Not very good at anything

[sbdiane]

I think I'm not very good at anything. I'm feeling like there's no hope for me. The only things I have ever really succeeded at, the things that have made others look up to me and give me praise, are not money-making. I need to make a living but I've never committed to anything long enough to rise beyond entry-level. I'm old now, too. In my 40s. I'm feeling lost and unsure where to go next.

[brandongilbert]

What do you really love to do?

What do you do for fun?

[FrogNettle]

hey I feel the same way! but I'm only 25ish. How can we both feel the same way at such different ages? perhaps it's called the human condition. Sounds like you depend too much on the praise of others to guide your actions.

I'm no expert (believe me, I feel perpetually lost and miserable) but the truth is that our fulfilment should come from within. How to go about achieving this is a mystery to me but I know it's possible.

Perhaps some better qualified over-comer-of-obstacles can help you out there.

Good luck brandongilbert

[bluedragon]

You don't have to be very good at something if that something is very good in itself. There are many examples of people who changed their lives in their 30s or 40s, but every time we hear about such persons from people we know, it seems to inspire us more than when hearing from strangers. Maybe you can find some examples in your own circle of acquaintances.
Some of the profitable activities one could do that come to my mind are becoming a feng-shui consultant for offices and particulars, building a website about a niche, profitable topic that you know or are willing to learn about, becoming a web designer, becoming a graphic designer - all nice activities that can be learn without need for formal education, at any age (I want to believe) and can get you clients who won't necessarily need to see your background.

[sbdiane]

I'm already a web designer, but I don't think I'm very good at it. I once was somewhat good when certain technologies were new, but I don't seem to be anymore. I seem to have made bad decisions in my career and now I'm trying to catch up or start over in a new direction.

It's kind of sad to think how many years I've been alive and yet I think I'm back to square one again.

By praise, I mean that when people find out that I'm the creator of a certain local web site they always tell me what a great web site it is. I usually don't tell people but eventually they figure it out. Also, the other night I gave a slide show of pictures of a trip I took. Afterwards people said they enjoyed my presentation and had no idea what a good speaker I was. Other presentations I have given I've not been a very good speaker at all, even publically humiliated by my peers. Speaking is not something I can depend on myself to do well.

[wolfgang]

something you are good at is putting yourself down

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by sbdiane

I'm already a web designer, but I don't think I'm very good at it. I once was somewhat good when certain technologies were new, but I don't seem to be anymore. I seem to have made bad decisions in my career and now I'm trying to catch up or start over in a new direction.

It's kind of sad to think how many years I've been alive and yet I think I'm back to square one again.

By praise, I mean that when people find out that I'm the creator of a certain local web site they always tell me what a great web site it is. I usually don't tell people but eventually they figure it out. Also, the other night I gave a slide show of pictures of a trip I took. Afterwards people said they enjoyed my presentation and had no idea what a good speaker I was. Other presentations I have given I've not been a very good speaker at all, even publically humiliated by my peers. Speaking is not something I can depend on myself to do well.

if they humiliated you instead of trying to give you direction than they are a
bunch of arses

you cannot be good at something w/out practice
even if you have a talent for something you still have to develop skills

[LordSappington]

Being very good at something is boring because you just do that same thing over and over. If you're a web developer, there are probably dozens of technologies that you know little to nothing about. If that's your passion, learn about them.

[Savage]

Spend more time working on developing new skills and less time thinking about what's wrong and complaining on forums, and you'll be well on your way to the solution.

Hosting a pity party is never the answer. I know it seems like a good idea sometimes. It isn't though.

People who develop a high degree of skill are too busy working on their skill to stop and wonder, "Gee... what if I suck?"

Worrying that you suck isn't a symptom of suckiness. It's the cause of suckiness. If you want to stop sucking, stop worrying that you suck. Start worrying that you might be intolerably awesome. That works much better.

[time traveller]

Your glass can be half empty or...

