Perfectionism – The enemy

[bleachjt]

I’ve always been my worst critic, and I never manage to satisfy myself when I for example draw something. I used to love to draw, but I stopped because I saw that I’d never be good as the best artists, so I quit it. So today I read the “30 Days To Success” blog entry and I thought: “Wow, this is really good! I finally have a reason to draw again. I’ll just give it a 30-days-trial.” Then I set a goal for myself. One drawing each day for 30 days and then we’ll see if I continue or not.

So full of positive thoughts and energy I started to draw a portrait of the actor Zhang Ziyi. I have drawn portraits before with no real problems, some that I am even proud of. I started drawing, and after a few seconds I started to become unsure of myself and after a couple of minutes I gave up. Ok, my self-confidence got itself a knock, but let’s try something simpler I thought. So I found an anime person that I wanted to draw. Simple details, so I started to draw, but after maybe 10 minutes I gave up because I saw a failure in the near future. It just isn’t going to be good enough.

Now I’m thinking this might have been a bad idea. Maybe my self-confidence got more hurt than it should. This does bother me, I can feel it now. It shouldn’t, but it does. The perfectionist inside me killed my fun-time, my creative time.

So I need help I guess. This is my enemy, perfectionism. I need to win the war or I fear it will haunt me forever.

[Nneka]

BleachJT, try drawing for 15 minutes no matter what. No matter what it looks like. I started practicing this with writing. I used to think that my writing had to be perfect, intriguing, engaging, so I would start a post, write a couple sentences, play a game, go back to the post and start from scratch and go around in circles until I didn't post.

Now I just sit and write stream of consciousness for 15 minutes. No interruption. If I don't want to continue, I post what I have. If it keeps coming, I keep moving with it. The important thing is to do it anyway.

In Spirit,
Nneka

[Athena]

Make it your purpose to draw a picture, complete it, and HAVE FUN doing it! Open up your mind to the creative flow, and let the energy go through you onto the paper.

If you're focused on making only a 'perfect' picture (does that even exist?) then part of your mind is constricted, and your creative flow can be impeded. Make your motive instead to open your mind, enjoy the process of drawing, have fun with what you create.

If you have an actual technical aspect of your drawing that you want to improve, then pinpoint it and work on that in an allotted session, but don't let it bleed over into your whole experience of drawing, especially if the objective is to enjoy drawing as a hobby. Also know that your drawing can evolve and improve with practice.

So open up your mind, expect to enjoy the activity and whatever you create!

[Keith]

I have exactly the same problem, and it boils down to: I'm too hung up on results. If I draw a picture, I want it to be a damn good picture - otherwise, what's the point?

Steve's latest podcast (http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...l-achievement/) was a revelation to me regarding this question. In order to achieve a goal, you need to transition to being the sort of person who has achieved that goal.

The point of drawing is to be the sort of person who would draw an awesome picture. That person wouldn't be freaking out if a given picture failed. They'd be going "Bugger. Okay, how about if we try this?".

IMO, "Try drawing for 15 minutes no matter what" is actually bad advice. I've tried that approach myself with no success. I think the main reason for hat is it makes drawing into a chore. You don't want to force yourself into doing it - yourself will just rebel.

Instead, jump to the finish line. Be the magnificent artist (pick a particular one (eg. Leonardo Da Vinci) if you like). Would the artist say to him(or her)self "I really must set aside some time later to do art"? Of course not! They'd say "Cool, A spare moment! Now I've got a chance to refine how I draw feet!".

We get so caught up in what we have to do to achieve our goals. But if we be the sort of person who'd achieve those goals, the doing just flows naturally.

P.S. Steve's podcast also talks about environmental reinforcement. For an artist, that means things like having a sketchpad nearby (or on you!) at all times, having numerous art reference books handy, surrounding yourself with your art, etc.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by bleachjt

I’ve always been my worst critic, and I never manage to satisfy myself when I for example draw something. I used to love to draw, but I stopped because I saw that I’d never be good as the best artists, so I quit it. So today I read the “30 Days To Success” blog entry and I thought: “Wow, this is really good! I finally have a reason to draw again. I’ll just give it a 30-days-trial.” Then I set a goal for myself. One drawing each day for 30 days and then we’ll see if I continue or not.

