How can I start being more independent?

[CoolStuff]

I'm a kid living at home with my parents. They have always been overprotective. My mom spoils me. Its not that bad, and at least I recognize it, but how do I develop independence?

[Angela]

Move out.

[air nomad]

yeah...I don't think everybody has that option; especially a kid.

[CoolStuff]

Yeah exactly.. I cant move out yet.

[Angela]

Then you're dependent. You can't be dependent and independent. But lots of kids figure out ways of earning income long before they move out, and you could be one of them. Is that what you mean by being more independent? Or do you mean not relying on the parents emotionally? Or are you talking about something else?

Maybe you are speaking of autonomy rather than independence? That's a whole 'nuther story.

[Elrond]

Originally Posted by air nomad

yeah...I don't think everybody has that option; especially a kid.

Emancipation. It's drastic though.

[Apollia]

I guess "independent" is yet another word that can be confusingly used in multiple different ways.

I suppose one way to distinguish between different kinds of independence would be to call them by different names.

Perhaps the kind of independence where you can go wherever you want, do whatever you want, and not have to rely on anyone else to get whatever you want, could be called "objective independence" or "outer independence". Financial independence contributes greatly to this kind of independence.

While the kind of independence where you feel inwardly free of having to please anyone or act in any particular way to win their approval could maybe be called "subjective independence" or "inner independence". I think this kind of independence doesn't depend on your outer circumstances and can be developed even if you're objectively dependent. I guess it probably just comes down to learning to trust yourself and your own judgment more, so you're not as easily thrown off-balance and into paralyzing self-doubt by others trying to tell you how you should live your life.

I think it's good to stay open-minded enough that you don't totally close-mindedly or thoughtlessly reject feedback from others, though. Being too easily influenced can limit you, but so can being too stubborn and unwilling to listen to anyone but yourself.

That said - here are some more of my opinions on possibly good ways to live one's life. This is all advice I've taken or would like to take myself.

I think it would be good to recognize that as a "spoiled" kid, you probably already have quite a bit of independence already in some ways. For instance, independence from having as much financial worry as people who feel under constant pressure to pay bills, etc.

If you're not in debt, I think it would be a good idea to stay out of debt, or if you're in any debt now, get rid of it quickly and permanently. I regard anything that leeches away one's money (like debt) as leeching away one's financial independence. Though, others could chime in with the less extreme perspective that any form of money, even money obtained as a result of debt, can expand your opportunities to do certain things you otherwise couldn't have done.

And, I can understand that perspective, but, as for me personally, I just find I feel much better without any debt, even if I have to do without expensive things (like college education) that at this time I could only realistically obtain through debt. I also believe I would have a great deal more financial independence now if I had never made the mistake of getting into debt. (Or if I had been _so_ spoiled that my family would pay off my debt for me )

Of course, it's not my job to make up the mind of any independent person for them, so, you'll just to have to decide for yourself what the right choices for you are.

I definitely think it would be a good idea to take as much advantage of your situation as possible. Here's one idea of how:

Originally Posted by Angela

But lots of kids figure out ways of earning income long before they move out, and you could be one of them.

I think this is a fantastic idea.

I'd recommend recognizing and using all of the resources you have available to you to increase your financial independence by finding ways of earning a sufficient income to live on. Don't throw away the tremendous opportunity you've been given by attempting to leave the nest before you're capable of flying, or by getting into debt. (Those were my mistakes).

Just my opinions.

Best wishes,
Apollia

[Lisa McGregor]

How old are you exactly, and when you say independant, do you mean financially, or do you just mean that you would like to do more things for yourself, rather than your Mom doing them for you? How "overprotective" are they?
L

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by CoolStuff

I'm a kid living at home with my parents. They have always been overprotective. My mom spoils me. Its not that bad, and at least I recognize it, but how do I develop independence?

By not being dependent on them. Accepting what your mother gives you and being dependent on it are two very different things. Don't feel guilty just because your mother wants to pamper you. I occasionally get things from my folks, and I'm graduated from college. I don't ask them for it, but I'm not going to turn down free stuff. Your mom wants to pamper you. In a way, you are the one that is doing her a favor.

Just because you're being spoiled doesn't mean that you can't do things for yourself, it just means that you don't have to. Being given money doesn't preclude you going out and earning a bit yourself. I think that's what you need most, is the confidence that if the pampering stopped, you'd be able to take care of yourself. Well, then do it. Do things to build your character. Join a club you want to join. Get a job. Build something cool. I dunno, do something that you want to do to advance yourself. You can never be so pampered as to make you unable to do something for yourself.

Overprotective, though, that may be different. If they are restricting your life to a degree that you are unwilling to accept in exchange for being spoiled, that is where you must take action. What do you mean by "overprotective"? Like, you can't stay out after midnight protective? Or you can't leave the house without a bicycle helmet protective? If you feel that their restrictions are preventing you from improving yourself, then confront them in a non-aggressive communicative fashion. But if they're just preventing you from getting bombed with your friends and parking the car in a telephone pole, then maybe they're just being regularly protective.

[Doku]

Things you can do as a kid to become "independent", in my opinion...

1) Get yourself up and dressed at the same time every day (including weekends)

2) Learn to cook

3) make your own breakfast... and breakfast for the house if you feel up to it. (make breakfast, not just dump cerial in a bowl)

4) Learn about budgeting, and investing for retirement

5) Start saving 10-20%.

6) Work out three times a week.

7) If you have assigned chores around the house, learn to do them without being asked/reminded.

8) Read at least one book a week.

9) Create a life plan.
Where do you want to be in 10 years?
What three steps need to be completed by the 5 year mark to reach the 10 year goal?
What three steps need to be done by the three year mark for each of the 5 year marks to be met?
What three steps by the 1 year mark for each of the 3 year marks?
What steps must be done in six months to make the 1 year goals?
(you can break it down however, but set timelines and steps along the way)


10) Enjoy being a kid... because you really can't go back.

[frankmylove]

Originally Posted by CoolStuff

I'm a kid living at home with my parents. They have always been overprotective. My mom spoils me. Its not that bad, and at least I recognize it, but how do I develop independence?

Maybe as a kid, parents' concern to you is essential. When you leave home, you will never get that any more. My opinion is that just enjoy what you have now.