Life as a "Player"

[Daffy Duck]

Originally Posted by adam230

I think marriage is a disease of the male spirit and the greatest trick the ladies ever pulled.

Adam, so you are running a third-generation family business, member of an upstart non-profit, and bring in 8-figure annual sales. Despite your busy schedule, you find the time to log on to an Internet forum and make a mass untrue generalization against women. Why, that's just a wee bit daffy, no?

Anyway, here are some simple observations I've made about marriage:

1. It usually takes two very conscious people to have a "successful" monogamous marriage. Rarely do these things happen by accident, if ever.

2. Monogamous marriage is not for everyone. Perhaps, not even for most. Despite this, most people do get married at one time in their life (I'm talking about U.S. citizens here).

3. "Love fades" is not a Universal Truth, and the fact that you asked another poster to "admit it" was amusing. It's like asking someone to admit that the sun doesn't exist.

"Love often fades" would have been more accurate. Or "love evolves" could have worked. There are many people who report that they love their spouse more now than they did twenty years ago. So much for your "love fades."

Conclusion: if you don't want a monogamous marriage, don't have one. If you don't want a gay marriage, don't have one. If you don't want to buy a BMW Z3, don't buy one. There's nothing wrong with that, if done with honesty. And by honesty I mean that you shouldn't date six women and pretend that you're committed to only one of them. That's what a "player" often does. It's lying, and lying 99% of the time is rooted in fear, not love.

Anyway, yay for choices in life!

[C33]

Sexual and emotional maturity come when a person is able to distinguish

SEX from LOVE, and COMMITMENT from RELATIONSHIP.

As a passionate person, I am, most of the time, COMMITTED.It means that, whether I am engaged in a sexual affair that I know will be short-lived or engaged in a relationship geared towards monogamous intentions, I am committed to be 100% present, enjoy myself 100% and make sure the other person is fulfilled and as happy as possible.

I do not want to be COMMITTED to a relationship in the sense of being COMMITTED to prison or a mental institution.That's what the word "commitment" sounds like in the mouth of some people and the meaning that comes off their actions within their relationships.

It's quite naive and insulting to think that all people want to live that definition of being committed, that all women want to trap men in a unhappy marriage and become the nagging ♥♥♥♥♥ in the house and all men are willing to enter that sort of relationship in the hope of getting some.

Most people enter relationships with high expectations of love and "happy ever after" thoughts and no one wants to be the nagging wife or frustrated average chump ( not sure I got that acronym right).Marriages are no guarantee of happiness, and pleasure-seeking bachelorhood either.

You can love SEX and love being in LOVE and being LOVED, but recognize that you might get your sexual and emotional needs met by different people at different times.

Most people would rather have their sexual and emotional needs met by the same person, but it is not always possible, desired or desirable, and I don't see why one should be deprived of pleasure with Mr or Mrs Right Now while looking for, waiting or dreaming for Mr/ Mrs Right or simply enjoying a neverending stream of Mr or Mrs Right There and Then.


Sex is a reward in itself, whether inside a relationship or outside.It's not more meaningful or pleasurable if you wear a wedding ring.

The ingredient of love makes the experience different,not better.

Besides,is there more love in a marriage than in a shorter acquaintance? Is love necessarily better expressed in monogamy than serial monogamy or polyamory? I don't know because I haven't experienced all the possibilities.

Conjugal duties is a term that doesn't sound very appealing. It is sad reality within relationships where one sometimes feels obligated,in the name of love, to oblige a solliciting partner.

If you are unimaginative and lack passion, then you'll have boring,uninspired sex in a one night stand and find it unappealing and degrading, but you'll also bring your lackluster ways to the marriage bed, and eventually sex will be just as uninspiring within a committed relationship.

If you can only enjoy sex or find it meaningful when you link it to love, then fine. If you can only enjoy turkey at Thanksgiving, then by all means, enjoy it, but don't negatively judge people who would have it every day for lunch and dinner outside of the context of a family gathering.

There is caveman sex and there is "higher sex" ( not higher as in better but as in getting high in reaching different states of consciousness).

