Adversity creates strong men - and weak ones

[Keith]

This quote popped into my head the other day (a quick Google suggests I invented it, but I dunno).

When something terrible happens, some people develop new levels of resolve and respond heroically. But others turn within and reach new depths of fear and (self?) recrimination.

What is this quality that makes people react one way or the other to adversity, and can it be deliberatley fostered?

[Radical]

Hope.

Once you've lost hope, you lose the will to go on.

[RT Wolf]

Hope is important, but I also think standards have to do with it (not as poetic, I know). Some people's standards tell them that this is not good enough for htem and that they'll fight to bring the situation upto their goals. Other people (usually with lower self-esteem) feel that nothiong is too bad for them and just let things go.

[ahimel]

I think current self-evaluation also plays a part. The people who get back up are the ones that believe they have what it takes to overcome the adversity. The ones who lie there are the ones who say to themselves, "There's no point in trying -- I'm a loser, so I'll just fail again."

I've seen that sentiment expressed a couple of times -- the one that pops to mind is the song currently on the Country Western stations:

Life ain't fair, it can knock you on your butt.
You can lie there...
or you can get back up.

But I don't think I've ever seen it expressed in exactly those words. I think you can take credit for the quote.

The other thing that affects your reaction is your vision of the final outcome. People who, for whatever reason, have committed to do something, will tend to get back up and fight. They may not even have hope that they can win -- sometimes people commit to dreams they know are impossible to achieve -- but they're committed to the outcome, so they work on it.

I can't remember where I read someone saying that committment makes all the difference. If you decide that you're going to get to Philadelphia, you'll get there. If you can't afford a plane ticket, you'll buy a bus ticket. If the bus breaks down, you'll hitchike. If no one will pick you up, you'll walk. If you break a leg, you'll hobble. But you'll get there.
If you decide to see if you can get to Philadelphia, then it's up to chance whether you do or not... you'll get there if the bus trip goes well, you won't if it doesn't.

The difference is in what you picture as the final outcome: I will get to Philadelpia vs. I'll know whether I can get to Philadelphia.

[stephencp]

I think this mostly boils down to one's thoughts on self-efficacy and optimism and would recommend anyone intersest read books on same by Bandura and Seligman.

Amazon.com: Self-Efficacy: The Exercise of Control: Books: Albert Bandura

Amazon.com: Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life: Books: Martin E. Seligman

Stephen
Power-Book Library: Free personal development, success, inspiration and motivational classics

[Ibanez]

This reminds me of Nietzsche and his Ubermensch and last men writings. Pretty much he says that last men will start to take over and they are the ones that seek security, comfort, safety, mediocrity, etc.

[Joel Chue]

Mental strength. This can be fostered.

Sports people would agree with me.

When something terrible happens, some people develop new levels of resolve and respond heroically. But others turn within and reach new depths of fear and (self?) recrimination.

Its really about the guts to believe in yourself, to keep going. You may get intimidated but that does not mean you have to be afraid. Believe in yourself, rely on your own inner strength and I don't see why you cant respond heroically.

[Michael Chui]

It sounds like the key difference is that the people who can rise to the challenge are the people who've had seeds of strength planted in them that the adversity waters and makes blossom.

I'm not comfortable with that explanation though.

[TheColonel]

It's a good quote. Worth remembering.

Sure it's a choice. When I was in my twenties, adversity was crushing to me. But I clearly remember a moment when I said to myself "this is a crossroads. I can go up, or I can go down. I choose up."

And my life changed at that moment.

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by TheColonel

It's a good quote. Worth remembering.

Sure it's a choice. When I was in my twenties, adversity was crushing to me. But I clearly remember a moment when I said to myself "this is a crossroads. I can go up, or I can go down. I choose up."

And my life changed at that moment.

In a similar situation, I chose to go sideways. When unable to fight the whole battle at once, a creative solution will often help. Never feel restricted into two options only...

[Michael Chui]

No, no... sideways would mean doing something that didn't go down further, yet didn't bring you back up, either. You threw a curveball.

[TheIronStar]

Originally Posted by ahimel

I can't remember where I read someone saying that committment makes all the difference. If you decide that you're going to get to Philadelphia, you'll get there. If you can't afford a plane ticket, you'll buy a bus ticket. If the bus breaks down, you'll hitchike. If no one will pick you up, you'll walk. If you break a leg, you'll hobble. But you'll get there.

I suppose this is technically true, but the question instead then mutates into whether one has what degree of commitment to see a given goal succeed at what cost.

To borrow from your example, not everyone is so desperate to get to a location that hobbling there on a broken leg is preferable to getting an ambulance to a local hospital to get it fixed and having to arrive later, or for that matter, necessarily preferable to not being able to show up there at all until one can afford the bus ticket and the time it takes for the bus trip.

[John Hill]

When it all comes down to it in a moment of crisis, our abilty to handle fear will come to the surface and we will know our true character. Perhaps without experiencing one of these demanding moments we will never know what we are really made of.

John

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

I reckon it's the level of consciousness of the individual. Steve has blogs on this and I'm thinking of the concept from David Kawkins book, Power vs Force. basically what we're all describing is if you are over about the 200 mark, you are above fear, anger etc and are able to cope with challenges thrown at you. If you are under 200, you will buckle.

My 2c worth..
Joy to you (that's at 540 on the scale)

Hazel

[Michael Chui]

Originally Posted by John Hill

When it all comes down to it in a moment of crisis, our abilty to handle fear will come to the surface and we will know our true character.

I find this a problematic statement, because it suggests our true character never changes.

[Liara Covert]

I agree the ability to nurture hope, no matter what, enables one to endure adversity. Hope alone wouldn't necessarily enable you to rise above it. That requires inner strength.

Looking back, my most meaningful life experiences have required me to confront challenges which I found difficult on some level. I have repeatedly forced myself to clarify ethics and to contrinue developing my character and life skills. In my mind, life is a journey where each of us is meant to learn about ourselves and grow. Learning about others can be a bonus, but that in and of itself will not propel us along our life path without some kind of revelation about our own problem-solving.