Choosing the darkwork

[celestialife]

After reading many of the threads in this section of the forum, I decided that its time to polarize. The idea of being a lightworker or darkworker is a relatively new concept to me within the whole personal growth and development arena, but the benefits to aligning to either one, I believe, far outway the disadvantages to not. Choosing to polarize is a strong commitment to make and I've come to the conclusion that living as a darkworker is my path.

Arriving at this decision wasn't a very hard process for me to make, albeit a little surprising. My whole life I've lived according to values that are really very congruent with being a lightworker. I joined the Army with a strong sense of duty to serve my country and honor those who came before me, and to be a part of something greater where I could help make the world a better place. Even there, though, I felt as if I wasn't complete. When I was in positions of authority and had to maintain a command presence, I still felt, in a sense, subservient to my subordinates. I felt as if I had to win their approval to the point where it interfered with the job I was doing. I don't know if that stemmed from an innate sense to provide the best for those under my command, or whether it was a function of my own lifelong insecurity. Maybe it was a mixture of both. Fortunately, I was only a West Point cadet and wasn't required to make important decisions while the lives of those under me were at risk. The point is, even in a situation where a strong and authoritative presence was required, I was still unable to do so, and that has been the story of my entire life. I've always felt torn between doing what's best or right for me and doing what's best or right for others, mostly always choosing the latter even to my own detriment. Growing up I always felt like I was different and stood out from the crowd, and, probably because I felt that way, I had few friends and was socially awkward, always worried about how others thought of me and always trying to please. I'm done with that. Choosing the darkworker path is congruent with the changes I want to make and the experiences I want to have. I hope I haven't qualified myself too much, but it feels good to write it out and I welcome any comments from members of the forum.

Now to the meat and potatoes. This adventure of personal growth and development has taught me a lot over the past year or so. One of the most important things I've learned is that in order to make real change, you first must unconditionally accept and know who you are. If not, then its like trying to redesign and build a more efficient engine without first having the experience of being a mechanic. For me, this past year has finally provided me with that knowledge and acceptance through the good times and bad. The same thinking can be applied to the changes I want to see take place in my life. So, after doing some reading, I answered for myself some questions about what it means to be a darkworker so that I knew what I was getting myself in to. I'm posting those answers here so that I could get as much feedback as possible, and I appreciate any and all of it!
----
My questions:

What does a darkworker do?

A darkworker uses his energy and the energy of those around him solely for his own benefit. It is a very self-oriented path that focuses on advancing the darkworker's personal agenda. The goal is total control over every aspect of his life, even if that means pursuing and gaining it at the expense of others.

What are the attributes of a darkworker?

Polarizing to any one side is a very personal choice. It can be argued even more so as a darkworker, I believe, because it requires a total emotional release from the constructs of society and pursuing a life centered on personal benefit and gain, regardless of how others think or feel. It implies letting go of, at least internally, the conditions or restraints that society forces us to maintain, sometimes working within and using practices considered taboo. A darkworker may employ methods others might consider amoral, ruthless, or deceitful (to name a few) to succeed. Some of these methods can include seducing or employing power tactics over other individuals or entities. A darkworker, whether subtly or unsubtly, is always calculating the best move to put him in a position of control and will do whatever it takes to reach that end.

How does living as a darkworker align with your goal of becoming enlightened?

Anyone can become enlightened. You were born enlightened. Inside each and every one of us is a Buddha wanting to be released. Our spirits will live on after our earthly vessels have turned to dust, and those that choose a path of enlightenment during their lives will awaken upon death as servants to humanity. Choosing to polarize is to be among the few, and aligning with either side implies finding your own personal path to enlightenment - polarizing demands discipline and an unwavering commitment to what you want to achieve while fostering the development of untapped human potential. For me, that path means learning how to do many things such as working with energy flow, projecting power and dominance over weakness and insecurity, learning how to take advantage of the subtleties in the human psyche, and crafting my environment to my benefit. Every interaction can be used as a tool to increase my confidence and abilities. Complete freedom and control is the ultimate goal, having the ability to create and sustain my own reality. With that comes release and the relief of knowing that everything is in its right place.
----
I feel that my answers to those questions sum up, as concisely as possible, what it means to be a darkworker. If I've missed the ball on anything I would love to know. I know that I've painted darkworkers in a bit of negative light, and its important to understand that being one does not necessarily require being inconsiderate, or bane, or any other trait upon which society tends to frown (it may require it at times, however) - it means acting with my own interests closest at heart. People can equate that however they want. I like to look at being a darkworker as being a member of the Renaissance court. To be a successful courtier meant being a man of many masks, constantly calculating and maneuvering to gain power, advantage, and favor to further his own means. Today, with the freedoms that many of us enjoy, the king's court is the reality we allow to manifest on the earthly stage.

