Making habits that just STICK?

[Marc Greve]

I’ve been wanting to make a bunch of changes within myself lately, small, simple things that I think most can relate to, but I haven’t been able to find a good way of really internalizing new habits and behaviour.

Most of my goals in this area of my life are things that everyone can benefit from so I’ll share my list of changes with you here:

Posture & Body
• Spine Straight
• Sitting and walking upright (no matter what you’re doing - ie. Reading, laptopping, blogging, eating, drawing, writing, EVERYTHING)
• Chest out
• Shoulders back
• Head held high - Jawline horizontal with the ground
• Constantly smiling (animated, not just a plastered on smile)
• Breathing fully all the time
• Moving slowly and deliberately

Social Interactions
• Keeping Eye Contact
• Mirroring others for rapport
• Speaking slowly, curtly and deliberately (rather than over-explaining yourself)
• Thinking before you speak - just 2 seconds or so
• Pausing before replying
• Making more pauses mid-sentence for added impact and suspense-building
• Varying Tonality (just listen to Tony Robbins, you’ll get the idea)
• Noticing and interpreting other’s body language (simple once you know the basic signs and gestures, but it’s hard to keep reminding yourself of)
• Using other people’s names


• Doing reality checks (for lucid dreaming)
• Constantly focusing on what I want (rather than what could go wrong or why it’s impossible)

I (and anyone for that matter) can easily tell myself “Ok! Time to look and feel confident, so throw those shoulders back, stick your chest out and look at the horizon and take some powerful strides and feel your cape flowing out behind you (cape-walking, I’m sure you’re familiar with it) and just take a walk up and down the street.
But as soon as something catches my attention it all just drops.
I enter a bookstore and start reading and all of a sudden I’m this dishelved little lump again, hunched over, neck bent (instead of bringing the book to eye level) and breathing shallowly.

It IS easy to change your physiology and feel A LOT better about yourself, but the trick is to keep it that way no matter what happens.


So far I figured to have my phone’s alarm go off every 10 minutes or so and run through a check-list - “Is my posture ok? Am I creating rapport? Am I being attentive and loving? Etc…” - and it does help, but I’m looking for a more elegant, lasting solution where all these things become natural rather than a routine I’m constantly running.

Do any of you guys have some good methods of doing just that? Home-brewed or otherwise?

[Mark Lapierre]

This is one place where self-consciousness has actually been a blessing. I used to be overly concerned about people looking at me and judging me, but now when I notice people looking at me I use that as a reminder to give them something to judge me positively (even though I now know they're most likely too wrapped up in their own worlds to give me a second thought), and make sure my posture is correct. Now I don't even think about it when I'm walking.

Doing yoga has helped immensely with my general awareness of my posture and breathing. My instructor continually emphasizes that awareness in class, I also practice that awareness when I do yoga at home, and it extends to a greater awareness of my body throughout the day.

[Steve Rodgman]

A key to internalizing anything is repetition. Repetition keeps you alert to new ideas and eventually ingrains them into your psyche -- pushing your old beliefs out.

To learn new habits you have to 'practice' the new habits daily. You must continually remind yourself of your new habits or else you will forget them. Find a creative way of keeping your mind tuned to your new way of thinking (find a way you are comfortable with and you find 'fun').

Essentially you must be the person that you want to be in the future, now. Speak like this new person and act like this new person -- now. Ask yourself, "If I was this person who was characterized by these new traits, how would I act and think?" And then be that person now at the most deepest level of your soul.

What holds us back from adapting new habits is limiting beliefs in our sub-conscious. Our sub-conscious often projects energy patterns that are misaligned with our conscious mind. So even if you are telling yourself consciously that you are this new person, your sub-conscious remains in the comfort-zone of your old beliefs (your sub-conscious always wins the battle).

You can change yourself even quicker by attending to your sub-conscious directly through meditation, visualization, and energy work. An energy healing technique such as EFT can work 'miracles' in a matter of minutes. The conscious effects are often subtle (though they can in fact be very powerful!!) but the sub-conscious effects are incredibly life-changing.

Steve

[Michelle]

There is some new research into this area which says if you complete a task and reward yourself immediately after completing it 30 times you will have a new habit.

In my life there are two things I want to do more of - practice and exercise. So, each time I practice a block x hours I give myself a reward from a list I made myself. For 2 hours practice, I might get to go to Starbucks and blog for 2 hours. For 5 hours practice I might get a massage or go to a movie.

Important is to reward yourself IMMEDIATELY. Some people make the mistake of rewarding themselves after one week of exercising every day. This won't do it. You need to train your brain like a doggy. Would your puppy be happy if you praised in next week for pooping outside today? No, it wouldn't even remember. So, make your list of things you want to turn into habits and things you would like to receive as rewards for those habits.

Let me know how you make out!

[Marc Greve]

Acutally, that's a great idea, Michelle.

Make a list of gradual, proportional rewards for behaviour congruent with my desired personality.

Also, it'll be a sensible way of justifying luxury (like a massage).

The other thing you mentioned, with giving other people something to be impressed about with you (or your posture, whatever, people generalize first impression characteristics) is brilliant in all its subtlety.
Effectively it's making the desired circumstances of your desired behaviour a trigger, in and of it self, to the actions you have to take!
And eventually, I'd imagine, things like keeping a good posture and breathing fully and so on will become anchored to others, so you can't NOT think of doing it. The trick is then to anchor those things to objects and events so common that you do it all the time! (like walking through a house smelling of blue berry pie makes you salivate big time - Pavlov, anyone?).

I'll definitely give it a go!


Oh, and Richard Bandler's words also came to mind - "The Human brain learns fast, it cannot learn anything, a habit pattern or a phobia, in a slow, methodical way."
What would the NLP approach to consciously ingraining new habits be? Anyone with experience in this field?