A Personal Dilemma

[Plato]

I'll sum up the dilemma to begin with and then fill in the details.

Live in nice conditions, or leave those nice conditions and work hard for 20-30 years just to get back to where I am now.

I'm a student, commuting to university every day from my parent's house where I live. This house is very nice and while I'm living with my parents I enjoy a whole load of creature comforts I wouldn't on my own: car, massive bedroom, home cooked food, pool table, home gym, peace and quiet, nice views.

However, while I'm living here I lack the motivation to DO anything. I'm so comfortable I feel no need to do anything at all. I'm in a bubble where all problems don't seem real any more. I know that in the long term I need to take action but when I'm not seeing things that trigger me emotionally I lose motivation.

I resent not having control over my environment, but not enough to drive me out. I fear that if I left home I would have even less control and live in miserable conditions. I know that "stepping down" in the world would give me the motivation I need to get moving fast because I'd hate it so much, but it's a painful decision.

Added to the confusion is that I have no need to take action for a year and a half, which is when I graduate.

Has any body else here given up luxury (willingly) for any reason?

[Jarreddo]

In my opinion, you should get out of there and out into the world. There's nothing like being able to decide EVERY single thing you do to make you realize what's really important to you. I did it back in May, and while I owe a lot of money now and my living conditions aren't exactly great, my mind is so much clearer and I know so much more. One piece of advice:

Find free things to do. Don't watch TV or movies much, don't let video games take up all your time. Instead, go out and take walks, meditate, get books from the library, that sort of thing. It'll keep your mind a lot sharper and get you a leg up over everyone else.

[ixmatus]

Getting your own place should be a no-brainer if it is financially feasible for you. I love being on my own, I am also one of the few people I know that can handle (often times enjoy) the solitude of living alone. Getting a roommate isn't a bad idea though either!!

[JimOfferman]

I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You think you'll loose the comfort of your parents house and car, but what you'll gain instead is the joy of having really earned the place you live in and the car you drive. Sure, the market value of your place might be lower than that of your parents, but it will be much more valuable to you.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Plato

Has any body else here given up luxury (willingly) for any reason?

Yes, a number of times. Physical luxury means nothing if the situation that brings the luxury causes your brain and heart to be dead, miserable and depressed.

[sbdiane]

You are confusing comfort, security and possessions with happiness. Having your own place is a wonderful thing, even when your place is furnished with cinder blocks and milk crates.

Besides, you can have your own place AND still be able to visit your parents and enjoy their creature comforts.

Also, you said that it would take you 20-30 years to attain the standard of living you enjoy at your parents. How long is it going to take you if you spend another couple of years there?

[CroMagna]

I'm in the exact same boat. I'm in my 20s, recently graduated from college, back at home. I live with my mom, have a big bedroom, my own bathroom, drive her nice car, etc. We live in a beautiful suburb that is near a major metropolitan area. There are other things I like, like being close to my other family members, friends, my neighbors who are my age, and my activities like my Spanish class and writer's workshop. Add to the mix that my mom is putting no pressure me to move because my family is African and in African culture a young girl (or boy) is supposed to live at home until she (or he) gets married. In fact my family members are actively discouraging me from living on my own.

I've decided to move out on my own one week after after New Year's, by January 10th. My best friend in Memphis wants a roommate and wants it to be me. Living on my own means privacy, independence, and like you said, added motivation to succeed. I'll miss my family, friends, and meetup groups, but I know I have to move out of the area because I won't be motivated to advance in life if I'm living with my family. I also won't be enjoying life if I'm not living indepedently, sexually, satanically, darkworkerly.

You don't necessarily have to move out now, but I would move out by the age of 25, especially if want to pick up girls.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Plato

I'll sum up the dilemma to begin with and then fill in the details.

Live in nice conditions, or leave those nice conditions and work hard for 20-30 years just to get back to where I am now.

I'm a student, commuting to university every day from my parent's house where I live. This house is very nice and while I'm living with my parents I enjoy a whole load of creature comforts I wouldn't on my own: car, massive bedroom, home cooked food, pool table, home gym, peace and quiet, nice views.

Is this not all to be grateful for?

However, while I'm living here I lack the motivation to DO anything. I'm so comfortable I feel no need to do anything at all. I'm in a bubble where all problems don't seem real any more. I know that in the long term I need to take action but when I'm not seeing things that trigger me emotionally I lose motivation.

But you are also complaining about your lap of luxury - isn't that emotional triggers?

I resent not having control over my environment, but not enough to drive me out. I fear that if I left home I would have even less control and live in miserable conditions. I know that "stepping down" in the world would give me the motivation I need to get moving fast because I'd hate it so much, but it's a painful decision.

