I am what you call "slow"

[Shyone]

Throughout my entire childhood, I just assumed that I was going to become very successful as an adult. I didn't know how, or what I would do, I just figured it was a given. Now, as I'm approaching twenty, it occurs to me that perhaps I was simply delusional. It hurts to say it, but I'm afraid it must be true. I have never succeeded at anything, ever. I have lost all ambition, all goals and all dreams. Every single attempt I've ever made at achieving success, has been met with failure. I feel like my dreams will never become realized, because I do not have what it takes. Every time I ever attempt anything, I stop right away, knowing that I will only fail. I know this sounds very negative, but I think I'm just being realistic. I have no skills, no talents, no natural abilities. I am terrible at math, science, language, history, geography, politics sounds like giberish to me and my memory is awful. I work at a daycare, and the children love playing memory against me, because they always win. I honestly think that I am slow. I think if I were to take an IQ test, I'd be low low low average. I'll give you an example of why I believe that. I lived in a town called Oakville the first two years of college. And every weekend my dad would pick me up, and I would return back to my home town which was half an hour away. To this day I do not know how to get to Oakville, despite traveling there and back for two years straight. When I hear people talk about politics or history, I can't understand what they are saying. It's like they are speaking a foreign language. I live in Canada, and yet I cannot name the prime minister, despite the face that I've attempted to memorize his name on numerous occasions. I cannot locate my province on a map. I cannot name the provinces of Canada. In other words, I'm dumb. I don't know anything about the world, other than what is in my immediate life. When I speak it is often difficult for me to express my thoughts, and articulate my ideas in a manner which can be understood by others. I feel very self conscious about my lack of intelligence. I do not want to be a "simple person", but I'm afraid that's what I am. I apologize for being so negative, I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. How do I get over my embarrassment, and shame at being so slow in comparison to other people. I want to get an iq test, to prove to myself once in for all that I am slow?

[SandeeHier]

Originally Posted by Shyone

.... it occurs to me that perhaps I was simply delusional. ... I have no skills, no talents, no natural abilities. I am terrible at math, science, language, history....

How can you think you're slow when you use words like "delusional" perfectly in sentences, spelled perfectly? In a beautifully (if tragically) worded, logically organized document that's, like, flawlessly edited?

I disagree that you have no talent. You are a writer. Maybe more...? You're so young still, I bet there's a LOT more that you're not seeing, yet!

[Parthon]

Wow Shyone. For a "slow" person you articulated that very well. I have to agree with SandeeHier about being a good writer. The thoughts are well presented and flow very well from one to the next in a logical format with the right examples in the right spot. You would almost convice me that you are slow, if you hadn't done such a good job on the arguement.

You could be bad at maths and bad at remembering things, and those two subjects make up a majority of what you need to use to pass highschool, and to achieve traditional success. I want to ask you though, how is your imagination, your intuition and your people skills? Are you comfortable talking to people? Can you tell a tale from the top of your head? Do you paint pictures, either with words or with a brush/pencil?

I ask these because many people have more talents than the modern world recognises, and they are just as important. Perhaps not to the corporations who want to make a quick buck, but to the culture and life or society. I believe you have unrecognised talents that you could put to good use, you just need to discover what they are.

Memory and maths aren't everything, no matter what school tells you.

[jtracy]

I can tell you that it's a waste of time getting an IQ test because all those things measure is your ability to take a test. We don't even really know what intelligence is. It's been said that there are many different kinds of intelligence too. Perhaps you are focusing on the wrong one. Besides that, why would you want to prove to yourself that you are slow. You'd be much better off focusing on things that you can do well (and I'm willing to bet you could find several if you really looked). You think you're dumb because you can't find your province on a map and don't know the name of the prime minister. It may interest you to know that someone took a survey of people walking down the street in Vancouver a while back and asked them who the prime minister was. They said things like Kennedy, Nixon, Reagen. Also I read once that 75% of Americans can't locate the Pacific Ocean on a world map. Maybe you not as slow compared to other people as you think you are. I have trouble articulating spoken thoughts too, and I am definately not slow. Lots of people have learning difficulties even though they have a high intelligence (that includes being able to find their way--and speaking about finding ways, don't forget that dogs have the intelligence of a 2 year old yet can find their way across the whole country without a map--What's intelligence?). The world gives you what you focus on. If you focus on how stupid you are, the world will prove it to you. I suggest focusing on what you are good at instead. Don't forget that you are a child of God.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Shyone

Throughout my entire childhood, I just assumed that I was going to become very successful as an adult. I didn't know how, or what I would do, I just figured it was a given. Now, as I'm approaching twenty, it occurs to me that perhaps I was simply delusional.

