|09-28-2009, 12:20 PM||#1 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
...but what if you don't have dreams, interests or passions?
Having opted to take a redundancy package after working for 10 years in a demanding job that paid very well for a market leader in its field, but held little interest for me, I had hoped that I would jump onto the path that would lead me to a more fulfilling life, one that I was in control of, and possibly, hopefully even, "destined" to do.
But instead of enjoying this new liberation, I find myself spending all day online, trawling personal development sites, looking for a way to work out exactly what and where that path is, but making a start on none! Motivation seems to be sub zero, and apathy sky high.
My fundamental question is this: How do you know how to get where you want to be, if you dont know where it is that you want to get to????? How do you work out what the destination should be? Especially when you possibly believe that perhaps because you have plodded along tolerating something for so long, or trying to please others and not rock the boat, that actually you dont know your own mind, own interests, own desires?
Has anyone found any good ways to tackle this very draining issue?
Thank you for any suggestions from anyone who has conquered this monster!
|09-28-2009, 01:03 PM||#2 (permalink)|
Join Date: Jun 2008
I remember seeing a shirt that said "Sometimes getting lost is the best way to find yourself". Do you know who you are? Can you tell me what you love? What if, you already knew what you love to be and do but simply have forgotten? What would you do to rediscover that?
|09-28-2009, 01:12 PM||#3 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
I don't think anyone knows exactly what they want and where they want to be, and desires keep changing and fluctuating as new information comes in. If you're having trouble identifying a specific path, you could try doing some affirmations on something more general. For instance, one of mine is Everywhere I look I see wonderful things. Another popular one is Every day in every way I am getting better and better.
Remember that whatever you pick doesn't have to be perfect and you can always change your mind later. You might be experiencing fear of being locked into another unfulfilling path after that last 10-year run, but it doesn't have to be that way this time.
|09-28-2009, 02:14 PM||#4 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Torrance, CA
Check out what Joseph Cambell says in his DVDs and his books...it boils down to "follow your bliss"...which means do the thing that inspires you....
...while you are working on that...try to do what Eckart Tolle says to do...and learn to accept not knowing for a while...if you can accept uncertainy...you are learning to TRUST the universe and LET GO of your desire to know all the answers...
Get out and DO THINGS that you enjoy doing...if you are not enjoying what you are doing...stop doing it....if you can't think of anything better to do...try
eating right and blogging about it...
Helping people in need in new and different ways...
Join a club that interests you
Try to join a meet up group that interests you...
Everyone has a passion...one of the goals of life is to find it...it took me about 40 years...I think I finally found mine!!!
|09-28-2009, 03:47 PM||#6 (permalink)|
Join Date: Nov 2006
It shouldn't be a draining issue. So, something is wrong.
Does everything feel the same -- no passion about anything at all? If all of life seems flat, nothing more interesting than anything else, I would guess you've built up a huge level of apathy to protect yourself from something. Until you figure out what, and address the underlying issue, your feelings won't change. (Hint: most likely it's the same thing that's kept you in a job you don't care much about for 10 years.)
Journaling can help bring things to light in this area. So can talking with a friend who knows you well.
Welcome to conscious living!
|09-29-2009, 08:21 AM||#7 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
I'm writing a whole website about it! You can't figure out your dreams, interests and passions by thinking alone. You'll find them by doing things.
However, these are a good place to start:
1) Forget about figureing out exactly where the path is. Think of your your journey as more of a treasure hunt, and take it one clue at a time. What is one thing you know about your ideal life? Start by doing more of that in different ways.
2) Trust your intuition
3) Do whatever makes you excited
4) Be unreasonable
5) Make mistakes
6) Whatever you do keep it as simple as possible - no ifs or buts!
7) Have fun!
|09-29-2009, 08:36 AM||#8 (permalink)|
Join Date: Aug 2009
You know what, all these PD people always say that it's important to have lofty goals etc. I don't agree with this because it can create a lot of stress if you're always trying to figure out your "purpose" all the time.
