Making the Polarity Decision

[Plato]

So, I finally reached clarity over this issue and want to share it with everybody here, because I think it could be really helpful to those who aren't sure yet, or aren't sure they understand polarity.

The Evil Years

I was a darkworker for several years, and there is no doubt of that. I was absolutely committed to acquiring power in order to make myself happier. I knew that greater power would make me happier. My worst nightmare was to be powerless; my greatest fantasy to be insurmountably dominant. I knew that I was going to be successful. I worked extremely hard on the things that mattered to me.

I was in the gym every day, doing intense work outs. I spent the rest of my time engrossed in learning to control people. I was never apathetic. I had masses of energy because my fear and pain were sharp and constant, reminding me that I needed more. Each successful step towards greater power brought a wave of pleasure of orgasmic intensity. Every step back fuelled my fear and pain.

I surrounded myself with a group of like minded people re-inforcing my stance. Although we were all "friends" (for practical reasons, more than any true bond, although there was respect there) we practiced manipulation techniques on each other. We were also in competition.

The majority of my time I was in a state of alert action, underscored by the fear and pain.

I had zero sense of morality in the conventional sense. I didn't care about anybody. I didn't believe win-win was truly possible because there is no such thing as equality. I was truly evil in this sense: I wanted to put people into the state that was my worst nightmare - forced submission.

I held the belief that happiness is dominance. To be happy was to perceive oneself as superior. As far as I was concerned, happy people believed they were better than me. That's why they were happy. I didn't consciously think this. I instinctually just knew it to be true. The mindset of fear perceives happiness in this way.

I realised that happiness was to make people submit to my will. Misery was to submit to the will of others. There was no middle ground. I had to make reality and everything in it bend to my will.

The End of Darkworking

My time as a true darkworker ended when I read The Power Of Now, and Steve's blog. I read them because I had been told they were good for "Inner Game".

I experienced the bliss of presence through Tolle's writing and experimented with using Love energy through various Pavlina articles.

The more I used these, the more I became de-polarized. Darkworking depends upon the belief that "I NEED more to be happy. I MUST have more." Love and presence totally undermine that. We can be happy right here, right now so there's no point trying to acquire more. Right?

That realisation was the end of darkworking for me. You lose commitment to acquiring power when you realise happiness requires none.

The Transition to Lightworking

So for two years I've been scuttling around uncertainly, not really knowing what I'm doing. Inconsistently serving myself; always lacking the fire I had before. I missed it, in spite of the pain.

I didn't want to let go of my desire to dominate. I was addicted to it. Also, almost all of my beliefs were aligned with darkworking, as well as my habits.

Gradually, slowly, minutely, my beliefs have shifted. Through exposure to loving people who came into my life, as well as this forum and finally The Work of Byron Katie, I've been able to let go of my addiction to power.

I've moved on.

I'm embracing the mindset of oneness, along with love, peace and joy. I don't need anything personally, but I know that I can improve the lives of others. I feel it with the same certainty that I knew I needed power to be happy as a darkworker.

[Andrew Gubb]

That's pretty incredible to hear Plato *hugs*! To be honest I didn't expect you to go this way, but I'm so glad you did. I don't know why, but recently I was reading your posts (fixing up my ideas on polarity) and feeling like you swinging to the darkness was coming soon.

You've been one of my best teachers on polarity, better than Steve in a way thanks to your unique perspective. So I think this experience will be a huge asset for you in helping the world. Just like I was sick so I could become a healer, get it?

God damn this is beautiful! *hugs Plato again*

[Holistic Star]

Thanks for sharing, Plato. That's a really interesting perspective from someone who has experienced both sides.

How has it affected you in terms of friends you now associate with, or the work you do. Is the inner shift reflected in an outer shift?

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb

That's pretty incredible to hear Plato *hugs*! To be honest I didn't expect you to go this way, but I'm so glad you did. I don't know why, but recently I was reading your posts (fixing up my ideas on polarity) and feeling like you swinging to the darkness was coming soon.

You've been one of my best teachers on polarity, better than Steve in a way thanks to your unique perspective. So I think this experience will be a huge asset for you in helping the world. Just like I was sick so I could become a healer, get it?

God damn this is beautiful! *hugs Plato again*

Knowing the directions to Hell and back makes it all worth it.

What exactly does the polarity theory mean for you, Andrew? In practical terms how does it serve you?

I know what it means for me, but I'm curious to see if it's the same for you.

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

Thanks for sharing, Plato. That's a really interesting perspective from someone who has experienced both sides.

How has it affected you in terms of friends you now associate with, or the work you do. Is the inner shift reflected in an outer shift?

Friends are very different now. Chilled out, accepting, happy and open, but not too motivated. I imagine I'll begin attracting motivated lightworkers into my life as I embrace service.

Main difference between before and after is focus. Before I was obsessed with my goals, and nothing could distract me. My passion was strong enough to push through barriers and make me face fears. I HAD to. In terms of the actual stuff I did, my life was basically centered around learning to control people. Particularly PUA type stuff.