You were delusional. It's not your fault, it's a deception that's been foisted on generation upon generation for time without end. You will never be more successful than you are right now, you will never be happier than you are right now, you will never be less unhappy than you are right now, and you will never be smarter than you are right now. You've been lied to, told that there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But the rainbow never ends. You can keep on chasing it, though, if you want to. Or you could accept that what you are, bad as it may seem, is what you are. Because the illusion, often called hope, is that you can be something other than that.

[Acting Like Godot]

I recommend you watch the movie "Forrest Gump".

[ellie]

I understand where you are coming from, I have had the same sort of thinking as you, although I'm not as a hard on myself lately.

I think it has to do with self esteem, anxiety and perfectionism and finding ways to prove to ourselves that what we believe about ourselves is actually the case, by picking out magnified flaws, like being bad at maths, English, history, common knowledge etc.

I know I have built up so much anxiety over the years about not being able to write properly, that I really believed I had some sort of learning difficulty (oh and I have requested IQ tests, learning difficulty tests and all came back negative). Same with maths, I dreaded ever going for basic jobs that requiring maths, such as working in a cafe because I would be too slow to do calculations with customers money.

I think my anxiety is warranted to some extent, although I am coming to realise that a lot of people around me are not that much better at English and maths and they seem to be doing fine. Even though friends and family always said they went through the same thing or that they are not that great at this and that. It's just that I care and take it personally and being a perfectionist I take it really personally that I can't grasp a concept and so I become overly anxious, which then heightens the problem.

I think anxiety can worsen when your in an environment that forces you to work with your fears. At the moment the jobs I hold don't really require me to write or do maths. That's because I know I would never be "great" in these areas, so I've tried to pave a career that doesn't require these skills as much. It still hard though, because almost all jobs need some sort of English and I freak out at being caught out with terrible grammar and all that jazz.

I have a terrible memory too. I find it takes me a long time to remember sequences or words. You can tell me a name 20 times and I still wont remember it, it actually is quite stressful, because you get stressed that you can't remember something so simple and think what's wrong with me? I have a feeling it's all to do with anxiety, so maybe that's the case with you too.

I think what would make it easier for me, was if I was just really great at one thing. Like I had this skill that just came so naturally to me.

But I am slowly learning, that you don't have to be to perfect at everything, in fact I think I am great at nothing, but I still manage to survive

By the way I work in childcare a few days a week as well. Normally I am a web designer, but I am not the best of the best, and I can be quite slow and thought I needed to be in a more, how do I put it, "less technical job". However, I have found childcare a little bit too "un-challenging" for me, surprisingly. I do find that I like to nut things out, which web design offers me, but I have to do it on my own terms, which means freelancing. I would be deemed too slow in most design firms, so freelancing allows me to go at my own pace. But to be fair, if I think about a lot of companies acspect you to know so much and be so fast without taking the time to nurture their employees, which I think it quite unrealistic and that would make a lot of people feel quite inadequate (basically having to live up to standards that are not realistic).

Most of what you have said resonates with me too, the lack of knowledge, maths, English, being able to articulate my thoughts properly in conversations ect. And you know all of these things have gotten worse for me over time because I allowed myself to believe they were true. So if I could tell someone else in my shoes on how to get better, I would say go see a psychologist and talk over your fears, get it out on the table to how your thoughts are effecting you, or what you believe to be true. A good psychologist will help reason with your thoughts.

