How can I grow up and act my age?

[Sean447]

I'm 16 years old, nearly 17. I'm having trouble acting mature. I want to grow up and act my age, but all my friends are incredibly immature and childish, and when I'm around them it rubs off on me. Sometimes I say and do the stupidest ♥♥♥♥♥, and I feel like a complete idiot for it. No one takes me seriously because of this. However, when I'm at work I don't have any problems acting my age, because nobody there is immature, or if they are they don't show it at work. It's only when I'm around my friends from school that I can't help being childish.

How can I grow up, act my age and not be affected by my friends' immaturity? I want to be taken seriously, and I really feel like this is holding me back.

[PianoManGidley]

It sounds like the real problem you have is establishing your own sense of self. What you've been doing is simply changing faces to fit in with whatever crowd you're with at any given moment. Stop trying to be like others and instead just be you, without worrying about what others will think.

[Jennihul]

Don't worry Sean. My husband is 42 and is still an idiot around his friends.

Jennifer

[stevedevane]

Sean,
This is a lesson that I'm still learning - you become like the people you hang around. You might have to decide if you need to take a break from your friends in order to get to where you want to go. If so, I expect that if your friendship is strong it will survive.
I hope that helps. Best wishes.

[The Cloud]

Grownups

[Sean447]

Originally Posted by stevedevane

Sean,
This is a lesson that I'm still learning - you become like the people you hang around. You might have to decide if you need to take a break from your friends in order to get to where you want to go. If so, I expect that if your friendship is strong it will survive.
I hope that helps. Best wishes.

Yeah. I'm getting sick of hanging around them, because they don't just influence my behavior, they sometimes put me down and pick on me, only in a joking way though, but it still brings down my self-esteem and confidence when they do it. They're cool guys to go out with on weekends, but at school they're not so great to hang around with. I'm considering transferring to the other campus at school (my school has two different campuses) next year under the pretense of it being closer to my house, but really mainly to get away from my friends who are holding me back.

[ken nubo]

Go watch Fight Club.

[MrNotebook]

Originally Posted by Sean447

Yeah. I'm getting sick of hanging around them, because they don't just influence my behavior, they sometimes put me down and pick on me, only in a joking way though, but it still brings down my self-esteem and confidence when they do it. They're cool guys to go out with on weekends, but at school they're not so great to hang around with. I'm considering transferring to the other campus at school (my school has two different campuses) next year under the pretense of it being closer to my house, but really mainly to get away from my friends who are holding me back.

Sean you need to go with your gut feeling and systematically separate from them so you can find yourself, your true self. You can't depend on them to find maturity (since they can't help you in that regard anyway). Always keep in mind you are the company you keep. What will happen is eventually you'll all be forced to grow up and go your separate ways anyway. Might as well cut them off and tread your own path now. At the same time, if any of them need you for advice or consoling, be there for them as a caring friend, however maintain your distance and be firm. You will recieve some negative reactions when they see you're not hanging out with them again, however that's something they have to deal with, not you. Keep in mind that they are not mature enough to walk their own path and need to dependantly cling to each other to avoid responsibility.

There's nothing wrong with joking around, however there is such a thing as a silly immature character and a mature sense of humor.

[Sean447]

That's what I needed to hear. I'll stay put for the rest of this year because I'm already settled in, but I will seriously consider transferring for next year. My friends don't even have to know I'm trying to get away from them, because like I said, I can just use the excuse that the other campus is closer to my house.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by stevedevane

Sean,
This is a lesson that I'm still learning - you become like the people you hang around.

You are so right about this Steve. My grandmother used to say "birds of a feather stick together" and constantly counseled me to choose my companions more carefully. I thought she was wrong about this but have now decided she had great wisdom she hoped I could use to craft the life of my dreams.

I do not discard old dear friends but do see less of the ones whose interests and beliefs diverge a lot from my own interests. New people come in to my life who do share current interests.

[Sean447]

I've made my decision, I'm transferring next year. Getting away from my friends will have so many benefits. I explained this to my mum and dad last night and they were all for it, they said it was mature of me to have made a decision like that.
Not to mention it will cut about 30 minutes off my travel time each day.

