Resolving Childhood Issues

[Andrew Gubb]

I do a little bit of sorting through my childhood memories in my search for psychological/spiritual freedom, which I think is a fine thng to do so long as it's in balance with spiritual practise and doesn't just become another way of mental masturbation. I used to do a huge amount more before I got into spirituality, because I thought that maybe if I wasn't "messed up" I'd be happy. In this way my problems became a bottomless pit, utterly overwhelming, and I completely missed the present moment.

The way these problems should be tackled is one by one. If you meditate and aim to go deeper into direct experience of reality, you will come up against resistence, which is your old thoughts and feelings which you had pushed under coming up again to be released, this time, if you let them. So you don't need to dig deep; just trust that your mind will bring up the experiences you need.

Your parents did mess you up. That's no reason to be angry, though; they were messed up in turn. Perhaps it'd all be better if you were given at birth to enlightened foster parents. But perhaps not. Perhaps you'd just not be able to understand your foster parents and would need to go and find someone else at your level of development to help you grow. So don't be so quick to judge as unsatisfactory what you have. A good way of seeing it for me was to say "this is the reason I act like this; but it is not the excuse". Don't give up responsibility.

[Susanna77]

I don't give up responsability myself. In fact, since I was lucky enough to have access to this wonderful world of self-development carrying on pointing fingers as a way to justify my behaviour, would be very immature. It doesn't mean the hurt of the past doesn't crop up now and again. In fact, I don't think you have to excuse our parent's behaviours but you can forgive the person.

YOU'RE IN BARCELONA?????? You lucky thing. I would so love to visit.

[ns123]

Andrew,

I have these issues to and am working through them myself. The way I like to look at it, and the way the helps me work through these feelings effectively is:

I think about how my parents "messed" me up. But really, it's not them, I messed myself up. Any limiting beliefs I have, I formed all on my own. They may have been present when I formed them, but nope, I did that all myself. And when I think about how they "messed" me up, I always think, well I'm sure I'll "mess" my own kids up in totally new ways that I won't even be aware of. So how would I like my own kids to say that I messed them up, then they blame me for everything?

So instead of "blame" my parents, I just accept my parents and accept 100% responsibility for my current state of being. And move forward. Work at it, one day at time, one minute at a time. And forgive myself when I trip now and then. It's easier said than done. But, it's a guaranteed way to always be moving forward, if even inch by inch.

Which is exactly the kind of attitude I would like my own children to have. So when I think about my parents, what they "did" to me... I think about my own children, and try to be what I want to see in them.

and the good news about that, how I choose to be benefits me as well as sets an example for them.