Choosing the darkwork

[celestialife]

After reading many of the threads in this section of the forum, I decided that its time to polarize. The idea of being a lightworker or darkworker is a relatively new concept to me within the whole personal growth and development arena, but the benefits to aligning to either one, I believe, far outway the disadvantages to not. Choosing to polarize is a strong commitment to make and I've come to the conclusion that living as a darkworker is my path.

Arriving at this decision wasn't a very hard process for me to make, albeit a little surprising. My whole life I've lived according to values that are really very congruent with being a lightworker. I joined the Army with a strong sense of duty to serve my country and honor those who came before me, and to be a part of something greater where I could help make the world a better place. Even there, though, I felt as if I wasn't complete. When I was in positions of authority and had to maintain a command presence, I still felt, in a sense, subservient to my subordinates. I felt as if I had to win their approval to the point where it interfered with the job I was doing. I don't know if that stemmed from an innate sense to provide the best for those under my command, or whether it was a function of my own lifelong insecurity. Maybe it was a mixture of both. Fortunately, I was only a West Point cadet and wasn't required to make important decisions while the lives of those under me were at risk. The point is, even in a situation where a strong and authoritative presence was required, I was still unable to do so, and that has been the story of my entire life. I've always felt torn between doing what's best or right for me and doing what's best or right for others, mostly always choosing the latter even to my own detriment. Growing up I always felt like I was different and stood out from the crowd, and, probably because I felt that way, I had few friends and was socially awkward, always worried about how others thought of me and always trying to please. I'm done with that. Choosing the darkworker path is congruent with the changes I want to make and the experiences I want to have. I hope I haven't qualified myself too much, but it feels good to write it out and I welcome any comments from members of the forum.

Now to the meat and potatoes. This adventure of personal growth and development has taught me a lot over the past year or so. One of the most important things I've learned is that in order to make real change, you first must unconditionally accept and know who you are. If not, then its like trying to redesign and build a more efficient engine without first having the experience of being a mechanic. For me, this past year has finally provided me with that knowledge and acceptance through the good times and bad. The same thinking can be applied to the changes I want to see take place in my life. So, after doing some reading, I answered for myself some questions about what it means to be a darkworker so that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I'm posting those answers here so that I could get as much feedback as possible, and I appreciate any and all of it!
----
My questions:

What does a darkworker do?

A darkworker uses his energy and the energy of those around him solely for his own benefit. It is a very self-oriented path that focuses on advancing the darkworker's personal agenda. The goal is total control over every aspect of his life, even if that means pursuing and gaining it at the expense of others.

What are the attributes of a darkworker?

Polarizing to any one side is a very personal choice. It can be argued even more so as a darkworker, I believe, because it requires a total emotional release from the constructs of society and pursuing a life centered on personal benefit and gain, regardless of how others think or feel. It implies letting go of, at least internally, the conditions or restraints that society forces us to maintain, sometimes working within and using practices considered taboo. A darkworker may employ methods others might consider amoral, ruthless, or deceitful (to name a few) to succeed. Some of these methods can include seducing or employing power tactics over other individuals or entities. A darkworker, whether subtly or unsubtly, is always calculating the best move to put him in a position of control and will do whatever it takes to reach that end.

How does living as a darkworker align with your goal of becoming enlightened?

Anyone can become enlightened. You were born enlightened. Inside each and every one of us is a Buddha wanting to be released. Our spirits will live on after our earthly vessels have turned to dust, and those that choose a path of enlightenment during their lives will awaken upon death as servants to humanity. Choosing to polarize is to be among the few, and aligning with either side implies finding your own personal path to enlightenment - polarizing demands discipline and an unwavering commitment to what you want to achieve while fostering the development of untapped human potential. For me, that path means learning how to do many things such as working with energy flow, projecting power and dominance over weakness and insecurity, learning how to take advantage of the subtleties in the human psyche, and crafting my environment to my benefit. Every interaction can be used as a tool to increase my confidence and abilities. Complete freedom and control is the ultimate goal, having the ability to create and sustain my own reality. With that comes release and the relief of knowing that everything is in its right place.
----
I feel that my answers to those questions sum up, as concisely as possible, what it means to be a darkworker. If I've missed the ball on anything I would love to know. I know that I've painted darkworkers in a bit of negative light, and its important to understand that being one does not necessarily require being inconsiderate, or bane, or any other trait upon which society tends to frown (it may require it at times, however) - it means acting with my own interests closest at heart. People can equate that however they want. I like to look at being a darkworker as being a member of the Renaissance court. To be a successful courtier meant being a man of many masks, constantly calculating and maneuvering to gain power, advantage, and favor to further his own means. Today, with the freedoms that many of us enjoy, the king's court is the reality we allow to manifest on the earthly stage.

