Darkworking and Marriage/Adultery

[CroMagna]

What's the purpose of a darkworker getting married? A darkworker would basically just be using the spouse to pay bills, cook and clean, and provide eggs/sperm. I don't see how such an act could possibly go on unnoticed by the spouse. If you are that deeply intertwined with someone, it would become extremely obvious that you care about yourself only.

Another thing: what would stop a darkworker from being a mistress/poolboy?

[pterodactyl]

I know two people whom I'd classify as darkworkers, and they are married. One is an adulterer and the other, to my knowledge is not (yet). Their wives are somewhat darkworkerish also, and the mutual benefit they receive from being married (income, house, connections, status, children, etc) is that both seem to be getting what they want, while none of them are not entirely happy. These are relatively young marriages, so we'll see how they turn out. I don't know any old, married darkworkers.

Maybe it is possible to be a darkworker and be married, but one would need to marry another darkworker who has similar or complementary goals and drives in order for it to work out.

[mtaylor3]

Hmmmm...... tricky.

Surely tho, like attracts like, and in a marriage, each half of the couple gets something from the relationship? By this I mean lover/loved, nutured/nurturer, giver/taker and so on......

after several false starts, I remain obsceb=nely unmarried, so I would be the last one to judge what makes a couple "work"

[Eric Revelin]

It's not like you stop needing companionship just because you're self-focused. If a darkworker can give to charity because it gives him the warm-fuzzies he can get into a relationship simply because he wants someone at his side.

Remember, darkworkers aren't incapable of love, they simply believe that it extends from selfish motivation. "I love you because it makes me feel good." That means an unpolarized partner probably wouldn't pick up on the subtleties of the darkworker's nature. Most people don't know how to love others or themselves fully so someone who can do either is going to look like love's poster child.

A darkworker will either look for someone they can manipulate and dominate (Get all your needs met without any of the mess!) or, if they're up for a challenge, they'll look for somebody that's their equal. The latter will drive them to improve through competition. They'll have to constantly examine their beliefs because they'll have someone to call them on their bull****. See, darkworkers are a courageous lot that seek perfection by any means available to them and that often includes their relationships.

Yes, I'm implying the former are lesser darkworkers than the latter. One has to be absolutely pathetic to need a lover they can boss around just so they feel better about themselves. It screams, "Don't look at my penis!" Grow a pair and find a real woman/man. (If you can get both in the same package all the better. Hermaphrodites: hours of fun for everybody!)

It would help to remember that love and fear, in regard to polarity, are not the same as their dictionary definitions but rather their new age incarnations. According to lightworkers, love that isn't unconditional is fear-based, period. Darkworkers believe unconditional love is a farce and that it dilutes love to the point of meaninglessness. Darkworkers can love and in fact it remains one of the most potent emotions at their disposal, but because of the way they define it and because it is seen to extend solely from themselves (and not source or God or what-have-you) it's considered fear based.

[CroMagna]

I think darkworkers love no one but themselves. I think that a darkworker would have no problem cheating (either as the spouse or the third party) or being cheated on. I think they would also be cool with polyamory. I think their marriages are basically marriages of convenience.

[straysweeper]

One aspect you might be overlooking is social status or cultural success symbol. Take politics for example, who would elect an unmarried president? Another one, as adult industry and poly might go together, monogamy would go with some other business or industry. Take PD, Jim Rohn, Brian Tracy, Anthony Robbins, and more are married.

[Eric Revelin]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I think darkworkers love no one but themselves. I think that a darkworker would have no problem cheating (either as the spouse or the third party) or being cheated on. I think they would also be cool with polyamory. I think their marriages are basically marriages of convenience.

That's a sociopath, not a darkworker. Convenience is not the only motivator.

[Xanafax]

I agree with Eric ^ ^ ^

As an aspiring Darkworker I would say that marriage - the sharing of my love with someone else who loves me also would be the most amazing experience ever.

Darkworker's are not anti-marriage, they just...don't have the same idea about it as Lightworkers.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Eric Revelin

That's a sociopath, not a darkworker. Convenience is not the only motivator.

What exactly is the difference between a darkworker and an objectivist or just a really selfish person? It seems like nothing new.

[Xanafax]

A Darkworker - by Steve's definition - is not necessarily rational. In my opinion a Darkworker is the same as an Objectivist and I just compare the too in my mind.

In essence, at their cores Darkworking, Objectivism and LaVeyan Satanism are all the same thing. Egoism, rational self interest, selfishness.

