Fight or flight?

[CroMagna]

A long-running theme throughout my life has been dealing with disrespect and bullying from others, particularly sexism. I'm not interested in being an activist, it's not my style. Steve suggested that your life purpose maybe something that "breaks your heart." This is food for thought. Things that break my heart or fill me with rage may also invigorate me if I channel the rage.

So I have before me two life purposes.

1) Fight:
-Polarize as darkworker
-Practice amorality
-Be a "lion in the path"
-Be the ultimate "survival of the fittest" type
-Learn aggression as well as strategy
-At the end of the darkworker trail, effectively show women that they have power, that it's not their fault, that they don't have to love and forgive like Christians, thereby helping them

2) Flight
-Divorce oneself from status quo
-Limit contact with difficult people
-Learn discipline and acheive personal development
-Engage in mindfulness and other solitude practices

My conclusions follow in the next post

[CroMagna]

So I would appreciate insight here based on my self-talk:

1) Fight
-Vague, how do I go about doing this? What is my career?
-Unrealistic, how can this possibly be acheived???
-Inspiring, sounds fun, makes life into an interesting game, puts me to some important use, makes me want to embark promptly, I can see myself rescuing girls who hate being girls or who want to commit suicide
-People in my religion would be highly proud and I would feel triumphant
-Damn what if I die without acheiving my life purpose...

2) Flight
-Sounds a little boring
-I already do most of this stuff, like solitude/meditation. I see now why they say it's "the path" not just "the destination". When you have nothing to work towards, life sucks.
-Flirts with cowardice, avoiding people, letting them isolate you, letting them win
-Much more realistic and doable
-But, I can see why I thought of it, maybe oppressive people are not worth my time, I have nothing to prove

[CroMagna]

So far, I think "fight" is better. I also think it's more original. There are virtually no female Social Darwinists. There are many more women who engage in solitude and self-containment, like Ayn Rand. I think "survival of the fittest" is much better. Now if I could only figure out how to go about doing this...

[Dan.Linehan]

Your post implies that love is not an option.

Self love sometimes requires self-defense.

[ProjectX]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

A long-running theme throughout my life has been dealing with disrespect and bullying from others, particularly sexism. I'm not interested in being an activist, it's not my style. Steve suggested that your life purpose maybe something that "breaks your heart." This is food for thought. Things that break my heart or fill me with rage may also invigorate me if I channel the rage.

So I have before me two life purposes.

1) Fight:
-Polarize as darkworker
-Practice amorality
-Be a "lion in the path"
-Be the ultimate "survival of the fittest" type
-Learn aggression as well as strategy
-At the end of the darkworker trail, effectively show women that they have power, that it's not their fault, that they don't have to love and forgive like Christians, thereby helping them

2) Flight
-Divorce oneself from status quo
-Limit contact with difficult people
-Learn discipline and acheive personal development
-Engage in mindfulness and other solitude practices

My conclusions follow in the next post

How about fight polarizing as a lightworker.

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Your post implies that love is not an option.

Self love sometimes requires self-defense.

I love those who deserve it, not just family and friends, but some strangers too. I just don't think I'm the 60s Hippy activist type...

Also I figured with the first one I could help women that way.

[pterodactyl]

Could it be that you are in a stage of grieving over what has happened to you, and that the anger will pass once you have processed these emotions? If so, is the fight option going to pan out if the main driving force is anger? You can still accomplish your goal but it would take refinement as you change and grow emotionally. I like your focus on helping women, and in the process changing an existing paradigm, but I wonder if this will weaken your darkwork polarity. If you want to stay true to that course I think you will need to employ both strategies at different times-- draw inward first to focus on self-strengthening and renewal; the anger and emotional wreckage you have experienced should be positively channeled by pursuing self-healing first. Once you are ready, studying and learning different types of combat and psychology, e.g. learning martial arts, fencing and physical/mental self-defense tactics would be useful for you. I recommend reading 'The Art of War' if you have not already. Maybe becoming a women's marital arts instructor or teaching women self-defense (once you master these skills) is an option that would facilitate your first goal. You can withdraw for renewal like any warrior, then back to the battlefield when you are ready again.

If you are strongly polarized and highly focused, your success will stand as its own example to those you want to help, and in the process you may heal that broken heart.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I love those who deserve it...

Who deserves love? What are the characteristics of someone who deserves love? What disqualifies someone from being deserving of being loved?

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by pterodactyl

Could it be that you are in a stage of grieving over what has happened to you, and that the anger will pass once you have processed these emotions? If so, is the fight option going to pan out if the main driving force is anger? You can still accomplish your goal but it would take refinement as you change and grow emotionally. I like your focus on helping women, and in the process changing an existing paradigm, but I wonder if this will weaken your darkwork polarity. If you want to stay true to that course I think you will need to employ both strategies at different times-- draw inward first to focus on self-strengthening and renewal; the anger and emotional wreckage you have experienced should be positively channeled by pursuing self-healing first. Once you are ready, studying and learning different types of combat and psychology, e.g. learning martial arts, fencing and physical/mental self-defense tactics would be useful for you. I recommend reading 'The Art of War' if you have not already. Maybe becoming a women's marital arts instructor or teaching women self-defense (once you master these skills) is an option that would facilitate your first goal. You can withdraw for renewal like any warrior, then back to the battlefield when you are ready again.

