Being Heard - Words or Actions

[straysweeper]

I tend to blend topics, but felt this was more of a Character vs Relationship issue.

Those around me do not really seem to hear what I have to say. Which tends to make me feel futile. While that statement gives me hope that the solution lies within my prolonged problem, it has provoked an interesting topic I thought.

Do you judge what people say on the merit one what they are saying or based on what or who they are, what they do?

A perfect example is, of someone who doesn't have kids, commenting on those that do's parenting styles. I have been given this lecture myself once or twice. I don't have kids, so what do I know about parenting? Save my own observations, experiences, and learnings over the years. But does that make what I have to say not hold water?

I've been living off of others for some time now, and I feel it is eroding my soul. I think that is the problem, I don't connect with what I'm doing, or what people are saying 'you have to get a job', sometimes with an "or else" added in there. I have no interest in not pursuing lasting solutions, which is causing confusing as not knowing the lasting solution.

Because of my current living situation, People tend not to hear what I have to say. Best friend doesn't talk with me as much. And more than one say, because you haven't done it or achieved it I shouldn't listen to you.

While there are a lot of outward things that show lack of success, there are many inward that doesn't always show. Like for one, not being beaten by my current situation or those of the past.

Wayne Dyer says "You are not what you do, because if you were what you do, when you don't, you aren't."

Anthony Robbins (I believe) "If your not doing it, then you don't know it."

Those say actions speak louder than words. I agree this is true, as you can say one thing and then do another. Words are cheap, and actions are much more telling of someone's true intent or desire.

Many have also mentioned, avoid opinions, advice is giving away so freely.


So, now the question goes, does what someone say matter even if they don't always act a certain way?

[Brutha]

A perfect example is, of someone who doesn't have kids, commenting on those that do's parenting styles. I have been given this lecture myself once or twice.

Critizing someone else's way of parenting often isn't a good way to have a productive discussion with them.
It's one of the most offensive thing you can do.

Apart from that your problem probably neither lies in content or in the fact that you haven't achieved much but in body language, tonality of your voice and the fact that you seek approval.

[Angela]

I think actions do say a lot, but it pays to learn to be as effective a communicator (verbally, I mean) as you possibly can.

Why bother figuring out whether or not what you say matters? Of course it does, but that's not the point. Why not just work on saying it effectively, so that you are heard the way you want to be heard?

[Cheshire Cat]

Communicating with the 'right' kind of words is a good start when we want to be heard, but I've noticed people don't tend to take it seriously unless you've got some amount of related experience or actions to back it up. I personally believe that actions usually speak for themselves and also, there are occasions when we just can't seem to find those 'right' words to say. And isn't it easier to hear the truth of someone's words when you see the proof?

[Cochonette]

I guess this isn't really an answer you were looking for, but your thread topic made me think of something... words are a type of action - I knew that already... but actions are also a type of word! Our voice can be heard through word or action.

[FazK]

Very true words are pretty much worthless compared to your actions. What also counts is your reputation if you have a bad one then people are going to judge you before you've even opened your mouth