On Being Perfectly Imperfect

[Cheshire Cat]

Just wanted to share what I think is a beautiful and insightful poem that I read today in my local newspaper column. I wasn't sure where to properly post it, but "Character&Contribution" seems most appropriate. Thanks for reading, and I hope you like it too.

"I wish for you an imperfect life --

and all the wonder that living can bring ...

the wealth that comes from knowing loss,

the tears that find their way to laughter,

the joy that grows after the rain,

and the love, felt deepest,

by those who have been carved by pain.


I hope that you can value this imperfection,

hold on to it, so it gives you such comfort

that you will dare embrace the beauty

of all the imperfect lives that surround you,

and then you will be perfectly free

to step to the beat of your own imperfect heart,

and you will have truly lived."

(by Jodi Hills)

[Mynder]

I like it!

[Remiel]

Very nice

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by Remiel

Very nice

Very true as well.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Aleksander Krstic

Very true as well.

Definitely. It reminds me of how failure is simply a seed of greatness that we can pick up and grow from or we can ignore it. That pain is something that when we understand it and benefit from it we can be far happier having known sorrow than from simply being devoid of it.

[Cheshire Cat]

Originally Posted by Remiel

Definitely. It reminds me of how failure is simply a seed of greatness that we can pick up and grow from or we can ignore it. That pain is something that when we understand it and benefit from it we can be far happier having known sorrow than from simply being devoid of it.

Couldn't have summed it up better myself! Failures and flaws don't have to be so bad after all, do they? It really is in how we choose to take them... though I suppose that also depends on one's strength of self-esteem as well.

[Kaybee]

This is simply beautiful.

Kim
Self Personal | Self Renewal for Personal Positivity

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Couldn't have summed it up better myself! Failures and flaws don't have to be so bad after all, do they? It really is in how we choose to take them... though I suppose that also depends on one's strength of self-esteem as well.

What is self-esteem? True self-esteem is rooted in the timeless you, isn't it? What would happen if we removed the timely stuff (career, money, success, failures, etc) from our self-esteem?

[Cheshire Cat]

I see self-esteem as the defining essence of who I am or may become, for better or worse. Remove the 'timely stuff', and I think I'd only be but a shell of my true self. What is the core without the substance that surrounds and shapes it?... Naked and vulnerable. I hope I'm making a little sense, but my thoughts aren't always expressed as coherently as I'd like. In any case, thanks for making me think more deeply! <friendly smile>

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

I see self-esteem as the defining essence of who I am or may become, for better or worse. Remove the 'timely stuff', and I think I'd only be but a shell of my true self. What is the core without the substance that surrounds and shapes it?... Naked and vulnerable. I hope I'm making a little sense, but my thoughts aren't always expressed as coherently as I'd like. In any case, thanks for making me think more deeply! <friendly smile>

Anytime, I love helping people discover new things for themselves.

That's an excellent point. If you remove all of the timely things today then you won't have much left will you? If you did though, what would be left?

[Cheshire Cat]

Untapped and unformed potential...that is what I think would be left.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Untapped and unformed potential...that is what I think would be left.

So what if your self image rested soley in that potential? That who you ARE and not what you DO defines your self-worth and thus your self-esteem? Are you a 10 because you do things? Or are you a 10 because you simple are a 10?

In essence what if your self worth was unchanging and by extension your self-esteem based in that self worth would be unchanging as well?

[Cheshire Cat]

Hmm, well, I genuinely believe that what I do (and/or not do) is a natural extension of who I am. I don't try to separate the two. The quality of my actions determines and defines the quality of my self and self-image. I think, and then I do, and therefore, I am. In a way, I can admire the confidence of those who already believe they're a '10' and not have done anything yet to show for it, but how can we say we know who we really are without going through the process of doing and completing that initial belief? We can prove ourselves either right or wrong or perhaps, somewhere in between.