I am not a tantric expert, so I'm just throwing this notion out there, because I think there is something seriously wrong in a society that portrays sex as just a physical expression of our baser instincts and cannot involve the soul and be, in itself, a valuable tool for self-knowledge and communication between human beings.

I think, in that sense, sex is as noble and desirable as the romantic love that is toted about as the ideal we should all aim for.Being the epicurean that I am, I think there is a way to have our cake and eat it too.

I don't understand why so called casual sex has to be necessarily degrading and objectifying for both men and women.I don't think seeking sexual fulfillment and deciding to forego love and commitment is immature.

If you decide that biology is your destiny and you need to impregnate as many women as possible, fine, if you think that sex is only valuable as the means for procreation, fine. If you want caveman sex,find your cavewoman of the day and enjoy.If you want to be the Wonderman to Wonderwoman and feel happier in a cape than a business suit waving good bye to your wife at 6 o'clock in the morning, go for it.

If the person has a healthy self-esteem and is not using sex as a coping mechanism,if that person is not pretending this will lead to something other than mutual enjoyment, I don't see why it is less of a valid choice than 20 years of face time with the same human being, as long as the person is fulfilled and has made a conscious choice.

Sexual fulfillment and happiness within or without a relationship are equal opportunity issues.

By the way, Mr Poster, a feminist is not a woman who want to boss men around, it's a person ( Yes there are men who are feminists) who wants equal rights for men and women.

Why does it always have to be "Wham Bam Thank You Ma'am." and not "Wham Bam Thank You Sir?".Not all women want commitment and babies and not all men want endless fun and cavorting with topless babes, I should think.

Yes, there is social pressure to marry, breed, consume, retire, die, but it doesn't have to be the bible if it's against one's religion.

Personally, I am not really in love with the family as a social construct and the so called values promoted by such a lifestyle.I never forget that the family can equally be the place of violence and abuse than love and warmth.There is no Hallmark value attached to that notion,in my mind.


When I was 25, everybody around me was falling head over heels in love, getting married, having babies and everybody seemed rabidly happy.

Fast forward 15 years later and most of these people are going through bitter divorces that make them rethink the validity of so many compromises under the banner of marriage and so many years lost in unfulfilling relationships for the "sake of the children".

Most of them are ****-scared of being alone when spinster me is comfortable being on my own and making my own decisions.They are now the ones who have to face singlehood and, eating canned food in front of the t.v,as someone said.

I would argue that most couple or families find themselves in front of the idiot box every night, with microwaved dinner, and I am not sure "Pass the salt" and "Kids, go brush your teeth." qualify as the epitome of romance and excitement.

Being alone can be quite challenging, but being lonely within a relationship is not the evil I would exchange my single freedom for.

Having a family/ being in a LTR is not a more valid adult lifestyle choice than travelling, developping a business, or happily screwing everything that moves, provided it is a consensual affair.

May we all find joyful love, happiness and great sex within the lifestyle choices we make.

[legend]

First the term player gives me a vision of a bunch of 13 year olds with nicknames like k-fed and g-dog sitting around talking about all their sexual conquests.
Just curious... How much time do you spend looking at yourself in a mirror?

To the point...
Rant on:
Sex in or out of marriage is meant to be an end-all be-all for our existence via reproduction. But then again it is not meant to be the end-all be-all driving force in our life

All I hear you and others talking about is what is in it for me? How do I make sure I get the most pleasure out of my time here?
Find the living arrangements married/single that free you up enough to contribute to the world. To grow and reach your greatest potential.

Believe me when I tell you there is more to life then sex
I know at a young age it feels like you know it all and you have it all figured out
Why limit yourself by putting any restrictions on yourself....
just stay single and be a "player" until it no longer serves you
then move onto what lies ahead.
Learn to love and respect yourself.... stop caring about what g-dog and the others think
don't fall for the whole pua b.s. they are pushers selling you a drug
then learn to love others in a non-sexual way
Rant off:

If you can do that your sexual experiences will stop being the drug they have become for you...
You will break the addiction and be free....

or just keep doing what you are doing....

much love