Wow a web designer! thats impressive - most people can't do that. Sounds like you can learn new technologies. People have looked up to and praised you... You've at least attempted entry into money making activities - that implies ambition. Your English is fine. You have access to technology. Your only in your 40s! Maybe 2 decades to official retirement age? A fella could make 3 fortunes in 2 decades. On at least one occasion you gave a great speech (if you can do it once...guess what?). You even got to go on a trip interesting enough to do a presentation on.
I'm going to have to stop now, you're beginning to sound awesome.
You are where you are. Take comfort in the above and the dozens of talents you no doubt have that I don't know about. Build on them and move on.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Spend more time working on developing new skills and less time thinking about what's wrong and complaining on forums, and you'll be well on your way to the solution.

Hosting a pity party is never the answer. I know it seems like a good idea sometimes. It isn't though.

People who develop a high degree of skill are too busy working on their skill to stop and wonder, "Gee... what if I suck?"

Worrying that you suck isn't a symptom of suckiness. It's the cause of suckiness. If you want to stop sucking, stop worrying that you suck. Start worrying that you might be intolerably awesome. That works much better.

What's the difference between a pity party and what you wrote in your blog about sharing shame as a good thing?

[DerekH]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

What's the difference between a pity party and what you wrote in your blog about sharing shame as a good thing?

Those two aren't remotely similar so I don't know how you made that connection.

A pity party is - 'please tell me what to do in life! I just hate myself and I can't do anything.'

Sharing shame - 'I've done some pretty shameful things in life, ah well, now you know!'

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by DerekH

Those two aren't remotely similar so I don't know how you made that connection.

A pity party is - 'please tell me what to do in life! I just hate myself and I can't do anything.'

Sharing shame - 'I've done some pretty shameful things in life, ah well, now you know!'

Hidden shame is a version of self pity. If one doesn't feel "good enough" about themselves there is hidden shame. There is much related in shame and pity.

imho...

[inverse Paranoid]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

What's the difference between a pity party and what you wrote in your blog about sharing shame as a good thing?

A pity party is a cry for someone else to tell you what to do, or sympathize, or make it all better. (I.e., disempowering stories).

Sharing your shame is reframing a time in your life where you could have thrown a pity party but decided to overcome it. These are empowering stories that inspire acts of courage and uplift us.

[Bud921]

sbdiane,

Could you message me? I have a proposition that might benefit you.


-Bud

A Boundless World

[sbdiane]

I guess it's a secret shame that I think I may not be very good at what I do. Actually, I looked around the web and it is very common for women to feel like they are imposters. The imposter syndrome.

I guess it is easier for me to say that I'm not very good at anything than to complain about the people who are saying that. It feels wrong to complain about other people. I guess I just take what they say to heart.

I think I need to get out of a situation where I'm treated like an idiot all day. I've tried not to let it bother me, but I can see that by internalizing feeling like an idiot, that maybe it is causing me harm.

[Dan.Linehan]

If you practice any skill for 8-10 hours a day, you'll get good at it.

What skill would you like to excel at most?

[Dimond]

Just ignore what you think and feel in regards to that and work on your life doing whatever it takes to make you happy. Read, research, experiment... anything that will take you into a new direction. There are tons of options. Writing in a journal can help act as therapy and help you keep progress.

[time traveller]

sbdiane,

>It feels wrong to complain about other people.
I think thats a limiting belief. It can stop you from articulating and therefore developing analysis of a situation. More precisely you need to be able to articulate about things that people do that make you unhappy. Avoid generalising , labelling, exageratting.

e.g rather than say 'I'm treated like an idiot all day", be specific "Friday 10am
Joe shouted "hey idiot" to me across the room and it made me feel angry.

Look for any patterns. If colleagues attitudes to you have altered recently whats changed in the office dynamics (new boss? new staff?)?

Who you articulate things to is a different matter. I would avoid doing what could retrospectively be called office gossip. Someone unconnected with work
could be OK.

None of the above precludes you working to improve your skills
and becoming better at things you choose to do.

[sbdiane]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

If you practice any skill for 8-10 hours a day, you'll get good at it.

What skill would you like to excel at most?

