your decription really gives me a vivid multisensory imagination, almost like I was experiencing it myself! Thanks!

[improver]

Originally Posted by joyfulgrowth

Wow, I am from an area where we hardly have any storms, and your decription really gives me a vivid multisensory imagination, almost like I was experiencing it myself! Thanks!

Really? coool
thank you

[Coffeesmurf]

Originally Posted by improver

I thought borderline was like, not having a self-identity.. I will also mention that...I have no friends. (read my other threads if you can please) Thanks.

A part of Borderline is "markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self", which is very different from not knowing what to do in life. My exgirlfriend who had Borderline could go from being happy and content one day to calling me up on the phone the next, saying "I don't know who I am and I feel that I'm so horrible that I need to do everything I can to set up a facade to hide the real me".

Saw a couple of your other threads - and you don't sound bipolar to me. If you feel you need help, I would suggest seeing a psychologist - or maybe your GP first. I wouldn't rely on any advice given here to make decisions regarding your mental health.

[rei]

Originally Posted by improver

Seems to me you are saying this isn't borderline disorder at all, well, that's good to know. But, if you look at my other threads, I have other problems too, and they are bad.

improver, i have responded to several of your posts. i don't think you are borderline or bipolar, i have been around people with both of those diagnoses. i think you have some issues you're wanting to work through, but probably not anything that pathological is going on (note: i'm not a licensed professional at this point, i'm not actually qualified to make that claim with any certainty. i don't know all your history, this is my personal opinion based on what you have shared here and my own experience and training).

and frankly, i think you are maybe settling for negative attention in the place of positive attention. it's one thing for folks here to be understanding and show empathy, it's another to expect us to validate the powerlessness that is coming from your posts. you aren't powerless, things are not as catestrophically terrible as you're making them out to be.

i'm not saying you don't have things you want to work on, but i don't think it's right to ask us to validate what feels like a victim mentality either. i do think it would be good for you to talk to a medical professional about these things - if you're in college you probably have a student mental health center where you can see someone for free, or very cheap. i'm not suggesting that you see someone so you can continue wallowing in it, i'm suggesting it so more serious issues can be ruled out and you can begin to feel more control over your life.

you may not like what i'm saying here, but it feels like something you can benefit from hearing. my intention is to remind you of your personal power, not to invalidate your perspective. i do hope you come to a place of greater balance and joy, and speaking with someone in person would probably be more helpful to you than what we can offer here. of course, this is just my opinion. others may disagree.

[improver]

Originally Posted by rei

improver, i have responded to several of your posts. i don't think you are borderline or bipolar, i have been around people with both of those diagnoses. i think you have some issues you're wanting to work through, but probably not anything that pathological is going on (note: i'm not a licensed professional at this point, i'm not actually qualified to make that claim with any certainty. i don't know all your history, this is my personal opinion based on what you have shared here and my own experience and training).

and frankly, i think you are maybe settling for negative attention in the place of positive attention. it's one thing for folks here to be understanding and show empathy, it's another to expect us to validate the powerlessness that is coming from your posts. you aren't powerless, things are not as catestrophically terrible as you're making them out to be.

i'm not saying you don't have things you want to work on, but i don't think it's right to ask us to validate what feels like a victim mentality either. i do think it would be good for you to talk to a medical professional about these things - if you're in college you probably have a student mental health center where you can see someone for free, or very cheap. i'm not suggesting that you see someone so you can continue wallowing in it, i'm suggesting it so more serious issues can be ruled out and you can begin to feel more control over your life.

you may not like what i'm saying here, but it feels like something you can benefit from hearing. my intention is to remind you of your personal power, not to invalidate your perspective. i do hope you come to a place of greater balance and joy, and speaking with someone in person would probably be more helpful to you than what we can offer here. of course, this is just my opinion. others may disagree.

''

Alright, I understand..
but from what I'm getting..do you mean that I can't be getting any help from here, and the only way to get help is talking to someone in person? Or are you saying that I'm being annoying to others by posting my problems? It's okay, just curious, but I understand what you mean, thanks.