Stepping out is not stepping down. Birds leave their nests to fly. Don't leave just because you want a hard life to stimulate you - that is not what leaving home is about. imho. I left home to go to college and found luxury in sharing apartments with friends. Where it was our own kind of luxury.

Added to the confusion is that I have no need to take action for a year and a half, which is when I graduate.

Why not stay until it makes sense to leave? It sounds too confusing for you because it's not really time to. Sounds like you have a good situation that you think is the source of your not doing more. This attitude will follow you if you move out too. Lack of motivation might have very little to do with living where you are right now.

Has any body else here given up luxury (willingly) for any reason?

If I did, I didn't think of it as giving up luxury. Just going for what I want in life.

But realistically, living with the parents is happening more and more - statistically. It's part of people being resourceful in bad times. But it can be hard to cut the chord and live your own life in some ways - but doesn't have to be that way just takes a little more work to be on your own while being under their roof. But don't resent them for what you are deciding to keep doing. That's not fair to their generosity. again, imho.

[Plato]

I am being silly. Thankyou for your responses. Things are clearer now.

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by Plato

Has any body else here given up luxury (willingly) for any reason?

Yes. Recently I cut my last tie with my demonic parents. I have no income source to rely on, and only some charitable friends to stay with... for a while. It really is sink or swim now

On the other hand, dude, I don't think luxury is all that difficult to achieve. What really matters is motivation. For me, realising that I was born to be a lightworker did it. I really feel the energy building, waiting for the right moment to express itself. I'm shedding layer after layer of darkness.

You're still stuck between the two planes, right, Plato?

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Andrew Gubb

You're still stuck between the two planes, right, Plato?

I am conflicted, it seems, yes. I would be a darkworker, but I'm emotionally held back by some people I care about. I would be a lightworker, but I can't let go of my will to dominate.

What to do...

[legend]

life is a lot longer than you are seeing right now....
My advice..... stay at home, work real hard at
1. saving money... how quick can you get $1,000 in the bank? $10,000? $100,000? or $1,000,000 if this doesn't do it for you move to #2

2. Spend time with your parents.... they will not live forever... in fact they will leave this life before you are ready for it.... spend time now getting to know them. the adult people they are.. get to know that spark of magic inside of them... there is a reason you were born to them

3. dig deeper into yourself.... the one thing I can tell you is that...........wait for it.......... it's not your parents or living in their house or not having to suffer that is keeping you from growing.... YOU are building the chains that hold you down

it will be a lot easier to break those bindings right were you are.....
you are just looking for a distraction (moving out, finding food, getting a job, living to suffer,etc.) right now the road is smooth and you don't want to have to face what you see..... sorry it will still be waiting for you once you solve all the problems you create for yourself only you will have wasted 2 or 3 years in the process

much love

[Plato]

I like your money saving idea. That is a very good point.

I'm not so sure I have chains holding me down though. To me it feels more like I have nothing much pushing me forwards. On the levels of consciousness model I am very much in comfort. After I went through a long period of courage, "chilling out" worked really well. Got great results with it in the form of great friends and a few FBs. Now it feels I need to move on.

I figure a bit of discomfort might speed my journey into willingness... I do need to shake myself up one way or another.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Plato

I figure a bit of discomfort might speed my journey into willingness... I do need to shake myself up one way or another.

Done. Quit university.

Now I have a great deal of clarity: I must pay off my £20,000 debt this year. Got work and plans lined up. Intense work.

[Andrew Gubb]

Originally Posted by Plato

Done. Quit university.

Now I have a great deal of clarity: I must pay off my £20,000 debt this year. Got work and plans lined up. Intense work.

What polarity are you using?

[Plato]

Inward flowing energy. Quitting uni meant hurting people I care about. I can't let them hold me back as a lightworker or darkworker though.

[RT Wolf]

Ah. I was going to post to say I know where you're comin from. It's the silver, fur-lined chains we use to bind ourselves to luxury. Sounds like the issue was the motivation to fulfill any goals, especially work/career oriented goals. You've got motivation now, enjoy it.

Other ways to get some motivation:
Cultivating Burning Desire by Steve Pavlina

It doesn't really come up much cause people think that goals require motivation or desire to set them, but often times you make a decision about a goal that you feel good about and then gotta build up the motivation to do it more.

Good luck! 20k in pounds is about 40k canuck dollarz, so if the situation there is similar to here, you're in for quite a growth experience!

[Miia]

However, while I'm living here I lack the motivation to DO anything. I'm so comfortable I feel no need to do anything at all. I'm in a bubble where all problems don't seem real any more. I know that in the long term I need to take action but when I'm not seeing things that trigger me emotionally I lose motivation.