I can tell from your post that your not dumb by any means, you just believing that to be so at this point of time. Get some help, so you don't have to travel the same journey as me. Where I ended up realising I'm not so dumb and I wasted a lot of time believing so.

I'm crap at maps and locations too, but who cares? So what you wont need it unless you want to be a taxi driver Politcs bores me, so I don't know a thing about it. Maybe you just need to start accepting that you aren't good at this and that and that's the way the way it has to be?

[smartile]

Hi Shyone,

You've got to forgive yourself so that you can move on with your life. Start to be grateful for everything that you currently have. Start to mentally shift your life by focusing on the 'good' in your life.

Use the Law of Polarity and compare yourself to someone who is less fortunate instead of the other way around. Instead of looking at the gal next door who is winning big, start to relate to those who are less fortunate. Once you do, you realize how rich you really are.

Be thankfull and grateful for what you have. The attitude of gratitude is so important to shift your thinking so that you can see that you do indeed live in a sea of plentitude with many gifts, including your own special talents and unique abilities. Once you realize this you will be able to create the life you really want.

This may mean spending some time at a soup kitchen, working in an old aged home or possibly visiting a 3rd world country. You could even spend some time helping out a friend that needs your help. Once you see how these people live, there is no doubt you will see how rich you really are.

You don't have to be so dramatic; the fact that you have an internet connection and you're able to type and comment on this forum tells me you have more money and access to opportunity than many other people; it's all a matter of perspective, really.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by smartile

Hi Shyone,

You've got to forgive yourself so that you can move on with your life. Start to be grateful for everything that you currently have. Start to mentally shift your life by focusing on the 'good' in your life.

Use the Law of Polarity and compare yourself to someone who is less fortunate instead of the other way around. Instead of looking at the gal next door who is winning big, start to relate to those who are less fortunate. Once you do, you realize how rich you really are.

Be thankfull and grateful for what you have.

Pfft sorry I don't believe in what your saying at all. Sorry I just feel like I know what Shyone is saying and "no greatful, for my life" is going to help. I think she/he has anxiety issues and she/he needs to get to the root of the cause and then figure out ways to deal with anxiety. People with anxiety are "dramatic" and it's not something that can be switched off with just "happy tree friend thoughts".

[Shyone]

Thanks everyone for your replies. They have been very helpful! I guess I just have to accept myself as I am. I'll try to look past the fact that I'm not academically inclined, and focus on my strengths as opposed to my weaknesses!

[Angela]

Shyone, it's easy for us to see that you are not dumb, and it's also easy to see that you are being run by this habitual thought, "I am dumb." I coach people with limiting beliefs like this all the time, and I can assure you you're not alone with this; it's a very common one.

It's easy for us to see "I am dumb" is not true, and my guess is that when I say that, on some level, you think I'm dumb for saying so. The thing is, when you hold a limiting belief for yourself, you are holding it for the world. Same is true for an inspiring belief -- it's not just for you, it's for everyone. Can you see where by believing this thought you're not just limiting yourself, but also limiting possibility in the world?

BUT -- I'm not going to try to convince you that you're not dumb (It wouldn't work. It never does.) I would like to invite you to consider, though, that this belief comes from a particular moment -- something happened, probably when you were very small, someone said or did something and you made a decision about yourself: "I am dumb." It's a thought in a little kid's (your) head, and it has been running you for years. We spend tons of time simultaneously trying to prove that our belief is not true, and trying to avoid having people find out it IS true. Eventually, you get exhausted! And some bold people break down and say: here's what's so, please help. We've all got these limiting beliefs, but not everyone takes them on so boldly -- and you are very young to be doing this, so I would actually say you are on the fast, smart track!

Can you remember the earliest time you felt this feeling of slowness, failure, embarassment, shame? What happened? What time of day was it? How old were you? What was said?

[Shyone]

Hi Angela Sorry it took me so long to respond, I haven't been on my computer lately. In regards to your question, I don't think there has ever been a specific event in my life that could have lead to my negative self concept. I tend to think that it was succession of events. I failed countless classes in school, and in result had to go to summer school four years in a row. That could have contributed, I'm not quite sure?

