Escaping Reality

[darkw0rker]

I am at the worst point of my life. I have failed in all parts of my life. My social life is ruined because I have no friends. My intellectual life is at it's worst, I am mostly passive all day long. So are my family life, sexual life and emotional life.

I am 20 years old.

There is something within me that wants to be EXTRAORDINARY, but I think it's just a simple wish of a loser, heck I am much lower than ordinary man!

I cannot bear life anymore. I have a great great desire to escape reality once and for all.

Although I am afraid that this desire to escape reality gets me into drugs and dangerous things that actually worsen my reality.

Is there any safe way to escape reality?, beside suicide of course.

[Erin Pavlina]

You gotta face what you fear. There probably is an extraordinary life waiting for you to grab hold of. Don't give up on finding it. Don't escape. First accept where you are and surrender to the now, then slowly and gently, start doing things that make you feel better.

During the dark times in my life, I found that if I simply started helping other people in any way I could, it helped me feel better. Give a homeless guy some money, help an elderly relative with a chore, tell someone in my family I loved them, donate some clothing to a shelter, play with a baby. Laugh. Dance. Sing at the top of your lungs. See waht happens.

[themaster]

Is there any safe way to escape reality?

There are so many choose..
- games
- movies
- books

These are what I suggest.. Erin's advice is a good way to go too

[MiBeloved]

Find something constructive to do for yourself or for someone else. Once you have a value for yourself or if someone or a group of persons have a value for you, reality will seem to be your friend and will welcome you.

[Remiel]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

I am at the worst point of my life. I have failed in all parts of my life. My social life is ruined because I have no friends. My intellectual life is at it's worst, I am mostly passive all day long. So are my family life, sexual life and emotional life.

I am 20 years old.

There is something within me that wants to be EXTRAORDINARY, but I think it's just a simple wish of a loser, heck I am much lower than ordinary man!

I cannot bear life anymore. I have a great great desire to escape reality once and for all.

Although I am afraid that this desire to escape reality gets me into drugs and dangerous things that actually worsen my reality.

Is there any safe way to escape reality?, beside suicide of course.

If you have hit rock bottom there is only one way to go from there, up. I've been there before and I am absolutely amazed at the ability we as human beings have to choose our own destiny. We have in our selves a seed of greatness. But YOU have to want it. I can't want it for you (and I do) and have it make any difference in your life. Even in writing this post I can't change you, that has to come from inside of you.

So what is it going to be? My bet is that you are going to sit there and wallow in mediocrity. You are just going to give up and not put in the effort. That you will simply choose to escape from the greatness that resides within you.

Sorry, I'm probably being too harsh on you.

[andersonx]

Wanting to be extraordinary is not just the wish of a loser.

I was once a "loser". I was suicidally depressed. I had no sex life and considered myself unnattracitve. I had no money. I used to spend most of my free time using drugs. This was when I was 19 years old - practically the same as you. I loaded a shotgun and put it down my throat and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off.

I started to read self-help and decided to start visualising what I wanted more. I started to take exercise (do this!! it will change your state). It wasn't easy.

I'm now 24. I earned $160,000 last year. I'll earn more this year. I've had 3-4 beautiful girlfriends in the past 3 years, and an active sex life. I even fell in love. People have said I'm 'charming' or have good 'people skills' whereas once I was so shy that I didn't want to go outside.

I feel your pain. But you need to rely on the part of yourself which indicates you're able to accomplish and be more than you are right now.

[Dot]

darkw0rker, I think if you take a look at the life you've been carving out, you'll see that what you have eliminated - social, sexual, intellectual - was precisely because you found none of it to be extraordinary. I would call the stage where you are a huge success. And that's not trying to sugar-coat anything.

You've taken away everything that you didn't find extraordinary and have gotten it out of your active life. Now you're stripped down to the bare essentials and can begin building. And you now have the benefit of not being dragged down by the ordinary.

Honestly, I think it takes a huge amount of balls to do what you've done. Most people would just stay asleep and satisfied with the status quo - with the "ordinary."

You're life is already "extra -- ordinary."

To continue on your extraordinary journey, I would highly suggest you also drop other aspects of the ordinary that ordinary people often use - but you will find to be of absolutely no use to you:

Self loathing
Pity parties
Gossip
Envy
Jealousy
Pride

My 2¢.

[Dot]

Oh, BTW, darkw0rker, since we're on the topic of EXTRAORDINARY...

What do you find extraordinary?

[themaster]

Originally Posted by andersonx

I was once a "loser". I was suicidally depressed. I had no sex life and considered myself unnattracitve. I had no money. I used to spend most of my free time using drugs. This was when I was 19 years old - practically the same as you. I loaded a shotgun and put it down my throat and pulled the trigger. It didn't go off.