[rei]

i'm not saying this place is useless, or that you're just annoying people. but i do think you are stuck in a habit of thinking about what is wrong instead of focusing on what is right - building and amplifying positive feelings.

it seems you are working from a narrative of problems and of how you are powerless, and i'm suggesting that you begin to spin a narrative about yourself based on solutions (or what is positive in your life/thoughts/feelings/behavior) and of how you are empowered through accepting responsibility for your situation and the choices you make.

this is a forum for conscious living, so part of my point is that you may not get what you are looking for if your only focus is on what is wrong or how you are hopeless to change things.

and my other point is, while those who have spoken up don't think you seem to have bipolar or borderline, we aren't in a position to know that with any certainty so if it is something that you're concerned about, your best bet is an appointment at a mental health clinic to speak with someone who is qualified to tell you whether your concerns are valid or whether the behavior is normal for someone at that stage of development or those circumstances.

i hope my point is clearer now. i'm not just trying to be mean or saying tough it out or anything like that. i'm trying to show you ways to feel more empowered and conscious. i'm not trying to get you to leave the forums either. i hope you realize that's not what i'm doing or trying to do, and i really do hope you feel greater balance and joy.

[Brutha]

Your problem isn't all the things you worry about. Your problem is that you don't focus on positive things. Without seeing the positive things in your life it's impossible to get inspired.

Let me give you a challenge:
The next time you post, find three things that went well in your life last week and tell us about them.

[improver]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Your problem isn't all the things you worry about. Your problem is that you don't focus on positive things. Without seeing the positive things in your life it's impossible to get inspired.

Let me give you a challenge:
The next time you post, find three things that went well in your life last week and tell us about them.

I really can't think of any...

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by improver

I really can't think of any...

You got up in the morning didn´t you?

The sun was shining?

The cup of coffee you had was extra nice?

You said hi to the person behind the cash register in the supermarket?

It was raining, but you were inside and didn´t have to go anywhere?

You saw a nice documentory about hurricances?

You came to this forum and saw there were lots of people willing to help you?

You ate healthy for at least 1 meal?

You ate some fruit?

You induldged in some bad food, but it was very good, so you are happy about it?

Now.. I know what you are thinking... You are thinking.. yes, I ate some fruit, but I also ate a kilo of chips and french fries and other crap, so that doesn´t really count.
This is what has been said before. There is something positive (you ate some fruit) but you focus on the negative (all the bad things that you have been eating).

Try and focus only on the good. Tell yourself how good it was of you to eat that apple, to say hi to the person in the supermarket etc.

Why not try again:

Let me give you a challenge:
The next time you post, find three things that went well in your life last week and tell us about them.

[improver]

Originally Posted by ssandra

You got up in the morning didn´t you?

The sun was shining?

The cup of coffee you had was extra nice?

You said hi to the person behind the cash register in the supermarket?

It was raining, but you were inside and didn´t have to go anywhere?

You saw a nice documentory about hurricances?

You came to this forum and saw there were lots of people willing to help you?

You ate healthy for at least 1 meal?

You ate some fruit?
You induldged in some bad food, but it was very good, so you are happy about it?

Now.. I know what you are thinking... You are thinking.. yes, I ate some fruit, but I also ate a kilo of chips and french fries and other crap, so that doesn´t really count.
This is what has been said before. There is something positive (you ate some fruit) but you focus on the negative (all the bad things that you have been eating).

Try and focus only on the good. Tell yourself how good it was of you to eat that apple, to say hi to the person in the supermarket etc.

Why not try again:

Hahahaha, it was very hard to think for myself, but you just proved that there were actually a lot of things that went well. Let me bold the things you said that happened for me. Thanks.

[Brutha]

Hahahaha, it was very hard to think for myself, but you just proved that there were actually a lot of things that went well. Let me bold the things you said that happened for me. Thanks.

Congratulations on passing level 1.
The next step is to find some things yourself in the next days of your life.
Be always on the lookout for good things.

If you wear a watch, put it on your other arms to remind you to seek good things.
How long will you take till you get three things together? Remember, the things don't have to be big.

[improver]

OMG I just got fired from my part-time job and I don't know why!!!

[Brutha]

OMG I just got fired from my part-time job and I don't know why!!!

