Growing Up

[DerekNewland]

So, here I am. I'm a 22 year-old college drop out. I recently moved to a big city, where I have a good job (for my education level) in IT. I live on my own, and I am as single as one can be.

I think it was just this morning when I realized that I still have not grown up. I still carry the same selfish attitude, laziness, bad habits, and addictions I had in my late teens.

I'm realizing that life is not easy, nor fair. However, I do realize we need to make the most of every day and opportunity.

I'm at the point where I have to stop depending on others financially and emotionally and stand on my own completely for once.

Sometimes I don't feel like I want to grow up. But it's a necessary part of life.

Does anyone have any helpful advice or website / book recommendations for this period of a persons life?

[MyEyeIsOpen]

I think the most helpful things during that period of my life were

1) Have a goal in mind -- it doesn't really matter what it is, because you can change it at any time. Just have something you want to accomplish and work toward that. Accumulate X dollars, save the world, whatever.

2) Surround yourself with people that challenge you. The people you spend time with inform your worldview and personality. Surround yourself with people you really look up to and aspire to be like. Do not spend much time with people at or below your own level.

[The David]

By 'as single as one can be', does that mean you're alone a lot? It's probably easier to be isolated living alone in a big city.

I'm financially dependent as well. It's socially acceptable at my age (20 and in college), but I sometimes feel like I'm 'wasting' it. The more involved I am, the better I feel about it.

When you say you need to be less emotionally dependent, what exactly do you mean? I can understand being financially independent, but if you're in a funk, maybe you'd be better off just carefully choosing the people you depend on. Maturity is a process and it involves other people.

[Success]

I have to say that I understand the situation that you are in. I am a 20 year old male from Norway, who has just moved from Oslo to another city in Norway called Bergen. That was right after I finished my year in the army, and now I am currently studying Economics and Business Administration.

As for growing up, I feel that I am in the middle of that process. Things that were important to me before, do not seem that important now, and vice versa. For example, at the beginning of college enrollment, at least in Norway, there is a lot of drinking. Sure I've always been up for a good party, but right now I feel that drinking isn't very appealing. A beer or two is fine, but I think the drunk days are gone. I also see that a lot of my friends do not have a clear plan for what they want to do in life. Many of them are just wandering around, not committing themselves, and thinking that great things will come to them automatically. I am not against enjoying the endless possibilities of life, but in order to enjoy life to the fullest, I think it requires a lot of discipline, hard work and of course some luck as well.

The bottom line is that I am now the master of my own life. The actions that I do have a profound impact on my well being, and how others perceive me. Everything, including my diet, how much time I spend studying, exercising, leisure activities, the people who I surround myself with... it's all me. That feeling is of course very liberating (I am free of my parents), but it also carries with it a lot of responsibility, because in the end I want to do well and be successful.

I know all of this sounds a bit farfetched, but for me it is that feeling that I owe it to myself to do a good job, because I deserve good health, a good education, a good social network, and in the long run a decent job. So I guess that is my motivation to get up in the morning