Nice story.. I bet it did go off though.. you returned to the other side of the 'veil' and came back Welcome

[Wax Frog]

Originally Posted by andersonx

I was once a "loser". I was suicidally depressed. I had no sex life and considered myself unnattracitve. I had no money. I used to spend most of my free time using drugs. This was when I was 19 years old... I'm now 24. I earned $160,000 last year. I'll earn more this year. I've had 3-4 beautiful girlfriends in the past 3 years, and an active sex life. I even fell in love. People have said I'm 'charming' or have good 'people skills' whereas once I was so shy that I didn't want to go outside.

You made that much of a leap in 5 years?!?!?!?! Yours is a mini-bio I'd very much like to read!

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

I cannot bear life anymore. I have a great great desire to escape reality once and for all.

Is there any safe way to escape reality?, beside suicide of course.

Start playing some MMOs if you want to escape reality. I started playing when I was 22, and it helped me cope somehow. Just graduate from them eventually, like I am at 26.

I would advise you to play them consciously - realize that you're learning something about yourself from the way you play, realize that they are fulfilling a need you're not getting from real life.

And then spend most of your waking hours searching for a way to get that need fulfilled without the game.

MMO's will help alleviate the pain in the short-term, just like colon cleansing will help you jump-start your way to a healthier diet.

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by andersonx

I'm now 24. I earned $160,000 last year. I'll earn more this year. I've had 3-4 beautiful girlfriends in the past 3 years, and an active sex life. I even fell in love. People have said I'm 'charming' or have good 'people skills' whereas once I was so shy that I didn't want to go outside.

I'm not where you are financially, but once I started reading Steve Pavlina and getting into the personal development stuff, my social skills have gone way off the charts. I've been socially awkward my entire life, and people have asked me, "Do you have Asperger's?" before. Those days are rapidly falling behind me.

People skills come naturally when you work on your own development. In my experience, there is nothing exaggerated in this quote.

[darkw0rker]

I really appriciate all your advices.

I have never been this much confused in my life about who I am and what I want and who I want to be.

I guess Steve needs to add a new level of consciousness as "Confusion" to the article.

But the only thing that I have found out is that absolutely all lifestyles are imperfect and have their own void inside.

[Erin Pavlina]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

But the only thing that I have found out is that absolutely all lifestyles are imperfect and have their own void inside.

Why does a lifestyle have to be perfect?

You could just as easily say all lifestyles have some measure of joy in them.

[darkw0rker]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Why does a lifestyle have to be perfect?

You could just as easily say all lifestyles have some measure of joy in them.

Well actually I was thinking about perfection a lot these days. I had some enlightening insights, so I would love to share.

I have concluded that a static "PERFECT" point does not exist. In other words, PERFECTION is only an illusion. All things are already perfect to a certain degree, and can get even more perfect to infinity.

Thus the degree of perfection is the only thing that exists. It can start from 0 and goes to infinity.

Is God perfect? No. I believe even God is evolving.

So all lifestyles are already perfect to a certain degree. They can only get either more perfected or less perfected.

So here once again I change my views.

[Manomanman]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

Why does a lifestyle have to be perfect?

You could just as easily say all lifestyles have some measure of joy in them.

Which lifestyle are harmonious, lead to growth, and lack struggle?

I think we get too caught up in terminology sometimes. The experience itself and it's meaning to you are what really matter. Events, Perception, Truth, and Subjective Reality

[darkw0rker]

Here is a song from Anathema that describes my situation exactly.

The song is called "Lost Control"...




Life has betrayed me once again,
I accept some things will never change.
I've let your tiny minds magnify my agony,
and it's left me with a chem'cal dependency for sanity.

Yes, I am falling... how much longer till I hit the ground?
I can't tell you why I'm breaking down.
Do you wonder why I prefer to be alone?
Have I really lost control?

I'm coming to an end,
I've realised what I could have been.
I can't sleep so I take a breath and hide behind my bravest mask,
I admit I've lost control.

[darkw0rker]

I feel so sad right now and so lonely. I feel like I don't belong here. I don't belong to this earth, to this life, to humans, to myself, to this reality.

I have never felt so bad. It's actually a different feeling. It's an extreme feeling of weakness, hopelessness and despair. I feel suicidal.

[wolfgang]

don't listen to music that supports the funk you're in.

find positive music only - or silence.

don't do drugs - especially alone.

watch TV one hour at a time, then do something else.

drink water.

go sit by a river bank.

or walk in the woods.

listen to nature.

forget about yourself.

get outside of your self to escape the gloom and doom.

connect with a bird singing
and let go of needing what you are down about some.

do you have anybody in real life to hang out with?

breathe, breathe, breathe, repeat

this too shall pass, so the saying goes...

[this is fun]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

I feel so sad right now and so lonely.

