Obstacles to Finding Yourself in Our Society

[SomeRandomGuy]

It seems to me that we live in a world filled with external forces that try to mold us into what society thinks we should be, rather than encouraging individuals to find their own way.

I will turn 30 in a few months, and feel like I have only recently really figured out who I am. The last 10-12 years have been a great learning experience for me. During that time I have learned more and more about myself, and feel like I know myself better today than ever. I'm sure that over the coming years I will continue to discover more about my true self, and with that will be a happier and more complete person.

It seems like I am not the only one in this situation. In fact, I know many people my age or older who I feel have yet to find their way. I see many people who seem to be stumbling through life without any real direction, because they don't know who they are or where they are going.

This makes me wonder, how different would the world be if society did more to encourage finding ones true self? It seems like we are being molded by external forces from the time we are born.

At first, it is our parents who tell us who we are. Some parents are great at allowing their children to find themselves, but others are not. Many children are taught very limiting beliefs from an early age, especially those with parents who are very traditional or believe strongly in religious dogma. I am not anti-religion, but I believe that children should be encouraged to develop their own religious beliefs, rather than being told what to believe.

Most children are exposed to media at an early age, which fill their heads with images of what is "normal". Advertisers have turned children into a new demographic of consumers, who are told what is "cool" or "fun', and what they should want. Movies, TV, music, video games, and magazines all have the primary purpose of appealing to a consumers. By trying make kids want to conform to some pre-defined image, they can create products that appeal to more of them.

I don't know how it is now, but when I was in high school there many more "groups" than "individuals". Even in the groups viewed as outcasts, you could see people trying to fit in.

Perhaps that is the main issue, we live in a world of people who want to fit in. We have plenty of people telling us what is expected of us, such as parents, teachers, the media, the government, etc. Too many people pay attention to these external forces telling them what to do , how to behave.... who to be.

I wonder where I would be, if instead of beginning my journey of self discovery at the age of 18, I had began it instead during early childhood. How about the masses who still don't know who they are? Not only do many of them not seem to know who they are or where they are going, some appear to not even realize they are lost. Those people make me think of Mollie the horse in Animal Farm, who cared so much about her sugar cubes and ribbons that she couldn't see that she wasn't living her own life, she was living the life that someone else dictated for her.

I'm not entirely sure where the idea for this thread came from. I guess that maybe it could be because I just finished reading Animal Farm a few nights ago, then watched the Matrix last night. It could also stem from the fact that I have a close friend who seems to be stumbling through life, and I've been trying to help her find her way.

These forums are filed with people who seem to have found their way in life, and know who they truly are. When did that journey begin for you? Was it when you journeyed out into the real world on your own, like it was for me? Was it later in life? Or were you fortunate to have a childhood filled with people who encouraged you to begin the journey at a young age? Other than encouraging self-discovery in our own children and others we influence (friends, family, co-workers, etc) what more can we do to create a society that promotes, than than hinders, this process in everyone?

[Remiel]

22 for me (3 years ago). I also wish that I had grown up knowing who I am. Yet... what would be missing or different if I had taken a different path than the one that I have? I have unique experiences that I can share with the world because of the one that I have walked. Do you ever feel like that?

Also good for you for helping out your friend. The only reason that I started to change significantly was because of someone who was a good friend of mine pointing the way and mentoring me. He was the guy who got me into Focus and he's the one speaking life into me even today.

I think that this came from the shack, though I might be mistaken. In it someone was told that they were loved with all the love their dad had to give, not all the love that they needed. And how true that is in my own life. My parents love me and care for me yet, they don't really know me anymore. I can't change that nor can I change the fact that they don't know what it means to speak life into ME. And, I've found a friend who can give me that life who can point me in the right direction and help me when I stumble.

What can we do to pour life into those around us? Not only the people our own age but those younger than us?

[SomeRandomGuy]

Originally Posted by Remiel

I have unique experiences that I can share with the world because of the one that I have walked. Do you ever feel like that?

Yes, I do feel that same way. I am happy with where I am in life, so am glad for the course of events that led me here. The path I followed to find myself has given me experiences to share with others, so I do not regret that.

[Rockchick26]

This is a great post! I think about this a lot, every single day in fact! I too wonder what life would be like if we were all allowed to express our individuality and didn't have to follow the norm. There shouldn't even BE a norm.

Your question really made me think; about when did I start to really find myself and realized I was lost without knowing it. I can say that I was lost until only 3 or 4 years ago, and there is one event that caused this to happen. I have basically been chasing after love my entire life, from the time when I was about 14, I always had a guy in my sights and I was always so dependent on it working out, if it didn't, I was upset, and if it did, I was ecstatic. That became my life's goal. I didn't even think about what I wanted to do after graduating high school. My whole life was picked for me, my dad even chose my first and my 2nd job. Because my only focus was getting a boyfriend.

For about 15 years, I was in love with my best guy friend, and I was convinced we were going to be together someday because he led me to believe so. This was enough to carry me through, and I basically lived my life for him. Being around when I knew he'd be around, getting into the same movies as him, listening to the same music, doing the same activities, choosing him over all my other friends, etc. Then I found out he never wanted to be with me and he was actually bi. This threw me for a loop and I was thrown head first into reality. I basically retreated inside myself, discovered myself, learned to love myself, discovered all these wonderful things about life that were there all along that I just didn't see because I was too blinded by love. I really believe that when you're in love, you can't think straight. And now that I've had a few years to think straight, I was able to find myself.