If my self-worth and esteem were unchanging, I'd be locking myself into a static condition that would deny room for improvements. I don't see how personal growth can be possible if we remained stuck at a certain level. No matter how highly we may choose to regard ourselves, nobody's perfect, right? I would hope that I'm always dynamic and changing for the best of whatever my potential happens to be. I'd rather be a river than a rock, but then again, rocks also have the potential to be carved and transformed into something amazingly beautiful.

[Remiel]

So what happens when you fail? Does your self worth go down because you are a failure? Or does it remain the same?

[Cheshire Cat]

Failure is in the eye of the beholder. We fall so that we can pick ourselves up again. At least that's the way I like to see it. Self-worth changes depending on how we choose to react to the consequences of our decisions. My self-worth may actually grow better and stronger because of my mistakes. Or it can spiral down to the depths of despair and self-pity if I let it. Self-worth is volatile and dynamic. How we want to believe in ourselves is entirely up to us.

May I ask your views on this as well?

[Remiel]

Why yes you may.

I see how you feel that way. I used to feel that way myself. But what I found is that there is a peace when I don't have to worry about who I am as a human being. I can do things that I couldn't normally do with a varying self worth. You see if my actions determine my self worth then I could be great one moment and horrible the next. With a fixed point of reference of my self worth I can go up and talk to someone new without a fear of rejection or failure. I can attempt things that I know that I have a 99% chance of failure because it doesn't change WHO I am at my core. Do I grow because of my attempt? Hands down yes. But it doesn't change the fundamental core of me.

Basically nothing external to me can change my value.

Doesn't it get tiring to have your environment dictate your self-worth?

[Cheshire Cat]

Tiring? Not for me, no. My environment can be a rollercoaster of challenges or rewards, but that's what makes me feel most alive on my journey to who knows where. I also don't accept myself for who I am if I know I can improve and be better. I don't mind feeling the value of my self-worth change because I might need a cold splash of water in my face to wake some sense into me. External factors provide the material with which I must work, but I'm still the only one in charge of what to ultimately make of it in the end. I don't feel it dictating so much as influencing me towards one direction or another, and I'll always try to modify and adapt where necessary. Makes me wonder sometimes if I'm just a natural chameleon at heart. Anyway, I no longer worry about what others may think. I have to be happy with myself first so I just try to give the best I can regardless and take the consequences of any bad choices.

Good for you in that you have a strong and stable core. Once peace and personal contentment are attained, I suppose there wouldn't be any logical reason to seek change...?

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Tiring? Not for me, no. My environment can be a rollercoaster of challenges or rewards, but that's what makes me feel most alive on my journey to who knows where. I also don't accept myself for who I am if I know I can improve and be better. I don't mind feeling the value of my self-worth change because I might need a cold splash of water in my face to wake some sense into me. External factors provide the material with which I must work, but I'm still the only one in charge of what to ultimately make of it in the end. I don't feel it dictating so much as influencing me towards one direction or another, and I'll always try to modify and adapt where necessary. Makes me wonder sometimes if I'm just a natural chameleon at heart. Anyway, I no longer worry about what others may think. I have to be happy with myself first so I just try to give the best I can regardless and take the consequences of any bad choices.

Good for you in that you have a strong and stable core. Once peace and personal contentment are attained, I suppose there wouldn't be any logical reason to seek change...?

Actually you and I are very similar from what I can tell. The peace and personal contentment allow me to go beyond what I am today. Rather than beat myself up that I am not who I "Should" be I simply acknowledge life as a journey. My end destination is to be the greatest human being that I can possibly be by the day I die. Not in terms of perfection, but in terms of who I am on the inside.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Anyway, I no longer worry about what others may think. I have to be happy with myself first so I just try to give the best I can regardless and take the consequences of any bad choices.

That confirms it for me. We are simply describing the same thing in different ways. Its not completely the same but it is close enough. The fact is you internalize your self worth. The fact that you don't have to worry about others and you just have to be happy with yourself means "YOU" define your self worth, doesn't it?