Now Steve would probably disagree, but meh, I like the way it fits into my mind and so I don't worry about it.

What you have to move away from Cro, is worrying if your being a "good" Darkworker, or Satanist or Objectivist. If your doing what is rationally in your best interest, then your doing it right. Irrespective of what others say, because there will always be those in your life who want you to be a slave to their wishes and whims.

These people are YOUR enemy. Of course calling people enemies has become a thought crime amongst the PD community these days and no doubt I will be "taken down a peg" by someone here, you know, because i'm just a Kid and all that. Remember the poor middle aged guy who spends all day on a forum knows more about life than me

These people in your life will try and drag you down, tell you it won't work, or tell you its not possible. These are your enemies, I can't stress that enough. These people are not to be reasoned with, or argued with, or even looked at if you can help it. They will only make you doubt yourself. You have to be strong, trust your own mind. If someone has a valid, logical argument then by all means listen...LEARN! That's the key thing here, learn from them. If someone just starts going on about how your being selfish and it's not fair - recognise this as a weakness within that person. It ultimately means their self esteem is tied up in YOU being as bad or worse than them.

All in all Cro from what I have read about you, I think your on the right path, but your still externally focussed, I know this because so am I, and I recognise your thought patterns.

You see you have to ask yourself, if your truly being selfish, what does it matter whether other people think your doing it right?

Keep strong, and always - ALWAYS pursue what you value the most!

[Eric Revelin]

First, disassociate light from "moral" and dark from "immoral". Morality has nothing to do with it. Darkworking and lightworking isn't the bad guys vs. the good guys, it's about harnessing energy, either of which can be used for what is termed "good" and "bad" reasons.

How does the light get twisted into a force of destruction? "I hate violence, but... But if all the Jews were killed mankind would be better off, wouldn't they?" Think the holocaust, or the crusades. Zealotry is the truest form of evil in our world. Zealots, no matter their intent, will pave the road to hell, brick by brick, with their own hands.

Are darkworkers sociopaths? Yes and no. Yes in the sense that they disregard external values for their own. No because their values may not always contradict the will of the collective. You know that whole not-killing thing? We like being able to walk down the street without fear of getting stabbed. Anything that prevents blood from leaving our bodies through crevices that aren't supposed to be there is an effort we wholeheartedly support and, to do our part, we'll do a lot less stabbing ourselves. Where darkworker values contradict the whole you can't tell because they're so good you'll never pick up on it.

Lightworkers are sociopaths, too, to an extent- they reject societal norms. They'll disregard common morality for the sake of higher authority. Cheating? Polyamory? Those are gonna mean very different things to a lightworker than they will to the common person. Polarity is about extremes- you're not gonna fit in if you pick either one. Lightworkers seek understanding, darkworkers say, "♥♥♥♥♥ 'em. I don't have time for people that don't get it."

Let me reiterate: darkworking and lightworking are about energy. Make no mistake, the sadistic, sociopathic darkworker so many hold up as the default ideal is in fact possible but those darkworkers are barreling toward self-destruction and, if they don't switch paths, that fate is inevitable.

You wanna be a darkworker for life you're gonna need to do things differently. Asmoday's blog would give you a pretty good idea for how to pull it off. The sociopathic darkworker lives in constant fear of never having enough; he gets paranoid and lashes out when it isn't necessary. He's a timid, paranoid creature that's practically begging some stalwart self-righteous blowhard to end his miserable existence. The life-long darkworker is unconditionally bold, welcomes challenge, and has little fear for himself. His source of supply is infinite because he is infinitely resourceful.

You know the common thread between all the people who talk about self-destructive darkworkers like it's the inevitable result of that path? They're either lightworkers or they're darkworkers on the verge of destruction. I'm not gonna say they don't know what they're talking about because they do- that's what happened to them when they harnessed "fear" energy and it's fully possible other people walking the path will suffer the same fate. I'd go as far as to say it's more likely "fear" will destroy you than it is that the "love" will because the darkworker is a fierce individualist and no matter how much support he has he essentially stands alone. Lightworkers have support networks and they will go out of their way to rescue a soul that's fallen. A darkworker lives and dies on his merit alone. Even if you're respected enough that an ally would attempt to bring you back the only true friend you've got in the abyss is your own will.

Love and fear are not good terms for the energies at work because their definitions vary so much based on context. Lightworkers believe there is only love and that you can either love or hate but you cannot do both whereas darkworkers think that love without hate is a meaningless concept. Actually, the whole conversation is skewed in favor of lightworkers because they control the semantics.