[Jim11]

There is a difference between being uneducated and being slow/stupid. It is fine to be uneducated in some areas if you are productive and interested in other areas.

Of course you're confused by politics and history if you don't even know who the PM of Canada is. You obviously have no interest in this field, so don't worry about it.

If you want to be seen as having a basic knowledge of issues like politics and history then spend some time reading in these fields and catching up on current events. This would not take much time at all to get an "average canadian grasp", which is quite mediocre, to put it kindly. If these things don't interest you at all then you should not be worried at all about your lack of knowledge, because going forward you can just attribute it to being a conscious choice not to bother learning this stuff and not as a hit against your IQ.

On a different note, I think it is worth your investment to learn a little bit about the country you live in. Can't name the provinces? Perhaps you need to expand your world a bit. However, if you have found your niche in something else that doesn't need this basic information then perhaps it's not worth learning!

[sbdiane]

Someone who writes as well and expresses as articulately as you can't be dumb. You said you failed classes at school. Maybe you have a learning disability. Maybe school just did not challenge you enough.

You are young, too. People often have a hard time in their 20s. You don't have as clear a purpose as you did once you graduate from school. It's ok to feel like crap in your 20s. It's normal.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Shyone

Hi Angela Sorry it took me so long to respond,

Yes, you were so slow!

In regards to your question, I don't think there has ever been a specific event in my life that could have lead to my negative self concept. I tend to think that it was succession of events. I failed countless classes in school, and in result had to go to summer school four years in a row. That could have contributed, I'm not quite sure?

ok, not a specific one, but what's the earliest one you can remember? Maybe you don't think it's all that significant, doesn't matter. Was it when your mom and dad saw your report card the first time you failed? Was it when your teacher told you you'd have to go to summer school that first year? Was it earlier than that, maybe, when your mom or dad said something to you?

[Zwynd]

As to what many people here have said so far, I too agree that your grammar, punctuation, and spelling are very good. You're not slow at all.

I would say you are lazy.

Not lazy in the couch potato way, but uneducated (as another person suggested.) There's one more thing which hasn't been touched upon, however.

We are humans. We are not machines. That is to say even the most intelligent and quick-witted person can forget the simplest of things.

I don't know if it's true but I heard that Einstein didn't even know his own phone number for a time and when asked why that was he simply replied something along the lines of, "I've never needed to phone myself."

With that said, you would be silly to think you are supposed to remember everything you are ever exposed to. You may keep an alarm clock, but do you have an organizer where you can plan events? Do you have a Rolodex or whatever to keep quick notes/#'s on people? A small map of your country/city by your desk on the wall or whatnot would keep your memory refreshed of where you live?

Things like that. You can only know what you're exposed to. If your passion isn't politics (mine isn't either) than research what you need to come election time and vote (if you choose to) then forget about it till next run.

Also, if your mind is busy thinking about worrisome things ("need to wash the car, don't forget to grab this, oh I forgot about that") then the chances of you remembering what you're learning will be greatly diminished. Put your worries down on a note pad then ignore them till you are done what you are doing.

[TonyToneTone]

Hi Shyone,

You are DEFINITELY not slow. I know some people who might fall into that category but you would not be one of them.

Now, as I'm approaching twenty

First, very few people, if any start asking themselves the questions you are asking. The fact that you are only 19 is amazing.

I think you are the opposite. I think you are quite gifted and articulate as well.

All this sounds like is an issue in concentration. There are numerous games, exercises, and resources to help you develop concentration. Think of it as a muscle that you would like to build up. As you exercise it, it will become stronger and better.

[Myrtle]

I would also like to commend you on your English.

When you have negative thoughts and at the same time want to be realistic and practical, I encourage you to look at the conflicts between your thoughts and reality. For example, you wrote "I think I'm just being realistic. I have no skills, no talents, no natural abilities" When you think that you do not have talents or abilities you are not being realistic, so there is the conflict. Everyone is born with natural ability/talent, and your writing suggests that you are talented in language.