The only significant difference I see between us is I've gone one step further and placed my self-worth back into my creator which means that even "I" dont' have the right to beat myself up over my mistakes, failures, and shortcomings.

Basically no matter how badly I screw up, and I still receive the consequences of my actions, my worth as a human being doesn't change. That is because it is something that can't change.

With that foundation to build on I am free to experiment in ways that I wouldn't have the heart to do otherwise. My personality type's biggest fear is that of rejection. Since I know that I am a 10 and that can't be changed, other people rejecting me cannot affect that 10.


By the way I think your name is really neat.

Edit: Most people I know who have an external self worth (As opposed to an internal like yours, or a Divine like mine) they are tossed and churned by the waves of their environment. "Luck" or misfortune can take a person from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. Initially this is how I thought you were. I'm glad to see yours is an internal self worth though.

Have you ever thought about fixing your worth as a human being and then giving yourself freedom to grow?

[Cheshire Cat]

Rather than beat myself up that I am not who I "Should" be I simply acknowledge life as a journey. My end destination is to be the greatest human being that I can possibly be by the day I die. Not in terms of perfection, but in terms of who I am on the inside.

I suppose I do allow myself to get 'beat up' sometimes, but heck, I never was one to be afraid of pain and suffering since I see it as simply the other side of real life. It's really just trying to walk the balance between extremes. My sorrowful experiences help me appreciate more the happier ones so I don't take for granted what I've got right now and yet still be able to look forward to something even better. I must definitely hi-5 you for your end destination! Why should we not want to try to be the greatest human being we possibly can? Each of us possess our own unique potential waiting to happen and having or developing a strong self-worth can only help speed things up a bit, eh?


The fact is you internalize your self worth. The fact that you don't have to worry about others and you just have to be happy with yourself means "YOU" define your self worth, doesn't it?

Yup, guess so! And I'm defining "ME" as including who I am at my core as well as whatever extends out from it or to it (ie, my actions). I am what I do. I do what I am.

My personality type's biggest fear is that of rejection. Since I know that I am a 10 and that can't be changed, other people rejecting me cannot affect that 10.

If your self-worth doesn't change, then it's not possible to fear any sort of emotional damage, is it? Wow, must be nice not to have cracks in one's armor, hmm...

By the way I think your name is really neat.

Oh, thank you! <blushes and grins> If you're referring to my username, I've always thought the Cheshire Cat was the coolest character in the "Alice in Wonderland" story.


Have you ever thought about fixing your worth as a human being and then giving yourself freedom to grow?

Is fixing my self-worth the same as fixing my flaws? Oh, I'm sure I can probably improve upon both. I'll change where necessary and if I feel it's right for me. I feel that this sort of flexibility offers the most freedom for growth.

And thank you again for providing me the pleasure of such a deep and thought-provoking conversation! <bows and offers a dozen freshly-baked, oatmeal-raisin- granola cookies>

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

And thank you again for providing me the pleasure of such a deep and thought-provoking conversation! <bows and offers a dozen freshly-baked, oatmeal-raisin- granola cookies>

Mmmmm oatmeal-rasin-granola cookies... <3.

It is always a pleasure to get to talk to someone as willing to learn as you are.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Have you ever thought about fixing your worth as a human being and then giving yourself freedom to grow?

Is fixing my self-worth the same as fixing my flaws? Oh, I'm sure I can probably improve upon both. I'll change where necessary and if I feel it's right for me. I feel that this sort of flexibility offers the most freedom for growth.

Isn't that your choice to fix your flaws? I certainly don't want to ever "Fix" my flaws into an unchanging thing. I'm trying to daily grow and change myself into who I want to become. But if I get stuck for a month or two for whatever reason, I learn from it and move on. It isn't ever a matter of my self worth.

Should self-worth be defined by our flaws?

