Torn between two decisions!

[Manuel]

Hello All,

This is my first post here. Next month I will receive about 40,000 euros from selling my mom's house, who died last year in September. I am 38 years old and studied guitar in college. Music was always my big passion but for various reasons I never made a career of it. For the last ten years I have had all sorts of jobs, none of which I ever liked. At the moment I work as a sales administrator for a big company. It's a boring job, far below my capabilities as well, and I really don't like working there. I read Steve's post on how being employed is a dead end and I totally agree. I would love to start the musical career I should have started years ago, but here's my dilemma: I don't have my own living space. I am renting just a single room in an apartment, that I share with two other guys. I am really miserable in it, because the walls are paper thin. One of my roommates sleeps until noon every day so I can't practice guitar as much as I wish. Also, I feel really bad about being 38 and not even having my own place. With these 40,000 euros I am getting I thought I might be able to buy a place myself now, but it would mean I'd have to stay at the job I hate. On the other hand, I was thinking I could use the 40,000 to easily live off of it for two years, so I'd have plenty of time to start working on my music career fulltime. But then I'd still be hating where I live. I don't know which one of these options is the best. On the one hand I hate my job, but I think I hate living where I do at the moment even more! I don't know what to choose to do with the money and I'm very afraid of making the wrong choice! Excuses for the long post :-), any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Manuel

[dancer]

Have you considered moving to another apartment with new flatmates?

[TiffyLove]

No one can make this decision for you. However we can help you find your true decision.

There is many questions that can help, "If you knew you couldn't fail which choice would you choose?"

"Which choice would make you feel proud of yourself?"

"Which choice would empower you and make you feel hopeful and inspired?"

"Which choice would make you feel excited about your future?"

[Lioness]

Originally Posted by Manuel

On the one hand I hate my job, but I think I hate living where I do at the moment even more!

I think you've answered your own question here.
My advice: Put at least half the money in a very safe investment like a CD or govt treasury bill that you can't touch without penalty for 2-5 years.
Find a cheap apartment of your own. Continue the day job and bank as much money as you can. Give yourself a deadline for turning your music into your full-time gig. Can you give guitar lessons, play with a band nights and weekends? (not sure what you are doing with your music already.)

On the other hand, having your own apartment won't guarantee that neighbors won't complain about early morning music. There are places you can practice without disturbing your roomate. Some musicians make money playing for commuters in the subway and downtown street corners. There are also soundproof rooms available at music schools for practice.

I'm very afraid of making the wrong choice!

No one can give you the perfect answer. But you must make a move. This could be your only opportunity. So pursue your dream, but do it smart, not recklessly.

[iDreamCatcher]

You used word "hate" 4 times in the post describing your life situation.
Could it be the main cause of your troubles?

[Gene]

Originally Posted by iDreamCatcher

You used word "hate" 4 times in the post describing your life situation.
Could it be the main cause of your troubles?

I read a veteran of the forums counsel someone "to focus on the solution not the problem" today and feel it fits the OP's situation and dilemma about choices perfectly.

[iDreamCatcher]

I read a veteran of the forums counsel someone "to focus on the solution not the problem" today and feel it fits the OP's situation and dilemma about choices perfectly.

Quite often (always?) our successes as well as our problems are the reflections of our inner state of being. Changing reflection without changing the "object" will not produce lasting result.
Reshuffling outer situation either way without changing inner screaming state of "hate" will not produce desired result either.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by iDreamCatcher

Quite often (always?) our successes as well as our problems are the reflections of our inner state of being. Changing reflection without changing the "object" will not produce lasting result.
Reshuffling outer situation either way without changing inner screaming state of "hate" will not produce desired result either.

I agree with your statement. Change begins within rather than without and such change often starts with an awareness of how intolerably intense the inner conflict has become. Changing reflection without changing the object will not as you say have the desired result but changing the object without the reflection also changing seems impossible.

Being aware of the underlying state of being and taking a step in the outer behavior while having contact with inner object can change both object and reflection. Hopefully this change equals steps leading towards solution.

[Manuel]

Thanks a lot all for the replies! It has been helpful.

[hoporr]

Hello Manuel

sounds like you have a great opportunity now.

First off, seems like you are really passionate about your music. The word "Passion" originally meant "to suffer." It is the things we are passionate about that we are willing to suffer for. And this will help you in the long term when things get tough (setbacks are a way of life, but only setbacks! As far as practicing guitar while others are sleeping, could you use an electric guitar with earphones?)

Second, none of this has to be either/or decision. There are many ways where you could stretch this new money longer. How about doing some part time work otherwise?

Third, as far as your job vs. your passion. Reading your post, I somehow get the impression that you can get buy with just a few basic things. Am I right? A lot of people today need a lot of stuff, and thereby are kind of trapped by their work. Then the work becomes a golden cage. In my book, I urge people to put a price on their lives, and establish a comfort point at which they are OK with what they are making but still have room to do what they are passionate about. For some reason, reading your post, I think you could go a long ways on 40K Euros (about what, 55K USD).

You should define what really you want/need as far as the living conditions while you embark on this adventure, weighed against your dream.

Fourth, have a life design moving forward. Where really do you want your music career to end up with? I don't know what kind of music you play, but at 38, chances are you probably will not be a rock star anymore. So be realistic. You probably still can make a good living from it in other ways.

And last: remember that some 50 years from now, you probably will be dust. Sorry, had to throw in a shocker here. But this is your life here, and you only have one shot at this.

Personally, I'd rather say "I tried and failed" than not have tried at all.

I wish you the best life. Enjoy and Be True!

Hanns-Oskar Porr
The Steps of Essence: How to Live Live Well and Authentically
www.StepsOfEssence.com (also on Amazon.com)