My advice is that now that you have all this time on your hands you should fill it up by ENJOYING yourself and having FUN. Try find a hobby you can throw yourself into, start a business, travel, sky dive, do charity work etc. Sitting around scratching your chin all day thinking "whats my purpose" is just gonna stress you out.
|09-29-2009, 08:37 AM||#9 (permalink)|
Join Date: Mar 2007
That would suggest you're not in alignment with Love in the Truth, Love and power model outlined in Steve's book. Since you've worked so long in something that didn't really interest you, you may be used to crushing and burying what you truly connect with. However, that is a habit and just like anything else, it can be changed, although it won't happen overnight.
I'm working on that myself too as I find I engage in way too few activities that I truly connect with. What I'm doing is setting an intention to find more of what I connect with and then going out and trying. Seeing how it feels, and when I connect with something, see what it is about that that I connect with.
When we force ourselves for so long to do things we don't connect with, we get used to shutting down the part of us that tries to tell us we don't connect with an activity. So it's important to consciously try to pay attention. At first it may be just a whisper that comes, barely hearable that you prefer something specific. However, with pratice and by consciously trying to listen more and more, this whisper will become louder and louder. Each time you identify something you connect with, overcome your fear and your "shoulds" and go ahead and do it to re-enforce and grow your habit of connecting with what you love to do.
|10-01-2009, 11:58 AM||#10 (permalink)|
Join Date: Sep 2009
Wow! Thank you all SO much for the responses (and judging from the number of post views, I am not alone in feeling this!).
I took the fact that some comments had me burst into tears to mean that my sub conscious agreed, and actually to be a very positive step forward in my understanding!
Lauxa: "Remember that whatever you pick doesn't have to be perfect" - absolutely spot on. When I read your comment, I burst into tears while a huge lightbulb shone above me as I realised that I dont even start things, because I am afraid they wont be perfect, so your comment resonated on a very deep level!
FDR and Seeker5: I think you have both also hit the nail on the head here. 'When we force ourselves for so long to do things we don't connect with, we get used to shutting down the part of us that tries to tell us we don't connect with an activity' I was aware of this for a long time in my career, but actively worked against it. Now is the time to undo that! Thank you.
Yoopersmith, FazK, Rob: Agreed, and you will be glad to hear that I am indeed getting out there and trying things - yoga, meditation, history, art, windsurfing. I dont expect any of these will lead to a new career, but you never know and anyway, they are fun!
FazK - you have written one of the most sensible things I have read in a long time: 'Sitting around scratching your chin all day thinking "whats my purpose" is just gonna stress you out.'
Love and light to you all,
|10-01-2009, 01:00 PM||#12 (permalink)|
Join Date: Feb 2007
I found my passion too and I honestly didn't think I would ever find it.
I don't know how I even got to this point really? Previously I had always wanted to find my passion, but then I gave-up after trying again and again.
The only thing I can suggest is PD will help chip away slowly at finding your true self. You will go through times when your excited about certain things and you think you will have everything sorted out and then you will go through a dip and you will think it's just never going to work out. But observing those ups and downs and accepting them ultimatly helps you get to your final destination. Personal development is about looking deep within yourself and when you do this I think eventually you start to nut things out.
Ah or basically what "seeker" said
|10-01-2009, 04:03 PM||#13 (permalink)|
Join Date: Apr 2009
sometimes you can try too hard and it is the old "forest for the trees" thing...or just not letting the natural flow take over for a while...sometimes you actually find yourself floating to where you are supposed to be.
definitely find things you enjoy when you have the time to do them.
in addition to life not always being perfect or going as planned...enjoy the little victories each day!
and i agree about that inner voice....even when it just doesn't seem like anyting is lined up right to make it seem like the best or "safest" thing to do...you will know by listening,that it is.
|ambition, career, goals|
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