I`m so glad to find out I`m not alone. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I realized this fall that I`m never going to LIVE unless I get away from my family. I`m 22, but am as independent as a 12 year old. The worst part is that I love my family so much, I adore my mom....sometimes I wish I`d get into a huge fight with her and that she`d literally throw me out - so that I could finally break away and have a life instead of just vegetating. I know that if I`d be independent financially, I`d also be independent mentally. I would do more, I would think of my future, I would take the responsibility for my life. Because I have no other choice. And I know that my family would be much more proud of me, too. Sometimes I think that having a wealthy family that loves you to no end is worse than being born into a poor family with parents who don`t give a **** about you. it just makes you sooooo comfortable.

I`m going to have a huge huge change in the near future, I`m about to do something that I think WILL end with my mom throwing me out (be careful what you wish for)(I`m quitting uni). It`s going to be very hard, emotionally, mentally, AND financially...but I have to do it. I`m sick of being a houseplant.

wow now I read all the replies to your post....you quit uni?
how does it feel? what did you tell them? how did they react..? argh.... small world. I would be so veryveryvery happy to chat about this all with you if you don`t mind...It`s such a relief to find out I`m not the only one in this boat.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by RT Wolf

Other ways to get some motivation:
Cultivating Burning Desire by Steve Pavlina

I'd forgotten that article. It's a good one. Part one complete!

Good luck! 20k in pounds is about 40k canuck dollarz, so if the situation there is similar to here, you're in for quite a growth experience!

Originally Posted by Miia

I`m going to have a huge huge change in the near future, I`m about to do something that I think WILL end with my mom throwing me out (be careful what you wish for)(I`m quitting uni). It`s going to be very hard, emotionally, mentally, AND financially...but I have to do it. I`m sick of being a houseplant.

wow now I read all the replies to your post....you quit uni?
how does it feel? what did you tell them? how did they react..? argh.... small world. I would be so veryveryvery happy to chat about this all with you if you don`t mind...It`s such a relief to find out I`m not the only one in this boat.

Haha, small world indeed. Shoot me a PM whenever you want..

[GungnirStrike]

I completely sympathize with you, It seems like the fear of living in a worse situation for a period of time is stopping you from a few things. Number one it's stopping you from getting out there and enjoying the world, and number two it's stifling creativity.

It's a much better plan to get out of the house even though it's more comfortable. If assets allow I would definitely look into moving out and getting an apartment. This could work in your favor, especially if you get a roommate or rent a room in someone else's house. Think about it, you are getting out there and learning how other live, you are gaining experience with the world, and best of all you can focus on being creative because you will have to eat sometime. XD

By the way, just because you're going to move out does not mean you have to go far away, why not get an apartment close to home? You can be independent, you can fend for yourself and if all goes awry your family is close. This way you will get the best of both worlds. =D

It helps also to write down your plans, sort them out into columns. This will make the task seem less daunting and show you how quickly this plan could be implemented.

[magi13]

Luxury vs a life with a purpose?

Hmmm, what does your heart tell you? Why not live it both ways? Why not play a part of the community or go clubbing with friends or write a book and go to places to find experience.

Most people who are not happy think, and find themselves in misery.

[Plato]

I'm not unhappy Magi, at all. I just feel that I could be doing more but lack motivation for it. Quitting uni seems to have solved that problem anyway.

I have lived in apartments with friends for two years before moving back home. (I probably should have mentioned that so you get where I'm coming from.)

It really is a case of "been-there-done-that-had-enough".

I'm tired of being in cramped conditions with too many people. No matter how much I like them, I still desire my own space. I don't like MESS... I used to be the one that created it!

I'm sick of clubbing from doing it so much.

I don't like waking up and seeing a dirty city. I like waking up and seeing green fields and trees, and hearing birds. I like wholesome food.

I like that if I need to get up early in the morning, no drunk friends are going to be banging on my door at 3am to see if I want to play "guitar hero" with them.

In short I am a grumpy old man at 20!!

[Murphy]

I quit uni 2 years ago. I also stop accepting money from my parents.

As opposed to how my life was then, my life is soo much better now.

I have better friends, a girlfriend, more fun and just an overall better life.

Plus I'm free! Which I never was when living with my parents or living off handouts from them.

In terms of money, I have none of that but I don't care.

[Girov]

I don't think you need to go out unnecessarily just for the sake of leaving your comfort zone and start your life all over.

I think you just need to unleash the power within you...and power is the ability to take action towards your goals...small step at a time...

As long as there is ACTION from you towards your goals, you have generated POWER within you to live your life in a more meaningful way...

Let's take some actions toward our goal NOW...!!!