This was very long-winded (almost done!) and I thank you for reading if you've made it this far. I don't expect this to be an easy process, I know I have a long way to go, but I intend to document my experiences in the forum. Writing this post was the most immediate step I could take to solidify my commitment, and having my own thoughts in writing help to reinforce the feelings that I have. I would love any advice or criticism, or anything else! Thanks

To be continued...

[celestialife]

Current
I've done it again. I am literally living in filth. Ash trays filled to the brim, miscellaneous bags of trash, used plates, empty cans and bottles are littered around my living room. I even cleaned up two days ago - you should have seen it then. My kitchen is a hazardous waste zone. Dishes are in the sink from weeks ago, the counters have leftover residue from microwaveable meals and cheese dip. The trash is overflowing. The bathroom is a mess - I won't go there. My room is inviting. Clean clothes intertwined with dirty are strewn across the floor. Its as if my closet has initiated a full-scale invasion of my sleeping space. This is my first challenge. I need to clear the space. My living environment is a product of my mental cluttery. By the time this is posted I'll pick up the trash. Tomorrow I'll clean up the apartment. Fresh and anew.

Brief
Day one of my darkworker transformation. I decided that some active first steps need to be taken to shift my paradigm. Anything to break the neuron-chains of bad habits in my head, forcing a chink in their rusty armor. Most of my day has been spent thinking and writing about polarizing to a darkworker, culminating with the creation of this thread. In that end I've had a good day. I feel better already! Since I know I have my work cut out for me, I've come to the conclusion that a series of 30-day adjustments are required to complete my transformation and truly begin this adventure. I've narrowed it down to the physical, financial, and social aspects of my life. I'll start in that order; working out releases endorphins and is a large step in the right direction. Additionally I will work on my inner game - my personal growth and spirituality - by meditating, reading, writing, and sharing my victories and struggles with this forum.

Tasks

• Immediate
  1. Pick up trash
  2. Push ups
  3. Meditate

• Short-Term
  1. Clean up apartment
  2. Create workout schedule
  3. Update Thread

Recap and Alignment
This is a good finish to the first day. The hard part is going to be tomorrow. I have a tendency to start off well and then falter in my endeavors, but being accountable to this forum will help me overcome that. Writing my initial post helped clear the air and prepare myself mentally for what lies ahead. Keeping the thread updated with my transformation through my Darkworking posts is something I will do at least 5 times per week. I'm excited! I look forward to hearing anyone's thoughts, suggestions, comments, complaints, whatever!

Until then...

celestialife

[zeitgeist]

An impressive note - The expressions light and dark worker have a value judgements attached, whereas God in Neale Walsch's Conversations with God preferred the expressions useful and not useful over right and wrong. Understand who you are and go and run with it.

Zeitgeist

[celestialife]

At least the house is starting to get cleaned up. Got some laundry done, cleaned up the kitchen, picked up the trash, but its been harder than I thought to actually clean up this energy sucking demon that is (used to be) my apartment. Made some pretty good headway though and I'll have it done by tonight. I think the trick is learning how to enjoy keeping tidy, to transmute from looking at it as work to, at least, something productive that will have bigger rewards than just a shiny floor and lemoney fresh scent. If I'm to get anywhere on this transformation, a clean place is an absolute must.

So this is day three of my darkworker transformation. Today has been a bit of a hectic day, at least its turned out that way. I've actually learned a lot in the past day and a half since my last post and have come to understand even more what it means to be a darkworker. My polarization is rock-solid, and I know that there is a whole world of opportunity in my grasp. The biggest challenge I've had came just a few hours ago, where my girlfriend and I broke up. She and I have never brought out the best in each other and any person could have seen this coming (its been a downward spiral for a while now). Anyway, I saw no personal benefit to us continuing the relationship and it feels right that we're no longer in each others' lives. My biggest fear with losing her as someone important in my life was that I would be alone, but better to be alone than with someone who makes you miserable.