Also, I don't think it's so terrible if you don't remember political or historical facts and figures. To me, this just means that you're bored by these subjects. Maybe you have a strong need to focus on more personal areas right now? If so, this need may not leave room for general, less urgent things as politics/geography/history. At such a young age, this is definitely understandable.

You also wrote "I lived in a town called Oakville the first two years of college. And every weekend my dad would pick me up, and I would return back to my home town which was half an hour away. To this day I do not know how to get to Oakville, despite traveling there and back for two years straight." This sounds perfectly normal to me! Here is why: when someone else is driving and you are the passenger, the person who actively learns the way is the driver. The passenger gets some passive learning done, some streets will seem familiar, but I wouldn't expect him to navigate...

So your arguments of "being dumb" are not realistically based.

I am not a professional, but in my personal opinion, if you find difficulty expressing your thoughts verbally and feel cognitively "slow", you might want to do some reading about stress and anxiety. When focusing on thoughts like "I am slow" you are feeding into the stress that makes you feel slow. It's difficult to be sharp while at the same time doubting your intelligence.

I hope you feel better soon!

[smartile]

posted by Ellie
People with anxiety are "dramatic" and it's not something that can be switched off with just "happy tree friend thoughts".

I'm not suggesting that you or anyone else spends their time with "happy tree friend thoughts". You can't focus on the good unless you know the bad. You can't look left unless you have looked right. You can't be up unless you've been down. You can't appreciate the mountain top unless you've seen the mountain bottom. All life has this duality and works in cycles.

You can't break the cycle until you change your thinking.

That being said, try this analogy. Let's say you're a miner looking for gold. In your mine you've got two piles. One pile is dirt and the other is gold. If you focus on the dirt, then you can't focus on the gold. It's just the way we work. You can only think one thought at a time. You can't think about gold and dirt at the same time.

If you think about it a great number of people look for the dirt in their life. They even rationalize and give reasons why they spend so much time obsessing and placing their attention on the dirt.

If this is your position, I've got to ask: Why the heck would you do something like that? Are you looking for attention? Do you want others to feel sorry for you?

These are challenging questions, but someone has to ask them.

My rational is that a great number of people focus on the dirt because there is an emotional payoff. The "get something" by placing their attention on the dirt. "The drama" is a way to grab attention or have others feel sorry for them. Maybe it makes them feel loved because others empathize with them. I don't know. Only you can answer this.

I'm not going to feel sorry for you because that doesn't help you; it only reinforces who you already are. And I'm not interested in that. I'm more interested in who you want to become...

[Holistic Star]

Hi Shyone,

I'll echo what other people have said, you are very articulate so you're clearly not 'slow'. What I expect is that you have a different learning style to many people. Rather than learning mainly through images or words, you might learn best through feeling and movement. The majority of teaching is 'chalk and talk', ie the teacher writes on the board and talks about it and the pupils are expected to sit still and absorb it! A kinesthetic pupil (one who learns by feeling and movement) needs to move their body to absorb and lock in information.

So for example, in learning the provinces of Canada, you could trace the rough shape and location in the air using your whole body of each province as you shout / sing the names. Yes looks a bit odd, but I bet it would help. Or games where you have cut out shapes of the province like a jigsaw and you have to put them together in under 60 seconds or something so you are physically moving things into place with your hands. Or use playdoh to make a map of canada and mark the important landmarks on it.
In fact as you work with children, you might find all of these fun activities to do with them too. So you all learn together.

In playing memory games with the children, rather than just looking at the picture and turning it over, you might find it useful to do something physical to lock the picture into your memory. So if you turn over a sun and and elephant. I would make big starburst signs with hands for the sun, and imgaine swinging a trunk with my arms.

I agree with the others that said it is the driver that learns the route information. I had lived in my town from when I was 18 to when I got my first car at 27 and I didn't have a clue how to get anywhere by car especially as many roads were one-way only. As a car-passenger I didn't absorb route information, it was only when I started driving that I had to work out how to get anywhere that wasn't on a bus-route.