[stevedevane]

Sean,
Congratulations on making a strong decision. And it's excellent that you have your parents' support. Use the extra half hour wisely and your growth will only increase.
Good job!

[Angela]

So, acting mature equals making good choices, ones that work well for you in loving your life, right? What would you like to go toward? What would you like to generate for yourself and for the world? Joy? Peace? Entertainment? Energy? What inspires you, what would you like to learn more about? What way of being could you adopt to attract Higher Companions in your next campus, and repel the Lower Companions?

Sounds like you are on a positive path. I wish you the very best.

[Tigerlilly]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Grownups

It's always been a secret wish of mine to have a pool of my own filled with playpen balls.

I always thought that you attract the people according to who you are; inside outwards, not the other way around. So maybe a part of you still simply longs for this carefree "immaturity".

And - though of course I don't know the specifcs- as long as no harm is done, why on earth not fool around a bit at times?

[JimC]

Sean, from my experience. The majority of your maturity will grow right after high school or just before graduation, especially if you go to college.

I wouldn't rush it. Enjoy high school while you can, it should be a very fun time.


The experience of finishing high school, graduating, becoming an official adult, and maybe a college man is all very motivating and you will naturally have a spurt of mature behavior. I know I did.

If your friends put you down, avoid them. Other than that, give it time and enjoy your immaturity.

[Sean447]

Well it's not that I don't want to fool around a bit every now and then. It's more that I can't seem to STOP fooling around when I'm with these guys, even when I want and/or need to be serious. And like I said, they put me down at times too, but only at school. Outside of school they're generally great people. So I figure if I switch campuses at school: I won't have to have them putting me down, I won't have to see them everyday and be dragged into their immature behaviour, but I can still see them outside school whenever I want.

[pdnewbie]

Play along. Better to have some friends than no friends at all.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by pdnewbie

Play along. Better to have some friends than no friends at all.

Ohhhh, that is so bleak! Such resignation, such loneliness, such desperation in that line.

pdnewbie, it makes my heart wrench to hear you say that. Hanging out with lower companions will just bring you more lower companions. Better to be alone, I think, and consider what's the next right action for developing friendships that work well in living a life you love.

[pdnewbie]

To Angela,

You're right, it is better to make friends with people who are more aware. But if you choose the extreme alternative - no friends until you find the perfect friend - like I did, you end up alone. You don't even have someone to go to the movies with. Having friends, any friend, will make your life meaningful.

On another topic, can you read the thread titled pdnewbie and offer your advice? I would appreciate it. Thanks.

[Sean447]

Uh, I didn't say I'm going to stop being friends with them. I'll still see them around and meet up with them quite often. I just won't go to school with them anymore. They won't even know I'm trying to get away from them, I can just say I'm transferring because I'm sick of traveling so far every day; the other campus is closer.

[evelynlim]

What may be helpful, Sean, is to also start visualizing about the friends that you would like to attract. You may be just surprised who comes along.

[JimC]

Originally Posted by evelynlim

What may be helpful, Sean, is to also start visualizing about the friends that you would like to attract. You may be just surprised who comes along.

Agreed. You can't find the right friends if you don't know what the right friends are. If you understand what you want in the perfect friend, you will more easily notice them when they come across your path.

[Lauxa]

Um, I'm sorry, but you said you are 16. A lot of 16-year-olds are immature goofballs. So if you are acting like an immature goofball, perhaps you ARE "acting your age".

I'm not saying there's not room for improvement in your behavior. A problem many teens have is that they are extremely inconsiderate of others. So maybe you want to develop more consideration -- being respectful when talking to people, controlling your noise level, not cutting up to the level that is disturbing to others or damaging property, and that sort of thing. There are "adults" who are rude as hell, so "maturity" is not necessarily the issue here. Actually, generally whatever behaviors are your problems as a teenager will continue to be problematic for you as you get older.

I guess what I am suggesting is that you figure out what behaviors you think will be improved if you "act your age" and target specific improvements instead of a vague wish to be "more mature".

[Sean447]

Err, I already explained where I want to improve. And I turn 17 in 10 days, by the way.