Its been easier than I anticipated to get into a good physical routine. My chest is sore, my thighs are still burning from running, and I'm worn out, but it couldn't feel better. My workout schedule is complete, which I plan to maintain until maintenance is no longer necessary. I found a great strength-training routine (3-day) from Men's Health which is easy for me to do since I work at a gym anyway (I know). Not to mention the equipment I have at home.

Day 1: four-mile run, strength training
Day 2: fartlek training, push-ups, pull-ups
Day 3: four-mile run, strength training
Day 4: fartlek training, push-ups, pull-ups
Day 5: four-mile run, strength training
Day 6: fartlek training, push-ups, pull-ups
Day 7: rest

Since I'm starting with the physical aspect of this transformation first, I know I can't limit myself to just working out. First of all I need to quit smoking cigarettes. Terrible. I've been doing some visualization exercises where I'm offered a cigarette and I tell the individual no, I don't smoke. I've only done it a few times, but my aversion to smoking cigarettes is starting to take hold. As it stands I smoke a pack a day - approx. 140 cigarettes/week. I'll keep it updated so you can track my progress. Also, my diet needs a gut-check. Its hard to maintain a healthy one when money is tight, but there are ways around it and I can save the money from my Taco Bell habit to spend on groceries. I'm a pretty big fan of the Abs Diet so I'll stick to that regimen.

Immediate Goals:
1. Finish cleaning up apartment
2. Create vision board
3. Meditation

Short Term Goals:
1. Maintain clean apartment
2. Maintain workout schedule
3. Quit smoking
4. Go grocery shopping.
5. Create daily schedule

Overall I'm off to a good start. Once my living space is clean and arranged how I want I'll feel tons better. I forgot how nice it feels to have a good workout in during the day - it must be those endorphins doing their good work. More tomorrow.

celestialife

[Manomanman]

I blog a lot about Darkworking.

Make sure you DO NOT give your power up to money. Darkworking has to be an end in and of itself.

Based on the quality of your writing, you're going to need to work on your intellect more than your physical body. Your wits are what are going to matter most.

You need to start reading Machiavelli. Figure out how to manipulate people.

I am a Darkworker because I was born that way - not because I chose to be that way. I have no innate care or love for other people.

Ask yourself this question - why did the Emperor go for power if he's really filled with hatred? He did it for the survival or the empire, for the greater good.

The "Dark Side" really is not "evil" - it's just that a lot of brainwashed lightworkers have been trained to react that way.

[Strangemagik]

I read this before but didn't know what to say. But after reflecting on it and reading it, or skimming anyway, again I'd think that we all need to have some dark side in us. First rule or code we learn in life is survival and that comes before all else. The will to survive is very strong in most every person. From the time we are born we learn the world can be manipulated for what we want and need. We cried and food comes. Little girls definitely get this down early in life. At some point some of us are over powered from trainer standpoint to trainee and like Jesse suggested brainwashed lightworkers are born. HMM For what its worth I've never thought the dark side to be evil, even as a child I saw that.

Yes I agree the dark side is not evil. In a lot of ways they are more honest. Even light work is bound to be "selfish" in some form. Just think about how they are doing it for some self satisfaction. Funny this is coming from someone who would think I'd be a lightworker too. Just maybe think I have some more reading to do before I decide to polarize, huh?

[Manomanman]

P.S. I'm going to blog extensively about persuasive communication, once I get going.

[Coffeesmurf]

This might be useful

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

This might be useful

It never ceases to amaze me that these so-called "persuasion experts" have terrible sales pages. Salesmanship is the most important part of persuasion!

[Asmoday]

I'm awaiting further reports and following your progress. Your case is interesting, I've never seen a future Prince take the throne with such a strong need for approval -- it would be fascinating to me to see how that flowering would bloom. Would it remain? If so, how would it find expression?

Brief advice: Discipline you have, its self-love which is deficient but growing, as manifest in the breakup. The goals you have set will far more naturally click into place when this re-balancing takes place.