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Rather than beat myself up that I am not who I "Should" be I simply acknowledge life as a journey. My end destination is to be the greatest human being that I can possibly be by the day I die. Not in terms of perfection, but in terms of who I am on the inside.

I suppose I do allow myself to get 'beat up' sometimes, but heck, I never was one to be afraid of pain and suffering since I see it as simply the other side of real life. It's really just trying to walk the balance between extremes. My sorrowful experiences help me appreciate more the happier ones so I don't take for granted what I've got right now and yet still be able to look forward to something even better. I must definitely hi-5 you for your end destination! Why should we not want to try to be the greatest human being we possibly can? Each of us possess our own unique potential waiting to happen and having or developing a strong self-worth can only help speed things up a bit, eh?

I agree that the sorrowful experiences help me with enjoying the happier ones more. Just like failures make success that much better, and easier to keep. At the same time I experience sorrow regardless of my self-worth so I find it to be easier to not make my self worth involved with anything I do. For example, If I screwed up and ran a little kid over, I would suffer and I would have to pay the consequences of my actions (depending on wether it was stupidity, an unavoidable accident, etc) yet... It would not shake my self-worth. I would have alot of growing to do to overcome that mistake, doubly so if it was my fault in the eyes of others.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

The fact is you internalize your self worth. The fact that you don't have to worry about others and you just have to be happy with yourself means "YOU" define your self worth, doesn't it?

Yup, guess so! And I'm defining "ME" as including who I am at my core as well as whatever extends out from it or to it (ie, my actions). I am what I do. I do what I am.

I think this is the slight difference between you and I. You see, I do what I am but I am not what I do, not completely. I can chose to ignore my talents and ignore my purpose, and ignore my growth as a human being. But I am ignoring "Who" I am. I cannot separate the do from the be entirely. But I can chose to move away from who I am inside.

This is very intricately tied to my belief in the Divine, I make no qualms about it. I believe that who we are on the core inside (divine or not) is fixed and unchanging. By our Core I'm refering to things like talents, core personality, and purpose. We can change many things but the closer we are aligned to that fixed reference point, the happier we will be.

Isn't this why some people are happy in Jobs that other people would just die to be stuck into? After all if it is only a matter of changing something that "CAN" be changed, after a while both people should be close to the same. But if there "IS" a fixed, unchanging part of us, wouldn't we do better to live in accordance to that?

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

My personality type's biggest fear is that of rejection. Since I know that I am a 10 and that can't be changed, other people rejecting me cannot affect that 10.

If your self-worth doesn't change, then it's not possible to fear any sort of emotional damage, is it? Wow, must be nice not to have cracks in one's armor, hmm...

Heh, that is NOT to say that I don't have cracks. My family still give's me alot of grief lol. Mostly because they look to past behavior to say who I am and I am not who I once was. I've changed too rapidly for that to ever be a good measuring stick anymore. Well, unless you look behind the scenes at the change that has gone on over that time period.

At the same time I don't ever have to worry about how other people are going to react or respond. I can simply take the best action available to me and accept any consequences along the way. I don't have to worry about getting hurt because simply put, I chose what hurts me emotionally .

To give an example, I met up with a lady to do some coaching with and it turns out she was having issues with one of the conditions placed on that coaching. I talked it over with her, and she's gone back to think and pray about it. So be it, if I don't coach her then I will coach others. But my self-worth is not affected by her rejection, which isn't a rejection of me but a rejection of an event. After talking with her I looked back and saw many areas that I needed to improve in. I screwed up royally while talking with her. Is that bad? Nope, it is simply a reflection of who I am today. And I learn from those past mistakes and move forward.

[Cheshire Cat]

Isn't that your choice to fix your flaws? I certainly don't want to ever "Fix" my flaws into an unchanging thing.
Oh yes, we always have a choice even when we may sometimes feel like we don't. I think we can 'fix' our flaws and yet still leave it open to change. "Fix" does sound too rigid though...I like to see it as more along the lines of improving and/or working around the imperfections.