I believe we have all felt that way at some point. I can't but agree with all the advice you've been given so far. The only way is up now....
You say you want to be extraordinary, but what do you mean exactly, in what areas? Do you want to write a book, start a business, be an athlete? or be extraordinary to one person ? Could you be more specific? Then people could give you more advice on how to take steps towards that.
I don't think these 'extraordinary' people just woke up one day being so, they probably had ups and downs just as any other person, but kept going.

But if you feel suicidal, is there someone you could go to, to talk about it, in addition to this forum? If you feel you can't deal with it.....

[darkw0rker]

I had a very profound change this morning. As I was feeling depressed, lonely and sad the last night I was thinking about getting rid of my emotions altogether. Of course, by this I do not mean repressing my emotions, by transcending them.

I went back and read Steve's Levels of Consciousness article. The consciousness of reason is the exact level that I am interested in at the moment.

The problem is that 'Feeling Good' is the end in my life. Every moment I want to do that feels good to me. I have concluded this is totally wrong. Instead if I put Reason as the end in my life, things would be wholly different.

So instead of acting on emotions, whether negative or positive, I can act on rational self determined decisions.

I also think that all my life I have been a mere body, an emotional being rather than a rational being or a mind.

Although I think Steve is wrong partly about the consciousness of reason. When you are in this level, reason becomes the ultimate end in your life, not just as a mean to reach your passions. So when he says he was being totally rational of marketing his business, he was still limited to his emotions. He was using reason as a way to reach his passions.

Right now my goal is to experience fully the consciousness of reason. I'll make sure to post more about it.

Thanks everyone for responding so far to my past emotional outcries.

[wolfgang]

whatever it takes!

glad to hear you found some focus.

[Asmoday]

Surrenduring all you power in this way, dancing from topic to topic in your mind without sticking with something long enough to make real progress, creating an emotional roller coaster -- all these, and more, ARE your way of escaping from reality.

Congratulations, you've achieved your goal.

Do you like this state, or would you rather exist in something else?

[Mynder]

I am what you might call a "tech guy". My father gave me my first computer at age three, and I've grown up with the things. I have been escaping my life time and again using computer games. I still do at times.

Whenever I should have been doing something "sensible", I pushed it off and started playing. Sometimes excessively. The habit is still with me, to a degree.

I have played World of Warcraft for a bit over a year. Then eventually I had the same realization that came to me after playing Diablo 2 for about five years (with breaks and low intensity periods). It felt pointless. I was trying to waste hours away to avoid something. I was trying to fill my life with something, but in the end I realized that the things I did were meaningless, empty.

These escapes are great if you just want to take your mind off things, the same as watching some favorite show on TV. But eventually you get to the point where you realize they don't feed that drive in you. That's when I quit WoW, and decided to spend my time at least a little bit more productively.

I started playing online poker. Yes, I can hear you laugh. It's more of the same, but with a minor twist. This time, when I procrastinated and escaped into playing poker, I at least made a little money while doing it. Not all that much, and I probably could have made much more spending my time actually doing some work, but it allowed me to spend just a little bit of extra money on things that were important to me.

I was able to make enough to go to Spain with my family. Actually, we just paid for that vacation out of my regular income and used the "poker money" to pay off the final rate for our family car, but that's not important.

I bought a few books from this extra "pocket money", a birthday present for my wife (hey, she doesn't know just how much or how little I have in my poker bank account, so this was perfect for not letting her now how much I paid for her gift!), and most recently I cashed out most of my remaining money to book a reading with Erin.

So, to give all this meaning: by even changing my habit only SLIGHTLY, I was able to turn something completely pointless into something that allows me to periodically make one more step forward than I would have normally been able to do. And while I do not at all suggest you do the same as me, I do suggest you try to find something you like and already do habitually, and look for ways to do something similar that at the same time can take you just a single step forward.

The difference can be very noticeable. The least you might find is that this can help fight the feeling of being totally useless. You're not. Do things that make you feel good instead of just superficially happy. Don't try to just have fun (and then later on cry over the futility of it all when you get back home and your thoughts strike back). As Erin said, try to help somebody else, to express some warmth to any person, unconditionally, i.e. without expecting even the tiniest bit of gratitude.

See if that makes you feel better about yourself (this is exactly what this is about: how you feel about yourself!).

In my teens I sometimes felt as if I was drifting in a grey void, without control of where I drifted, no purpose, no destination. I felt small and helpless. It took some time, but eventually I consciously changed my perception of this imagery. I imagined myself in this void, but I imagined I could command where I wanted to go, could control my movement. Naturally, in a void movement or control is logically meaningless, because you're still just "hanging in there". But the shift in perception, subtle as it is, is anything but meaningless. Try it out. Try picturing your fears and changing some detail that bugs you about it. I dare you to imagine differently and see what happens.

Eddy