This was very long-winded (almost done!) and I thank you for reading if you've made it this far. I don't expect this to be an easy process, I know I have a long way to go, but I intend to document my experiences in the forum. Writing this post was the most immediate step I could take to solidify my commitment, and having my own thoughts in writing help to reinforce the feelings that I have. I would love any advice or criticism, or anything else! Thanks

To be continued...

[celestialife]

Current
I've done it again. I am literally living in filth. Ash trays filled to the brim, miscellaneous bags of trash, used plates, empty cans and bottles are littered around my living room. I even cleaned up two days ago - you should have seen it then. My kitchen is a hazardous waste zone. Dishes are in the sink from weeks ago, the counters have leftover residue from microwaveable meals and cheese dip. The trash is overflowing. The bathroom is a mess - I won't go there. My room is inviting. Clean clothes intertwined with dirty are strewn across the floor. Its as if my closet has initiated a full-scale invasion of my sleeping space. This is my first challenge. I need to clear the space. My living environment is a product of my mental cluttery. By the time this is posted I'll pick up the trash. Tomorrow I'll clean up the apartment. Fresh and anew.

Brief
Day one of my darkworker transformation. I decided that some active first steps need to be taken to shift my paradigm. Anything to break the neuron-chains of bad habits in my head, forcing a chink in their rusty armor. Most of my day has been spent thinking and writing about polarizing to a darkworker, culminating with the creation of this thread. In that end I've had a good day. I feel better already! Since I know I have my work cut out for me, I've come to the conclusion that a series of 30-day adjustments are required to complete my transformation and truly begin this adventure. I've narrowed it down to the physical, financial, and social aspects of my life. I'll start in that order; working out releases endorphins and is a large step in the right direction. Additionally I will work on my inner game - my personal growth and spirituality - by meditating, reading, writing, and sharing my victories and struggles with this forum.

Tasks

• Immediate
  1. Pick up trash
  2. Push ups
  3. Meditate

• Short-Term
  1. Clean up apartment
  2. Create workout schedule
  3. Update Thread

Recap and Alignment
This is a good finish to the first day. The hard part is going to be tomorrow. I have a tendency to start off well and then falter in my endeavors, but being accountable to this forum will help me overcome that. Writing my initial post helped clear the air and prepare myself mentally for what lies ahead. Keeping the thread updated with my transformation through my Darkworking posts is something I will do at least 5 times per week. I'm excited! I look forward to hearing anyone's thoughts, suggestions, comments, complaints, whatever!

Until then...

celestialife

[zeitgeist]

An impressive note - The expressions light and dark worker have a value judgements attached, whereas God in Neale Walsch's Conversations with God preferred the expressions useful and not useful over right and wrong. Understand who you are and go and run with it.

Zeitgeist

[celestialife]

At least the house is starting to get cleaned up. Got some laundry done, cleaned up the kitchen, picked up the trash, but its been harder than I thought to actually clean up this energy sucking demon that is (used to be) my apartment. Made some pretty good headway though and I'll have it done by tonight. I think the trick is learning how to enjoy keeping tidy, to transmute from looking at it as work to, at least, something productive that will have bigger rewards than just a shiny floor and lemoney fresh scent. If I'm to get anywhere on this transformation, a clean place is an absolute must.

So this is day three of my darkworker transformation. Today has been a bit of a hectic day, at least its turned out that way. I've actually learned a lot in the past day and a half since my last post and have come to understand even more what it means to be a darkworker. My polarization is rock-solid, and I know that there is a whole world of opportunity in my grasp. The biggest challenge I've had came just a few hours ago, where my girlfriend and I broke up. She and I have never brought out the best in each other and any person could have seen this coming (its been a downward spiral for a while now). Anyway, I saw no personal benefit to us continuing the relationship and it feels right that we're no longer in each others' lives. My biggest fear with losing her as someone important in my life was that I would be alone, but better to be alone than with someone who makes you miserable.

Its been easier than I anticipated to get into a good physical routine. My chest is sore, my thighs are still burning from running, and I'm worn out, but it couldn't feel better. My workout schedule is complete, which I plan to maintain until maintenance is no longer necessary. I found a great strength-training routine (3-day) from Men's Health which is easy for me to do since I work at a gym anyway (I know). Not to mention the equipment I have at home.

