Living my purpose

[sbdiane]

I apologize in advance for this being kind of long. I don't even know if by the end of writing it whether I'll have a question to ask or not.

I'm 43. Ever since I was 10 I have wanted to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. The trail is 2650 miles long and goes from Mexico to Canada.

Last year I started at the Mexican border and hiked to Mt Shasta, about 1500 miles. I was 200 miles from my goal to hike to Ashland, Oregon. I did not reach my goal because my feet hurt too much and there were a lot of forest fires during the summer. The last forest fire stood between me and Oregon. Tired of the smoke and worried about my feet, I went home.

Since being home, I have not felt that I completed my journey. I feel compelled to continue.

I cannot figure out if I should return this year. Everything says yes, go back to the trail. It's like everywhere I look, there's another sign saying I should return.

BUT...I've got worries and doubts. Why are they there? Things like worrying about money, worrying about my feet, worrying about my relationship.

It occurred to me that maybe what I should do is go about my days acting as if I am returning to the trail in June. Even if I don't end up going back, I will feel good planning a return.

I guess I'm just scared to commit to my life purpose. Scared to risk dropping too far out of life, scared to eat up my savings, worried about what if I can't get a job when I come back, etc. I feel kind of lost and confused, except on the days when I feel purposeful and certain.

Why am I so worried? Why would I be so hesitant to follow my dreams?

[lifetimelearner]

security was the first thing that popped into my mind

[chrisfeger]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

security was the first thing that popped into my mind

I agree with lifetimelearner.

I experience the same thing you do - wanting to get a 9 - 5 job so I tackle my so-called needs first.

Read Steve's Article "What do you need to feel secure?"

What Do You Need To Feel Secure?

Really understand the concepts of an internal locus of control, and the answer to the question of the article Steve wants you to know. This is one of those concepts that you will always carry with you, and you can only polarize on one side - whether you look to external haves and have-nots for security, or if all you need for security is to be able to think. No doubt both of us have been long trained to think of security in external terms. How much money do I have in the bank, or what kind of car do I drive? Do I have a good-paying job? etc.

But I recommend, if you really want to pursue your life dream, stay conscious and reprogram your belief about security until it sticks. I believe that staying true to yourself is the highest motivator one can have.

Don't live as a shadow of the joyous being you really are.

[ArthurHung]

To go or not to go back this soon? Do what feels right.

If you are dying inside everyday because everything, all your physical senses and all your syncronicities are saying "go!"; but you don't go now, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

How empowered you will be against any financial fears after this venture... actually, you would have none. Seems like it would propel you up in a huge way, and your confidence would definitely skyrocket, which couldn't but help your current relationship (unless it wasn't meant to be).

I couldn't sleep for 40 minutes yesterday because I kept thinking about photography, and how seeing the breathtaking pictures in the 2009 Audubon Calendar changed my life and my career. I got up, installed the rarely used digital camera into my computer, and taught an (obviously amateur) photography lesson with the English lesson I gave today.

I feel great.

[Zerox]

Why do you want to feel secure?
Danger is intoxicating!
The unknown is thrilling and exciting!

The only security I want is food and water. And I'm sure you can fix that since you have a job and savings.
Having a 9-5 job is like giving up before you even began, you willingly enslave yourself and the longer time that passes the more life is sucked out of you.

The only way to get it back is to face those fears and do what makes you jump around with joy, even if it kills you.

[SimonaRich]

This is a simple question to answer.

What your heart wants is to continue with this trail, but your ego tries to discourage you because this is what the ego does - tries to protect you even when it is not necessary.

So my advice is definitely to follow your heart's desire and ignore that cowardly voice you get in your head!

[Heavenscent]

I wonder if you feel that you failed last time so you are frightened of failing again? But did you really fail? Or did you just take a break due to unforseen circumstances? In which case you can get ready to continue your journey whenever you're ready. And this time you can go better prepared.

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by chrisfeger

I agree with lifetimelearner.

I experience the same thing you do - wanting to get a 9 - 5 job so I tackle my so-called needs first.

Read Steve's Article "What do you need to feel secure?"

What Do You Need To Feel Secure?

Really understand the concepts of an internal locus of control, and the answer to the question of the article Steve wants you to know. This is one of those concepts that you will always carry with you, and you can only polarize on one side - whether you look to external haves and have-nots for security, or if all you need for security is to be able to think. No doubt both of us have been long trained to think of security in external terms. How much money do I have in the bank, or what kind of car do I drive? Do I have a good-paying job? etc.

But I recommend, if you really want to pursue your life dream, stay conscious and reprogram your belief about security until it sticks. I believe that staying true to yourself is the highest motivator one can have.

Don't live as a shadow of the joyous being you really are.

That was a great read, thank you.