Continue to put your awareness, time, and effort in self-love and self-examination. Water that seed. Search and destroy, all self-hatred, dislike, doubt.

You will know this process is successful when you are beginning to embrace your current flaws warmly as marks of identity, but at the same time are not loosing the drive to reach beyond them.

[Cado]

Originally Posted by Asmoday

I'm awaiting further reports and following your progress. Your case is interesting, I've never seen a future Prince take the throne with such a strong need for approval -- it would be fascinating to me to see how that flowering would bloom. Would it remain? If so, how would it find expression?

Brief advice: Discipline you have, its self-love which is deficient but growing, as manifest in the breakup. The goals you have set will far more naturally click into place when this re-balancing takes place.

Continue to put your awareness, time, and effort in self-love and self-examination. Water that seed. Search and destroy, all self-hatred, dislike, doubt.

You will know this process is successful when you are beginning to embrace your current flaws warmly as marks of identity, but at the same time are not loosing the drive to reach beyond them.

Ahhh, welcome back Asmoday. It's been a while. Good to hear something from you again.

[ar81]

What you do to life, will be given back to you.
I am so selfish, that I try to do good, so good returns to me.
If it returns to me, who gets the benefit? Me, of course. I am a darn selfish...

[vartann]

Originally Posted by Manomanman

a lot of brainwashed lightworkers have been trained to react that way.

yeah a sissy pack they are

[celestialife]

This thread has been mocking me. I've been avoiding it. Not because I've changed my beliefs but because I've been afraid to step into the unknown that lies ahead. Afraid of the painful steps that must be made to forge a new path, a new life, really. But what is pain if only an extension of our bodies, a cost of the life we get to live on this worldly stage. The other day, a quote from Apocalypse Now resonated with me more than I could have ever imagined:

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream, it's my nightmare. Crawling, slipping along the edge of a straight razor and surviving.

For that's all our lives really are. We live, and eventually die, and are either remembered for our deeds or not. So what, then, is life without pain? Why not embrace it because it is a constant reminder that we are, in fact, alive. Use it. Feed off of it. Learn from it. Grow stronger because of it.

Originally Posted by asmoday

Continue to put your awareness, time, and effort in self-love and self-examination. Water that seed. Search and destroy, all self-hatred, dislike, doubt.

Marching orders received, thank you Asmoday.

Some things are already in motion. I threw a wrench in my plans and decided to move back in with my father. Working a part-time job makes it difficult to pay the bills and keep my mind focused on the things that count. So, I cut my losses and am making the smart financial move. Its only temporary. I'm not the only person in their early twenties still living with their parents and going to school (or planning to go back to school). Besides, there's still a lot I have to learn from my old man, and this will be good time spent repairing that relationship. Everything is a learning experience, and my first go at complete independence had shoddy planning to begin with. I'll make it right the second time.

In the time I've been away I've re-evaluated some of my goals and planning, and I'll update that here after the holiday. Until then.

[Ravmar]

Originally Posted by vartann

yeah a sissy pack they are

Sure, keep telling yourself that, but we know you're afraid of us. Fear is what you do.

[Asmoday]

Originally Posted by Ravmar

Sure, keep telling yourself that, but we know you're afraid of us. Fear is what you do.

I'm not afriad of the Lightworkers I meet. None of the more advanced Darkworkers I know are, either.

Beginners tend to be, but its not fear of the Lightworker, its fear of the natural area-effect Lightworkers bring with them -- to locate and bring deep pains to the surface, and most new Darkworkers are clinging to their pain, like a child to a bottle. More of a resistance interpreted as fear, really.

Ironically, if fear is part of the equation, its usually the other way around.

After all, I'm the one who is, like you, aware of his divine nature and fully vested with that power, but not bound by rules of conduct, right? What would I have to fear from you? To my eyes (and yes, I think both our perspectives are valid), you are a God with his hands tied behind his back.

But don't mind Vartann, he's just fresh to the game and excited, displaying some "hometown team" pride. Nothing wrong with that.

[Ravmar]

Since deception is also what you do, I'll be assuming anything you say could be misinformation.