Also IQ tests don't prove anything really. IQ isn't fixed. All an IQ test does is prove how good you have got at IQ tests! You can learn to get better at them. There are many types of intelligence and it isn't fixed. The Nine Types of Intelligence

[ellie]

Originally Posted by smartile

If this is your position, I've got to ask: Why the heck would you do something like that? Are you looking for attention? Do you want others to feel sorry for you?

I don't think you get it?Anxiety is not about attention grabbing. Hardly anyone I know, knows about how deep my anxiety goes, anyway I don't feel I need to justify myself on this. Anxiety is usually a trigger from something painful in the past.

Originally Posted by smartile

My rational is that a great number of people focus on the dirt because there is an emotional payoff. The "get something" by placing their attention on the dirt. "The drama" is a way to grab attention or have others feel sorry for them. Maybe it makes them feel loved because others empathize with them. I don't know. Only you can answer this.

I would never want you to feel sorry for me, I mainly tell someone about my anxiety (ie, psychologist) so I can get help. So I don't beat myself up over something that is really just trivial, but for some reason it has become psychological for me. Or I will come on here to talk it out, I can rationalize my thought patterns better this way.

[Angela]

Hmmm. Who is this thread about, again?

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Shyone

I have no [...] talents

Oh, you picked the wrong person to say that around.

You most *certainly* do have talents, and I already have an idea of what they might be from just reading your post (although don't ask me to express them; they're currently in the form of highly generalised patterns that, while very real and useful, only become able to be expressed in our very low-bandwidth language after I do more patterning. In other words, to understand, you'd need telepathy, as well as beliefs and knowledge similar to me so you can accurately interpret the thoughts I convey. Confusing enough? It actually makes sense to me; I'm not just rambling for the sake of it).

Years ago I had a friend who used to tell me that I was slow and stupid. He knew I wasn't an idiot, but he didn't like the speed at which my intelligence manifested.

Fast forward a few years and I know that (1) his comments mostly were a result of his talent themes--his personality--not so much something that was a quality or attribute within me that was "wrong" or "bad," and (2) what some might label as "slow" really has to do with (A) the highly generalised nature of my thinking which explains why I have (B) a very bad specific memory, but an exceptional general memory (for things such as patterns). In other words, I may suck at churning out specific tasks that machines could probably do much better than I can mainly because I'm not a machine. I'm a human, and over time my brain has developed in such a way--and your brain has developed in a certain way, too--that has drawn me to embrace the uniquely human traits of my brain such that, unlike most people, I'm kind of hopelessly reliant on technology and leverage (at least, when I have those options available), yet extremely abstract, high-level, and fundamental in my thinking.

This is a strength, and I intend, and already do use it to benefit people (I'm using it right now).

In your post I noticed you were using the default definition of intelligence. It's a garbage definition that standardises people and makes them make post like yours (if they have any self-awareness, which you do).

In reality, where people actually have self-awareness since they aren't drugging themselves with various substances and numbing their awareness and intuition, there are actually multiple intelligences: social intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence, conceptual intelligence, etc (don't focus too much on those labels; the idea I'm conveying is that there are different types of intelligences, not just "one" intelligence, and that we're all good at different things).

You have no goals or desires within the standard context, I'm sure. A few years ago if you asked me what I wanted to do with my live I'd say "ah, I'm not really sure." I knew people wanted me to say "I want to go to university" or "I want to work with computers," and I could have, but those things resonated with me as much as being punched in the head (I'm not a fan of being hit in the head; I don't even nod my head much or move it quickly because it doesn't feel right, and because I've heard it can tear--valuable!--synaptic connections).

Really, there questions didn't mean anything to me since they weren't asking me what I want to do with my life, but rather "what do you want to do after school?" or "how are you going to make a living?" or "what subjects are you interested in?" and stuff like that.

I find that most people are inherently bad at asking questions because they have terribly unclear thinking and no regard for language or the clear expression of ideas. This manifests by them asking questions that aren't really about what they want to know, but they don't know that because they haven't cultivated the self awareness that lets them get to the core of what they want to know. E.g. If I asked you "what is your purpose?" you'd probably find that very challenging to answer. Interestingly, most people who ask you that question (at least, people who aren't aligned with conscious growth) are really asking, "what do you want do with your life?" or "what is most important to you in life?" or any number of questions that you would actually be able to answer pretty easily since they're asking something that is specific an actionable, not something that uses a label which represents a thought that only they can see--a label they toss into their question, expecting you to understand.

