Facing the dark night of the soul right now

[Murre]

Hello people!

The last couple of months I've been facing great unhappiness, and I haven't understood why. I recently came home after a 10 month high school exchange in Germany. And although I encoutered a lot of challenges in Germany, I always felt that I was somehow doing what I was supposed to be doing. I felt I was fulfilling my destiny in a way. Now, having returned back home I have slipped back into old patterns and I feel kind of empty inside. I have tried to meditate more, tried to surrender to the now more and so on. But the feelings of negativity doesnt seem to abide. Today I talked to my parents, because they asked me whats going on with and why I seem so lifeless. And I really couldnt answer why. I just feel the way I do. During the conversation we realised that my in a way is connected with following the path of others and not really being active myself. I think I have a kind of "life purpose" issue. I really feel connected to doing something for this earth, but it is something that hard talking to others about. Today I joined the Norwegian environmentalist youth organisation. And I am searching for some kind of spiritual/personal growth group in my city.

Has anyone here experienced this kind of "dark night of the soul" (I am taking the expression from Steves book)?
And do you guys sometimes feel a bit alone with all this personal development stuff?

It felt better just typing this stuff down really...
Anyways, much love to you all

[Michelle]

Hi Murre,

I just want to say that I feel you. I also spent a year in Germany and upon returning home to the States I experienced something called reverse culture shock. I was never really able to go home again, so here I am in Switzerland :-).

It doesn't have to be the same for you, of course. In any case your feelings are a signal that something is not quite right. Have you tried meditating at all? It is a great way to receive love based guidance concerning one's life.

[Murre]

Thanks Michelle, funny that you were in Germany too! I listened to some Swiss people talk in Germany and I couldnt understand their dialect at all :P
Yeah, I guess this reverse culture shock plays a part. Meditation is also very important in my life. When I think back, all the good stuff in my life happened in this kind of "present state". But I guess I am trying too hard to get back into this state though, and I think I do way too much reading about personal development than I actually practice, which is another trap I think I've fell into.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by Michelle

Hi Murre,

I just want to say that I feel you. I also spent a year in Germany and upon returning home to the States I experienced something called reverse culture shock. I was never really able to go home again, so here I am in Switzerland :-).

I've lived abroad several times in my life. I spent years outside the US and see the country and culture through a different lens than before I traveled. I like the US but it is a different experience for me than it was previously.

It is in some ways like returning to the house I lived in when I was five as an adult and recognizing the differences between my idealized memories / beliefs and how I perceive it today.

I still like the states I just do not believe it is the one perfect place in the universe and refuse to examine the complete picture. I see things that are less than ideal where once I would not have had that ability.

[Cochonette]

D'oh! I just typed something out and accidentally clicked on a link and lost it. I'm not going to type all that out again. In brief: How often do you meditate and for how long? My recommendation is to adjust to how much you feel you need. I used to lack the discipline to meditate daily on my own, despite feeling it was quite wonderful. Since finding Steve, I now meditate a minimum of 20 minutes a day. It's been so beneficial that I feel I could not stop. A real anchor. I'd like to do more, but 20 minutes is just enough to refresh me continually. I know a person who does two hours a day to deal with OCD and says it's very beneficial. Above all: be persistent.

And on that note, I wrote a little about persistence in my latest blog post: Keep your mind on Improvement, not Perfection. I think that focusing on improvement is a way to endure, to remember the present moment.