Should self-worth be defined by our flaws?
Well, don't our flaws give us a measuring stick by which we can base the strength of our self-worth? If your faults don't bother you, then it says a lot about how secure you feel with that side of yourself. I don't know too many people who can handle criticism about their faults to simply accept it for what it is instead of becoming defensive and fall into the 'who are you to judge me' trap. Defining our self-worth only on whatever is 'wrong' with us would be quite counter-productive, and I think that would lead to being stuck in place with nowhere else to go except down and/or to self-destruction.

But I can chose to move away from who I am inside.
Why...? Is there something wrong with who you are that you may want to choose to move away from yourself? I'm a little confused here, sorry.


But if there "IS" a fixed, unchanging part of us, wouldn't we do better to live in accordance to that?
If better means happier, then sure, why not?It may also depend on how we each see or if we can see at all that part of us.

But my self-worth is not affected by her rejection, which isn't a rejection of me but a rejection of an event.
Even if someone were to reject you as a person, your self-worth would still remain unfazed, right? Because you already believe strongly in yourself? I loved someone once who was full of self-pity and contempt inside. On the surface, he was a joker and a carefree spirit, but I later learned what I despised about him from the beginning: the superficialities and pretense of image. It's too long and complicated a story for me to go into the details, but what's ironic and sad is that finally, my rejection of him was probably what pushed him into recognizing and acknowledging his own individual worth... Though I've stayed away, I know he's changed... and I really hope he fulfills that potential I saw in him so long ago.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Isn't that your choice to fix your flaws? I certainly don't want to ever "Fix" my flaws into an unchanging thing.
Oh yes, we always have a choice even when we may sometimes feel like we don't. I think we can 'fix' our flaws and yet still leave it open to change. "Fix" does sound too rigid though...I like to see it as more along the lines of improving and/or working around the imperfections.

I have to agree with you there.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Should self-worth be defined by our flaws?
Well, don't our flaws give us a measuring stick by which we can base the strength of our self-worth? If your faults don't bother you, then it says a lot about how secure you feel with that side of yourself. I don't know too many people who can handle criticism about their faults to simply accept it for what it is instead of becoming defensive and fall into the 'who are you to judge me' trap. Defining our self-worth only on whatever is 'wrong' with us would be quite counter-productive, and I think that would lead to being stuck in place with nowhere else to go except down and/or to self-destruction.

I can see how you feel that way. I used to feel that way myself. What I found though was that when I strip out my self worth from my flaws I can readily accept what other's have to say to me as feedback. Neither good nor bad, it just is. And you know what? I don't have to prove myself to them, do I? After all, it is just me. By turning comments into feedback I can evaluate what they said from a neutral stance, see if it is something I need to work on and if not, I can discard it. For example some people find my flexability and willingness to change to be very threatening. They can fault find all they want and criticize all they want. Because I take it as feedback, it never bumps my self-worth.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

But I can chose to move away from who I am inside.
Why...? Is there something wrong with who you are that you may want to choose to move away from yourself? I'm a little confused here, sorry.

Ah sorry, I was meaning that as a statement of what "Could be". I know alot of people who, for whatever reason, are climbing the ladder of success without ever realizing that their ladder is against the wrong building. They continuously avoid who they are because of their fear of the unknown. What is worse to me is the fact that they never even realize it.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

But if there "IS" a fixed, unchanging part of us, wouldn't we do better to live in accordance to that?
If better means happier, then sure, why not?It may also depend on how we each see or if we can see at all that part of us.

I agree with you there. To me if there is any single thing that is unchanging it would be my purpose. It get's refined from time to time as I learn and grow, but I see it more as a jeweler cutting a gem into a more beautiful gem, the gem didn't change properties, it just has more polish, facets and beauty.

