Torn & Conflicted

[straysweeper]

After reading an old journal, I realize I'm in obviously conflicted. Years ago, I was helping my brother do a job that I wouldn't do myself. Now that I'm not working, I keep thinking about doing it as the lifestyle was kind of what I'm looking for now. At least I think. But there is a reason why I haven't never done this for myself, and only assisted. I didnt' really agree with it on a moral basis. In some ways my views have changed, others I could be considered hypocritical.

So my question is, how do I finally resolve this? Decide once and for all to either do it or not? I've noticed many of the things I'm dealing with now, has been repeating over the past 5 years. I want new challenges, I want to be done with these, but this one in peticular.

[ns123]

I would advise to never do anything that you feel is "wrong." Sure, you can reason yourself into it, "it's not so bad." "I'm not really harming anyone." "it will give me financial stability." etc...

But in the end, if you know it's not in alignment with who you are, don't do it. You will regret it in the end. And you'll be even more lost and listless and doubting yourself.

It's very common to doubt yourself and your decisions. Sometimes I doubt myself, "did I really do the right thing? Well, if I did, why don't I still not have what I want?" "why is it so hard?" "maybe I should re-evaluate my decision. " I have these thoughts all the time. I accept them and say, pish posh, get outta my head, no thank you.

Stick to your guns. In life, you'll always have things happen that challenge your resolve. If your decision is in alignment with who you are, stick to them. Don't waver.

Good Luck. I know walking the path is challenging, but the rewards will be limitless. I believe that.