I need design skills. I have practiced it for a million hours and at least a a decade and am still not good at it. Unfortunately, it's a make-or-break skill and my lack is breaking me. I need a plan B now, so I'm going back to school. I feel impatient. I want to be fully employed and successful right now but I'm not. My impatience and worry makes me crazy! I should be enjoying my time off and time to learn new things and instead I feel lost and left out and wondering why I'm so old and still haven't figured out what to do when I grow up.

Where I work at a little part-time job, my boss talks to me in a tone of voice with eye-rolling and other similar gestures that say "you are an idiot." She talks about almost everyone that way. It is not a positive environment and since I know it is not about me, I have tried not to let it bother me. However, it is wearing me down. I need to find another job, and as soon as my other part-time temp job is over, I will.

[AlexG]

Figure out and decide what you want to be great at. Better yet, what do you want to be the best at?

Write down the skills you will need to learn and acquire.

Start working on them. Every single day.

Don't overcomplicate things. Its all about hacking away and making things simpler.

[sbdiane]

I am done with great and best. Chasing these things has not led me to happiness. I want to be capable of excellence but I do not want greatness.

[intellisyte]

sbdiane, Are you comparing yourself to someone else? I feel fortunate in my life to have had others compare themselves to me. I don't consider myself any more special than anyone else. But others have tried to out-do me my whole life. My younger brother has tried to best me in everything from sports to women. He is an awesome person when he tries to just be who he is. He has never really tried to develop his own personal traits. He wants to be more like me, better than me. He loses sight of himself. I was an introvert for the first 20 years of my life. Then I gradually found myself and my confidence and slowly became the extrovert I am today. I found meditation and visualization helped me profoundly in my change. I found something I was interested in and threw myself into it. I tried to become good at it!!! Meditation, lucid dreaming, visualization all made me better. Be confident in yourself. Little victories are what life is all about. Self doubt will hold you to a lower standard that the universe will gladly offer you. The universe doesn't understand negative thoughts. Ask for what you want, not what you don't want. Don't be afraid to ask for more. I'm sorry if I read into your post more than you offered. I wish you well....G

[John Tedder]

You mentioned a website that people compliment you on. What do they like about that website? Can you do more of that?

I recently joined a Toastmasters group to become a better speaker. I have met several very interesting, supportive people. I recommend Toastmasters if you want to improve your speaking skills.

I also recommend Wayne Dyer's book, "You'll See It When You Believe It." Reading it would be a very productive use of your time.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by sbdiane

. My impatience and worry makes me crazy! I should be enjoying my time off and time to learn new things and instead I feel lost and left out and wondering why I'm so old and still haven't figured out what to do when I grow up.

.

do not take this the wrong way- the whining has got to stop
or you will never be able to make any decisions about your job
I am saying this to me as well as you
I am in my 40's also and have been in the'wrong' career for years
but those years have TAUGHT me what I DO NOT want to do anymore
so whereas before I saw them as wasted years -they have actually been lessons that I had to learn

so we need to stop the pity party
both of us and find what our hearts want us to do

so if web designing is not it
what is ?
oh and let go of the excellence idea too
it's too demanding on you

[Starman]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

do not take this the wrong way- the whining has got to stop
or you will never be able to make any decisions about your job
I am saying this to me as well as you
I am in my 40's also and have been in the'wrong' career for years
but those years have TAUGHT me what I DO NOT want to do anymore
so whereas before I saw them as wasted years -they have actually been lessons that I had to learn

so we need to stop the pity party
both of us and find what our hearts want us to do

so if web designing is not it
what is ?
oh and let go of the excellence idea too
it's too demanding on you

sbdiane:

I can see the perspective that you have on your life right now. Lifetimelearner and others are right, but in the frame of mind you're in right now, it's probably hard for you to see how you can move in the direction they’re suggesting.

At the risk of sounding terrible, I’d like to offer you a different perspective that might help to shake you up and move forward toward something you might be happy with, if that is what you want.

The story of your life has only one ending. You know that, and you feel like you’re so behind in life that you can’t catch up, and that’s causing you to feel hopelessness about your situation, as if there’s no use even starting again, or starting something new when the race is already half over.