It would be better to define the paths by their other common traits. You could look at darkworking as the path of ego and lightworking as the path of ego-dissolution, the problem being that darkworkers have to reach deeper than their egos if they want real power. You could do like Asmoday does and think of it as ascent vs. descent, or you could look at it as expanding your energy vs. focusing your energy. I like the last one the best because that's how it feels to me.

When I toyed with lightworker energies I felt like I had a very general focus, and it helped me get an idea for how all the tiny mechanisms combine within the bigger picture. When harnessing darkworker energies my focus is narrow and absolute- whatever has my attention at that moment is the only thing that exists. You could put a concrete wall in my path and I'd bust through it like it was nothing. I might not even realize it was there. And if something actually manages to challenge me I'm gonna grin like a maniac and tear it down piece by piece.

The darkworker heading toward destruction hates challenge and longs for safety. The darkworker heading for glory grins in the face of the impossible and beats the odds, and if he doesn't he makes his death legendary.

Bringing it back around to the topic at hand, if somebody cheats on a darkworker and he doesn't give a damn then he thought he deserved it and he's not gonna say anything because it's still better than being alone. A darkworker with balls will not accept the betrayal of his partner and will leave without a second glance to find someone worthy of him. (To explain via statement, "I am a kind lover, and my affections run deep. However, if you betray me you'll learn how merciless I can be." Worse still would be, "You're not worth it" as nothing stings more than apathy.) A darkworker of that variety has no reason to cheat because he'd never shortchange himself by staying with a partner that can't give him what he wants, or he'd never get into a monogamous relationship in the first place. He will do whatever meets his needs. Anyone who does not do that is an idiot.

And if someone claiming to be a darkworker gets into a miserable relationship for status, money, what have you? They're pretenders to the throne. Life is too damn short to spend it with someone who makes you miserable no matter what they can give you. Settling for that kind of situation shows a severe lack of faith in your own abilities. Darkworkers do not believe in no-win scenarios and if they ever accept a no-win scenario they are going to de-polarize.

Finally, can an emotionally healthy darkworker pick a relationship solely on the basis of its potential benefits and nothing else? Absolutely. Not everybody values romance and a smart darkworker is going to pick a partner that doesn't impose too much on his life. In that case, who cares if the partner cheats? It's a business relationship, not a marriage. That might be what it's called on the certificate but it's no different than one person forming a corporation to get tax breaks. Both partners should be aware of this and do their own thing except when they need each other to further their own agenda. This kind of thing only works if it's symbiotic. Sure, you can manipulate somebody and trick them into loving you so you have access to their resources, and hell it might even be a smart strategy in a given circumstance, but generally? Generally you want both partners on the same page or s*** is gonna hit the fan.

Of course there's one rule universal amongst darkworkers: always get a prenup.

[Xanafax]

Eric:

fantastic post, really summed it up nicely. I couldn't have done it better myself.

[CroMagna]

Excellent thoughts Xan. It's tricky to have unconventional ideas because you become plagued with "the herd is right, this will make my life miserable, I'll live to regret it, this is not how things are supposed to be done." But I know that these "love others, heal, be at one" people are not necessarily right. Oprah's spiritual advisor announced that the woman is still depressed! Leave aside the fact that she's the richest woman in the country, as money isn't everything. What about the amount of inner work and healing she's undergone over the past 15 years? That's why I tune out the Iyanla Vanzants and Dr. Phils say "love, heal, forgive." That's sappy, not me, and doesn't even work!

The word enemy comes from the latin inimigo which means "not a friend." Essentially that makes the world your enemy. And given the pressure to be like Oprah, you can see why. In LS you are the Satan in the society and the herd is the spiritual force that you are rebelling against. In paradise lost Satan won because he became ruler of his mind, over the demons, and over his world rather than serving. He would have agreed to be a miserable tortured failure anyway rather than go along with the herd: "Better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven."

[CroMagna]

Excellent insight Eric! It would not make sense to get into a relationship with someone you're not compatible with in the first place.

[Atrox]

Originally Posted by Eric Revelin

First, disassociate light from "moral" and dark from "immoral". Morality has nothing to do with it.

[...]

Of course there's one rule universal amongst darkworkers: always get a prenup.

Eric Revelin, you deserve a statue somewhere!

Seriously now, brilliant post! Sums it up perfectly. And I agree with it 110%.