Need Help in Differentiating Purpose vs Ego

[tommy]

I'm struggling in life right now and have been an on-again, off-again follower of personal development and Steve's website has been a great resource for me at times.

I'm in the process of once again trying to make sense of it all (life) and am struggling with conflicting beliefs that are in some cases driving passion for life, joy and fulfillment and other times very dibilitating to the point it makes me look forward to the day it's all over.

I'm in the process of going through the excercise Steve reccomends on finding ones purpose and the one that most resonates with me is "TO KNOW THAT I MATTER". For the most part all of my purpose statements over the past few years have been related to this theme and my question to everyone is, is this really a purpose declaration or an ego declaration.

Being/feeling respected is what instills the most profound emotions for me and I don't know if this is just me being shallow, wanting me to feed my ego by impressing people through what I've accomplished or if it can truely be my purpose and if is my purpose it feels rather self serving so I want to know how I can use that in a more positive way.

When it's been acknowledged that I matter, I feel great, empowered, energized and validated. That acknowledgement can come from my boss, my wife, my kids, my family and my friends. On the other hand when I think people feel I have failed them or are less than what I project to be, I feel worthless, like a failure and a fraud.

All replies welcome and appreciated.

[geekchic9]

May I dare to say it can be either one? In your case, I think it's more ego, though. When it's ego, it depends on the affirmation of others to confirm that you matter. When you know that you matter, when you've found your true purpose, then you don't need others to confirm it. You just know. HTH.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by tommy

I'm struggling in life right now and have been an on-again, off-again follower of personal development and Steve's website has been a great resource for me at times.

I'm in the process of once again trying to make sense of it all (life) and am struggling with conflicting beliefs that are in some cases driving passion for life, joy and fulfillment and other times very dibilitating to the point it makes me look forward to the day it's all over.

I'm in the process of going through the excercise Steve reccomends on finding ones purpose and the one that most resonates with me is "TO KNOW THAT I MATTER". For the most part all of my purpose statements over the past few years have been related to this theme and my question to everyone is, is this really a purpose declaration or an ego declaration.

Being/feeling respected is what instills the most profound emotions for me and I don't know if this is just me being shallow, wanting me to feed my ego by impressing people through what I've accomplished or if it can truely be my purpose and if is my purpose it feels rather self serving so I want to know how I can use that in a more positive way.

When it's been acknowledged that I matter, I feel great, empowered, energized and validated. That acknowledgement can come from my boss, my wife, my kids, my family and my friends. On the other hand when I think people feel I have failed them or are less than what I project to be, I feel worthless, like a failure and a fraud.

All replies welcome and appreciated.

Think positive and face each day one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time. Try to think of the little things that make you happy, <- these are the things that people really take for granted.

It's okay to have an ego if it works for you. In my case I no longer let pride in my way of life, I can accomplish more if I don't lie to myself, try to see the difference.

Instead of aiming for the top, aim to move forward. ^^

You are a people pleaser aren't you? Just know that you can't please anyone, it's a hard habit to break so just know that you can't please everybody, but you can try. Limit it to what your guts tell you though.

Good luck.

1. Be honest with yourself ->to know your limits
2. Improve on it
3. Appreciate the little things
4. Keep moving forward

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by tommy

I'm in the process of going through the excercise Steve reccomends on finding ones purpose and the one that most resonates with me is "TO KNOW THAT I MATTER". For the most part all of my purpose statements over the past few years have been related to this theme and my question to everyone is, is this really a purpose declaration or an ego declaration.

Being/feeling respected is what instills the most profound emotions for me and I don't know if this is just me being shallow, wanting me to feed my ego by impressing people through what I've accomplished or if it can truely be my purpose and if is my purpose it feels rather self serving so I want to know how I can use that in a more positive way.

When it's been acknowledged that I matter, I feel great, empowered, energized and validated. That acknowledgement can come from my boss, my wife, my kids, my family and my friends. On the other hand when I think people feel I have failed them or are less than what I project to be, I feel worthless, like a failure and a fraud.

All replies welcome and appreciated.

That's very Egoic I'm afraid Tommy. If the source of your personal worth is external to yourself in any form, then you haven't discovered your personal message to the world that only you can express. Your passion isn't something you want or desire, it's not something that you receive, or get. It's someting you create, that doesn't already exist. It's an expression of your true self and is selfless. The only way it works is by giving it to others, and in turn receiving it for yourself. It's the creation of the flow of your expression that gives you vitality and energy.

However: listening to you, I think I heard a hint of what it could be.

Being/feeling respected is what instills the most profound emotions for me and I don't know if this is just me being shallow

Respect is a powerful force, it's love by another guise, and just as good. I'm guessing your purpose could be about creating respect for yourself and others. Showing people how to take care of themselves so they can create their own self respect. Being able to stand for respect in all forms for all people, and in turn feeling respect for yourself. I could be way off, but what do you think?

[tommy]

Originally Posted by Parthon

That's very Egoic I'm afraid Tommy. If the source of your personal worth is external to yourself in any form, then you haven't discovered your personal message to the world that only you can express. Your passion isn't something you want or desire, it's not something that you receive, or get. It's someting you create, that doesn't already exist. It's an expression of your true self and is selfless. The only way it works is by giving it to others, and in turn receiving it for yourself. It's the creation of the flow of your expression that gives you vitality and energy.

However: listening to you, I think I heard a hint of what it could be. Respect is a powerful force, it's love by another guise, and just as good. I'm guessing your purpose could be about creating respect for yourself and others. Showing people how to take care of themselves so they can create their own self respect. Being able to stand for respect in all forms for all people, and in turn feeling respect for yourself. I could be way off, but what do you think?

Parthon:

Thank you very much for the response. You have provided me with a way to think about this in a way that extends beyond just me and what you wrote struck a cord with me that I need to do some more reflection on but is certainly something I hadn't thought of before. Especially the aspect that respect is not only of paramount importance to me but making sure that other are respected is something I didn't know I really cared about until you mentioned it.

Thanks, you've given me something to think about and have been a positive influence in my life.