If you believed anything in the above paragraph, after the first sentence, then I pulled a fast one on you, because it’s all lies. This perspective is completely wrong, totally inaccurate. That isn’t my opinion, it’s just not true at all, the same as if I said, gravity doesn’t exist, or the moon is made of cheese. As good as it may sound, it’s wrong.

Here is a more accurate version:

The story of your life has only one ending. You are not behind in life, because there is nothing for you to be behind in. There is no race going on, no contest, no winners, no losers, only dead people in caskets (or just scattered around) when this is all over. When you are in yours, it won’t matter if, the previous day, you were as rich and as focused in life as Bill Gates, or as poor as the dirty, stinky, vagrant man I gave some change to this morning so he could buy a hamburger.

This means that between now and then, there is absolutely no way you can screw anything up. You can be as successful as you care to be, whatever that means, or a complete and total failure, whatever that means, and the result is still going to be exactly the same. Even if you were completely insane, and spent your entire life in an asylum, the result is going to be exactly the same. Even Steve isn't going to escape being exactly the same as everyone else, on that (the day after his last) day. The only way I think you can screw anything up is to find the key to immortality (so please don’t do that).

But seriously, it sounds like you're at a crossroads in your life where every direction is as good as any other, as far as which way to go. Which direction is the right way for you to go?

The question is wrong, because it assumes there is one. There isn’t, because it doesn’t matter what direction you go in, the ending is the same.

You are not here to race, to raise a certain amount of money, to retire rich, or to succeed or fail. You are here to live. The story does have a happy ending, but now isn't the time to worry about that. This part of the story is totally yours, and this is your time to do anything you like, and you can’t possibly mess it up. So take advantage of the opportunity. Don’t live to work, or work to live. Don’t work at all. Choose to do something that doesn’t feel like work, something you wouldn’t mind spending the rest of your life doing. Be happy, for no other reason than it feels better than the alternatives. Think positive, for the same reasons. By the way, thinking positive and being happy go together, and happen in the same part of the brain. They are different shades of the same emotion, and they have the power to completely change everything, including your whole perspective and quality of life, and even your body. The reason why this isn't well known is because most people aren't willing to be happy before they have a reason to be, so they never discover it's power to make things better.

I suggest you watch that movie with Tom Hanks, called Cast Away, and do what he did at the end of the movie. Continue your life in a direction that inspires you, for the same reason he (his character) did: because “you never know what you might find …”

[TonyToneTone]

Originally Posted by sbdiane

I think I'm not very good at anything. I'm feeling like there's no hope for me. The only things I have ever really succeeded at, the things that have made others look up to me and give me praise, are not money-making. I need to make a living but I've never committed to anything long enough to rise beyond entry-level. I'm old now, too. In my 40s. I'm feeling lost and unsure where to go next.

You need to set you a definite purpose or goal. Watch this video and do the 30 Day Experimen at the 18:00 minute mark. It's by the "Dean of Motivation" Earl Nightingale.

The Strangest Secret

PS - Napoleon Hill said a person's peak years for success are between the ages of 40 and 60 so you still have plenty of tim.

[lifetimelearner]

sbdiane
I feel I should say I am sorry
I should never label anyone -ex.a whiner
I only said it because I have had similar issues and I wanted to let you know that you are not alone
there are others like yourself that have had similar thoughts


social conditioning has taught us that we must strive for certain things in life -money, career, security etc
otherwise we would be looked upon as a failure

well I saw phooey !!!!!!!

lately I have decided

the only things we should strive for in life is happiness

increase happiness -decrease suffering

besides a happy person is a more compassionate person


may I suggest this book :

The Art of Happiness

[codesmith]

Originally Posted by sbdiane

I think I'm not very good at anything. I'm feeling like there's no hope for me. The only things I have ever really succeeded at, the things that have made others look up to me and give me praise, are not money-making. I need to make a living but I've never committed to anything long enough to rise beyond entry-level. I'm old now, too. In my 40s. I'm feeling lost and unsure where to go next.

become a nurse, world needs more nurses.


and why is it that you are at an entry level job in your forties?