[Melchior]

Originally Posted by Ravmar

Since deception is also what you do, I'll be assuming anything you say could be misinformation.

Why should it be though?

[Asmoday]

Originally Posted by Ravmar

Since deception is also what you do, I'll be assuming anything you say could be misinformation.

I dig it. You doubt the source.

So, lets say I told you about gravity? You'd doubt me, because its me, but you could then go out and test it against reality, right?

Go test what I've said for yourself. Its worth the investment, trust me.

The dirty little secret: At the apex, the paths merge, become one.

LOL, either way, my will is done, cousin

:repares for the flameage::

[Melchior]

Originally Posted by Asmoday

At the apex, the paths merge, become one.

Neither dirty, nor a secret (well, anymore anyway ) ^_^

[Asmoday]

Originally Posted by Melchior

Neither dirty, nor a secret (well, anymore anyway ) ^_^

LOL, I can't help it -- I like to let the cat out of the bag. :-P Its stuffy in there.

But, can we at least keep it dirty? Its more fun when its dirty.

Okay, okay. I'll compromise, lets just call it "saucy". A saucy little tidbit.

[Melchior]

Oh, sure, by all means then, have your fun

btw, for those supposed "lightworkers": 'fear' is not what anyone who has polarized does, or wants at least. both 'sides' wish for positive growth whether it is within themselves or the world without themselves, and that can only be accomplished with love. Thing is, you can't have either without the other as they are connected.

[Asmoday]

Originally Posted by Melchior

Oh, sure, by all means then, have your fun

btw, for those supposed "lightworkers": 'fear' is not what anyone who has polarized does, or wants at least. both 'sides' wish for positive growth whether it is within themselves or the world without themselves, and that can only be accomplished with love. Thing is, you can't have either without the other as they are connected.

I concur. And add that both sides use fear in exactly the same way, either as a motivator to change, or as a signpost to where growth is needed, or as a booster-shot in motivation along the way.

Which is bring us back to the whole love-fear based argument. This is a pivotal point...

DW's are not based in fear. Both are based in love, you can see this through direct observation of the polarized. Simply put the theorizing and mental jewelry down and go look. The debate is springing from Steve's misunderstanding of Darkworkers, and let's give credit where credit is certainly due -- he didn't coin the term, but he certainly brought it into the mainstream, single-handedly. While impressive, he lacked time-tested, anchored experience with DW, and thus, was over-extrapolating into DW being fear-based. The reality is, both paths are love-based, its just a matter of flow, inwards versus outwards.

Which leads into the whole Greyworking concept. You can love yourself and others at the same time. Absolutely true. But you can't polarize that way. Its like trying to get electrical current to flow both ways along a wire. Its just not how it works. You'll end up stuck, and ultimately, unpolarized.

However, once one path or the other is mastered, the paths themselves start to break down. The growth pattern seems to lead to the same place at culmination. This is, I think, from a distant observation point, with limited information, what Steve is experiencing now. Anyone who walks the walk can both see and feel more of "our" energy in him at this point. Besides, his new threads are just too swanky...

After all, to put it in Steve-speak, the LW, having mastered Love and Truth, must begin to explore Power, coming into our territory. Likewise, the DW eventually, having mastered Power and Truth, comes to explore Love (in the classic LW meaning of the term). So there is a blending, a merging. Its very zen, to put it clumsily.

The reason for ALL the above statements becomes apparent only when you begin to see polarity from the viewpoint of a divine being slowly waking up, in layers. Its a process, with two methods, with the same conclusion. The two methods, being mutually exclusive in most of their development, are springing from the nature of duality itself.

[Asmoday]

I just realized we're going off-topic on Celestial's thread. Supposed to be more of a journal.

Apologies, Celestial. If it keeps on, I suggest we move elsewhere.

[celestialife]

Originally Posted by Asmoday

I just realized we're going off-topic on Celestial's thread. Supposed to be more of a journal.

Apologies, Celestial. If it keeps on, I suggest we move elsewhere.