But you still have your assigment about finding good things in your life

[improver]

Originally Posted by Brutha

But you still have your assigment about finding good things in your life

okay.. =/

I woke up this morning <- does that count?...
I have a roof over my head.
I ate at a restaurant like yesterday.
I got a new shirt the other day.
I have my own laptop.
I got the motivation to start working out again.

uh, is that good enough.. but these things are all normal things in everyone's life so I don't know if they would be considered as good things in my life. But, I tried.
Thank you.

I have a list of bad things going on too, but I won't say them.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by improver

okay.. =/

I woke up this morning <- does that count?...

Of course it counts!! Everything good counts!

I have a roof over my head.
I ate at a restaurant like yesterday.
I got a new shirt the other day.
I have my own laptop.
I got the motivation to start working out again.

uh, is that good enough.. but these things are all normal things in everyone's life so I don't know if they would be considered as good things in my life. But, I tried.
Thank you.

You may not have noticed it yourself... but you actually did better than the assignment!! You only had to look for 3, but you easily found 6!! Double the goodness!!!!!!!

Loosing your job is an opportunity to find a new job. With new collegues you can make friends with, with more interesting work etc. I know you´ll just do fine!

I have a list of bad things going on too, but I won't say them.

Don´t even think about them. If you think about them or not, they will still be there, both good things and bad things... if that doesn´t change, wouldn´t you rather think good things?

[improver]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Of course it counts!! Everything good counts!



You may not have noticed it yourself... but you actually did better than the assignment!! You only had to look for 3, but you easily found 6!! Double the goodness!!!!!!!

Loosing your job is an opportunity to find a new job. With new collegues you can make friends with, with more interesting work etc. I know you´ll just do fine!




Don´t even think about them. If you think about them or not, they will still be there, both good things and bad things... if that doesn´t change, wouldn´t you rather think good things?

Thank you.
I didn't read that I was supposed to find only 3. Sorry.

[rei]

that actually turned into a good thing, not something to apologize about!
you should feel free to come up with as many positive things as you can.

[Nimo]

Hi, I read your thread with interest. I think u're overly harsh with yourself. At 19, you are in a good place to chart ur life in the direction you choose..you're still young and have some good things going for you..lets see..u don't have a child that ure supporting, u're in college, u don't yet have to pay bills etc..the thing about lacking ambition is temporary..nothing has held your interest long enough to become an ambition & that should serve as a motivation to do as many things as possible so you know what u're good at/not (learn a trade, a language etc) if that won't work, think of starting a blog on your interests in hurricanes/world map..u said that you exaggerate things told to you? Use that to tell beautiful creative stories about hurricanes, who knows where that may lead..u could use ur knowledge of the world map to start a blog educating people on the world e.g Nairobi is the capital city of Kenya (and not Nigeria!) etc maybe even run a contest after every lesson (that could make you some extra cash). What rei wrote is true..concentrate on the positives in your life and quit feeling sorry for yourself..accept that the place you are at is difficult but not impossible. I wouldn't recommend seeing a psych, u're just a teenager, it'll pass. One more thing, look at your username...its positive & progressive, allow yourself to live up to it. Be gentle with yourself, relax and breath easy. Check this out suppose you live up to 60, u've got 40years ahead of you..let's break em down..you could use the nxt 10 finding what u want to do and still have 30yrs of your 'perfect' life to enjoy. You timing is perfect. Hope this helps.

[improver]

thank you

all replies are appreciated and more are always wanted.

[vartann]

Originally Posted by improver

Well, I just love the feeling of the skies turning dark, and then the rain starts to trickle, and soon, the wind starts howling. Also, I like to track storms, where they are going, etc. I would love to get a camera and safely go outside during a hurricane to film what's going on, not that I want to be a storm chaser, that's dangerous. I sometimes exaggerate the news, I've been told.


__________________________________________________ ___________________________

Thank you everyone.
More replies are great, wanted and always welcome.

Seems to me you are saying this isn't borderline disorder at all, well, that's good to know. But, if you look at my other threads, I have other problems too, and they are bad.

you are 19 and you have a romantic view of the world
reality will catch up with you and make you bite the dust
but if you don t give up you'll come through with the Prize: being the God you already are within