Talents may also be unchanging but I'm pretty sure my definition of a talent isn't how most people see it. I follow the Strengths Finder model of talents. Similarly I believe we each have an unchanging personality at our Core, but we can change our personality to suite our environment. What that means is the closer to our core personality we are, the happier we will be.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

But my self-worth is not affected by her rejection, which isn't a rejection of me but a rejection of an event.
Even if someone were to reject you as a person, your self-worth would still remain unfazed, right? Because you already believe strongly in yourself? I loved someone once who was full of self-pity and contempt inside. On the surface, he was a joker and a carefree spirit, but I later learned what I despised about him from the beginning: the superficialities and pretense of image. It's too long and complicated a story for me to go into the details, but what's ironic and sad is that finally, my rejection of him was probably what pushed him into recognizing and acknowledging his own individual worth... Though I've stayed away, I know he's changed... and I really hope he fulfills that potential I saw in him so long ago.

Good for you. You gave him a wake up call and he actually woke up.



So what's your biggest problem with not tying your self worth to your flaws?

[Cheshire Cat]

What I found though was that when I strip out my self worth from my flaws I can readily accept what other's have to say to me as feedback.

I don't understand how one's flaws can have a damaging effect on our self-worth if we just accept them for what they are regardless of whether we tear them out or not? I suppose it probably is easier if the two were separated...

I don't have to prove myself to them, do I? After all, it is just me. By turning comments into feedback I can evaluate what they said from a neutral stance, see if it is something I need to work on and if not, I can discard it. For example some people find my flexability and willingness to change to be very threatening.

I definitely can relate to that! I know a co-worker who seems to take any perceived slight as an attack on her character. If she didn't do anything wrong, why immediately become defensive? It's like she's so dependent upon what and how others think of her. I think you only make yourself look worse that way, and she still can't even see how she's hurting her own self-esteem more. I totally start to shut down when she gets like that, and I just lose all interest in talking to her. She has emotional and personal problems that she doesn't hide very well, and I think it's something only professional counseling can help her with. I'm lousy when it comes to offering sympathy and telling people what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear. How are some people able to develop a healthy self-worth while others succumb to their insecurities?

It get's refined from time to time as I learn and grow, but I see it more as a jeweler cutting a gem into a more beautiful gem, the gem didn't change properties, it just has more polish, facets and beauty.

Terrific analogy!

Similarly I believe we each have an unchanging personality at our Core, but we can change our personality to suite our environment. What that means is the closer to our core personality we are, the happier we will be.

So basically, we need to just be ourselves? When I say that I am what I do and I do what I am, it's not because I believe I'm incapable of doing something against my true nature. For example, I'm a horrible liar, and I couldn't passably fake a lie to save my life (I could try but I'd probably grow a nose as long as Pinocchio's)... so if I do what I am, I really am doing what's innately me, for good or bad. My work environment has had a lot of influence on my personality, especially when morale is low. I find myself happier when my peers are working as hard and when we're working together productively.

Good for you. You gave him a wake up call and he actually woke up.

I can't truly say it was all good for me... <sighs> more so for him, perhaps.

So what's your biggest problem with not tying your self worth to your flaws?

Actually, I don't have a problem with keeping them apart. I just didn't see any need for me to do it if I can still achieve the desired results. That idea never even occurred to me until you mentioned your own experiences. Maybe it's an individual preference thing?

[Remiel]

Often times when I'm talking with people I get the feeling that they don't truely understand my point of view. With you though, I get the feeling that we are mostly talking about the same thing, with a slightly different perspective.

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

So basically, we need to just be ourselves? When I say that I am what I do and I do what I am, it's not because I believe I'm incapable of doing something against my true nature. For example, I'm a horrible liar, and I couldn't passably fake a lie to save my life (I could try but I'd probably grow a nose as long as Pinocchio's)... so if I do what I am, I really am doing what's innately me, for good or bad. My work environment has had a lot of influence on my personality, especially when morale is low. I find myself happier when my peers are working as hard and when we're working together productively.