No need to move elsewhere

Ok...so to explode back onto this thread:

I've been learning mind control. Is anyone truly always in control of how they think and how their synapses fire when they react to a given situation? The short answer, at least for an unself-actualized individual, is no. Why? Because we are conditioned by society to live and think according to a pre-determined set of values, identifiable through every aspect of what we can identify as "culture." It doesn't matter where you live, or what country you are from, there is no doubt that we go about our daily lives highly influenced by and often completely controlled (sub-consciously) by how we live, how we eat, how we go to work, how we have sex (keepin' it dirty ), how we wash our clothes, or where we dump our trash. For many people, actually I'd say most people, they never take a moment to just stop and think. Think about what truly makes them happy, what motivates them, what defines them as an individual, what their purpose is or what it could be, and what's stopping them from achieving it. Instead they go about their lives like tiny little pawns marching around to the beat of someone else's drum. We're all guilty of this. Hell, that's why I'm here in the first place. Basically, and I'm paraphrasing from what I've read here (thanks Asmoday), most people in the developed world put value and meaning on the external luxuries afforded to them through society, instead of finding it from within themselves. I'm not gonna ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, I really like my things. I like my car, my computer, my 360, my futon, my pipe collection and my Chipotle. You could call me the posterboy for expendable materialistic crap for all I care, it might even be true! But do I let that stuff define me as a person? Do I love that external "stuff" so much that I let it define me for me? I have before...and that's precisely why I'm practicing mind control.

A little bit about choosing greatness. First of all it is a choice. That's all it is, and how you define it for yourself is entirely up to you. How it manifests, however, is dependent upon how we define our values, our motivation to take action, and how we think about and react to our external reality. If our value system is out of line with our motivation, or if our thoughts don't coincide with our action, greatness can never be achieved (or it won't last long). Only when you can truly define what brings value and meaning for yourself can you start to make the choices that will provide you the most benefit. Otherwise, its like sailing a ship without any navigation, all you can do is choose a direction and hope you arrive safely and at the right destination. Once you have the navigation system, however, you can choose any destination you desire.

So, to kinda get to the point ...where was I? Mind control, right. I like to call it mental command. Basically, we have a left brain and a right brain. A logical side and an emotional side. Those two sides will always conflict, just like the angel on one shoulder and the demon on the other. The key is in learning not to give in to either on a whim, like we so often do, and coming to subjective conclusions based on objective examination of our thought processes. For you visual folk:

Left (Logical) Thoughts + Right (Emotional) Thoughts > Objective Examination = Subjective Conclusion

Your subjective conclusions are based on what defines you as an individual. An example:

This last week was a great week for me! In one day my headlight burned out, I found out I was dropped from my health insurance, I got pulled over for said headlight on the way home from work, and I had my driver's license taken away because the local DMV didn't have the records showing I completed my alcohol classes for my DUI. Awesome right? It was actually kinda fun...

Upon illegally driving home:

-----INITIATE MENTAL_COMMAND SUB-ROUTINE-----

1.
QUERY: What defines me as an individual?
RESPONSE: I am a darkworker. I am divine. I am in control of my situation.

2.
LOGICAL REASONING: I completed my classes in August. Check. Can I fax my records to the DMV? Yes. Can I get to work without my car? Yes.
EMOTIONAL RESPONSE: FU*K I just got my license taken away!

3.
OBJECTIVE EXAMINATION: Ok there is no reason to get worked up. No I can't legally drive, good thing I have the next two days off. But I can get it worked out and I'll be back on the road soon.

4.
SUBJECTIVE CONCLUSIONS: Call the DMV in the morning. Call my alcohol class counselor to see if he can fax my records. Call my insurance company and get my light fixed. Focus on what I can learn from the situation.

5.
SHORT-TERM GOAL: Get my license and my insurance back by Friday.

-----END SUB-ROUTINE-----

So I picked up my license from the DMV on Friday. I still haven't resolved my insurance issue, but I've taken the steps I need and it should be squared-away by the middle of next week.

This was a good test for me. By having a clear mindset, not focusing on the negatives of the situation, and having a goal to reach, I managed to remain in control and not give my energy away to the circumstances. My energy was applied, instead, toward reaching a beneficial conclusion in a timely manner. That was a pretty significant event, but the same routine can be applied to almost every situation. Eventually, I believe I can evolve to the point where every decision I make is sub-consciously completed in the mind command format. But for now, I'll just keep practicing...