Since then, I haven't cared enough about anything to put lasting effort into it. Actually, since depolarising the only thing that interests me is pushing away this fog of confusion. I did 18 months of a philosophy degree for that reason. I quit when I realised philosophy only offers more confusion.

Pursuing selfish goals doesn't excite me any more, but my interest in creating value is growing, along with my sense of clarity.

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by Plato

Knowing the directions to Hell and back makes it all worth it.

What exactly does the polarity theory mean for you, Andrew? In practical terms how does it serve you?

I know what it means for me, but I'm curious to see if it's the same for you.

Well I've experienced both poles quite strongly. My teacher, Pablo, who is a great psychic and pretty obviously enlightened, tells me that I'm a "channel of entry and exit" meaning that I can channel both energies very powerfully.

As a kid I experienced really intense states of love... but my parents' dark energy, combined with my tendency to take whatever energy was in my system and amplify it massively, dragged me again and again into darkness and sickness. The sickness, Pablo tells me, was a manifestation of this internal conflict - my body was attacking itself.

After being in the hospital for long periods of time, the suffering tore away my ego... so when I got better, I experienced such intense joy that I knew that this was the only thing worth living for. I got dragged into the darkness again, and had it even more powerful than before maybe to balance it out. My problem was that I was a loner of sorts, so when I felt bad I retreated out of reach of help and saw anyone who would help as an enemy come to make me suffer. So I didn't get this connection which helps people stay in the light which you talked about - I spent maybe three years almost entirely alone. At the worst of times I had crazy fantasies of taking over the world, but even when I had the chance to hurt people I didn't... my deeper nature held me back I think. Even when I was at my worst, I knew that this pain didn't have to be there. Once you've tasted the light I don't think there's any going back. Or maybe that's just me. I know when Pablo offered to help me but started out with the "you first have to choose between darkness and light" speech I looked at him like he was crazy - why would anyone choose darkness?

So a long time in my spiritual seeking I was trying to find this light but actually dark energy was fuelling the search. For instance I realised that I felt this joy when I was connected with people - so I tried to get friends out of fear, which is completely incapable of connecting. For a long time I tried to manipulate and ego myself to enlightenment. Polarity offered a piece of the puzzle - becoming conscious of the energy I was using in any given moment and realising that I was choosing between them... I had a certain control. It also helped me to realise some things which aren't intuitive in our society... like, you can't use anger or fear to get to joy. That evil is suffering and good is happiness. That humour, peace and fun are sources of power. Etc. I'm still learning these subtleties... or waking up to them, maybe, cause some part of me already knows.

Nowadays I'm quite conflicted... I can feel the fear and pain you speak of... if I ask myself "where is the pain?" I can feel a kind of dark burning round about my shoulder blades, which I guess symbolises "the wieght of the world" I dunno... but underneath all that it's so easy to locate that burning desire to find the light again and to love as hard as I can...... it's so intense... when it comes out I just radiate love at the world, smiling for no reason, like a little Eckhart Tolle... So I know life can be so much more. It's the only thing that stopped me killing myself several times over. I got so much to give to this world while I'm here.

[Plato]

Cool story. I'm sure the conflict will resolve itself in its own good time. You can't force these things. Attraction isn't a choice, ya know.

[Rose of Cairo]

Thank you so much Plato, you're brightening my day.

I just want to hug you so much now! I already loved you as a darkworker, PUA, or unpolarized guy - but I'm so happy we'll probably be going similar paths now.

Big hug.

[Plato]

Wow, I never knew I was so huggable. This is more hugs than I've had in months. I'm ovewhelmed.

I'll be surprised if our paths match, Rose. Rebels are always unique.

[Rose of Cairo]

That's why I said "similar" and not "same". We'll be heading towards service, value creation and focus on outflow, isn't that enough to make our paths similar?

Sure, of course you are that huggable. *and one hug more on top of that*

[CroMagna]

I can relate to your story. But I do both: I allow the painful memories to push me into the present moment where I experience bliss which then allows me to pursue my selfish goals that will enable me to reconcile myself with the painful memories. This gives me a sense of purpose, otherwise I would just be walking around like a cat or a dog.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by plato

i had masses of energy because my fear and pain were sharp and constant, reminding me that i needed more.

hot!!

[Plato]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

hot!!

How's that working out for you, Cro?

btw, part of that is a quote I took from American Psycho - one of my favourite darkworkerish films, even though you find out at the end it might be his imagination.
You can watch it here American Psycho

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by Plato

So, I finally reached clarity over this issue and want to share it with everybody here...

I'm embracing the mindset of oneness, along with love, peace and joy. I don't need anything personally, but I know that I can improve the lives of others. I feel it with the same certainty that I knew I needed power to be happy as a darkworker.

Good for you man! I wish you boatloads of success!!!

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Plato

How's that working out for you, Cro?

btw, part of that is a quote I took from American Psycho - one of my favourite darkworkerish films, even though you find out at the end it might be his imagination.
You can watch it here American Psycho

It's working out pretty well so far. Thanks for asking.