That is it! At the same time we can, slowly, shift parts of who we are. You said that you are a horrible liar, right? What would happen if you chose to, deliberately, learn how to lie? It might take you months or years but eventually you "could" become an accomplished liar, right? Now take this analogy and apply it to another, positive, character trait. Go ahead and pick one. Do you see how over time you can slowly change that inner self to become even better?

The outer actions we take are a reflection of our inner self and the unchanging Core. One thing I've experienced is that people's behavior can change when placed into different circumstances. What do you think happens when we are out of alignment with our Core?

[Cheshire Cat]

With you though, I get the feeling that we are mostly talking about the same thing, with a slightly different perspective.
Thanks! It's always nice to learn from one 'bird of a feather' to another.

Do you see how over time you can slowly change that inner self to become even better?
Oh yes, certainly. Everyone has the potential to change over time and with enough practice. I'd prefer to choose a trait that is more naturally aligned with who I am as person than something I already know is not me. Kind of like trying to transform someone into a superior artist when they don't possess the natural ability for it. Sure, they can become better with whatever limited skills they're born with, but they still won't be as good as those who already have a natural head start. Empathy is another example. I really admire people who can show deep compassion and also effectively give comfort and support to others. However, I know that I'm not and never will be that great at it no matter how hard I try. And I'm (im-)perfectly ok with that.

What do you think happens when we are out of alignment with our Core?
Frustration. Depression. Suicidal tendencies perhaps. Try shoving a round balloon into a square box. It'll either pop or if it's flexible enough, actually manage to squeeze itself inside. I don't think I'd be happy trying to fit inside a shape that isn't truly me though... I'd want to find a way out somehow.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

Do you see how over time you can slowly change that inner self to become even better?
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][SIZE="2"][COLOR="Blue"]Oh yes, certainly. Everyone has the potential to change over time and with enough practice. I'd prefer to choose a trait that is more naturally aligned with who I am as person than something I already know is not me. Kind of like trying to transform someone into a superior artist when they don't possess the natural ability for it. Sure, they can become better with whatever limited skills they're born with, but they still won't be as good as those who already have a natural head start. Empathy is another example. I really admire people who can show deep compassion and also effectively give comfort and support to others. However, I know that I'm not and never will be that great at it no matter how hard I try. And I'm (im-)perfectly ok with that.

I have to agree with you there. One thing I read by Tom Rath in "Strengths Finder 2.0" was that you have a talent and then you have a strength. Think of talent as a multiplier of effort. If I have a talent at a level of 5 then I can put 1 unit of effort into that talent and get a 5 out of it. I can also take a talent that is a 1 and put 5 effort into it. I still only get a 5 though. His point is why not do the things that I am naturally good at and get others to help me with their strengths in the areas of my weaknesses. Both Strengths Finder 2.0 and Strengths Based Leadership is a fascinating read.

Have you ever taken their talent test?

[Cheshire Cat]

If you can provide me with a link to that talent test, I wouldn't mind checking it out.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by Cheshire Cat

If you can provide me with a link to that talent test, I wouldn't mind checking it out.

Clifton StrengthsFinder 2.0

You do have to buy their book, Strengths Finder 2.0. So far I've known 2 other people who have taken it besides myself and both of them have told me that it has clarified alot of aspects of their life.

If you take it will you let me know?

[Cheshire Cat]

Thanks! I'll take a closer look at it, and if I feel this book is worth the money, I'll definitely fill you in after I've read it through. I wonder if the big bookstore chains also sell it? Hmm...How did you first hear about StrengthFinders anyhow?

[Remiel]

I'm an avid reader (which is ironic due to my kinesthetic learning ability) and basically just found it in the bookstore. After reading it a bit I was impressed with their concept of creating a language of strengths.

Do you like to read alot?