[Melchior]

Originally Posted by Asmoday

Which leads into the whole Greyworking concept. You can love yourself and others at the same time. Absolutely true. But you can't polarize that way. Its like trying to get electrical current to flow both ways along a wire. Its just not how it works. You'll end up stuck, and ultimately, unpolarized.

Not if I have anything to say about it.

Originally Posted by Asmoday

I just realized we're going off-topic on Celestial's thread. Supposed to be more of a journal.

Apologies, Celestial. If it keeps on, I suggest we move elsewhere.

Ok, I'm shutting up now.

@ celestialife: on that mind control note, that's pretty neat, quite recently I went through something on a similar line of reasoning involving a cell phone pouch that I lost and replaced not long after (which I like more, btw). Like that saying goes: S*** happens. It's how we deal with it that is important. Luckily, we're quite robust when it comes to these things.

[PerDev]

I don;t think its Darkworker or Lightworker, Its just perception you use anytime.

Originally Posted by celestialife

After reading many of the threads in this section of the forum, I decided that its time to polarize. The idea of being a lightworker or darkworker is a relatively new concept to me within the whole personal growth and development arena, but the benefits to aligning to either one, I believe, far outway the disadvantages to not. Choosing to polarize is a strong commitment to make and I've come to the conclusion that living as a darkworker is my path.

Arriving at this decision wasn't a very hard process for me to make, albeit a little surprising. My whole life I've lived according to values that are really very congruent with being a lightworker. I joined the Army with a strong sense of duty to serve my country and honor those who came before me, and to be a part of something greater where I could help make the world a better place. Even there, though, I felt as if I wasn't complete. When I was in positions of authority and had to maintain a command presence, I still felt, in a sense, subservient to my subordinates. I felt as if I had to win their approval to the point where it interfered with the job I was doing. I don't know if that stemmed from an innate sense to provide the best for those under my command, or whether it was a function of my own lifelong insecurity. Maybe it was a mixture of both. Fortunately, I was only a West Point cadet and wasn't required to make important decisions while the lives of those under me were at risk. The point is, even in a situation where a strong and authoritative presence was required, I was still unable to do so, and that has been the story of my entire life. I've always felt torn between doing what's best or right for me and doing what's best or right for others, mostly always choosing the latter even to my own detriment. Growing up I always felt like I was different and stood out from the crowd, and, probably because I felt that way, I had few friends and was socially awkward, always worried about how others thought of me and always trying to please. I'm done with that. Choosing the darkworker path is congruent with the changes I want to make and the experiences I want to have. I hope I haven't qualified myself too much, but it feels good to write it out and I welcome any comments from members of the forum.

Now to the meat and potatoes. This adventure of personal growth and development has taught me a lot over the past year or so. One of the most important things I've learned is that in order to make real change, you first must unconditionally accept and know who you are. If not, then its like trying to redesign and build a more efficient engine without first having the experience of being a mechanic. For me, this past year has finally provided me with that knowledge and acceptance through the good times and bad. The same thinking can be applied to the changes I want to see take place in my life. So, after doing some reading, I answered for myself some questions about what it means to be a darkworker so that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I'm posting those answers here so that I could get as much feedback as possible, and I appreciate any and all of it!
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My questions:

What does a darkworker do?

A darkworker uses his energy and the energy of those around him solely for his own benefit. It is a very self-oriented path that focuses on advancing the darkworker's personal agenda. The goal is total control over every aspect of his life, even if that means pursuing and gaining it at the expense of others.

What are the attributes of a darkworker?

Polarizing to any one side is a very personal choice. It can be argued even more so as a darkworker, I believe, because it requires a total emotional release from the constructs of society and pursuing a life centered on personal benefit and gain, regardless of how others think or feel. It implies letting go of, at least internally, the conditions or restraints that society forces us to maintain, sometimes working within and using practices considered taboo. A darkworker may employ methods others might consider amoral, ruthless, or deceitful (to name a few) to succeed. Some of these methods can include seducing or employing power tactics over other individuals or entities. A darkworker, whether subtly or unsubtly, is always calculating the best move to put him in a position of control and will do whatever it takes to reach that end.

How does living as a darkworker align with your goal of becoming enlightened?