So full of positive thoughts and energy I started to draw a portrait of the actor Zhang Ziyi. I have drawn portraits before with no real problems, some that I am even proud of. I started drawing, and after a few seconds I started to become unsure of myself and after a couple of minutes I gave up. Ok, my self-confidence got itself a knock, but let’s try something simpler I thought. So I found an anime person that I wanted to draw. Simple details, so I started to draw, but after maybe 10 minutes I gave up because I saw a failure in the near future. It just isn’t going to be good enough.

Now I’m thinking this might have been a bad idea. Maybe my self-confidence got more hurt than it should. This does bother me, I can feel it now. It shouldn’t, but it does. The perfectionist inside me killed my fun-time, my creative time.

So I need help I guess. This is my enemy, perfectionism. I need to win the war or I fear it will haunt me forever.

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My experience of perfectionism
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I can definitely relate. I’ve found perfectionism can be a useful tool once you learn to use it, rather then having it using you. Although I seem to have a reverse case of perfectionism in comparison to what you are experiencing.

For example, if I can’t do something, instead of giving up because I know my current attempts aren’t going to be good enough, I am driven to push on until they are -- to perfect the skill that is not yet perfect. My will to improve and step up to a challenge trump the frustration and feeling of failure I experience when I am unable to do something perfectly and to my satisfaction, and that can give me great motivation to learn something new and improve myself.

If tried to draw something and found I couldn’t draw very well, I would hone my drawing skills to perfection. But understand that what you consider to be “perfection” isn’t really perfection, but your own expectations and standards that you hold yourself to. Once I understood this (it was more so a mental realisation more then anything), I was able to look at things in a different way and instead of seeing my “perfectionism” as a restrictive cage, it became a useful companion that cooperated with me instead of against me.


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How I tamed the beast
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Eventually I learnt that, like a light with a dimmer switch -- a tool -- perfectionism is something you can turn on or off at will, and even used to varying degrees. You are not restricted to the options of “on” or “off”. You can also use varying degrees such as only 60% perfectionism, and 40% "I don't mind how this turns out". It all depends on the extent of your expectations and the standards you set for yourself in regards to a certain activity.

How did I come to this understanding this?

I observed some of my every day actions and I realised that they were far from perfect. But then what was making me feel as if certain things had to be perfect? The answer was my beliefs about perfectionism and the standards I had set for myself. This was by no means something that happened over night. Quite the contrary; it was something that took place over a fairly long time period (about a few years, basically during my teenage years), largely unconsciously, and only as I grew older and increase my analytical ability was I was able to come to understand what actually took place.


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So wait a sec... how is any of this useful? - My advice to you
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My advice to you would be that instead of waging war against perfectionism, exploit it to your advantage. Try using your perfectionism against itself by seeing things from a different perspective. For example, if you cannot draw a perfect drawing, realise that by giving in you are actually failing your perfectionism on a higher level – your drawing skills are not perfect, or at least, as good as you would like them to be. And if you want to go even higher in terms of perspective, you could say you are failing to live your life perfectly, because all of the skills you practice are lacking. Use this realisation to see through the illusion of perfectionism and realise that not everything can be perfect. Then use that understanding to set realistic standards for yourself and allow yourself to enjoy what you do.


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Two final points - Avoiding the traps of perfectionism
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Finally, I will mention some things that, should you choose to take note of them, will hopefully save you from having to go through the self inflicted mental torment I put myself through:

Firstly, don’t compare yourself to others. This will constantly dissatisfy you. Instead, compare yourself to your own expectations for yourself, endeavouring to always be honest with yourself. If you are doing something and tell yourself you are doing fine, but deep down you feel you expect yourself to be better, don't resist it -- accept it. Then, take whatever action is necessary to get started on reaching that expectation. And once you do that, you’ll often find that it isn’t so much the destination that is important, it is the journey -- the act of striving to reach a higher point, not reaching the point itself. That said, feel free to observe the accomplishments for others and use that to inspire you and to set new, higher expectations for yourself. Just don't fall into the trap of letting comparison, for I think you'll find all it does is give you problems.

Secondly, don’t hold other people to your expectations. You will be constantly disappointed if you expect people to meet your self imposed criteria and they fail to go the distance. Of course, you can still have expectations for others, but don't feel it is necessary to react when they are not met. Simply accept things as they are, and if you want to make improvements, take the necessary action yourself. This can involve taking action either directly, such as by improving something that has already been done, or indirectly, such as by talking to the individual who did not meet your expectation and see if they aren't willing to make improvements.