If you are strongly polarized and highly focused, your success will stand as its own example to those you want to help, and in the process you may heal that broken heart.

I agree with you. I had a breakthrough yesterday and I no longer feel anger about sexism. I feel like I have finally gotten through my grief and the anger has left me. I still don't trust people or the media to not try to tear me down as a woman once they see I have conquered my demons, which I think is my brain's way of keeping me in darkworker polarity. But I feel like a new person without the anger. I think I have moved to the Pride level of consciousness.

Thanks for pointing out that I don't necessarily need to choose one or the other. I can employ both at various times. I think without the anger, I can now withdraw for renewal in a positive "I love myself" manner, rather than a "society sucks" manner. And I can do the fight as in "I love myself, life is a fun game" rather than "I'm mad at the world".

[CroMagna]

Originally Posted by Angela

Who deserves love? What are the characteristics of someone who deserves love? What disqualifies someone from being deserving of being loved?

I love those who love me of course. I also love those who are kind. I lack trust in people in general so I am normally grateful and pleasantly surprised by the kindness of strangers. I am also kind to those who are minding their own business, the little old lady at the bus stop, etc. I would place normal people who need advice in this category also.

I would say in general the types that deserve love are those who will not tear me down in the process. I do not love those that in my religion are called "psychic vampires" (later stolen by Oprah and dubbed "energy vampires"). There are many types of psychic vampires. The worst are bullies, crabs-in-a-barrel who see you happy, secure, and self-sustaining and want to destroy your happiness in order to make themselves feel powerful. Gangs do this to other gangs and even to other gang members. Not just macho men do this by any means. Blacks do this to other blacks. Women often do this to other women, even on the subject of sexism. Feminists do this to other feminists. Even some crooked therapists do it. There are more sociopaths out there than people would normally realize. Then there are those the give you money or things in an attempt create a cycle of obligation. Some family members do this. But the saddest type of psychic vampire are the hangers-on of advice. These people never give advice to you because they are empty inside. Anything you say to them just falls through their abyss and never helps. You just keep getting more negative feedback that threatens to drain your life-blood. Sometimes when you help you get a series of "yes, but" which plants seeds of insecurity and self-doubt in even the most strong, well-meaning minds. These types of psychic vampires are probably just weak, sad people who need help but it is absolutely dangerous to help them, and I think they should consistently be directed to professional help in a kind yet conclusive manner.

Tolerance vs. Love by Steve resonated with me, because I think tolerating and expressing love to every one from the nice little girl to her child molester is lightworker syndrome.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by CroMagna

I love those who love me of course.

I see. So, those who love you are lovable -- you are willing to love people who love you, of course.

That puts you in kind of a powerless position, doesn't it?

[CroMagna]

I'm not sure what you mean, but I find that statement very intriguing.

[Angela]

What I mean is, you loving others is contingent upon their loving you first, unless they can get in under a loophole. In other words, other people get to decide whom you don't love, and also maybe whom you do love, you see? You are at the mercy of others, when it comes to being loving. To me, that would feel very insecure.

To me, feeling secure means: choosing to be loving regardless of the actions, emotions, words, or thoughts of others. The only conditions to secure loving are conditions that must be met by me, rather than being dependent on others meeting any conditions -- something people notoriously don't do, dagnabit!

[CroMagna]

That's very interesting, definitely food for thought.

[pterodactyl]

I'm glad that you are choosing to focus on loving yourself instead of projecting your anger outward, and I am very happy for you that you've come to some peace with what has happened. As a self-declared darkworker it is not to your advantage to harbor anger and resentment to the ones who have harmed you, nor is it congruent with your path of growth to limit yourself to basic revenge. I think if you self-focus first, then outward-focus in a natural way, your path will become much clearer. When wounded, the best response is to withdraw, nurture oneself and gather strength to live to fight another day. It seems some of that healing is already beginning in you.

As for what you said about love, it's not my place to sway your opinion or convince you to define your beliefs otherwise. However you are choosing to love may best be suiting you at the moment, and when it no longer suits you because you've grown beyond it, you will look for other ways and definitions. Self-trust is an element of self-love that needs to be cultivated as well. Trust you are making the right decisions and will continue to do so.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by Angela

To me, feeling secure means: choosing to be loving regardless of the actions, emotions, words, or thoughts of others.

I think it is useful to define what "being loving" doesn't mean. It doesn't, for example, mean being an enabler for someone else's flight from responsibility, nor does it mean that the person being loved is going to appreciate or like it.

The canonical example is to have a child that you love and therefore take away the scissors he is running through the house with, thus precipitating a full scale snit and declarations of "I hate you" from the child.

People can have trouble with the concept of unconditional love because they confuse it with the concept of never being in conflict with the desires of the beloved, and/or allowing unauthentic, codependent ways of relating to them.

Love demands that one be willing to risk everything, including the relationship itself, in the name of integrity. There is nothing wrong with boundaries, or with calling someone on hurtful behavior.

--Bob