Anyone can become enlightened. You were born enlightened. Inside each and every one of us is a Buddha wanting to be released. Our spirits will live on after our earthly vessels have turned to dust, and those that choose a path of enlightenment during their lives will awaken upon death as servants to humanity. Choosing to polarize is to be among the few, and aligning with either side implies finding your own personal path to enlightenment - polarizing demands discipline and an unwavering commitment to what you want to achieve while fostering the development of untapped human potential. For me, that path means learning how to do many things such as working with energy flow, projecting power and dominance over weakness and insecurity, learning how to take advantage of the subtleties in the human psyche, and crafting my environment to my benefit. Every interaction can be used as a tool to increase my confidence and abilities. Complete freedom and control is the ultimate goal, having the ability to create and sustain my own reality. With that comes release and the relief of knowing that everything is in its right place.
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I feel that my answers to those questions sum up, as concisely as possible, what it means to be a darkworker. If I've missed the ball on anything I would love to know. I know that I've painted darkworkers in a bit of negative light, and its important to understand that being one does not necessarily require being inconsiderate, or bane, or any other trait upon which society tends to frown (it may require it at times, however) - it means acting with my own interests closest at heart. People can equate that however they want. I like to look at being a darkworker as being a member of the Renaissance court. To be a successful courtier meant being a man of many masks, constantly calculating and maneuvering to gain power, advantage, and favor to further his own means. Today, with the freedoms that many of us enjoy, the king's court is the reality we allow to manifest on the earthly stage.

This was very long-winded (almost done!) and I thank you for reading if you've made it this far. I don't expect this to be an easy process, I know I have a long way to go, but I intend to document my experiences in the forum. Writing this post was the most immediate step I could take to solidify my commitment, and having my own thoughts in writing help to reinforce the feelings that I have. I would love any advice or criticism, or anything else! Thanks

To be continued...

[celestialife]

Originally Posted by PerDev

I don;t think its Darkworker or Lightworker, Its just perception you use anytime.

But isn't it based on how you view the world? Everybody thinks differently, and that's all perception is, but how you focus and direct it is what really matters. I happen to believe we are all love-based beings. How that love is directed can only go two ways, and I choose to let it flow into and through me where it leaves my essence in its wake. In that sense, being a darkworker is synonymous with my belief-system, and my perception is only a reflection of that inner tranquility.

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I've been rooting for about a week now. I'm a stern believer in chakra energy and meditation, and I'm already seeing benefits from doing the exercise. I've arrived at the point where I can meditate and have a clear mental picture of my root charging and my body firing up. My insecurities are waning, I have more confidence around other people, and I've noticed that women are a bit more receptive to me. My biggest challenge is destroying the negative self-image I've created, so needless to say, I'm excited to continue.

In the next couple of days I'll be moved out of my apartment and back in with my Dad. Although I'm excited, I know there will be some difficulties ahead, but I foresee us both coming out of this experience with a stronger bond. More importantly, the time spent with him will create the environment I need to get out from the holes I've dug for myself. In that end, this new step forward is only the beginning...

[celestialife]

Well this is it. Moving out of my apartment and taking the first physical step into this new adventure. In the interim I've had the time to reflect and put many things to action, all of which have prepared me for this day. As I write I get the feeling of excited nervousness. Like the first time I jumped out of an airplane. Granted, there are still some strings attached to this place, like the overdue heating bill. But more than that I feel like I've grown up a bit since I first moved in, so there's an emotional connection as well. But I'm leaving with no regrets.

I've waited until almost the very last minute to get started. My goal is to have everything but my futon out by the stroke of midnight. Tomorrow, I'll move the futon and clean the apartment. Completely moved into my Dad's before midnight tomorrow. More later Off we go...

[celestialife]

I've been home for quite a while now, about two hours. Its almost bedtime I feel pretty good about the move so far. I got about 80% of my things out and anticipate only one more carload. So later on this morning I'm going to get up and pack up, clean the apartment, and get out.

It was good to see my Dad and my dog Ranger. I'm definitely looking forward to getting to spend more time with my dog, and will use this time to actually take ownership of him. He is mine, after all. My dad was his usual self. It will be good to have this time with him to get our relationship back on track, and have his blessing when its time for me to move again.

About that time now...