[Michelle]

Another perfectionist here.

What helped me was to ask myself:

"Why do I feel the need to put myself under so much pressure"?
"What am I afraid will happen if I am not "perfect""?
"What would be the consequence were I to relax"?
"What would it feel like if I were 10% less perfectionistic right now"?

It also helped me to differentiate between striving for excellence (which is something flexible and fluid) and settling only for perfection (which is paralysing and stiff) ...

It also helped me to identify where my perfectionistic feelings originated. In my case, it was a need to earn the love of my father by being perfect and the need to not embarass my mother by being somehow bad or weird.

One more thing that helped was developing the ability to "surrender" to the art (in my case singing) and trusting it.

[bleachjt]

Some very good viewpoints here. Thanks Keith, I will listen to that podcast and hopefully have the revelation you did. I like the idea of "already be there" as I often visualize my goals and targets, seeing me enjoying life as I want it to be. I would definitively try that.

Bruce, your answer is long and interesting. You make some good points, although it's your understanding I lack at this point. I need to know how to get there I think. I know that my perfectionism can be used for good, because it always makes me strive to be better than I am. I'm too result-oriented I think, and when I can't do it for a reason or another it becomes a very bad thing for me.

Michelle, this is very interesting. It's a bit like the Option Method where you simply ask yourself questions until you can't answer them anymore and realizes that it might not be the end of the world if you don't think in that way or act in a certain manner. The method has helped me in the past, and I am surprised I didn't think of it now. Thanks!

[ahimel]

Richard Feynman tells a story of when he was taking a drawing class. The teacher told them they needed to loosen up and not focus so much on the outcome of the drawing. To help with this, she told them to draw for 15 minutes without looking at the paper.

This of course met with a lot of complaint. As they were sketching, there were many mutters of "This is stupid" and "You can't help looking at the paper."

One student declared, "I bet everyone's peeking."

"I'm not." Feynman answered.

There were many scoffs, and once the teacher called time, everyone gathered around Feynman to see if they thought he'd peeked during the exercise.

It immediately became clear that he hadn't; his pencil lead had broken after he'd drawn about two lines, and the rest of his drawing was nothing more than scratches in the paper.

...

What you need to stop doing is thinking that something is only worth doing if it's done perfectly. Did your parents raise you perfectly? Are you still glad they did it?

Did you get straight A's and perfect attendance through all of school? Do you still know more than you did in Kindergarten?

At the end of each drawing, forget about whether it's good or bad. You already know its quality, and it doesn't need any more analysis. Instead, write on the back of the drawing what benefit you got from doing the exercise. Was it relaxing? Did you get to look at a new style? Did you learn something about perspective or shading? Did it allow you to put off doing dishes for 15 minutes? Did it justify buying an Anime that you wanted?

Think about benefits gained instead of focusing on all of the ways it could have been better.

[Cron]

"If you will settle for nothing other than perfection, that is often what you get....nothing".

Perfectionism, a major cause of procrastination. People blow up in their minds what it would mean to complete a task and they just end up overwhelming themselves into inaction.

[bleachjt]

Originally Posted by ahimel

What you need to stop doing is thinking that something is only worth doing if it's done perfectly. Did your parents raise you perfectly? Are you still glad they did it?

Did you get straight A's and perfect attendance through all of school? Do you still know more than you did in Kindergarten?

At the end of each drawing, forget about whether it's good or bad. You already know its quality, and it doesn't need any more analysis. Instead, write on the back of the drawing what benefit you got from doing the exercise. Was it relaxing? Did you get to look at a new style? Did you learn something about perspective or shading? Did it allow you to put off doing dishes for 15 minutes? Did it justify buying an Anime that you wanted?

Think about benefits gained instead of focusing on all of the ways it could have been better.

I come from a broken home. My parents divorced when I was 4 and I stayed with my dad. Interestingly though, although my father sometimes demanded perfection from me. He always taught me the best thing to do and I guess he wanted me to be like him. I remember that I wanted to please my dad half of the time and half of the time I just wanted to rebel. Could this be the issue? Maybe I'm still trying to impress him in a way? It doesn't make sense to me as we only speak once or twice a year, maybe.

In my early years at school I was a whole class ahead of the other students. I really loved doing all the math quizzes and stuff like that. Later when things got harder I ended up a strictly average student...

Hmm, more to think about I guess. Thanks! Maybe this a small breakthrough.