Often times you can't answer a question. That doesn't mean you don't have an answer, it just means that you have an intuitive sense of what you want, but you aren't sure what represents that intuitive sense within reality. People will look at you like an idiot, probably making you feel like an idiot, until you figure that out. Once you do figure it out, tell them exactly what's going on and instead of thinking of you as an idiot, they'll think you're some kind of intelligent person who's on another level, heh.

I'm sorry to rage a bit towards the standard context, but that's what you're working in, that's what you're seeing a lot of, and that's exactly what has you thinking the disempowering, probably inaccurate thoughts you're thinking about yourself.

Those thoughts serve no one, least of all you. Align with your sense of awareness and potential. Drop the disempowering cage people have made you believe in and give yourself permission to awaken into the wonderful world of freedom where you have the opportunity to be as unique as you already are, and the space to dream.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Originally Posted by Shyone

Hi Angela Sorry it took me so long to respond, I haven't been on my computer lately. In regards to your question, I don't think there has ever been a specific event in my life that could have lead to my negative self concept. I tend to think that it was succession of events. I failed countless classes in school, and in result had to go to summer school four years in a row. That could have contributed, I'm not quite sure?

Because you're already semi-decent at writing, I'll say that you should generally put a question mark after questions, not as a way to express doubt. A "" emoticon works better for that.

I tell you this because you're secretly a smart person (hence your being here; hence you being able to write what you have about yourself), even if you may not know it, and that I think you're taughtenough, yet will be able to benefit from such advice. It's a smart person thing.

In terms of your failure at school, the most likely outcome is that you were in situations that didn't at all play to your strengths. Instead, you were in situations that weakened you, and as a result, you didn't do well, and as a result, you were encouraged to spend more time on what you didn't do well, ultimately falling further behind since you were working from the place where you were weakest instead of the place where you were strong.

Stop me when you hear something familiar:

- Where you constantly getting bad grades or marks in one subject, and then forced or, at least, "encouraged" to do more work in that area to shore up your marks?
- Where you not encouraged to do more of the subjects and the things that you were really doing well at school?
- Did you have teachers who kind of spoke "at" you, as if there was no one there to really teach, instead of "to" you (which requires actually paying attention to the students you have an their unique configuration--their personality and learning style)?

Maybe you haven't stopped me by now, but my bet is that you probably did.

You see, in school, there are two things constantly happening: (1) people are learning, and using that knowledge to do well at tests, and (2) people are either using their strengths, or not.

If you stop doing #1 for long, you have issues with schooling and you either fall behind, or you get pushed on ahead without the appropriate knowledge and keep teaching you the continuation of what you don't know, which you really can't understand, since you don't know the basics that you missed or didn't originally understand because #2 was happening in a way that was not favorable for you (i.e. you weren't using your strengths).

For me, I fell into the category of "got pushed ahead without appropriate knowledge because my strengths were completely ignored." I wasn't a dummy, so it certainly looked like I knew what I was doing, so it didn't seem right to hold me back. But my marks were confusing, since I'd be brilliant in some classes, yet almost failing in others. This created a pattern of confusion in most of my teachers as they wondered how I could appear to be intelligent, yet not get decent marks. Many attributed it to lack of effort (they were right, but also wrong; hard to explain). Few did anything about it. Those who did saw me excel in their class to the degree they were able to shore up my knowledge that I didn't have and put me on par with the rest of the students, knowledge-wise.

In terms of raw capability for intelligence, I was far more intelligent than most of my peers, and a few snapshots of my education results reflected this, but the school system--in Australia, and to my knowledge, in most of the world--isn't based on intelligence, but knowledge and memorisation. Testing tests your ability to remember things and write them out, not your ability to apply knowledge.