Day 1: four-mile run, strength training
Day 2: fartlek training, push-ups, pull-ups
Day 3: four-mile run, strength training
Day 4: fartlek training, push-ups, pull-ups
Day 5: four-mile run, strength training
Day 6: fartlek training, push-ups, pull-ups
Day 7: rest

Since I'm starting with the physical aspect of this transformation first, I know I can't limit myself to just working out. First of all I need to quit smoking cigarettes. Terrible. I've been doing some visualization exercises where I'm offered a cigarette and I tell the individual no, I don't smoke. I've only done it a few times, but my aversion to smoking cigarettes is starting to take hold. As it stands I smoke a pack a day - approx. 140 cigarettes/week. I'll keep it updated so you can track my progress. Also, my diet needs a gut-check. Its hard to maintain a healthy one when money is tight, but there are ways around it and I can save the money from my Taco Bell habit to spend on groceries. I'm a pretty big fan of the Abs Diet so I'll stick to that regimen.

Immediate Goals:
1. Finish cleaning up apartment
2. Create vision board
3. Meditation

Short Term Goals:
1. Maintain clean apartment
2. Maintain workout schedule
3. Quit smoking
4. Go grocery shopping.
5. Create daily schedule

Overall I'm off to a good start. Once my living space is clean and arranged how I want I'll feel tons better. I forgot how nice it feels to have a good workout in during the day - it must be those endorphins doing their good work. More tomorrow.

celestialife

[Manomanman]

I blog a lot about Darkworking.

Make sure you DO NOT give your power up to money. Darkworking has to be an end in and of itself.

Based on the quality of your writing, you're going to need to work on your intellect more than your physical body. Your wits are what are going to matter most.

You need to start reading Machiavelli. Figure out how to manipulate people.

I am a Darkworker because I was born that way - not because I chose to be that way. I have no innate care or love for other people.

Ask yourself this question - why did the Emperor go for power if he's really filled with hatred? He did it for the survival or the empire, for the greater good.

The "Dark Side" really is not "evil" - it's just that a lot of brainwashed lightworkers have been trained to react that way.

[Strangemagik]

I read this before but didn't know what to say. But after reflecting on it and reading it, or skimming anyway, again I'd think that we all need to have some dark side in us. First rule or code we learn in life is survival and that comes before all else. The will to survive is very strong in most every person. From the time we are born we learn the world can be manipulated for what we want and need. We cried and food comes. Little girls definitely get this down early in life. At some point some of us are over powered from trainer standpoint to trainee and like Jesse suggested brainwashed lightworkers are born. HMM For what its worth I've never thought the dark side to be evil, even as a child I saw that.

Yes I agree the dark side is not evil. In a lot of ways they are more honest. Even light work is bound to be "selfish" in some form. Just think about how they are doing it for some self satisfaction. Funny this is coming from someone who would think I'd be a lightworker too. Just maybe think I have some more reading to do before I decide to polarize, huh?

[Manomanman]

P.S. I'm going to blog extensively about persuasive communication, once I get going.

[Coffeesmurf]

This might be useful

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Coffeesmurf

This might be useful

It never ceases to amaze me that these so-called "persuasion experts" have terrible sales pages. Salesmanship is the most important part of persuasion!

[Asmoday]

I'm awaiting further reports and following your progress. Your case is interesting, I've never seen a future Prince take the throne with such a strong need for approval -- it would be fascinating to me to see how that flowering would bloom. Would it remain? If so, how would it find expression?

Brief advice: Discipline you have, its self-love which is deficient but growing, as manifest in the breakup. The goals you have set will far more naturally click into place when this re-balancing takes place.

Continue to put your awareness, time, and effort in self-love and self-examination. Water that seed. Search and destroy, all self-hatred, dislike, doubt.

You will know this process is successful when you are beginning to embrace your current flaws warmly as marks of identity, but at the same time are not loosing the drive to reach beyond them.

[Illustro Cado]

Originally Posted by Asmoday

I'm awaiting further reports and following your progress. Your case is interesting, I've never seen a future Prince take the throne with such a strong need for approval -- it would be fascinating to me to see how that flowering would bloom. Would it remain? If so, how would it find expression?

Brief advice: Discipline you have, its self-love which is deficient but growing, as manifest in the breakup. The goals you have set will far more naturally click into place when this re-balancing takes place.

Continue to put your awareness, time, and effort in self-love and self-examination. Water that seed. Search and destroy, all self-hatred, dislike, doubt.

You will know this process is successful when you are beginning to embrace your current flaws warmly as marks of identity, but at the same time are not loosing the drive to reach beyond them.

Ahhh, welcome back Asmoday. It's been a while. Good to hear something from you again.