Contemplations on Polarity-Assumptions

[YourHumbleNarrator]

I've been doing a lot of thinking on polarity lately because I think I'm ready to polarize. It's not so much an I think, actually, it's more like a feeling that I've expanded to the point where I will polarize and I feel I need to be conscious through the process.

The following is very stream-of-consciousness and its purpose is two-fold: to give others at my level a framework they can use to explore this topic and set the stage for any further thoughts I have to share. Generally, I don't post something like this since I consider it personal, but I don't see the harm in putting this up as I'd like to invite input from people who are further along than me.

As an aside, some of what's written will probably only apply to me, so keep that in mind.

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Q: What do I want out of -working?
A: I want power. I want freedom. I want the ability to be who I am without excuse and without the need for justificaion.

Note: My reasons are selfish. I want power. Strength. Freedom. (The opposite of Steve's TLP setup?) I am quite willing to give but I'm clearly putting myself first right now.

De-coupling: Darkworking is not cynicism. It is not Satanism. It is not hedonism. It is not Luciferianism. It is not blood rituals. It is not heavy metal. It is not psychopathy. It is not careless disregard for others. It is not disconnection. It is not anti-spiritual. It is not evil.

Lightworking does not entail being a doormat. It doesn't mean giving up metal and listening to hippie music. It doesn't mean forsaking my shadow. It doesn't mean never feeling angry or aggressive. It doesn't mean forsaking my identity in order to help others. It is not Christianity. It is not gnosticism. It is not careless disregard for oneself. It is not good.

Assumptions: If I am a darkworker, I cannot be an agent of justice.

If I am a lightworker, I can never become aggressive in a conflict.

If I am a lightworker, my ambitions must always be directed toward the whole; I can want nothing for myself.

If I am a darkworker, I cannot love as deeply as I would like to.

If I am a lightworker, I will have to love many far more deeply than I would like.

If I am a lightworker, I must always stand to the side out of respect for others.

If I am a darkworker, I must belligerently claim what I want even if I have done nothing to deserve it.

If I am a darkworker, I can only progress by stepping on other's toes.

If I am a lightworker, I will offer my help where it isn't wanted.

If I am a lightworker, my efforts will go to waste because most people don't want what I can give.

If I am a darkworker, I will dull my awareness.

If I am a darkworker, my life will be endless conflict.

If I am a darkworker, I cannot be civil.

Realizations: All of these false assumptions bear some truth, but some bear less than others, and most are based on deep-seated self defeating beliefs. As a darkworker, I cannot serve justice as an ideal outside myself. I can serve myself by pursuing justice as I define it. If that's what lights my fire, it would dishonor me not to. If I am a lightworker I may be asked to sacrifice until I bleed, but if I do it it's not entirely at my expense; I would only be able to act with power if I did it because it felt right to me. Even at the extremes of altruism self-interest is at play.

Furthermore, because opposites contain the essence of the other, there are few ways in which my actions would be limited. Martyrdom is unthinkable on the darkworker path yet it's not impossible. Darkworkers are hardly risk-averse. In the psychic sense it would never happen but in the physical sense it's quite likely that they'd die doing something they thought they'd survive. Lightworkers may avoid that fate simply because a martyr isn't what people need at that time. Would Christ have died if he knew how dependent people would become on words recorded years after he died? People become dependent on martyrs for salvation instead of standing on their own. This ultimately stunts the progress of the "greater good."

Light has its pitfalls and so does darkness, and it seems that neither is truly more dangerous than the other, though they pose different risks. Light is more prone to fanaticism or complacency. Dark is more likely to invoke psychopathy, and if one goes too deep without sufficient knowledge he will be eaten alive. Light is likely to separate its ideals from reality whereas dark is prone to cynicism. The basic ideals which drive progress on either path appear more or less the same, assuming one is mentally and spiritually healthy. The difference lies in the center of their focus. I pursue justice, I am a leader, I will set things right, I will have what's mine, etc. vs. There will be justice for all, I bend before a higher will, things will be set right through me, all will have what is theirs, etc. Either kind of focus can lead to the same ends.

(Suggested reading: Gnostic.Org: The Kybalion Chapter X )