All through school I was subconsciously thinking, "why should I care about this knowledge? What is it useful for?" As you can imagine, that didn't create a very fertile ground for knowledge to be planted and grow. Already, at that young age, using my intuition which hadn't yet, and never did, get numbed, dulled, or deemed as something I shouldn't listen to, I was able to see that, really, what we were learning had very little application to reality and real life. Some of it was interesting and helped develop some of the core skills I draw on today, but when it comes to knowledge, I use virtually none of what I learned at school today. I don't use math; I'm terrible at math. I use technology instead. I don't use geography; I'm terrible at it and don't have a need for it, and when I do, I use technology. I'm terrible at history; who cares about history? Not me (I know some people do, and that's fine; I just don't care about it, and it doesn't benefit me). I'm not great at science or any related subjects, since I'm not good at math or memorisation; I don't use much science today, yet I'm probably more knowledgeable and apt at some of the extensions of science such as psychology and other fringe areas that can't really be specifically defined. I use English and can write better than most people that I know—people who go to university, even—yet I couldn’t tell you what an adjective is, and barely remember what a plural is (I’d just look that stuff up; I prefer to use my memory for more important things that align with my strengths high-level, “general” conceptual strengths).

I often like to say that in the last 4 years, I learned more than I did in high school.

I'm exaggerating when I say that, and that's a bit of an incomplete picture (since you're always learning and developing your prediction skills, which is valuable), but it's pretty accurate, and it makes a good point.

I encourage you not to define yourself by your past. My past was garbage. I encourage you to be defined by your best. Not "your best" in terms of what you have evidence of you doing, but what you feel you're intuitively capable of doing.

If you don't feel you know what you're intuitively capable of doing, that's ok, too. That just means you need to find out. Very few things in life are going to be certain for you when you are at this point, but if you persist and try to focus on things that make you feel good instead of things that drag you down, you'll slowly but surely make progress.

And the "slow" aspect doesn't have anything to do with a defect that you might have, and everything to do with the nature of personal growth. Personal growth is hard. Personal growth is seldom undemanding. Personal growth is often slow. About a year ago often I'd be stumped or in a slump or weeks or months. I still functioned, but in terms of what I'd call *real* functioning, I was just getting by. Now things that would take me months to solve or work through take me hours or days, tops.

My point is that you have everything you need to excel in life. You just have to believe you do and dedicate yourself to finding what it is you have within yourself that will allow you to shine. You're the only one who can allow yourself to shine. Make the decision sooner rather than later, because there are a lot of people who think like you're thinking now who could use your help when you realise that you're already shining, you just aren't aware of it.

[Bruce Achterberg]

Books you may want to look into:

● Now, Discover Your Strengths
● StrengthsFinder 2.0 (but you should really read Now, Discover Your Strengths first)
● Your Childs Strengths
● Personal Development for Smart People

Videos that you should watch, no excuses (they're all available to watch now, for free, legally):

● A school that does it right (~5 minutes)
● Why most schools are doing it wrong (~2 minutes)
● Trombone Player Wanted: what you've always remembered, even if you didn't notice it (10 minutes; well worth it)
● Why care about strengths? (10 minutes; an insight into where effectiveness actually comes from)

Videos that you might like:

● Abraham-Hicks video #1 (10 minutes)
● Abraham-Hicks video #2 (10 minutes)
● Watch many more videos from Abraham-Hicks at their official channel, as well as here

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Angela

Hmmm. Who is this thread about, again?

He he! Sorry Back to OP.

[smartile]

Bruce,

You're definitely one of a kind. Thanks for the generous resources...

[ar81]

From 15 to 22 years old (sometimes 24), we suffer chemical changes in our body which makes us to be depressed. So your lack of motivation and happiness could be expressed by a biochemical reaction in your brain that cheats you to make you believe world is worst and darker and more tragic than it actually is.

Don't let yourself to be cheated by your biochemistry.
We all have passed through this.
You can survive this.

If you do not know what career you could pick, seek for vocational tests.
If it is about dreams, look for something healthy you enjoy.

You are too young to talk about "failure".
When you play a soccer game and you lost, what did you lose? Nothing, you can play again in the next game.
Same happens with life.